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I dont know what im going to be capable of in the future?

Posted , 7 users are following.

kirancrampton
kirancrampton

my severe clinical depression is getting worse every single day. i self harm alot on a daily basis and have multipul panic attacks each day.im on prozac. i dont know what to do with my self. i cant 'hang in there' anymore. im seeing doctors and start CBT in a few weeks. im just another depressed heartbroken worthless teenage boy who knows nothing about the world. suicidal thought have been entering my mind lately. please help me, just replysad(((((

1 like, 142 replies

142 Replies

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  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman kirancrampton

    Posted

    My reply was waiting to be moderated, sorry about the wait Kiran, I hope you get this message
  • worldlywings
    worldlywings kirancrampton

    Posted

    It's so nice to see such great support here. I know a great life coach, you could see a one time off. But it's costly, but he's amazing. Good luck ! smile you need to breath and create new distractions , don't stay home. Panic outside instead , I have also suffered it all, took three years to finally have myself back, and stronger then before . :D
  • Mercybemine
    Mercybemine kirancrampton

    Posted

    Breaks my heart to hear what you are going through, I was once a teenage boy myself and like you the thought of the future was a scary place to look, yet here I am and I am now a 50 yr old man, my future is still a scary prospect but I have learn to cope on a day by day basis. You say you feel worthless at times, please believe me when I tell you you're far from worthless your words screamed out at me from my screen and your plight is not going unnoticed, you seem like a strong young lad and you are seeking help? That shows character, I,m proud to of read your post and I,m sure your words will also help others. Stay strong and thank you for sharing your feelings with the rest of us.
    • Vickycam
      Vickycam kirancrampton

      Posted

      Rmember we are all concerned about you.  Please follow the good advice offered by many who have experienced similar attacks of hopelessness.  I know you are a good person and you will come through this sad chapter in your life, but there are many happy chapters in your book of life ahead of you.   When I was a teenager ago I had such a fear of dying of some fatal disease or burning in a fire I could hardly function.  Many years later when I was adult and on firmer emotional  ground I faced two cancer surgeries and actually was in a hotel fire.  I survived all of that.  The old fears of my youth were far greater than what I felt when I encountered real dangers.  Be strong and keep telling yourself you will get better.  Sorry about your mother but she, too, was probaly scared out of her wits when you told her how you felt.  As was suggested seek out another person - a clergman or an older person in whom you have confidence.  We are all here for you.  
  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman kirancrampton

    Posted

    Hi Kiran, 

    Just to let you know that I am thinking of you. I hope last night wasn't too bad. Did you call a helpline in the end? Just to remind you as well, you don't have to wait 'till it's really bad to call them! smile 

    Anyways, hope you are doing OK. We're getting there! smile 

    Best wishes, 

    anonymousgirl x

  • kirancrampton
    kirancrampton

    Posted

    someone please talk to me, things keep happening and it keeps getting worse, i feel as though im shrinking. this is taking too long and i cant go on, i dont even know what to say anymore. the suicidal feelings are becoming stronger during my panic attacks. i am crying so much all the time and all i do is moan. i cant smile or laugh. i cant trake this anymore its all to much and its not fair please i just want it to go away i cant go on. each second i live i just get worse and i cant go on. my cutting is getting really bad and i cant breath most of the time. why cant i just be happy like a normal teenager. i dont know who to turn to or what to do to get relief. it hurts so much im in a constant state of panic
    • robin77577
      robin77577 kirancrampton

      Posted

      Kiran! I know you are young and the support of your mother is questionable so YOU have to be your own parent at this point. Even though your mother was not supportive the last time you spoke to her, I am sure if you showed her this last post, she would take you directly the AE. Do you have an older sibling, a good friend, a cousin, a grandparent...anyone who can accompany you to the hospital now! 'God helps him who helps himself." You cannot remain paralyzed in this dark and overwhelming state. If you go to the hospital, believe me, they will do some tests and evaluate your condition and then they will give you a medication to lessen these terrible dark thoughts. By tomorrow at this time, your mind will be much more tranquil. And you will be on the path to recovery. 

      Kiran, write to us and tell us that you are leaving the house to go to the hospital. If you cannot go by bus...and that is likely too much for you, then call an ambulance. Btw, it is the fastest way to be admitted immediately without waits, delays etc.. Best idea: call 999. 

      Take a special amulet or key chain or tiny object that is dear to you that you can put in your pocket and hold or touch to keep you feeling safe. Keep focussed on the light at the end of the tunnel. Create some kind of visual so that you can stay focussed. Maybe it is a happy place in the country where you went as a child and were very happy or maybe it's a lovely beach where you once went. 

      If someone can go with you, or even drive you, that's better. You must get to the hospital now, Kiran, now!

       

    • AnonymousWoman
      AnonymousWoman kirancrampton

      Posted

      You need to do your breathing and you're "I'm here." If none us are here to contact you back immediately, then you need to call a helpline straight away at the time. 

      I don't want you to feel this way and I'm sorry that you do but I can't be here all the time. 

      Keep trying at your breathing exercises and maybe call your therapist again and ask for a drop-in session instead of waiting until your next session. 

      Still thinking of you,

      anonymousgirl 

  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman kirancrampton

    Posted

    Yes Kiran, I think that maybe Robin is right. We all care for you here and we are trying to help you as much as we can. We want you to stay with us. Please do. 

