I don't want to live anymore

Hi Jared, sounds quite familiar to me... My opinion is that modern societies generated the suicide phenomenon. In traditional cultures, the suicide rate is almost by 0.

And indeed, the disenchantment of everyday life and the liquefaction of societies that were brought by modernity, create at the same time a huge emptiness in humans. We feel empty, and that might be the worst thing that can ever happen. Maybe it's more comfortable to be an a**hole.

That's a systemic reason why so many people tend to not be willing to live anymore. I emphasize 'systemic', meant as an average value. Individually, it might have several other reasons.

But systemic causes concern everyone of us. So you are definitely affected by that. Especially if you're american, qere modernity is at its most advanced stage. (I am not; but in my country (France) we have other problems.)

It doesn't seem provide direct solutions, but I think that understanding is the first step towards them. And that's why we all need to talk about it together. Maybe something is going to come up out of it?

So the question is : how can we fill us up again? What is the difference between natural societies and industrial societies?

The classical response to this kind of reflection is: "you have enough to eat, you have a roof, everything you want is only one click away... what do you want more???"

To me this argument doesn't work anymore. Because we indeed have far more security than before in human history, but we have far less freedom. And the fact is that the official speech quite always confuses both concepts. Industrially bred chicken has far more security than the wild chicken : food, meds, protection against natural dangers, etc. But it is still captive. And there is definitely something similar in the modern human condition.

We are safe but not free, precisely because we are domesticated. Does this make us more empty and disenchanted? Let's talk about it guys.

May I ask you how old you are Jared?

Hi Jared,

I stumbled upon this article of yours because I was feeling like there’s no point moving on with my life. This post of yours made me feel that I am not alone in feeling this way. 😞

I am justing feeling as Jared you do.After I finished my bachelor degree, I am doing my masters, and this is my final year, I feel like I am doing sth meaningless, i just have no energy to do anything, even if I am doing the work when my advisor pushes me , but I even feel like I am just a walking dead...I even can not see what should I do to a motivated me

I found this discussion by Googling the words my son said to me after attempting.

Advice is difficult because, like religion, food choices, tastes in music... what works for one may not work for somebody else. I can say though, I'm proof that you will see sunshine again; you can pull through this. I attempted several times when I was my son's age, although his and my reasons were very different. I'd been exhausted from feeling lost in the darkness, while he's tired of not feeling anything about anything.

When I was young, I drifted from job to job, feeling like a loser, feeling alone and hating the world. I see now, many years later, that I learned skills in every one of those jobs, skills that I love using today. It's hard to see the reason why things happen the way they do at the time, but later, you look back and see clearly how amazing your path has been.

I hated the world back then because I resented that nobody had the key or the courage, or the love to unlock me. I pushed people away because if they left me alone after just a few pushes, it proved that they never really loved me to begin with.

I see now that I can feel love only by giving love. I found a career that isn't about making more s**t for the world to use, but giving my heart to people who really need it, and I couldn't have done it without having gone on my own dark journey.

I'm scared for my son, just as I'm scared for you. I know how permanent numbness feels, like even if the fog lifts today it's just going to come back tomorrow. But this is a trick, a trap. Ask yourself, Why do I think the sun is temporary but the fog is permanent? If the sun is temporary (and clearly it is) then the fog must also be temporary. It cycles back and forth and all you have to do is stay calm, remember to breathe and wait for the dark time to cycle out.

Well, since your original post was 2 years ago, I guess I don't know how you are doing now.  Either you are still living or are dead.  If you are living, then you still suffer from depression because it never goes away completely. Maybe you are in remission for now, but it will relapse at some point, so maybe my reply is still germane.

I have lived with depression most of my adolescence and all of my adult life.  By my reckoning, that's about 35 years.  I really haven't wanted to live anymore for the last several years, either.  Life has little to no interest to me.  However, I don't want to kill myself yet because it would void the life insurance policy I have which I am hoping will go to a friend if I die in the next 18 or 19 years.  Funny thing is, this friend (who I've known since kindergarten) never talks to me anymore.  She's got issues, too.

Had a wife, but she left after 18 years of being together and over 20 years of friendship.  We never had any children, so there's none of that to live for.  My job is incredibly boring, and I work alone, so there is nobody to share that with.  Can't afford any good health insurance, so I can't go to the doctor for anything because the deductible is so f*****g high.  Just turned 50, and have absolutely nothing to show for five decades on this planet.  Don't really get along with my parents that well, and my family is not close.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that nothing really ever gets better, JaredC.  However, you'd be amazed how long you can actually live with depression.  Maybe something good will happen to you, but you can always count on the bad.  

Freud believed that neurotics, like you and me, need to learn that life is misery and just get used to it.  Cognitive theorists recognize that people with depression generally do not possess the "positive delusions" that people without depression possess (and I refuse to possess them, by the way).  We see the way the world, other people, the future, and life really is, NOT how we WISH it was.  For that, we have to pay a price.  The price is numbness and ennui.  

