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Health anxiety!

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NigeI
NigeI

Hi, newbie here looking for... well to be honest I don't know whether it's answers, reassurance, or just a friendly opinion I'm looking for, but all are welcome. I'm a man in my 30s and for the past few years have been suffering from anxiety. Before the anxiety I was confident, enjoying work, had more friends than I had time to spend with, and was earning good money. Everything revolved around my social life. It was the reason I worked, and all I thought about during the day - what I could get up to at the weekend. Stress and anxiety was something that other people suffered from, but not me. I wasn't interested in settling down, not unusual for a guy in his 20s. Then completely out of the blue, I met a girl. A wonderful, gorgeous, kind, and funny girl, and immediately this changed me. She was the one. In case anyone assumes this is a story about how this girl broke my heart, this is not the case. We are still together, very much in love, engaged, and have a beautiful 2 year old son.

Immediately after getting together with Lisa, I was paranoid about losing her. I knew there were other guys interested in her before we got together but she assured me countless times she was happy with me and wasn't interested in anyone else. I still couldn't shake the thought that someone would take her away from me. After 6 months of us being together I noticed that I'd developed a strange irregular heartbeat. My entire department was about to be made redundant, which was on my mind as well, so it could be that these combined stresses caused this heart beat problem. Every now and then my heart would skip a beat and then catch up with a heavy beat, and I'd feel a flutter in my chest and have the urge to cough. I thought this was the beginnings of heart failure or an impending heart attack, however after a bit of research, a couple of visits with my GP, a chest X-ray and a 24 hr ECG, it was deemed to be premature ventricular contractions (PVC's) which are apparently harmless and very common, but I believe that by the time this was diagnosed the damage was already done and I was convinced my death from heart failure was just around the corner.

Six months later and I'm in a new job, mostly dealing with upset clients on the phone and sometimes face-to-face, and handling their complaints. I have always had a habit of taking things to personally and this type of job certainly had that effect on me. I was now also suffering from bouts of chest tightness and occasional dizzy spells as well as the PVC's and my fears about my health increased as a result. At the same time I had a house move hanging over my head as myself and Lisa were moving into our first home, which gave me added stress. I was going home every day fed up of dealing with angry and upset people and this brought me down. Rather than enjoy my spare time I would spend my nights dreading the return to work the next day, and this was causing frequent panic attacks. I had realised that all these symptoms I was experiencing were down to either stress or anxiety rather than heart failure, which was both good news and bad news; good news that I wasn't suffering from heart disease, but I was ashamed that it seemed I wasn't mentally strong enough to deal with the kind of stresses that millions of other people take into their stride on a daily basis. It made me feel weak.

Moving forward another year, I'd now grown fed up to the back teeth of being a complaints person and had found myself another new job. Not only was I looking to get out of that job but I also needed something with much more flexibility in its hours as we now had a 6 month old son. I was looking forward to a fresh start and had assumed that as soon as I was out of this job, all the stress and anxiety would just float away. Unfortunately this proved not to be the case. 1st day on the new job and they told me that, since my interview, they had removed the flexible hours option from all employees, and I was now expected to do shift work, meaning the child care plans we had made were useless. The job was over an hour commute each way and I found myself in constant trouble for being a few minutes late due to late trains. During the next 4 months I went through the worst time of my life with anxiety. There were times I would just freak out for no reason. I'd be struggling to breathe, my heart would be thumping, my entire body was tense, and I could feel my blood boiling inside of me, for no apparent reason. There were times I was thinking of jumping out of my top floor window rather than spend another minute suffering with whatever the hell was going on in my head. I knew there was no reason for it, but I could not stop. Thoughts of doing every day things, like being in a crowd, or in a supermarket, or on a plane or a roller coaster, a bus, in a queue etc. filled me with dread and I felt I couldn't handle such routine situations. My GP put me on propanolol and, to be fair, it did help. Whether it was actually the medication or the placebo effect of just taking it that helped I'll never know, but sure enough it started to get better. On my next visit to the GP it was decided that I would now take the propanolol every 2 days. I had left the new job after only 4 months and had taken a part time job which allowed our son to spend more time at home with me. I was improving and after another month I had completely removed myself from the propanolol. 9 months ago, my GP told me I could take one as and when I needed to. I haven't taken one since. I haven't had an anxiety attack for ages and I feel I can handle things much better. I haven't got my confidence back fully yet and every now and then I do feel a little overwhelmed, but my attitude has changed.

