I want to give up.
Posted , 11 users are following.
sorry to keep posting guys but feeling pretty desperate
I'm about 16 days of sertraline 50mg, swapping from citalopram
the past few days have been getting increasingly difficult with worse anxiety and mood. yesterday I had a panick attack and it's got do bad today I had to send my 5 year old back home to his mum and feel so guilty about it.
I'm really struggling and everyone says to carry on. will it get easier because I dont know how long I can feel like this.
0 likes, 1299 replies
CeeDeee Potatoghost
Posted
hi ya,
ive just sent you a message on the other thread as I thought I'd check in with you.
i'm so sorry its tough for you right now, it sounds like you're having a super tough time. You can do this though, have you got any diazepam to see you through?
Please dont feel guilty about sending your little boy home, you need to put your needs first right now. You are doing all this to get better so that you can be fully functioning for him. I know its hard as I really struggled with that in the beginning, accepting I needed help with the kids. But if your leg was broken you wouldn't feel bad about it & this is no different.
Remember it's the meds,you're going on a new one & withdrawing from the old one, it's not you. Try not to feed the anxiety too much, don't try & push it away or anything to stop it, just allow it to be there & carry on (easier said than done I know, i've been trying to for 8 months).
could you go out for a drive? or visit someone? or anything to distract yourself.
I realise you probably know all this anyway so please dont think im patronising you.
You can do this, put yourself first & just do whatever you need to, to get through.
Time is what is needed, which when you feel rubbish is awful as I don't know about you but I'm exhausted & fed up with feeling like it, I just want some peace.
the way I try to look at it is ... what option have a got but to keep going with the meds?
look after yourself.
ps sorry for another essay!
Potatoghost CeeDeee
Posted
thank you for your reply claire x it's so difficult to not feel bad as I miss him so much but cant see him because I'm not functioning properly. and the guilt is horrible.
I have a few diazipam left but trying to save them because once they run out I wont get any more x
ofcourse I dont think you are patronising me silly 😁
its nice that you are trying to help when you feel so poo yourself x
I completely agree with the way you feel. fed up and exhausted too. it's been 8 months for us both now I think and it's getting pretty difficult x
I'm just worried I'm going backwards and not seeing any improvement. it's pretty scary x thank you claire for checking up on me x
gsquez77 Potatoghost
Posted
hey potato! do you find this med stimulating at all?
Potatoghost gsquez77
Posted
I'm not too sure gs
CeeDeee Potatoghost
Posted
guilt is one of my triggers so I do understand, but as hard as it is you have to put yourself first.
i know you're trying to conserve your diazepam supply but it sounds like you've had a hell of a time & could do with a bit of respite so I would use one or could you take a half? I don't know what strength you have though? I ended up with a load of Diazepam as the GP gave me some & then the A&E doctor gave me more as I think he just wanted to get rid of me. They gave me 5mg but they were too strong & would knock me out so I had to halve them.
you're thinking is a just a symptom of your anxiety, imagine what you would say to someone in your position & think of all the supportive things you would say to them & say it to yourself.
you're not going backwards at all, it probably feels like it but you've actually moved forwards, as you're now further forward with both your Citalopram withdrawal & you're sertraline start up so you're getting nearer to the end goal even if it's not in sight yet. Forward is forward.
i hope you get some rest.
Potatoghost CeeDeee
Posted
his mum gave me a really hard time over it too so that didn't help much 😓 I felt guilty enough x
it's horrible isn't it feeling guilty when it comes to your little ones x
I've got 5mg but only take half like you. not because it makes me feel too bad just really tired and I don't like falling asleep and getting that panick when you wake up lol.
that's a good way to look at it actually I would be a lot more positive if I was giving someone else advise about what to do so I might try doing that.
thank you again for checking up on me I do really appreciate it x its sweet of you.
I haven't asked how you are doing atm?
I keep telling myself it's one day closer to feeling better but that goes out the window on days like today lol x
AxleWilliams Potatoghost
Posted
Sorry to hear your struggling. I am too. At 16 days you are only at the start of your treatment. Like most people who have posted here, I too took 12 weeks or more, at an effective dose, to finally come around. Up to that time I had some really bad days almost all the way to the end. I could see that things were improving and would get my hopes up that I was just around the corner from feeling good and then....wham...I would have a very bad day due to some stressor.
Unfortunately it is a process with no shortcuts for some of us. Today I am struggling too. Nine weeks on 75mg. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Due to some stressor I woke up this morning with some suicidal feelings. Not good considering that I have not had any for almost two weeks. Makes me feel like I'm going backwards, but stopping now is not a good alternative. I know how long it takes to take effect and until I reach that point, changing or stopping now will not achieve anything but more time suffering as I wait for another medication to kick in after weaning off of this one.
I know it's a struggle. I was so close to crisis at week six that I actually tried ketamine infusions hoping that they would help for the short term until the sertaline kicked in. It was expensive and I got some relief but it was too short term lasting only a couple of days after the last infusion. Still, it was worth a shot. Please hold on, it is tough. I will keep you in my prayers...
Potatoghost AxleWilliams
Posted
thank you for replying x sorry it took so long to get back to you your reply was being moderated and has only just appeared now.
I'm really sorry to hear you are still struggling yourself and your suicidal feelings have come back. that must have been terrible for you to feel you were getting better to go backwards somewhat.
what is your plan going forward?
increase dose, stay on the same dose?
what improvements have you noticed if any?
I know I have to keep going and hope to see some improvements it's just getting harder each day.
it's getting to a point where I feel like I've hit rock bottom.
AxleWilliams Potatoghost
Posted
I plan to stay the course for now. At around the twelve week mark I'll re-evaluate. As far as improvements, I get days where I am calmer and evenings where I almost feel normal. If none of that had occurred I'm not sure what I would have done.
Potatoghost AxleWilliams
Posted
that's seems to be a common thing where evenings are a little bit easier. I get that but not the past few days.
people say that's a good thing because it means your tablets are starting to work so fingers crossed.
I bet it makes things a little easier doesnt it. just like a little break until the next anxious day lol
toria_07298 Potatoghost
Posted
funnily enough last time i came off mirt and wasnt on it for anxiety, the anxiety caused by meds always calmed a little in the evenings x
Potatoghost toria_07298
Posted
why does it calm in the evening a little do you think? getting out of your system or something? x
lois95799 Potatoghost
Posted
because the cortisol is lower in the evenings.
toria_07298 Potatoghost
Posted
its cortisol lovely x
Potatoghost toria_07298
Posted
give me a drug that gets rid of cortisol please! lol
lois95799 Potatoghost
Posted
there are prescription drugs to lower cortisol.thats all i know.lol
toria_07298 Potatoghost
Posted
that would be dangerous because if a rabid dog was chasing you youd have no fear lol x