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I consider withdrawals to be the devil

Posted , 13 users are following.

Misssy2
Misssy2

My withdrawal from alcohol has gotten so much worse in the last years.  I am on Day 2 right now from withdrawing....I drank  1 week, day and night...did not eat food....if I wasn't sleeping...I was drinking...I was drinking beer.

Day 1 - I could barely drink anything...everything tasted horrible.  I managed some soup (about 3 tsps)....some yogurt and a glass of Gatorade.

I was lucky enough to have lorazepam to get me thru shakes and sweating.

Day 2 - chills...still no great appetite...didn't eat till 3:30 this afternoon.

Trying to choke down the water. 

The psychological toll it has taken on me is even worse...total panic all the time...alot of anxiety...feeling like a failure to everyone around me. 

I know from experience that I will feel better every hour of every day that I stay sober...but the Nausea this time is so unbearable (sure I have pancreatitis again).

My boyfriend must be so sick of me saying how sick I am...moaning...can't help around the house...I felt lucky to take a shower today.  I am ANGRY...to the point where I dont care what he thinks...but deep down i just physically and mentall feel sick inside and out.

I had 8 years sobriety and gave it up....I had 2 months and gave it up....I don't know why I keep going back...because everytime I drink I end up this way or worse.

I hope anyone that feels like me today...knows they are not alone.  Because I feel alone...and like such a waste of breath.

2 likes, 133 replies

133 Replies

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  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    Hi to missy and everyone else on here.....

    I think that all of you are amazing, courageous, supportive and wonderful, wonderful people...xxxxx

    It makes me so angry how you have all been treated, it really is unbelievable and atrocious......I was very, VERY lucky, I had sooooo much help for so many years....my GP....psychiatrist.....CPN....alcohol specialist nurse and many others.....they never, ever, ever gave up on me no matter how bad I was......I also found casualty helpful...the doctors ( not all of the nurses. )

    You are worth as much as every other human being !!!! We are not bad.....weak......stupid....or trying to self destruct.....

    We are simply people who need care....compassion....help...and very importantly !! To be treated with dignity as equals..and people with feelings who are fragile at the time.....

    It does get easier..I promise, we deserve proper help to detox as it can be both unpleasant and dangerous, if we were in terrible pain from a broken leg, we would be helped with no recriminations....please,don't give up ...giving up but do it safely and if your GP refuses to help you..you have the right to complain.....they are not a judge or jury...they have an ethical right of care towards you....both physically and emotionally.....I wish you all so many best wishes, I feel for you all...in my thoughts and prayers.....

    We will all make it.....we all deserve to.....hugs to each and everyone of you ....regards....Deirdre xxxx

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      As usual, a warm and compassionate reply from Deirdre! You are an inspiration to us all!
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    Hi paper fairy, THANK you for the vote of trust in me..xx

    I have no idea either why it was moderated....Keep your chin.up one and all...try to have a good peaceful nights sleep.....regards to you all...in my THOUGHTS ....sleep tight....Big warm hugs....Deirdre xxx

    • vickylou
      vickylou deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Thanks Deirdre for the hope and positive comments you give to everyone. You see the good in people and your words of encouragement and understanding show how much you care.
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    Thank you Vicky Lou..,, I know the absolute shell of alcoholism, and the dreadful SHAME and loneliness that comes with it....

    It is never easy, but it can be beaten...but we all need ( and deserve. ) help to do so....it can be overcome and you get your life and self esteem back....it took me so, so probably uncountable attempts to actually succeed...I was really, and I mean really bad !!! But with lots of help, support and people never giving up on me I did successfully do it in the end....I was luckily never given up on..so we Must never, ever give up on ourselves...lots of luck, love and big warm sincere hugs to all on this forum..x xxx

    ( sorry for the typo of hell. )..Deirdre xxx

    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy deirdre._03652

      Posted

      To all of you who have been following this discussion...

      Ive just remembered I haven't posted today. I am tapering as you know. I've had 1 can of fosters this evening. Managed toast this morning, a bit of fruit and some spaghetti Bol this evening. Although I've been in bed most of the day as very weak I feel I'm def over the worst. See what tomorrow brings. Hoping I won't need to drink anything tomorrow. No hallucinations this time, thank God. Sweats not so bad either..

      Hope you are all making progress to :-)

    • vickylou
      vickylou Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Good to hear from you. Glad you've managed to eat something. Sure you will start to feel a bit better now. I'm meeting a friend for coffee tomorrow, first time in weeks I've even felt like socialising. Feel really guilty as she's recovering from a cancer op and I've only really been coping with self induced problems. Last time I drank nearly a bottle of wine before meeting her and suggested lunch so we could go to a wine bar. This time I'll make sure we stay in marks cafe!! 

      Missey, hope you're doing ok too

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Misssy2

    Posted

    Missy and paper fairy, I truly hope that you are both feeling much, much more at ease and better today.....congratulations to you both, you have been courageous and determined..and you should ,,,quite rightly, feel proud of yourselves.....