I believe your life is your own, and if you wish to end it, you should have the right to choose where, when, and the method.  I hope you can find some way to live with your depression because you may be able to have an occasional laugh or good feeling in amongst the mountain of misery this life offers.

 

I do not know what i am doing here i searched i do not want to live anymore i have had it with life  honestly i have really tried to help myself with doing therepy for a little while i got diagnosed with bipolar 2 deppression and anxiety with random panic attacks i lost my job due to my panic  attacks i am living with my parents like a complete low life i have not been able to find work it has been awhile now 2 besides that my family is not so accepting of me and talk and treat me like i am worthless my relationships never work out i feel it is always my fault for lashing out at times when i am frustrated or i always seem down which just causes people to assume i am miserable and i think they get disgusted with me i feel isolaated and alone i do not want to see anyone even my close friend i openly just say i am deppresssed and dont want to bring you down but i still get asked from people to hang out i feel complelty alone and around me no one understands me my dad thinks it is all in my head and i am more acting then in real pain and inneed of help i tried taking a bunch of pills before to take myself out of my life it didnt work i ended up telling my mon about it hoping she would talk to me about it and she just said oh you cant do that very casual i take meds they do not help all that much xanx helps calm me down but i still feel the pain surrounding me im just so sick of the runaround of my life i am tired of constant negative thoughts of dr appointments of not being able to find work and feeling like a loser who will never have their life togther or get married  i do not even know if i will ever be happy i have no peace here i hate waking up when i actually can sleep i feel as if i am stuck and i am watching everyone around me move forward in life and make postive life changes getting married buying a house starting a family enjoying lifes precious times and my life just passes by and i want to be gone 

Hi Jared and everyone!

I think I found this post just as everyone else. A lot of what everyone has written makes a lot of sense and I can relate to it. Jared, I hope you're still out there dude...you're definitely not alone. I turned my life upside down and kicked it out of this world. Discomfort has become my comfort. I can't even hold a job because I don't want to be around people and I constantly feel like socializing is a drain on my energy. I never would of thought I would of come to this point. I actually had a great job for 5 years and my life was in order until I couldn't manage my depression. Boy did I get out of hand. My parents are probably disgraced by the way I turned out and I do nothing but burden them and take away funds. I don't mean to and I don't want to, I'm just such a lousy excuse for a man. The way I feel makes it difficult for my to learn new concepts but the jobs I have tried told me they wanted me to stay but I can relate to frank about hating life and it seeming all so phony. Sometimes life seems fake, like all the cars moving on the road driving to and fro like their just living this little game that we're all supposed to play. I wish there was more to life than a 9-5 job and I wish I didn't have such a negative attitude about life. My family does so much for me and I can't even do the simplest things. I'm not sure if there is a point really, I wish I could know for all of us here with the same problems. I wish I had the courage to do as franks son and live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere in Russia. I actually would love that. I hate not being able to conform to society but I guess I don't hate it enough to change. Anyway Jared..I don't know if I helped or not, but I'm with you. Everyday is an uphill struggle and please don't give up, I want to give up so badly but this forum has given me some hope.

I saw this post as I was looking for help for myself right now. I feel the same pain as you did JaredC.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY AS YO DO!  I’m sitting here reading this and it’s like I wrote it myself, which is mind blowing cause I always feel like nobody understands me. The one thing I HATE is when people tell you “ well you woke up this morning that’s a blessing “ but I always feel like how much of a blessing is it if I’m MISERABLE everyday, that’s no blessing to me more like TORTURE to have to wake up everyday and hate the person you see in the mirror and hate everything about life. So again I ask what’s so great to be able to wake up every morning?

I know the numbness you are feeling. I just started on Prozac a couple weeks ago, nothing has changed. There is one thing that keeps me going. I met the best boy, and we have a four year plan-because right now we cant be together for complicated reasons- I know its probably dumb to hold on to the hope of us, thinking his feelings will last that long, but if I give that up then I am giving up my hope. He is the only person who has the ability to make me happy. But some days like today when I hit the depths of my low I just want to turn to self harm. I absolutely hate myself for hurting those around me like I have so far. I am just so tired of being sad and cold. My sister is such a happy person and my mom sent me to live with her, part of her hope was that maybe she would rub off on me but I cant help but feel that happiness is not a realistic option for me. I cant remember being truly happy and I feel like everyone just fakes it. Also if one more person tells me I'm just seeking attention I am going to snap more than I already have.

I just want to be happy.....but how can I?

Hi Jared, oh dear poor you whatever has happened has caused your state of complete unhappiness. When my health (physical) shows no signs of abating at all, i get really depressed, i threatened to jump several times last year and this. You need to find someone decent who will listen to you. You are seriously struggling and should be in your doctor's today. Ring them and insist on an urgent appointment today. Say it can't wait. I shouted help when i was really bad last year. My doctors are insisting on a camera in 4 weeks as i've been so ill and i have a counsellor who is offering support now and I am seeing a mental health charity next week, who will give me some decent coping strategies. If i can do it you can too.

If i can't die neither can you! Keep talking be brave.