I wish I was dead. Tired of living.
Posted , 211 users are following.
I really don't want to live anymore. I'm alone but do have some friends. Have a grown daughter that has a busy life and no time for me. I think people would be sad and miss me, but not terribly. They'll get over it. I recently had major surgery and it went well. Not life threatening. Yet I am so very sad and just don't want to continue. I have no reason to be be depressed but I am and I just don't want to face another day. I was seeing a therapist until 2 weeks ago when he released me. I'm very good at hiding my true feelings from everyone. If you so me at work or with friends you'd think I was a happy go-lucky person. It's all a front.
I'm not looking forward to anything. I just want to die. I'm not in danger of hurting myself, I just want to be dead. I'm so tired. So tired of living.
36 likes, 302 replies
everett80629 jahnssteve
Posted
Wow. Kiddo,
It was 3 or 4 years ago I hit a brick wall with the Ativan my psychiatrist prescribed me.
What I don't understand is why didn't she warn me that that **** could take me to a place so
terrible. She prescribed it for panic attacks, but very quickly it was causing panic attacks,
and I couldn't just quit, because the withdrawal is something straight from the depths of hell.
In the end I was committed to a lock-down facility in downtown Detroit, ( the absolute worst
place to be ) it was like an animal shelter, except for humans. Dade-County Jail with murderers
and what-not was far better. Please, never, ever take benzodiazapenes. -- My new doctor
doesn't prescribe them. Or any other bullshit. The previous doctor had me on 3 anti-psychotics, and the lorazapam. I think she was trying to kill me. Meds, and more meds are not the answer.
Be very carefull with the meds. DO NOT TRUST THE DOCTOR. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. ---------- Anyway, I'm on Depakote ER for bi-polar, seraquel to help with sleep and that's
it. -- And I'm doing great. Thanx for asking !!! much love to you !!
Peace-out !!!
TopDawgEnt jahnssteve
Posted
I've been where you are. I'm better now but I feel so empty. I've attempted suicide multiple times. Try to seek enlightenment and oil therapy sessions. I thought it was full of s**t until my mom kinda forced me. I was so tired of life that I'd do anything. I had no explanation as to why I was depressed.
everett80629 TopDawgEnt
Posted
I get it. I remember being depressed so much. I couldn't figure out was was going on, it felt like something was dragging me down. Looking back, it seems that the only way to shake it, is to do something or go somewhere that changes the environment. Maybe a trip to some beautiful or extraordinary place. Put something awesome into your sight line. Not sure what example, I guess maybe the pyramids in Egypt or the cathedrals in Rome. Serious life challenges require serious actions. Heck, even the Eiffel tower would inspire grand feelings. Keep your chin up, don't ever stop moving forward. One foot in front of the other.
Take care !!
lindorfe TopDawgEnt
Posted
Thabk you TopDawg for sharing. not understanding the fear and tears is most frustrating. People in your life love you. And you know that you should be happy; but those feelings are alien to you and you just want to die.
patient_mod1 jahnssteve
Posted
Hi jahnssteve
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The organisations below can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen. If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to one of these organisations who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
There are several helplines in the US which can help you:
They include the Crisis Call Center on Phone: (800) 273-8255;
Hopeline Network on Phone: (800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)
and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on Phone: (800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
Please do reach out - there are many good people who can help.
For users outside of the USA please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory
Kind regards,
Patient
jane14480 jahnssteve
Posted
My daughter hanged herself recently. She was my only child and she was only 16. She had tried to hang herself ( in her bedroom) and I managed to safe her 4 months before but I was 5 minites too late the second time and she was dead when I found her . While she was hanging herself I was searching on Amazon for storage boxes of all things in my bedroom and not knowing what was happening.
