I consider withdrawals to be the devil

Thanks for reply. Had bath still felt terrible so have been to shop to get fosters. No wine in house because I know if I get wine or vodka I can't stop. 

The lady at the shop( not been in since Sunday) said "no wine tonight then?" Cheeky cow! I said "no I'm off the wine now but drinking lager for now"....how embarrassing. I'm not bothered what they think really and I won't let it put me off still shopping there. For soft drinks and food hopefully 

Hi paper fairy

ive had similar comments made to me by a particular shop keeper. Yes I too was embarrassed as there was a long queue behind me. But hey our money is as good as anyone else's .

ive not done tapering this time. GP gave me 10 5mg tablets diazapam and had last one on Saturday. No chance of getting anymore. It's been really hard but tomorrow will be day 14.

i think you're doing really well considering you're living on your own. My family have been very supportive , but there's a limit as to what they will accept. My first grandson will be two weeks old on Saturday and I want to enjoy being a grandma. My son has said that if I can go a month without drinking I can have the baby for an afternoon. He also said if I ever drink to excess again he would find it hard to forgive me as I'm putting alcohol before my grandson, which I fully understand and accept. Yet another warning.

soorry you're not having a good day, it's horrible isn't it.

Hi RHGB

you have done an excellent job posting all this information and sharing your personal experiences on here. Luckily I've never had to be hospitalised, apart from a fall when drunk and needed stitches. Thank you so much.

you are spot on about tapering and the need to have willpower. Once the first bottle had gone and I knew there was more in the house I would have it when coming out of a binging period. On the other hand when I'm not drinking I can have a bottle in the fridge for weeks and don't touch it.

Thank you for the compliment. I may come across as a bit blasé about it to some people, but it is only because I want to keep a happy disposition and not get depressed about it.

I've been through it, and I wouldn't want anyone else to go through it. If by sharing my experiences, I manage to shake one or two people into thinking about what they may be doing to themselves, then I'll be happy.

A bath probably won't help too much. If you're to try cold turkey, you need a good two days off work, to just lie in bed dying with intense flu like syptoms. Cold turkey for heavy regular drinkers, usually means, loss of appetite completely, retching but you don't eat or drink (non alcoholic) because then you can't be sick, this then leads to dehydration. Nausea, loss of balance when trying to walk to the toilet. Hacking cough as your body craves alcohol. Muscle spasms, like your arm just flapping up momentarily, which usually happens just as you are drifting off to sleep and hoping for a few hours respite from the ill feeling, but it is just enough to wake you back up. Also cramp in the feet is another possibility, although that tends to happen when you are asleep and wakes you up and has you hopping about the room trying to stop it.

And the sweats, that cold like flu systoms where you feel cold and pull the duvet around you, but are sweating like a pig, as your body secretes the toxins. And this is general advice to people, if you can't get your GP to prescribe valium (diazepam is the generic name) then tapering is the way to go, far more pleasant, will power required.

I've done cold turkey and tapering, if I found myself in that position again, it would be tapering every time, cold turkey is deeply unpleasant. If you have kids that need taken to school and collected, a dog that needs walking, you will need a partner or a very good friend, as you will not be up to it.

Congratulations to you vickylou...keep up the good work.

Keep going paper..you are doing awesome...its great you realize that you have to buy a drink you DO NOT LIKE....Because like someone said...we tend to keep drinking if we buy what we enjoy.  You WILL be buying soft drinks and food only - soon.

Congrats on bathing...I couldn't do that...sounds like you struggled thou..and I'm sorry for that..I totally GET it....so much work for such a simple task.

This is so perfectly descriptive of almost every symptom I had in withdrawal...perfect.  I hate that "foot" thing...I hate EVERYTHING about withdrawal...

The mind stuff is really disturbing as well...feeling so shameful and disgusting and panic...panic (for me)...I can't pin point what my panic is but it is pure panic and failure feelings.

RHGB's diiscription is exactly how I feel when stopping from a binge. It's not a life, it's an existence and I don't want to waste any more of my life living 

like that.

Totally with you saying that the mind stuff is disturbing. Personally for me, I feel that's the worst part of withdrawal. Ok first two days physically are crap, but I can put up with feeling sick, unable to eat or do anything, the sweats etc. Then my mind takes over and then sheer anxiety and total panic sets in. Ashamed, disgusted with myself, and as for the guilt that's got to be the worst. It completely takes over and consumes me.

Like you I had about 4 years totally sober and when I look back on those years, I think they were the happiest of my life. I achieved so much in those years. Went back to uni as a mature student with three kids still at school and managed to get a degree.

Slightly off topic I've now got Christmas coming up which I hate, always have done since the kids stopped believing in 'santa'. All it does is remind me of everything I've done wrong. I see all these tv adverts, smiling faces, parties where I've drunk too much. People talking about decorating their houses, and for what?

My daughter recently left home and has bought a house with her partner and I'm missing her like hell, even though she's only a few miles away. She works in mental health. She phoned to see how I'd got on meeting a friend in town after about six weeks of hiding away at home. I felt a bit anxious and she said I should feel proud that I'd been and done it, not gone to a wine bar and not come home with a couple of bottles of wine.

