I feel like I’m the only one going through this so bad ?

I’m so tired but so anxious can only sleep if I’ve had a drink and many other things to knock me out then I wake up super early and cannot get back to sleep .

I think the worry of all this when it’s all you think about adds to the stress. 

I really think a clinic where you just lock yourself away until things level out is the best idea. Trying to FIGHT this is exhausting .

I do push myself to try and live a normal life but it doesn’t come easy and if I’m honest it’s anything but normal .

When your mind isn’t right nothing is right ! 

Yes it's horrific!! I've read some of your posts and thought you sound similar to what I've been through.

I've been on bhrt and a few other things for a while now. My doctor keeps a close eye on me and adjusts things when needed. I'm blessed to have found my doctor because without him I wouldn't b functioning.

Also cleaned up my diet. Gave up alcahol 21 months ago, all fresh food with minimal carbs and only one cheat meal a week. Even the sugars affect my moods and sleep now. I'm super sensative to everything. No one thing will fix me but everything little thing I do is another step forward.

There's no way I could've kept going in the state I was in. I was completely falling apart.

The research and proof that the gut and mind are tied intimately together. You are right. I will need to do it diligently because i think thats my issue is that i dont stay with something, when the anxiety or depression is there, i think to myself "it doesnt matter what i take because it doesnt help"..but this is true of our guts.

thanks for sharing

xoxo

No wonder I feel TERRIBLE most/all  of the time ... it’s so depressing . I’m now taking about 50 horse pills a day .. to get rid of the virus . 

Im really sorry about how you are feeling 2ch.

Im with you. Ive just traveled a distance to see my mom who is not well now.

If you need to chat or share whatever iim here, were here.

Its a tough time, and its like a web we are in, that we cant really get out of.

have you talked to your doc about maybe going off the AD's or changing them. Sometimes the very AD's you take can make it worse overtime, i dont know im not an expert i just hear about it. I feel even worse where my mom is, God its depressing. I feel so without joy, and also sad for how we all end up..when we are old. (i know this is negative) but its true.

Its a struggle to climb out of this, but i know for certain that you can do it. I get glimpses of normal every day, i mean small fleeting second-moments of feelinng good, enthusiastic, normal, happy, then its gone.

So i have hope that it can be like this all the time, i just haven't figured it out yet, ...what i need to do, or what things i need to do or not do in order to become well again.

I cant accept that athis is my new normal, because like you day..its no way to live.

x0x0x

I can so relate to what you said about having glimmers of your self each day, periods (though fleeting) of feeling positive, enthusiastic, human. It shows us all that we are still there, just under the surface.

I wish that there was some magic that would be able to turn everything around for us right now, but, as I said to you before, the only magic is time.

We will get there, though. I know we will.

Bev xo

Thanks for asking about my mom yes you need to get some good help and so do I it's kind of strange where I'm at there on a lot of resources either so that's why I do my own experiments.

Thinking of you, hang in

Xoxo

Thanks babe I like to think that things would get better sooner than later but I doubt it I hear some really cool things from Lori about New Age stuff also and healing and I'm all for that too!

do you have your mom or siblings that you can go to for support?

I know you have your boyfriend but was just wondering if you have a lot of family to.

Talk again soon take care hugs

Xoxo

Babe!

Meant to say Bev. ; )

Hi there 2ch

There aren't a lot of resources where I'm at either it sounds like we have to do some digging to get the help we need.

It's a hopeless feeling I wish that we could figure this out sooner than later but I totally understand what you're going through.

Lori mentioned some new age healing and it sounded very promising.

thank you very much for asking about my mom. Hang in

Xoxo

😂

Yes, I have my mother. Even though she is turning 86, she is in amazing shape and health! She doesn't even take any medication!

My mother has been an absolute saint through all of this with me. I rely on her so much for support, and she is ALWAYS there for me! I have such immense love and deep respect for my mother! She is so kind and giving, and she always helps me to keep hope alive. She tells me, "Just believe, Bev. You will make it to the other side".

I am so blessed to have her

Mauiblue - giggling at "babe"  

Weve become quite close us ladies...

so babe is fine...lol

lol

No in all seriousness, you are very blessed to have family and friends around you.