    You can now go from strength to strength...hold your heads up high, you deserve to....

    But, just one thing....please, please, please, if you do happen to have a slip up....DO NOT beat yourselves up and think that you have failed in any way...have a new mindset.....every day without a drink....even if it is only a couple of days every other week or so...is a HUGE achievement....and every time you do stop....no matter how short or long...it will be easier each and every time.after that.....you are in my THOUGHTS lovely people....I truly wish you hope.....happiness......harmony ...and the pride and self esteem you soooo deserve....big hugs to all on here....Deirdre xxxx

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      That was a very sweet post Deidre...thank you.

      I PRAY there isn't another time for me......or paper.  Or you or ANYONE...that wants to live.

      I had 8 years at one time...it gets us.....it just DOES if we LET IT.

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 Misssy2

      Posted

      HI Missy, do I understand correctly that you had 8 years of no drinking??
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Robin2015

      Posted

      Yes, Robin I had 8 years of no drinking!

      Then I left/lost a job of 19 years and couldn't cope....thought I could have a "few"..this has led to a 2 year struggle of getting back to being sober.

      sad.

      Anyone who has stopped drinking...for ANY length of time...please try to stay stopped because you never know if you can EVER stop again.

      I have almost died 2 x this year.  And drinking is not my answer..I have to learn different...coping skills.

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 Misssy2

      Posted

      WOV! By Dec I am 3 yrs no drinking and intend to stay that way and in particularly after reading your reply. Do try to keep trying...yes, I now everybody says "it is never too late to stop" since it is!! it is an old but thruthful saying. you are worth the effort to yourself and your family!
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Robin2015

      Posted

      This has been a busy post and I still have difficulty managing around this site.  I just saw your reply. 

      CONGRATULATIONS on 3 years and yes....keep the time you have...NEVER think that you can have just a few (like I did 2 years ago)....because if your an alcoholic like ME...you CANT.

      Yes we are worth the effort...in my case if not only for myself...my family has kinda given up...but TIME heals everything (TIME the four letter word of sobriety).

  • caroline13335
    caroline13335 Misssy2

    Posted

    Last night I sat and chatted with my daughter about my alcohol intake, reaching 2 bottles a night! !. I would describe myself as a high functioning alcoholic. I want to quit. Is it safe to just stop alcoholic intake immediately.?? Am to embarrassed to go to gp?
    • dontknow
      dontknow caroline13335

      Posted

      Hi Ya Caroline

      Extremely dangerous, especially if its your 1st time? Google (AWS) alcohol withdrawal syndrome. It will prepare and reassure you that your withdrawal regardless how mild or how severe is normal. First step you must approach your GP. He/she can offer vitimins and other drugs to ease withdrawal symptoms should you decide to self detox at home.

      If you are to embarrased to talk to your GP, phone your surgery or write a letter, im sure they have come across this before. Hopefully they will suggest you see a nurse or the GPs return letter will be sufficiant enough to reassure you that there is no need to be embarrassed.

      When you have prepared post a thread on here. As you can see there are plenty going through withdrawal now, and successfully helping each other (brilliant to witness).

      Just a little thought regarding functioning alcoholic? its time to stop "just functioning" and start living? Wish you all the best for your future.

      Allan

    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy dontknow

      Posted

      Hi everyone. I've been ok today but this afternoon I've gone downhill again like of gone back Monday again. Sunday night I finished my binge and been tapering 2 fosters Monday and 1 can last night. About 4 started getting the shakes, major headache and can't do anything. Had toast and banana as not hungry, drinking water. H

      Have I detoxed to fast and should I ride it out or get another can of fosters( I'm a wine drinker normally). Going to have a bath and see how I feel in an hour? 

      Id be really greatful for advice...:-( xx

    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Sorry for spelling mistakes, think it's coz I'm shaking 
    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 caroline13335

      Posted

      Do take medical advie Caroline since stopping totally can be very very dangerous. Check out Paul's advice on this Forum. Best of luck. Robin
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 caroline13335

      Posted

      Everything we read says not to stop abruptly without proper supervision.

      That means taper like RHG says or force yourself to tell your GP...it is embarassing..but they are Drs...and they are caring....which is why they are in that profession (try to remember that).

       

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 dontknow

      Posted

      Functioning turns into not functioning eventually.

      And I love that you ask that question....Do we want to "just function" or live??  I want to live...I'm not so SURE why all the time...alot of my drinking is due to depression...but drinking is a SLOW death and more painful than LIVING life on a daily basis....sober.

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Its ok..the human brain (even a messed up one) can figure out words that are not spelled correctly...we sometimes don't even notice they aren't spelled correctly.

      Impressed that you can even TYPE...when I'm hungover/withdrawing..etc...I can't even stand the "light" of the computer...and sometimes didn't even have the energy to make the effort to log on to the computer...Proud of you!

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