Yes I did feel pleased I'd done it, but then negativity set in. Right I'm a 56 year old woman who's had some quite responsible jobs. What have I actually done that normal people do daily without even thinking about it. Caught a bus, met a friend, did some shopping, and then came home on a bus, big deal. Her comment was forget other 'normal' people, take some pride in coping with your anxiety, of doing something you used to love, seen a friend who you've avoided, and best of all NO BOOZE.

Had a good night and have woken up feeling more positive and plenty of things to discuss at my second CBT session next week.

Sorry for the long post, but wanted to share my thoughts and experiences with people here who help, listen and most importantly, have first hand knowledge of what I'm talking about.

Thanks all, and hope you all have a good day xx

I totally agree with you Missy, the description is spot on that RHGB described. Going to keep some of these descriptions to put on front door for when the addict head sets in and I think I need a drink. I like the nausea, loss of balance when going to the loo. Couldn't even sit up in bed without feeling like that on day one. The hallucinations(had them a few times, they are the worst. Things coming out the walls, ceiling, things starting as a little cobweb type thing and turning into an evil ghost, dark shadows turning into demons trying to get you. God they were so real and the only way to stop them is to keep your eyes shut or keep bright light on. The vomiting, oh my, really terrifying stuff. Only had those after a massive binge on wine and vodka tho. 

And Vickylou, wow your description so like me. I darent even think about Xmas. I too have hated it since the kids were young. Terrible guilt, so much of my life wasted on drink or recovering from drink. Pain, fear, regrets and anger magnified. 

Depressed today. Couldn't sleep until 6 this morning. Finished book off and watched 3 hours of xfactor on iPad

Was going to go shopping today but no energy or motivation. I've become an agoraphobic hermit!!

Heyho thing can only get better xxxx lots of love to you all on here 

I can never apologize for long posts...that is what the board is for!

Yes, you should be proud (as am I).  This illness, condition...whatever people want to call it....is pure evil....

Yea its fun when we start in our early teens or 20s but when you get into the 30's it changes.

Yes, you described the MENTAL aspect well...its all consuming for sure.

I'm on Day 7 now...(oh CONGRATS on the 4 years).....there is one thing about my sober time...the 8 years...no one can take from me!  Some of that happiness.  My life actually got worse during that time...but I was able to handle everything much better. 

I think it got worse because all the things I was burying with the alcohol came to a boiling head...my personality issues, impulse issues, I thought everything I did was OK because I was sober...Well, I got demoted...LOL...(usually people get promoted)....I started so many things with bettering myself and didn't complete them...no degree here.

My sons drug habit took off big time at that time..he ended in jail (a Moms worse nightmare).  So many bad things happened....but I was available for them!

I did gain respect from friends and family as no one ever imagined I could really stop drinking.  And NOW they are all destroyed by the fact that I drank for the last 2 years.

But, we must 1 day at a time...TRY....not to go back.  Glad your here vickylou....prayers and strength to you and all of us that are going thru this process.

Paperfairy you got this.  So what if you can't go shopping today...try to relax...continue your taper....tapering is so hard...but one of these days..you will say OK..I'm ready....I remember when I tapered and got there! 

Wasting our lives really hurts to hear...but it is so true....either drunk or recovering....I'm hoping this is my last recovery period...

Bless you Deirdre, you have a heart of gold and you help me and so many people on here with your kind words of wisdom...thank you xxxxx

Yes! Yes! and Yes!  You are a rock and that is due to your beautiful soul and your blessed sobriety!

Thank you for making me smile today and to remember that I am not "junk" and none of us are.  Your right..It is hard..but we are strong especially as a TEAM.

 

Deirdre you always write such lovely posts on this forum which really help me and others. You are never judgemental and you know what we are going through. It was me who said about dreading Christmas and seeing all these happy cheerful faces and decorations fill me with dread.

My daughter asked me today what I wanted for my birthday which is in December and I don't feel that I deserve anything. My sons birthday is the ssme day and I keep thinking of one of his parties when he was young and I was knocking back the wine and fell over in front of some of the parents. It was over 20 years ago, but I can still remember it clearly.

ive never been drunk on Christmas Day, but have been hung over and my husband has had to cook dinner, wrap presents, decorate trees etc. It's the guilt I find the hardest to cope with.

what I can't get my head round is why I can have alcohol in the house, not drink for weeks and then go on binges where I'll drink anything I can get hold of . I've never been hospitalised, had hallucinations or anything like that, but alcohol is the only thing which helps when I have these anxiety episodes.

Anyway I've now gone 14 days without a drink and have had a really good day on my own at home. My husband is taking me to lunch tomorrow as a treat for not drinking (I won't have anything alcoholic!)! Then we're going to see our new grandson.

thanks for listening xx

Hiya paper fairy

what sort of a day have you had. How is the tapering going and have you been able to have something to eat? Hope you're ok xx

Paper..you didn't check in today?? You OK? Please check in...its OK if you drank...we all have struggled...heck I've been...struggling for the last TWO YEARS. I get 2 wks here...7 days there the longest I went last 2 yes was 2 months.....

Also....I remember not going on line cause it was too hard to pick up computer..honestly...so if you are just not on line??? When you get back.....just say a few words....we need you

Deidre;s answer is worth more than 10s of £1000 of professional advice since it is HEARTFELT...yes, you can be proud of yourself. You have done it and can now keep your head high. No, you cannot take away the bad moments in the past but you have been forgiven and you forgive yourself!