So, why am I here? Well over the past 6 months, I have started suffering with terrible health anxiety, or as it used to be called, hypochondria. Despite me managing to get on top of my anxiety, my mind doesn't seem to want to let go of it and I find myself racing away with thoughts about my health. Now, every headache I have is a brain tumour. I get an occasional tingling in my face sometimes which I know can be attributed to anxiety or a trapped nerve, but to me that's the start of a stroke. I have a cough for a couple of days and I'm convinced I have lung cancer. My arms get tired easily and all of a sudden I'm diagnosing myself with MS. If I have a stomach bug which causes unpleasant bathroom episodes, and all of a sudden I've got bowel cancer. I'm now convinced again that my PVC's (which I still have but are less frequent) are heart disease and I'm on the cusp of a heart attack. Over the past 6 months I've diagnosed myself with more diseases than I've got teeth (and I've got all my teeth!). If you looked at my web history you'd be forgiven for thinking I'm studying pathology!

Could it be that my mind is so used to anxiety that it's now creating more? Did this health anxiety stem from the general anxiety I was suffering from? Can it be overcome? I'm fed up with convincing myself I'm going to drop dead tomorrow and worrying about leaving a son without a father, and worrying about how my family will pay the bills and keep a roof over their head when I'm gone. I want to embrace these years and live them fully, without fear of cancer, or strokes, or locked-in-syndrome, or heart attacks, or MS, or any of the other multitude of ailments I've been convinced I've got. My doctor is fed up of seeing me, I'm fed up of seeing him, and my colleagues have stopped listening to me when I tell them of my latest disease! Can CBT help? I don't want to go onto any meds, as these forums seem to be full of horror stories of medication and withdrawals from them! My worst fear is that this will bring back the anxiety I was suffering a year ago. I can't go through that again. It's a long way down from my top floor window and I'd rather just use it to admire the view! Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

9 likes, 60 replies

60 Replies

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  • Guest
    Guest NigeI

    Posted

    Hi

    So I'm not going to give you my back story but at some point everybody suffers from stress and anxiety at least once in their lives and I'm sure we've all had hypocondriac moments too (my grandad has been a hypocondriac his whole life). 

    So this is my advice, I am not a doctor so don't take this as gospel. 

    Distract yourself and have a worry period.

    When you start worrying and get yourself in a panic number 1 Breathe, just breathe. Then focus on what you are doing. So if you're walking down a street count how many steps you're taking or enjoy the scenery. Or if you're at home decide what you want to do like feed the cat, clean the kitchen, make dinner. Just make a mental list of what you want/need to do and focus on it.

    I understand that there are things one must do to feel at ease like if you're behind on an assignment or something like that just push everything aside and focus on one thing. And one thing leads to another and soon you'll realize that you might forget about your worries.

    But if your worries keep returning then have a worry period. If you find yourself in a jam find a quiet solitude place and worry for about 10 minutes. But ask yourself are any of these worries worth worrying over? If the doctor has examined you and told you you're fine then just relax. Maybe even try to remember what they said to you. If you haven't seen the doctor make an appointment. But just take a few minutes to find the solutions on how to relax and not worry.

    Focus on the now. Make decisions, come up with solutions.

    And breathe, just breathe.