    But maybe Robin, has a good idea to go to a hospital. Maybe they will be able to help you more than we can. 

    We are still here if you feel you can't bring yourself to hospital though. We are just very worried about you because we care about you. We don't want you to be in pain anymore and we know it's hard waiting but please do it for us. 

    Just either way, keep chipping back at it as I said, keep chipping back. 

    I think Robin's idea of a visual is good. Even if you have to close your eyes and talk to yourself, do it. But maybe you would feel better if you call an ambulance. 

    xxxx

  • Mercybemine
    Mercybemine kirancrampton

    Posted

    Kiran my friend, I am new to this site and sought it out trying to find a forum where I would feel confident to express my own anxietys/my demons/ my own dreadful thoughts. There are a lot of people like you and I my friend and although from time to time and the despair kicks in, never for a moment think you are alone. You say you only have afew friends well you are making more everyday and not only friends but people who genuinely care for you, just read some of the posts you have received, you are a very well liked young man and the struggle you are going through is a concern to all who read your plight. In your dark moments my friend, strength can be sought in different ways, one by doing what you are doing and using this site to reach out to people, if things get really bad take the advice of anonymousgirl and others and call 999, it will get you through the red tape and you will see a professional who can advise or give medication to help you over those dreadful moments. I can only say these things as I have been through many similar experiences as yourself and although I still have my dark moments believe me with time it does get easier. You stay strong, your friends on this site will be here for you if at all possible if there is a delay in a response it will not be because no one cares my friend but because of situations may have arisen which makes it difficult to reply right away. it seems Awful at the time I know my young friend but it will get easier. You take care now cause we care.
    • robin77577
      robin77577 Mercybemine

      Posted

      Great advice!...and hopefully helpful to others who come onto the site who are in a similar situation.

      Thanks for caring, David.

      Robin

    • Mercybemine
      Mercybemine robin77577

      Posted

      Robin thank you for your kind reply, I was young once myself and although I still have my demons, by reading kirans posts it reminds me of my own struggles at that age, indeed on some of his posts it could literally of been myself who wrote them once upon a time. I an so glad I found this site and only wish I had it when I was younger, I felt so isolated and self destructive and at times it seemed like I was banging my head against the wall when reaching out for help, in many ways the same way as young Kiran is now but at least Kiran as found this site and therefore people to chat to, in my experience it is sometimes easier to communicate to a stranger than it is to a friend or relative. Through this site Kiran as found you/anonymousgirl and now me who I sincerely hope will include me as one of his new found friends. Your words are very touching and a wealth of good inspiration. My own anxieties are deminishing more since found this site and I can only wish that young Kiran finds comfort knowing people have similar feelings and that he is not alone, nor will he ever be while there are people out there like yourself. Thanks again.
  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman kirancrampton

    Posted

    Hi Kiran, 

    Are you online by any chance? I was hoping to get to talk to you for a little while while we were both online. I was offline when you wrote again a little while ago. Sorry I missed you. 

    I am worried about you, hope you are doing alright?

    I would love to have a chat if you are free at some stage to talk? 

    Thanks, 

    anonymousgirl 

  • kirancrampton
    kirancrampton

    Posted

    my doctor and therepist has proscribed me more prozac and some sleeping pills, also gave me some sheets to look at from a web site of how to cope with unwanted and suicidal feeling and about cbt and how to prepare.

    hopfully it will start to get better in a month or somthing. thankyou all for your suport

    xxx

    • robin77577
      robin77577 kirancrampton

      Posted

      You already sound calmer. GOOD FOR YOU, Kiran that you got in touch with your doctor and therapist. Now you are in the hands of experts who hopefully understand the depth of the despair you have been through. Just think, you could be feeling as you did last night, had you not taken that one move to get help. This is a huge step in the right direction. One foot in front of the other. Slow and steady wins the race! You are going to be alright, Kiran.
    • robin77577
      robin77577 kirancrampton

      Posted

      Is your mother aware of the extent of your suffering? Is Dad in the picture...grandparents? You need family support, Kiran.

      As anonymous girl said at one point, I think. A panic attack isn't going to kill you although it may feel like it. Find what calms you; visualizing something that is calming to you...a beach. Would this help?...or any other video you see at the right side of the screen? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qREKP9oijWI

      Good that you have some relief...which may take some time to kick in. 

      I still believe you should be in hospital...but you are the only one who can make the decision to go. They would be able to assess, observe you and help you 24/7. You decide. Take care.

    • AnonymousWoman
      AnonymousWoman kirancrampton

      Posted

      Kiran, 

      This sounds like great news. The sleeping pills will help you sleep and this will help your mood. I am so glad you went to your doctor.  

      Sounds like your doctor and therapist are really trying to help you which is great. cheesygrin

      xxxxxx

       

    • AnonymousWoman
      AnonymousWoman kirancrampton

      Posted

      Be patient Kiran, it'll get better. cheesygrin And remember, if you tell yourself you're not calmer, your brain will believe you. I know it takes work but you can get there. The sheets will help, I am sure. 

      I hope my tips were helpful in some way too. 

      Keep trying, we are all here for you and we all want to help you get better xx

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