I don't want to live anymore but I'm scared of hurting myself.

I really appreciate you trying to help and your kind words. One thing I noticed though is that you said you were attractive, so it's hard for you to understand what I've been through. You probably don't know what it's like to get called ugly by people all the time, I do. I've been suffering from low self-esteem and body image issues since I was 10 years old. I'm not saying that good looks guarentee happiness, but they sure do  help and good looking people on average are way happier and live way better lives than ugly people. They have more dating options, they are seen as better, they have better social lives, romantic lives, and are trusted more for jobs. Attractive people have it way easier in life than ugly people. I already try to do things like wear nice outfits and get haircuts and smell good, but I still feel ugly. I don't think the mirror is lying to me. I've been getting called ugly and made fun of for the way I look for most of my life, I'm pretty sure that I really am ugly. I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I was a different person.

I really feel for you. Every single word you wrote made my heartbreak. I feel the same way. But all those people who put looks first are shallow. Because it's not about looks but about character. I prefer a nice person over a attractive arrogant jerk. You will find someone. Everyone does. But stop putting yourself down and fake it till you make it. Fake your confidence until you truly believe it. I understand how you feel because even though Im alright I don't believe it I always find something in me and start feeling like crap. Depression makes you feel hopeless and insecure about yourself. So I may not know how you look like but what if you are average or attractive but you don't see it. What if your depression wont let you see it? Remember theres been unattractive people who grow to be attractive. They start exercising and start taking care of themselves and try their best to look good. We all see beauty differently. I might think Megan Fox is attractive while another person might think shes not. I do hope you feel better about yourself. You should let others make you feel bad about yourself. Ignore the fools. I wish I knew you so I could hug you. You and me feel the same way.

But you said you were attractive. You have no idea what it's like to be ugly. You can go outside without the hat and sunglasses and people likely wouldn't make fun of you. I had to go through years of that type of treatment. Even now when I go out, I see attractive people and get jealous of them. It's like constantly being mocked. I don't believe that I'm here for any particular reason. My family loves me and I love them, but I hate existing like this. They can't understand my pain, no one can but me. I've been to therapists before and nothing changed. That's the problem, no one can truly understand but me. I was the one who went through the problems. No one can ever understand.

I'm attractive but I never said I was perfect I have flaws too. We all have flaws. I suffered in school too. My Anxiety and Social Phobia ruined my Life. Kids would Mock me because I was shy and didn't talk I would just nod my head like a idiot when they asked me something. You dont know how many times I thought about dying. Not only kids but my female teacher would yell at me and humiliate in front of them. She would pull me from my hair or ear. When i grew older kids wouldnt mess with me because i was the tallest i probably intimidated them with my height. But even so some girls would bully me. I wish i could just end my Life and be finally in Peace. But I cant my conscious wont let me. Ive tried twice to kill myself but i just ended up in the Hosppital. I don't know why I was born. I wish my mother would have aborted me. I hate myself so much I cant stand looking at myself in the mirror. I know everyone else looks at me and think I'm a weirdo because Im awkward and shy. Its not my fault Im like that. I just dont know what to say to people so I keep to myself. I dont have the confidence to talk to anyone i feel they will laugh at me because i might get so nervous i might mess up. They don't know how bad I feel when I'm around them i get really bad anxiety. Anxiety so bad that makes me want to jump off a bridge because I can't take it no more. I didn't even attend both of my grandmother's funerals thats bow pathetic I am. I wanted to go but couldn't because of my problem. You're not alone ignore the idiots who laughed at you and bullied you all those years. Be strong and show them you don't care what they think. It's not about them. It's about you. YOU create your story. Its your life they dont stop theirs for you. Let them talk but never let them know they hurt you. Because they will keep doing it. Act like you are confident. Everyone will believe it too and will respect you more. Don't lower your head at self centered egoistic arrogant fools. NOW is when you should enjoy your life don't let them waste more of your years. Years you won't get back. LIVE and try to forget about the past. I know its hard when you've been hurt so much. But dont let it get you down. Live in the Present. If you need to talk I'm here. Hope you feel better and stay strong and fight for you. Keep living. This is the only Life you got make the best of it.