  • coltseavers45
    coltseavers45 NigeI

    Posted

    Hi All

    I can totally agree with verything that you are all saying, I have always been a worry person (glass half empty) and suffered from anxiety, but 3 weeks ago went rough a really bad episode of health anxiety thinking I ha everything you are all saying above and tonight a palputation through me out when I was having a good day, (ive noticed this happens when you have a good day something just appears sets you off again. my husband and family have been so supportive and  have my first cbt session this week so I'm hoping this hepls in some way.

    It's hard for people to understand if theyve never been through this as you appear fine on the outside, I'm sure my husband must think that i think he is a doctor as I'm constantly asking him to check my pulse or examine me for things, It's good to read that you are not alone and going mad as I've felt over recent weeks and it was so good to read all of your comments on her   you.

  • jane1987
    jane1987 NigeI

    Posted

    hi reading your last two paragraphs i can relate to those fully i feel exactly the same i thought it was just me ....... if you do get any good advice id be grateful to hear it as its driving me mad and ruining my life thankyou .
  • belinda33639
    belinda33639 NigeI

    Posted

    hi to all,  i am new to this and nervous, i also suffer with very crippling health anxiety, it effects my life everyday.I wake in the night so many times and my first thoughts are negative health ones,every day i fear i am dying from cancer,heart attack,heart disease,brain tumour to name just a few, i am SO SCARED of the doctors i never go,so i convince myself i am in late stages of a terrible illness and only have a short time left.i am a single parent that makes me fear for my children and who will look after them, i lost my mum 4 years ago after a long illness and that shattered my life, i depended on my mum for mental support and reasurance with illness, now she is no longer here i constantly search for reasurrance and dont get it. i have now become addicted to researching every sympton i have that just makes it worse.my latest problem is Pins and needles feelings in legs and arms, it wakes me in the night, then i get heavy arms from my elbows down,i went to the doctors in desperation with me thoughts and she didnt do any tests but has referred me for CBT.I was on citralopram for years and stopped taking it suddenly, i was ok then after 3 weeks i mentally crashed and i am still suffering, my doctors says the feelings are from stopping the tablets, but i have been on them 2 weeks now and still get all the sensations of pins and needles,heavy arms etc.  please please has anyone else sufferd similar symptons as i am driving myself and everyone around me insane with the thoughts,  my body also feels like i am shaking,but im not, i have suffered anxiety for years, but never this bad. i am so miserable with myself and just want these feelings to pass so i can start to smile again.(((
    • serap91496
      serap91496 belinda33639

      Posted

      Hi Belinda33639,

      I completely understand what you are going through. I have been going through such bad HA for the last 3 months. Have spent so much money on tests and private appointments. I have had a problem with my leg 3 months ago that triggered all of the symptoms off. Since then I have had every symptom under the sun. Even went to the extreme and made my partner drive me to get a quick check. Today I needed to stop googling and came across this forum which is making me feel a lot better. Reading that other people are also going through bad health anxiety makes me feel that I'm not alone.

