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I wish I was dead. Tired of living.

Posted , 211 users are following.

jahnssteve
jahnssteve

I really don't want to live anymore.  I'm alone but do have some friends.  Have a grown daughter that has a busy life and no time for me.  I think people would be sad and miss me, but not terribly.  They'll get over it.  I recently had major surgery and it went well.  Not life threatening.  Yet I am so very sad and just don't want to continue.  I have no reason to be be depressed but I am and I just don't want to face another day.  I was seeing a therapist until 2 weeks ago when he released me.  I'm very good at hiding my true feelings from everyone.  If you so me at work or with friends you'd think I was a happy go-lucky person.  It's all a front.

I'm not looking forward to anything.  I just want to die.   I'm not in danger of hurting myself, I just want to be dead.  I'm so tired.  So tired of living.

36 likes, 302 replies

302 Replies

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  • laurence87391
    laurence87391 jahnssteve

    Posted

    Hulo!  r u my twin? u have expressed my feeling exactement! i am Lola, i want to die! talk about a chat line! i am a libra, therefore two very different sides, one laughing, front putting professional, the other one...well, self destruction seems to be the main preocupation! pliz get in touch, i feel very alone, my son 30 selfish so and so. also i want to go,but here we are. tried to get rid of my body and is was not easy! bigggggggggg hugzzzzzz
  • marco52510
    marco52510 jahnssteve

    Posted

    I don't have an answer for you. I just wanted to let know I feel the same way. I also had a THR a year ago and will likely have another as well as other joint replacements -- or not. So at least you can know you're not alone.

  • Djdelta
    Djdelta jahnssteve

    Posted

    That's exactly how i feel! Couldn't have said it any better.

  • Resigned2B
    Resigned2B jahnssteve

    Posted

    Jahnssteve,

    Your Post was two years ago. Can you update us? Are you feeling better about life now???

    XOXO

  • everett80629
    everett80629 jahnssteve

    Posted

    I went thru hell with a psychiatrist, she was throwing scripts at me like baseballs. She had me on 3 anti-psychotics, 

      depacote, buspar, and f*****g Ativan. (lorazepam) Man, talk about rebound anxiety, the meds were actually causing all my problems. It took at least a year to fully detox. Man, those psych drugs are the worst. Depression,m back to back panic attacks, insomnia, I couldn't even lay in bed because I was so jumpy. My legs would jerk and jerk. They did the sam e thing to my elderly neighbor across the street. All the meds they had her on caused encephalitis, ( swelling of the brain) -m and they diagnosed her with alzhiemers, and dementia, those f*****g doctors gave her 6 months to live. But she got so sick, that they put her in a rehab facility, cut-her off all the meds, and now she mows her own f*****g grass, weeds her flower beds on hot summer days. I'm just saying that the current physician mentality is to medicate their patients, and they are f*****g killing people. As far as your depression, I picked up a sun bed off of Craigslist for free, and now I tan religiously, and my mood has improved and I feel 100% better. Try it, it may work for you too. good luck.

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 everett80629

      Posted

      Wow i wish i lived in the states. I understand too many psychi drugs do more harm than good but in the uk its murder to get any anti anx meds... u suffer!!!!! Lorazepam and diazepam etc are wonderful to me at least and help when i am in crisis of suicide. I have a lovely dr who ive had for the last year who gave me these for a short tym to get me thru horrendous times and has been the only one who has x

      Abuse of these drugs by some, and drs over prescribing yrs ago to keep ppl "quiet" means ppl needing them on a short term basis are left with nothing. Yes the therapy offers with 4 mth waiting lists are there but wen yr close to suicide an offer of cbt and go have a nice hot bath just doesnt work!!!

      Glad u have found ways to help u feel better everett.

      In mental health i say watever helps with this c**p illness use that to live life happy xx

    • Patient-Mod
      Patient-Mod amanda35274

      Posted

      Hi amanda35274

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

      If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

      If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

      Kindest regards

      Patient

    • everett80629
      everett80629 amanda35274

      Posted

      Thanx, and actually I ended up abusing the ATIVAN, Coincidentally , I was in the hospital last November with Pneumonia, and the nurse gave me some Ativan to calm me down, because they ended up doing a biopsy on the stuff in my lung. They really gave me the cancer-scare ! I didn't have cancer, but when I got the Ativan, I noticed I got high as hell on it. I took it because they offered it in the hospital. I would never seek it out from my psychiatrist, that's for sure. But since I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic it is something I shouldn't mess with. If it works for you, and it doesn't cause "REBOUND" anxiety, then maybe your ok with it. But what I've learned is this, when taking multiple psych drugs, you have to be very careful. Each and every one of them cause side-effects that can affect your central nervous system and cause severe reactions. Especially when taken together. The doctors mean well, but often they are over worked, and the psych patients they see day in and day out literally drain them. You can understand that. So they need help in determining what does or doesn't work for you. I learned this the absolute hard way. 10 days at the worst mental-health ward in Detroit , Michigan. Absolutely worse than any jail or prison I have ever been in.  peace-out and good luck !!!

    • everett80629
      everett80629 amanda35274

      Posted

      oh,...….  also- I like the name "Amanda " lovely name !!!!  smile  smile  smile  smile  smile  

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 Patient-Mod

      Posted

      Hi thanks i am now doing well. This was a few mths ago when i felt tgis way, But thankyou. X
    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 everett80629

      Posted

      Hey there. No ive always been ok as ive used short term only. I am just one of the lucky few i guess who are ok with that. Alchohol in the past was an issue 2 cope so i feared i would struggle with anti anx meds but never have. I see some people can tho and only speak of my experience.

      Sorry2 hear also of yr stay at a facility not being great. Same here..... i had horrendous experiences last august and sept here in the uk. !! Shocking to say the least. I went in 14yrs ago and managed to get by without admission till last year and it will be (114) yrs b4 ill go back..

      Glad were on the rd to somewhat recovery. Mandy x

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