I wish I was dead. Tired of living.
Posted , 211 users are following.
I really don't want to live anymore. I'm alone but do have some friends. Have a grown daughter that has a busy life and no time for me. I think people would be sad and miss me, but not terribly. They'll get over it. I recently had major surgery and it went well. Not life threatening. Yet I am so very sad and just don't want to continue. I have no reason to be be depressed but I am and I just don't want to face another day. I was seeing a therapist until 2 weeks ago when he released me. I'm very good at hiding my true feelings from everyone. If you so me at work or with friends you'd think I was a happy go-lucky person. It's all a front.
I'm not looking forward to anything. I just want to die. I'm not in danger of hurting myself, I just want to be dead. I'm so tired. So tired of living.
36 likes, 302 replies
phillip80260 jahnssteve
Posted
I can relate to this. I fought along side my wife as she struggled with a brain tumor that after a year and a half, took her life. She was 38. My kids are moved out also, I'm a pastor, and I already know if my life was gone today, I would be in heaven with my wife. I struggle with living. People are so angry, and I'm tired. My work situation is bad since I took time off to grieve, all my trade license are expired and it would cost too much to renew. I'm tired. I had to go thru things today and get rid of things of my wife that don't need to be holding on to. I'm trying too, to keep going, it's hard. Hard to smile, hard to start over when everything has been stripped from you. I of all people know that death comes to us all, no exceptions. Just sometimes we hold on to simple dreams, like growing old with the one you love. If I have to keep going, so do you.
Sato phillip80260
Posted
Dear Phillip, My closest friend of 30 years is going through the trauma of her husband's ever increasing dementia ( I HATE that word).. I've been doing a lot of musing about this since it started. I've never had A PERSON of my own. Someone to protect me share memories or to tell me everything's going to be alright when I was worried, distressed, or distraught. It's been a lone life. Out of every couple, unless they are blessed to go at the same time, one of them will have to be a rock for the other and grieve at the loss. A coin flip...either the husband (who is usually helpless around the house, clueless about meals,etc) or the wife, being clueless about tax returns, oil changes and so on. Out of every couple, one spouse will leave the other alone and grieving. I think about our Creator a lot. I know He has said Don't bother trying to figure me out, My ways are not your ways. My translation. That still doesn't stop me from trying to understand Him. I have this feeling that when we pass from this life to Heaven, our lives here, if we even can remember them, will be so inconsequential. The ONE prayer I prayed for myself was answered No. I've felt a great deal of anger as the years passed and the fervent trust and faith diminished with great disappointment over decades. God and I have one to an empasse. He gave me His Son and I know, after a life of aloneness, I will no longer be alone. We're going to be with Him soon enough. I know your anxious to get there and I am too. But we will get there. I guess the best thing for us until then is to try to make someone's day better as often as possible. I was so glad to find this board, because a these are things we can never tell a friend. We have each other here and don't have to feel alone with our terrible secret.
jane14480 phillip80260
Posted
I feel the same. My daughter hanged herself in her bedroom, and I found her. She was my whole my life. I was totally focused in her and had no emotional energy for much of other relationships. She killed herself in 2015 but it still feels like yesterday and I still cry most days. I do see what happens on the news in Syria and think how the people are coping with losing their children or children that lose their parents and all the rest.of the terror there
Sometimes I watch programme about the universe and it helps helps me to see the bigger picture that helps for a short time to see the bigger picture, but I'm still feel depressed and empty.
Hope we feel better eventually.
everett80629 jane14480
Posted
Hello Jane,
I am so sorry. That's just terrible. There is no way possible for me to even begin to
fathom your loss. May you find peace. God bless.
spring34293 jane14480
Posted
Dear Jane,
We hear you sweetie the sorrow you're feeling is so tragic. We aren't suppose to bury our children but far to often we are forced to. Just take it one day at a time and think about the good times. The memories that you have with your daughter that make you smile. I too have lost a child 13 years ago and some days it is just as raw as if it happened yesterday. So I do understand your pain and know what you struggle with daily. I try not to dwell on the reality that he is not here anymore. Instead I honor him every day with an effort not to be sad because I know he wouldn't want to be the cause of my sadness.One day at a time or on the bad days one hour at a time. Hang in there and know you will see her again and feel her in your arms, Jesus tells us it will be so.
lindaw180 jahnssteve
Posted
I too wish i was dead. Every day is full of emptiness and loneliness and I feel that my life is not worth living anymore since my son left home and I lost my mum and dad 3 years ago. My son has since got married and has 2 small children but I don't get to see them very often and when I do something usually happens to sour the visit. I just wish I wasn't hear anymore and long for the day when death takes me away.
