Hello?? Anybody there? I'm desperate!!
Posted , 8 users are following.
People... Anybody? Pls chat! I'm desperate at moment! Anxiety is unbearable and I don't know what to do. I cannot think straight. I may have to finish my relationship with my partner bcus he makes me feel more anxious! How can that be right? I'm thinking that I'd be better off spending my life alone as a single 42 year old childless woman with a dog. I just can't deal with ups n downs, if I stay alone I won't have the ups n downs that relationships cause and I'll be more in control. My partner of three years is lovely but has a temper/ angry side and bcus I've seen it a few times I cannot Unsee it, and I see it when I look at him sometimes. I don't know if what I'm feeling is real or not. I just feel scared.. I want to go to bed and never wake up again. It's all too much. I can't stop having diarrhoea and sickly turns. I can't stop it. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I can't cope! Help......
2 likes, 83 replies
cia42277 Anxy
Posted
Hi Anxy, It seems that I sent a couple of replies i meant for you.. to Helen. If you read everything here you probably already figured that out, If not, please read my messages to her. A big oops!
Actiquser Anxy
Posted
You are without dependant children, you can leave safely and start a new life.
You do not need to live in a constant state of fear with an abusive partner.
Move on and start a new lifeand your health will improve. Good Luck.
Anxy Actiquser
Posted
Hi there! Thanks for reply. He is not violent and hasn't ever hit me, but his personality is very highly strung and I feel certain situations in public he could flip, I don't know if I'm right to feel this way or am I over reacting? The drink doesn't help him much as he becomes less aware of consequences, I am not like him at all, I like a calm private stable atmosphere, but he makes me feel on edge at times. Other ways he is lovely but it's the ups n downs that make it tough. I'm not sure I can be with any man. My evil cruel father Madame a nervous wreck as a child, I learned to be quiet and not provoke any attention, and my boyfriend is opposite. This it the dilemma, he's begged me not to let it end. Says he loves and only wants to look after me, but I think I will be more at peace ( but lonely) if I go it alone. I'm so torn.
helen20833 Anxy
Posted
You are going to end up "ill" staying with him. You appear to be making up excuses in your own mind, reasons not to leave him.Yes, you may well be lonely if you embark upon a new life but that won't last very long and God knows you would have peace and find pleasure in life again.
Do I think you are overreacting? Hell no!
No one can make you leave him. It is your decision. But read the responses here. We are all on the outside looking in and you are on the inside looking out.
We have a clearer picture than you. Ask yourself this, Are we all wrong? Are we?
I think not. But whatever your decision my heart goes out to you, it truly does.
Actiquser Anxy
Posted
Hi He doesn't love you he only loves himself and I bet if you get him out the house he has no friends who will put up with his behaviour.
Who wants to live on egg shells all their life if he's around. You should be happt in your home and your not with him in it.
Get Shott of Him.
helen20833 Actiquser
Posted
lisalisa67 Anxy
Posted
Are you in therapy? Do you like your therapist? Your thoughts are racing. Look all this stuff is so overwhelming at times. It just is. We are all battleing this mess together. 26% of the whole world is dealing with an anxiety related disorder. First thing is you need a "go to" self calming technique. Cbt can provide some well needed skills and ideas to help with this. Meditation, healing meditations are usefull. Mindfulness, if you can learn this is very useful. You need an escape, a mental break from the chaos that is whats behind meditation and there are many forms. If you feel right now you dont want or need a relationship thats understandable. Very hard to be in this battle and have someone elses baggage on your back in the process.especially if they tend to have tempers. Dont put down the dog part, dogs are a blessing in a persons life. Nothing wrong with a geniune loyal dog to comfort you. They can teach us a whole lot about life. Id say have a couple of dogs and take lots of walks daily can be very therapeutic. As you walk you can have some audible books on retraining your brain, walking mediatation or some inspirational self developement stuff that resonates with you. Listen to it whilst you walk..very relaxing. You can cope..you lack some of the skills and tools right now but you can acquire them. You can explain to your partner you cant do this relationship at this time you have too many things you need to address and take care of within yourself and having another person intertwining in all this is creating more stress and basically counter productive for you at this time.dont feel guilty here this is your life and you do what you need to do for yourself and your own peace of mind. If your partner is rude about the breaking up aspect then you know without a doubt you have made the correct decision. There is some really great advice on here so read through it all. the most important relationship you need to be in at this time is the one with yourself. Self acceptance, self love and self care.