I feel she has left a legacy whereby I almost feel suicidal myself now.
sam18386 jane14480
Posted
OMG, no wonder you feel so bad. You need grief counselling, so sorry to you. Whatever happened as her mum you are going to feel dreadful. Just get some support for you.x
everett80629 jane14480
Posted
Jane,
That is terrible. My mother found my sister passed away on the couch. She was 47. She was supposed to be clean and sober. Afterwards I found out that she had been prescribed Oxycontin and morphine for 2 years. Apparently she had 3 herniated discs in her back and 2 in her neck. It's apparent that she didn't share the fact that she was a recovering addict/alcoholic with her doctor. I was told that tolerance to the meds develops quickly and the patients increase their dosages. She fell asleep and never woke up. My mother is of course devastated and she is so morose about life at this point. I'm not sure why, but I believe we all meet up somewhere else after this life, I guess it's a hunch. I believe you will meet your daughter in the next place. But try to find some peace while your still here with us. Helping others who have gone thru what you have would bring you some comfort and purpose. And remember, no matter what we go thru in our lives, I always remember what I was told long ago. When I'm feeling horrible, I was told that time heals our wounds. Please don't get the idea I am not aware of the seriousness of your experience. Be good to yourself. May peace be upon you.
jane14480 jahnssteve
Posted
Hi Thank you for your message. You were comforting as. You possibly be. Thank you again.
Guest jahnssteve
Posted
Unfortunately I get the hope that death will put an end to your sadness. You noted that you have no reason to be so sad and yet you are. I'm not depressed I live a life that is stealing my qualities piece by piece and try as I might to find meaning in this pitiful life I have left. I am unable to do this not for lack of trying, but more because every time I find something worthwhile it is taken away by some energy that doesn't allow for me to keep it. As a student of life I trust there is something I'm supposed to learn from this, but I can't find it and it's a lesson that I may not have time to wait for it. I want to die and I have no problem saying it out loud. I have earned the right to live out loud an I haven't lost that privilege yet. So, what do I do to find a reason to care? I have no idea. I don't really want to die as much as I refuse to live this way. I have a traumatic brain injury that is the thief. I haven't decided to take my life although I feel pushed in that direction. I have no answer for you or I, I just get it.
Guest jahnssteve
Posted
Unfortunately I get the hope that death will put an end to your sadness. You noted that you have no reason to be so sad and yet you are. I'm not depressed I live a life that is stealing my qualities piece by piece and try as I might to find meaning in this pitiful life I have left. I am unable to do this not for lack of trying, but more because every time I find something worthwhile it is taken away by some energy that doesn't allow for me to keep it. As a student of life I trust there is something I'm supposed to learn from this, but I can't find it and it's a lesson that I may not have time to wait for it. I want to die and I have no problem saying it out loud. I have earned the right to live out loud an I haven't lost that privilege yet. So, what do I do to find a reason to care? I have no idea. I don't really want to die as much as I refuse to live this way. I have a traumatic brain injury that is the thief. I haven't decided to take my life although I feel pushed in that direction. I have no answer for you or I, I just get it.
everett80629 jahnssteve
Posted
I've accepted that chemicals are my way of life. Like my vietnamese friend once told me, " everybody life go up and down.
scr65041 jahnssteve
Posted
Well, for example. Today would be a great day to die. Still have my daughter and son needing me a lot, otherwise i could go. Really!
sam18386 scr65041
Posted
Hi johnsteve, sorry to but in but let me say something to you. I was raped years back, twice and really hurt emotionally and once i got married we tried for a family but had no chance as i kept using BLEACH to clean the people who had raped me out of my head. You want to jump and you have 2 lovely children. I sm sorry but that's unfair on those children - you need help and i suggest you find it! If i had ANY children i would be complete in my life, not be preparing to jump. Please sort this out, you lucky fortunate sod!
lindorfe scr65041
Posted
Wow,
Me too. Can't leave my daughters.
30832 sam18386
Posted
I'm so sorry. that's terrible. try to hang in there. Fing losers that did that to you. they should be tortured and rot away
sam18386 30832
Posted
it's ok, i've blamed myself for years and now i discover i have coeliac disease and lack of absorption of whatever i eat has done this. i still feel exceptionally gutted i'll never have a family, i am still having counsellng for what happened. i feel better some dsys than others!