  • stephanie_84096
    stephanie_84096 NigeI

    Posted

    I can totally relate to you! My healthy anxiety started right after my grandfather past away about 7 weeks ago. I suddeny had heart palpitations and an overwhelming feeling of doom. I went to various ERs and they said my heart rate was up but my blood work and everything was fine, I still wasn't convinced... I went to my GP who then put me to a Electrophyslolgist that specialises in heart rhythms I had a ultrasound done, holter monitor, and the finally said nothing was wrong I just have sinus tachycardia which is caused by extreme anxiety. I then noticed a few weird things on my skin after analysing every detail or sensation on my body ... I went to the dermatologist and got two skin biopsies one actually was cancerous which was called basal cell the most common and very treatable. Again, I was then convinced he missed soemthing and have booked into another skin clinic to get a second opinion. I then at work last week noticed my left breast was very sore and I automatically thought I had breast cancer I immediately went to the OBGYN who felt it and said she never felt anything it's jus tissue from hormones. I had a follow up appointment with my GP on everything and she mentioned to get the flu shot. I have had this before many times when I never had health anxiety with no problems. I got my flu shot that morning then went back to work,.. A few people said the flu shot isn't good for u and I automatically thought the worse! I Googled side effects from vaccine and came up with lots of stories and lists of things. The next day after flu shot I had a extreme headache and I auto attic ally thought this was a reaction to the flu shot and then read up about a side effect called GBS syndrome which Is very rare 1-2 people per 1 million flu shots, the symtpons are tingling on legs and arms I automatically started to have these symtpons after reading into this extensively. I ended up in ER last night and told him of my tingling in body and he said its no way u have GBSand if. I did think that I would make u get a Lumbar Puncture which they get spinal fluid from back, I am still not convinced ! I woke up today with a headache and tingling sensations, anxiety is ruining my life at the moment between work and my relationship with my husband ! I am going to book into a Neuroligist this week to see about my headaches and tingling. Does anyone else relate to this ? After reading a disease you starter to think u have it and ur mind makes u have sensations similar ? 

    • marc91925
      marc91925 stephanie_84096

      Posted

      Hi. My name is Mark this is the first time I have written on this forum. I've been going through many of the same things everybody here has. I lost someone very close to me about a year and a half ago and eight weeks later had a major anxiety attack. I've been off the pills for seven months and havestruggled to get completely better. I have chest pains and think I'm having a heart attack even though I know I'm not my brain just works that way. It never used to but for the last year and a half if there something wrong with my body it automatically gives me anxiety. My brain goes directly to the worst thing possible and it's very hard to stay positive. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one out there it is been very hard to deal with especially with two young children but we are making it work.I found that exercise helps and eating right. My acid reflux has definitely kicked up.Reading a lot of these messages has helped me cope with the anxiety.
  • TheRoyalGeek
    TheRoyalGeek NigeI

    Posted

    I feel like I finally found a place to openly talk about what time going through. 

    My health anxiety started with the stress of school almost a year ago. I went to a walk in clinic thinking I had a yeast infection but it was really a bacterial infection. The doctor then scared me saying he thought I had herpes... The week of waiting for test results was agonizing and really shook me up. Turns out it was just an ingrown hair. The antibiotics for the bacterial infection messed me up as I think I was allergic. One side effect was neurological damage. After that the ancient got worse. Had my family doctor check my breasts as they hurt and I feared cancer. Then it went on to the headaches and migraines that were chronic. I thought I had a brain tumor. I had a CT done and blood work which showed nothing but I still fear an anyrusm. So every headache I get I panic. Then it was my leg was hurting so I feared blood clots since biological father died of it early and I also quit birth control when I found out. Even after blood tests and ultrasounds to my legs I still fear it. I then was having more breathing issues (I already have asthma) and heart palps. Had a chest X-ray done and heart monitored, feared ling cancer but it was clean. Then the pelvic pains started and I feared ovarian/cervical cancer but all I had was one cyst thankfully. Then skin cancer since it runs in my family and I have a lot of moles and faired skin (I'm always lathering up in sunblock) but doctor says they look good. Then came the fear of bowel and or stomach cancer as my acid reflux is bad and I feel nausous. I've had a chest plus abdominal x ray done and ultrasound of my kidneys, bladder, heart, uterus, bowels, gallbladder, and appendix. Plus numerous blood tests and all come back great! Only thing a neurologist thinks I might have is fibro and that's why I have the headaches, fatigue, and sore body. My latest worry now? Sore neck so it must be Swollen lypmth nodes... Oh no must be cancer... I'm almost 28 and I feel like I'm in a prison of my own thoughts. I want to break free. I've never been

    on any pills for anxiety, I like to try natural things like herbal teas and vitamins. Nothing seems to work. Im a wreak. I'm also a single parent so huge fear I'll get cancer and not catch it right away and die. I know I shouldn't be worried as despite my family's health issues which include mental health as a big one, everyone is fairly healthy and still around minus my bio dad who I've never met... 