I cant tell you how hard it is doing this alone, im really struggling.

To have a great mom that inspires you,is so awesome. my mom was a rock, she was smart, and has so much common sense.

she has dementia now but we still have moments where we are in sync, and we laugh a bit, and she is a dear woman. Iam going to miss her soo much, cant think aboaut that right now.

just overwhelming trying my best with my kids, the evenings are becoming less pleasant..not sure why its changing.  I could always count on a little peace in the evening. Now i go to bed also dark..

hoping it changes when i get back on island, and backworking.

hugs 

x0x0x0

Hey Babe right back at you!

You are such an incredibly strong woman. Always remember that. Especially being able to get through this hell without a complete support team.

Unfortunately, there is just no predictIng these hormones. Just when you think you see a pattern, such as feeling better in the evening, it switches.

Hold onto whatever positive glimmers that you get and just keep reliving them when the tide changes again.

I know just how fragile I am. I think it was you who said that one of your boys asked you why you kept watching animal shows and funny videos. I am the same way. I can't handle anything even close to negative. It is just totally overwhelming for me.

The good news is that the strength and perseverance that we will have acquired to get through this will serve us well in the end.

You are in my thoughts.

XO

Just wanted to ask if you dont mind?

Has your mum ever taken HRT. X

I asked because you said she is so healthy and on no medication at her age.

I just wondered if the HRT helped her to be so well in her later years.

Ive been offered HRT im 51 just post meno.

I declined it but im still weighing up my options x

Thanks so much finny.  TV is my friend right now.  I need to work on getting out of the house and making friends.  I am typically pretty shy though.  We move a lot with my husbands job and it can be tough.  That’s why this forum helps me so much.  There must be other ladies around here that feel like me...I just never see them.  😩

I also live in an OLD retirement town ... so boring and no family around so ... you’re not alone ! 

Xoxoxo

Atleasr give HRT a try Bev,

I think it's worth it. Anything is worth feeling well again.

Xoxoxo

thinking of you and everyone out there.

x0x0x

im blocked from receiving emails..kind of weird, i made the change to update, but it doesnt reflect.

how are you

im same but still going forward. 

hugs and support

x0x0x

How are you

Xoxo

Its hard really it is.

When i say i had a few good days, it was like 'amazing'. In that i dont remember feeling normal like that, i forgot just how much of myself i have lost.

so mostly its low, and verrrrry few good ones. I appreciate them immensely.

sleep is the 

cornerstone of health so when we get sleep, we get to carry on.

without it, it becomes a survival thing. for me anyways.

talk soon

x0x0x

Oh, Mauiblue, I totally get you! It is such a gift to feel like yourself. When it happens, there is optimism, a clear mind, excitement, the belief that good things are really possible. Life seems effortless, like you know it should. In these times, I recognize myself, and I know that here I am again. When the mood shifts (the mornings are usually the worst), I feel like a zombie. I don't recognize myself. Even simple tasks seem insurmountable. It is crushing!

I have started on a course of Lexapro from my psychiatrist. From what I have read, this is the "go to" antidepressant drug for hormone-related issues. It is used off label for hormonal imbalances, such as PMDD. I know that I needed to take something. I can't do hormones because the progesterone made my depression much much darker.

I am with you every step of the way. 

The other day, when I had a great day, I made a video of myself, where I explained how I felt and how amazing it was. When I feel dark, I rewatch the video to remind myself that my mood will shift again in a positive direction; I just don't know when.

Hugs and warm thoughts from one strong woman to another xo

Thank you Bev

Really, 

I know you get it.

Im hoping that this medication helps, please let me know because i would revisit it if i thought it would help. 

Im at a pretty low point right now, and have to go into work. I see my kids, my life before me, and im helpless. I am a little tired of researching and trying this and that. 

It is possible that there are contributing factors to my demise, but i dont have the money or the mental faculties or even good health care where im at to be able to help myself. 

i have to keep going though.

what a good idea to video your self, i know you had mentioned that before. its kind of heartbreaking when know how im supposed to be functioning and being totally there in mind and spirit, and body.