Hey, i have social phobia too. But you know something that will take it away, reading your bible. Is so crazy because there are people in the bible that had anxiety and fear issues too and Our God used them. Plus the bible say when we go to heaven the firsts will be last and the last will first. Like us the people that were treated so babdly will be first in line. You know is a sin to think that you are not important or ugly you know why, because God gets offended because you are his creation how can you be ugly or not important. I promise if you read the the book that holds the truth, it will change your whole life, please believe me.

👏💜 Thank you Lily for your words.🙌 Yes I know. To God we are important and he will always be there for us when we need him. I've read the Bible. But I have many times when my mind is stronger than me. I agree with everything you said. Glad to hear I'm not alone in this struggle. But not that happy since that means you're suffering too. Someone should raise awareness for Social Phobia, GAD, and Depression. It's a big problem that affects us in so many ways. In millions of ways each day we struggle just to keep going. We are strong 💪 No one knows the struggle unless they have been in our shoes. 🙏

Absolutely. You you are not alone and i know exactly how you feel when you said your mind is stronger than you. But you know who aint stronger than your mind... God.. I never knew all this until i had a major depression attack that almost took me out and i was so desperate that i ran looking for God... I literaly left my home for a whole week and went to my mom. I ask my mom and my brother to help me and they help me pray and read my bible and day by day i started to know who he was. Is like the more you get to know him through the bible the more you see how much he love us and then you really literally start really feeling that love inside of you and happiness start coming around the corner. The depression went away but then i kind of distance myself with God and the depression came back, so now im trying to get back where i was with God and this time im not letting go! But i want you to know that im going through it all, everyday single day is a battle. But please dont give up, you love your babies right? When you feel like crying go in your room and cry as much as you can to Him..talk to him just how you are talking to me and ask him to make you feel better even if its only for one day and i promise you,, he will! Cause he wants to prove to you that he does exist and he is here to help you ok.He loves you and i do too!!😊 But for real you have to talk to him

I love you too💜 Thank you for your kind words. 👏 I don't have babies though I do have a family. Mom, brother & sister. I agree. 🙌

Lilly is so right . In my darkest days it was God who held me up. Whenever i feel the anxiety and panic coming back i say the Lords Prayer. I keep repeating it till i feel better. It has become so much a part of my daily life that even when not actively thinking about anything in particular i find myself repeating this in my mind. It so helps me.

👍God Bless you Lily🙌👏

Hi Anna

I agree God is always there when we need him. He will never forsake us. We just have to put Our Trust in Him and have Faith. God will help us with our struggle and hardships. Theres nothing he cant do. God is Almighty.👍Im Glad you felt better with his guidance. Lily💜

Im so glad you are relying on God. He is trying to help all of us. Can i yell you something, I sometimes wake up with anxiety attacks and when they come I use my authority and tell it to leave in the name of Jesus and it immediately leaves. I know it sounds weird but in the bible it say that we can tell depression and fear to go away but you have to believe it. If that one scripture helps just imagine if you get deep in the bible and start praying too. Everything will go away. Im here for you guys ok. God loves you and I love you too!!

I'm here for you too and it's not crazy at all. Positive affirmations will help you. 💪Keep going strong & I ? You too. God bless you Lily🌹

No offense, but I don't believe in any Gods or in the Bible. If god was real, then he is completely unfair in creating beautiful and ugly people. It's a face that beautiful people get treated better, it's not my opinion or anything. They get treated better in the job market, the dating world, and the social world. Some people like me are so ugly that we get made fun of, face social rejection, and are invisible to the opposite sex. If there was a God out there who really cared about humans, he wouldn't create ugly humans, poor humans, and people with birth defects. I used to believe in God and I used to pray that things would improve for me and that I'd get better looking, but of course nothing has changed. There is no God that's going to help me.