Ashley025 lindaw180
Posted
Hey Linda
You're not alone I feel the same way please don't do anything. Think about your family. Your son and his two small children. Don't do it. I know it's hard feeling this way but I promise you with the right help everything will get better. Try to get therapy anything that will help you. My condolences for your parents deaths. Please seek help.🙌 When we're depressed we might do things we will later regret. Don't let some time pass by those feelings will not always be there.
Hope you feel better.
lindaw180 Ashley025
Posted
Thank you for your comment. I just typed a very long reply and clicked on the wrong button and lost it all. Now I feel angry and upset. I poured my heart out in it and now it's gone. Sorry but I can't do it all again as it's very emotional to think about. Peace be with you x
Ashley025 lindaw180
Posted
Don't worry Linda.🙌I hope you get better. 👍Take Care
everett80629 lindaw180
Posted
I remember watching a youtube video, it was about a guy who tried to commit suicide by jumping off the golden gate bridge. He survived, but he said as soon as he jumped , he realized he wished he hadn't.
andytb326 jahnssteve
Posted
Dear jahnssteve,
Sorry to hear this about you. I hope you're better today. I am feeling very low today and was just thinking I wish I was dead so all the pain (not physical pain) would just go. We live in a world with more and more people but it seems we're more cut off from each other. I wish it was easier to reach out and say hello to a stranger without them thinking I'm a nutter!
Anyway, hello again as a friend
Andy
thurmanmurman andytb326
Posted
Hi andy,
You know there are strangers that you can say hello to without them thinking youre a nutter 🙂 You can go and speak to your doctor and tell them how youre struggling, theyll know how to help. You can go and see a counsellor after youve seen a doctor. Just these things will make you feel less alone! And things will start happening then to make you feel better. X
hisham96090 jahnssteve
Posted
hello friend ..
I am totally feeling as same as you feel but I don't have kids or daughters .
you have to know that this life is not only once as many people think in your Continent.
First of all I've experienced this feeling and I am still feeling not because I want to get that feeling .its about how in vain this life has turned to. it's so good that you believe in God cuz you have skipped a lot of steps healing your problem.
we have in (islam) and I am not trying to convince you about that you have to look at this life as a transmission to the immortal life in afterlife . it's good we have some in common about this topic.
I have in my religion that if you ever think about abandoning life you should look out your self and search for things that changed your life . as my age is going I learned that the human being not entirely like animals which think only about what make them a life .. I am sure you've in your religion a standard to purify your soul step bt step .. God tells us that whatever you have done you must not ever think God won't forgive you because he created you so he knows very well what you need ..
every time you think like this you should remember ( this life is so short) at least if you abandon your current life try to not make anybody in this planet sad or feeling oppressed because of you. in my religion there are alot of words should be said every time and place so you might meet God with no sins at all
lindorfe jahnssteve
Posted
Thank you for sharing your story. At this moment everything on the outside is going very well. But, still I am depressed and I wear my smile and energy like a veneer, si that I can hide in plain sight. I just don't want to live any more.
me56043 jahnssteve
Posted
I am a 49 year old female, married three times, educated, grateful for the many gifts that I have been given, been on every antidepressant out there, therapy, church, changed my diet, exercise....Nothing works. I have begged God so many times to take me. If my mother wasn't alive I wouldn't be here. People who haven't been there don't understand. My own mother days people who comm it suicide are selfish. I am so tired of trying, crying, and the horrible pain. God ignores me - I worked for The Salvation Army surrounded by ministers at the mercy seat every Sunday crying and no help. I understand. I'm so sorry. I wish I could help. I've tried everything that comes to me . I pray that God hears you.
joanne_17939 me56043
Posted
I'm not God but I hear you ??
I know what it feels like to just exist and not want to be here.
Take it a day at a time.. don't focus on the future.. it doesn't exist ..just focus on taking care of YOU everyday.. I should listen to my own advice but I don't.. we all need encouragement xx💕
jane16431 me56043
Posted
everett80629 me56043
Posted
man, don't I know about depression. It sucks. I'm bi-polar, so I float back and forth between mania and depression. The depression side really, really sucks.