I see my kids, and my life around me, and i cant be "in" the world as i know it, because im totally debilitated mentally.

I can get by for the most part faking it because im tough. But something has to give at some point.

I would be very interested in knowing how you do Bev on the lexapro. its prescribed alot at the clinic. Please keep me posted. im praying that it helps you, and then maybe it would work for me too.

Ive been battling this for a long time..i need some kind of help, and intervention or whatever it may be. I am not angry, or rage, or anything im just dark dark dark, and full of fear. Anxiety rules for the most part to where now im functioning with it except when i sleep.

lets stay in touch.

thank you again

x0x0x

Oh Maui, does my heart ever go out to you, as I can totally relate to your experience. This mental anguish has been beyond my comprehension. I never thought that hormones could be this debilitating. I soldier on with the knowledge that this is a phase of life and can't possibly go on interminably, but the suffering defies description.

I wish that we lived close by and could see each other and support each other that way, as no one truly understands unless they are living it.

I, like you, have grown tired of having to fake it, as it's so exhausting, but there isn't really another option, is there?!

I will keep you posted on the med. I have a lot of faith in my psychiatrist. 

We will both get through this; I promise.

Much love,

Bev xo

Thanks so much for your genuine support Bev.

Ok so you promised we are going to get better.

Im going to hold you to that.

This is def no way to live, especially when you are witnessing 'normal' all around you, and your not part of it. Far from it.

I have yet to exhaust all avenues though, so until i do, i cant say ive tried hard enough. There is more i guess that i can do to figure my situation out. Its a lifechanging one, biggest fight of my life.

hugs and thank you again

x0x0x0

I have always had that impulse to try to "figure everything out", but my good friend, Troy, said that sometimes there isn't anything to figure out. I know when I get into that state, it kind of sends me into a tailspin of searching. I have tried to let go of that and just believe that healing will happen, given enough time.

I think that we can take comfort in the knowledge that neither of us were like this before, so this can't and won't last forever. 

We will both get through it, even though it has been the toughest fight of our lives.

Sending you the strength to continue.

xo

yes i have the tendency to go into the 'tailspin' as you put it, to try and figure it all out. I want to be accepting of it, but when its this bad, it almost becomes a crisis. That is why im desperate for resolution.

Acceptance of not being able to control everything is healthy, and your friend is right.

I'm hearing your mood is a little better. It will get better and i will remind myself of that.

hugs, and thankyou's

x0x0x

Yes, it will get better. This morning I was totally inconsolable; the depression was absolutely crushing! By 3:30pm today it lifted, and now I feel calm and optimistic. I have perspective and self-belief. This isn't your standard depression; it's a completely different animal. 

I guarantee that you will get through this Maui, but I totally understand when you use the word "crisis". I have felt so bad, that I just didn't want to go on. I felt tortured.

Just hang in and get through moment by moment. One day, you will come out of the tunnel for good, and then all the struggle will have been worth it.

You can do this, and you will!

B xo

Thanks Bev.

Nice words and comforting too.I too think that this depression curse isnt your usual.

I feel like its a combination of brain chemistry/hormones gone awry and it is probably just that. I simply dont have the knowledge or education to really understand whats going on. Most of us ladies dont unless we have degrees is holistics or traditional/alternative medicine, epigenetics etc.were kind of at the mercy of stumbling across one person or ourseves for that matter who can just find a missing piece of the puzzle.

I am also gettin fewer reprieves in the evening, where by before i was calmer at night. Now its only a 'little bit' better but not entirely until i fall asleep.

Atleast you are knowing everyday you will feel good by afternoon. That alone holds sooo much weight psychologically in terms of coping. most days are rubbish for me,and then i have hours of good mood. maybe 8 sometimes. the other day i was 3 consecutive days where i though i had it handled. 

so foolish to think it was getting better.

im reading good material from zrt blogs that explains the reason behind the dark moods in the am for so many of us and then the leveling out in the evening. Its quite common in depression (whether its mild or hormonal or whatever) and its all brain chemistry..fascinating. has to do with accumulating a lot of Norepi during the course of the night. 

anyways thank again,

ta ta for now , and you will get there too. feel free to vent or whatever

x0x0