    • jessica11368
      jessica11368 TheRoyalGeek

      Posted

      I wish I could say this to every comment. What we go through Stinks!!! , but having this blog helps me to know I'm not alone , and I have some one that goes through similar things to talk too.Thank you, Best wishes to every body getting through this some day!!! Jess
  • jessica11368
    jessica11368 NigeI

    Posted

    I go through the same exact problem Nigel. I am 27 , it first started when I was 18. Ever since I got into an accident in Dec of last year 2013... Every now and then when I do get the anxiety now I start stiffening up first time was after the accident where my arms and fingers locked! my fingers looked crippled I had no control and that lasted what felt like an hour.. Then a couple of weeks after that my body was still sore from the reck so my mind started going with me thinking something has to be wrong , even though every time I go to the hospital or doctor and they do a ekg with blood work im fine , my mind still says THHHHIISSS TIME you really might have a heart attack ext.. so that night was the worst so far with the whole stiffening up thing because this time my WHOLE body did!! even my lips sqeezed together and I felt like if I didnt get water in time IDK  . luckally my boyfriend way there to drop some in my mouth enough to get it moving again. my whole body though was as stiff as a board he had to pick me up by my locked/ stiff arms and put me in the car to take me to the hospital.. I kept my water with me just incase , but as im pulling into the hospital my body starts to relax and I just never went in ., cause in my mind even though I think im dying Im still thinking well I do have extreme anxiety and every time something takes over me and I do this (go to the ER) im fine THEY say... So I went home, the next time was for my daughters 7th b-day this year and I went on a ride I already knew I shouldnt have a splash mountain type coaster before I got on was having the usual , difficulty breathing, body tingling/ numb, heart attack feeling, sweaty hands ext. once I go down the drop, there goes my arms and fingers locking up . I cant even enjoy rides any more or going any where that I know is gonna set something off . drama movies, horror movies, what use to be fun rides, being in crowds, elevators u name it some thing goes through my mind and here it comes.. I was going to have surgery done in like 7 busniess days to be exact , and shince I read of this rare syndrome googling why I get like this now , its called Stiff Person Syndrome., I made an appointment to do my clearance medical sheet to get a EKG , other blood work that I wanted to have done . Im going to tell my Doctor if there any way he can check to see if I have that to . If I do I want a note to give to the surgeon to say im not in the greatest position to go through with the surgery. Or the surgeon will keep my savings he dont care what I say about my health as long as he gets his money . Every night since I made that appointment for surgery I havent been sleeping well and been having anxiety sometime through out the day.. I really need to know am I gonna be ok to go through with the surgery, its so close and I cant see my doctor till this thursday- not soon enough. In my mind now if I can have the surgery done how much stress is this going to put on my body now that it wont stiffen up?  am I causing a bigger problem for myself or will I feel great after. I do want to try therapy , since medicine in my mind will just cause another problem liver damage,what ever warning is one the bottle I will probably get it , and I dont want too. I have a whole expired bottle now , and took one since 2013 since my anxiety lasted more then an hour and thats when my whole body stiffened up. I really hope I can find away to over come this. Therapy isnt that alot of money that I dont have there has got to be a volunteer professional to help people that go through this .. Anywy thank you for your story ! It helped out alot to know that even though people say Im not alone ,   I really get to hear that individuals story and not hear it from just the doctor . Glad they made this web site ! Thanks for listening too because my boyfriend gets tired or my repeated whinning .. Have a great day, Jess
  • Mutley
    Mutley NigeI