Actiquser lisalisa67
Posted
cia42277 Anxy
Posted
cia42277 Anxy
Posted
Anxy, in your original communication you ask "is anybody there?" The answer is obvious....I have never seen so many people and so much activity respond to a person. So many people, all giving the same answer. You asked, and wow, did you get answered! The question here to yourself is, do I really want out....or do I really need some attention right now.
Sorry to be so blunt, but that's a question I have to ask myself occasionally. The time to get real is now. When you have asked yourself that question, and thoughtfully answered it, you will know what to do...stay and handle it, or go into the scary but free future. Love to you dear girl. I know how terrifying the unknown is to most of us, but the most surprising, wonderful things wait for you there. Which do you choose?
helen20833 cia42277
Posted
cia42277 helen20833
Posted
She's either going to jump or not. There's just so much that can be said, Now it's pretty much her time to choose. Thanks for the note. It can be tricky challenging someone at the right time. I appreciate you, darlin'.
Actiquser cia42277
Posted
Well said Cia, IT's Decision Time.
tess33005 Actiquser
Posted
Anxy, I have to agree with Cia when she suggested that you were prevaricating despite all these posts saying LEAVE.
I'm not blaming you, darling. I did the same thing for years..........oh, he'll be different this time if I go back...................he promised he wouldn't ever hit me again...................
But the truth is very simple. You DO need to leave, and forget your worries over how he'll survive without you - that's just his emotional blackmail being hurled at you. My ex soon found another woman to destroy. She called me when she was pregnant and asked how she could leave him!!!
I told her she could stay with me until she got fixed up. But then she changed her mind, had the baby, and left my ex a year later (she went to live with her mother)
That baby was, of course, my own children's half-brother, and he was in the car when Daddy threw the older ones out (he was three years old and utterly terrified, apparently, poor little chap.)
My sister was a teacher then, and she made sure the little one was put on the 'at risk' register, and was never allowed to see his excuse for a father again.
Oh, and if anyone's still reading and not gone to sleep, Mr. Wonderful had a third lucky woman under his power fairly quickly. They are still together. I've never met her. Her grown up son lives with them and has apparently fought my ex a few times for abusing his mother....................oh, when will this end? This abuse by violent, controlling men? And, sometimes, women, too, for there are plenty of abused men out there, too.
helen20833 tess33005
Posted
Thank you for sharing your story. It is very moving. I'm sure that anyone reading your posts, who is in a similiar situation, will not feel so alone. Stories like yours, unselfishly shared, give hope, send a message that if you can do it, I can do it.
I always feel quite humbled when I read things like this.
tess33005 helen20833
Posted
Thank you for your lovely reply. I feel brave these days and am able to tell people what actually happened to me and to my children.
Nobody, malee or female, has to be abused, whether it's physical or psychological. No buts.
Has anyone here had experience with men who have undergone anger management therapy? I've always wondered if it worked.
helen20833 tess33005
Posted
I admired you more for "going over" your awful experience, a time of your life that I'm sure you wish to put behind you. It must be very painful for you, this laying bare your sould in hope of helping another human being.
You feel brave? Aw, you are brave! You have the courage of a lioness protecting her cubs.
tess33005 helen20833
Posted
I call them My Chicks! Even noe, when they're all taller than me!
Must point out that this thread has managed to get itself wonderfully out of order lol.
helen20833 tess33005
Posted
I know the feeling! I have two sons. One minute they were toddlers walking on wobbly legs, now the pair of them are well over 6ft! It's like the Land of the Giants!