    Posted

    Hi Nigel, I saw this post and wondered how you were getting on? I went through the same, my health anxiety was so bad I made myself I'll. Funny thing is, when I thought I was I'll I was really OK, when I got I'll I realised that I wasn't I'll at all it was health anxiety. Nigel I was so bad that I didn't want to wake up. Funny thing is that it took loosing everything to make me understand what was happening. I don't know how the turnaround came about but one day I stopped looking up illnesses on internet and told myself (No more). I am still on a journey as I developed gastric problems you can only begin to imagine but I'm in total control of it as I now realise that instead of wasting my energy on anxiety I spend it on getting better. Yes I get the bouts of gulp, heck, oh no. But... I soon follow on with let's just get better. It took a massive shock to stop it for me. Funny really as a realise now how I wasted 5 years on this, no I don't have cancer or ms or any such horrendous illness although I seriously inflamed my whole digestive track and had chronic side effects from taki ng ant acids, which have started a myriad of problems but I deal with them one at a time. Soon I'll be well enough to go on holiday. What i'm saying it can be done, I never thought I could say that but it can. Only you will know when the time is right. For me it just happened, enough was enough.
  • jasonmac33
    jasonmac33 NigeI

    Posted

    hi nigel

    dont take to much notice ov spelling or basic english lol

    i read your message and i no excactly how you feel.

    i have suffered with all these things since i was about 9yrs old,

    i came from a very violent back ground with my parent,1 day at 10 i broke down and started to cry begging my sister to get my parents,but they were at the pub,i thought i was dying heart racing,sweating,shaking,and i really thought it was over for me.Im now 36 freak out every time im in crowds,cant go into shopping centre,things like that i can be fine 1 minute and the next feel like im not actually there and everythings happening around me in my absents,been on meds for year but have been trying to give them up.AS Some days i feel that i have the upper hand on this horrible and to be quite honest very imbarrassing feeling,

    SORRY hope you can understand where im coming from.

     

  • Esther_777
    Esther_777 NigeI

    Posted

    I get all the same symptoms as everyone here. But nobody has mentioned tingly hands and feet along with it. I just want my anxiety attacks to end.
  • Pepe78
    Pepe78 NigeI

    Posted

    Hi Nigel,

    I have been experiencing the same stuff. Recurrent and intrusive thoughts about having bowel cancer (was testestd and was negative) heart problems (CT Heart scan, D-Dimmer test x3, triple test all fine) testis infection, which I believed it was cancer (took 5 different GPs, 1 surgeon, 1 radiologist and 1 ultrasond for me to query that they might be right). But the worst is the heart. Well, the worst are the constant worrying thoughts going through my mind. The constant fear and panic. The sense of being on the edge. But the serious stuff is contemplating how good it would be to stop all these feelings.  I was/am a very anxious (since primary school), but I was always able to manage and contain my anxiety, at least I thought so. One beautiful night I was at home with my 2 boys and bang, not able to breath. A&E, ECG, CT uper body scan, X-rays, D-Dimmmer, full blood count you name it: results. no cause for central chest pain. This happened 7 weeks ago, but whilst I am writing this, i can feel a odd pain of my left shoulder. The panick I feel from the moment I get up until the moment I go to bed is atrocious. My wife can not stand my health questions anymore. My friends they laugh, well not anymore as I stoped going out. My GP prescribed me Propranolol 40mg, which I should take if feeling overhelmed. Never tried as I fear the side effects. I am going to start counceling, which I am sure is goin to help me. We have some options when using counceling. CBT, Psychodynamics and person centre approach, just to name some. My choice was person centre approach (PCA). The guidelies indicate CBT as the most effective for anxiety, but I am going to use PCA. Taking our situation as an example talking therapies are the best treatment. No side effects, we end up knowing ourselves better and it is effective. Might take some time but the effects will last long (all our lives) and there will be no withdrawn symptoms.

    ps. when I was reading yours and others' comments I found myself crying as I could se my internal pain being acknowledge.

    • kellie_89844
      kellie_89844 Pepe78

      Posted

      Hi sorry to hear you've suffered anxiety too it's crippling & takes over your life I hate it! Can you tell me did you have treatment that you had decided to have & did your treatment help?

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