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Is AUD heriditary ?

Posted , 12 users are following.

vickylou
vickylou

This question really interests me. I've read articles where some experts claim it is, some say about predisposition and others say it's not.

The reason it interests me is I was adopted when I was six weeks old. My adopted parents hardly ever drank although there was always drink in the house as they did a lot of entertaining. I didn't grow up seeing people drinking heavily or being told alcohol was evil, the demon drink.

I was an only very happy child, no childhood traumas, all in all lots of friends and very confident.

I knew from a very young child that I was adopted and it was never an issue until I had my first child. How could anyone get rid of a baby, just hand it over because she didn't want it, some dirty secret, out of site out of mind.

I have three children, adults now, who I obviously adore and there's no way I'd have given them away. My confidence disappeared, I had low self esteem, thought I was useless at everything. After all my birth mother didn't want me, so there must be something wrong with me.

To cut a long story short, I tracked down my biological mother and contact was made through a social worker. I must stress that at any time did I want a relationship with her. I purely wanted to find my identity and to see this person who didn't want me.

She was Irish, married and I had 3 half sisters. Anyway a meeting was arranged and I met her, along with one sister. My biological father died from liver failure,due to alcohol. My biological mother had a brother and sister with AUD, along with several cousins.

Paul, if you read this, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject, and anyone else's 

thanks

2 likes, 68 replies

68 Replies

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  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy vickylou

    Posted

    Really interesting discussion Vickiilou. I definately think its hereditary, as in the very heavy drinking,but something can trigger us to step over that line, like bereavement, stressful job, divorce etc. I come from a family of very heavy drinkers on both sides of the family, though my dad or sister always can stop and know when they've had too much. There's a cousin on my dads side I'd say is a functioning alcoholic and on my mums side are very heavy drinkers. None that I know of have crossed that line, like me, to making themselves very ill with aud. It's also to do with addictive personalities, when I'm sober, other addictions come in. Food addiction is a big problem for people, smoking, shopping etc. Sorry I'm rambling but I've had no sleep tonight!

    And alonangel I love some of the stuff you write like..its blipping murder and what a carry on !! You're so honest and down to earth. Bless you. Listen to misssy and don't panic, just keep taking the pill xx

    • Sober_As
      Sober_As Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Ah Paper fairy.  It is great to hear from you again.  I don't sleep much either.  I will be a good angel today and take my tablet, nicely !

      Blessings on you, my friend.

      Alonangel xx 🎇

  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy vickylou

    Posted

    Meant step over that line from very heavy drinking to alcoholism 
    • vickylou
      vickylou Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Knew you'd soon be back!

      I can understand the trigger thing like a death, financial problems, divorce, loneliness all those things could set you off using alcoholic, but I've had nothing like that. The only thing is my adoption. Before I could know any details (it was my husband who gave the social worker my biological mother's name and address). He tracked her down I had to have counselling, that was a complete waste of time.

      roll back 32 years when I had my eldest, that's when I started questioning my identity. The number of friends who said look it's all in the past, just let it go, no good will come of it, just forget it totally p***** me off. It's easy to say that when you know where you came from.

      The social worker did tell me that over 90% of adopted people suffer from some form of mental health problems during their life. That would make sense as I always (so my kids and oh tell me) put myself down and have low self esteem.

      years of counselling, anti depressants, physciatric evaluation never really helped.

      How weird, I think I might have answered one of my own questions, have I used alcohol to block out the fact that I must be this horrible person, even her own mother didn't want her? Second hand goods comes to mind.

      i know I'm still very bitter even 55 years later. She kept her other three daughters. All I got when I met her was how she was forced into it by strict Irish family and the Catholic Church. 

      I know 'things were different then' God knows how many times I've heard that crap. At the end of the day, no one put a gun to her head and snatched me, she didn't want me, end of.

      At the same time, I know that I see things in life as black or white, right or wrong, I don't do grey areas and however unreasonable that sounds, even to me, and I know as long as I keep thinking like that, I'll always think if myself as the runt of the litter

    • Sober_As
      Sober_As vickylou

      Posted

      Oh Vickylou, I feel your pain.  I am crying, for the injustice you have suffered.  

      Remember... in it all, you were an innocent baby.  You were totally blameless for the situation.  I can only imagine that your birth mother may have thought that you would be better off away from the situation.  You are a wonderful person, you come across as full of the qualities of humanity.  We are all flawed, but we don't want to be so.

      Please recognise your value.

      Blessings on you,

      Alonangel xx 🎇

  • vodka07
    vodka07 vickylou

    Posted

    My dad was an alcoholic and died at the age of 44 years. I have since been told that it is in the genes by professionals which scares the living day lights out of me as I have two very young children. The thought of them living a life similar to mines is unbearable. I have learnt that I definitely have an addictive personality, often replacing one vice for the other, or just combining all together!! 
    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 vodka07

      Posted

      I am the same Vodka07.  When I quit smoking I drank more alcohol to get me through.  Now the drinking is as big a problem as the smoking was.  I KNOW I have an addictive personality.....I just thank goodness that nobody ever introduced me to drugs!!  
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 patricia44773

      Posted

      oh geeze patricia...yes I did experiment with drugs...and favored cocaine...but I favored drinking more and was away from the people doing drugs..so I didn't try much else.  I get a real reaction to the slightest bit of medication...thank God or I would be dead.

      ​I'm surprised that you were able to not smoke when you drink.  I had quit smoking for a year..when I had 8 years sobriety...but the first drink...I had a cig too....I'm really happy for you that you didn't pick the cigs back up!

    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 Misssy2

      Posted

      It was quit or die, Misssy, I had COPD and Asthma.  I still crave, but I will never smoke again.

      Wow, you prefered alcohol to cocaine....that says a lot about the power of the drink, doesn't it? 

      Are you still smoking?  I would be if I didn't have the health problems.

    • vickylou
      vickylou vodka07

      Posted

      I'm convinced I've got an addictive personality. The four years when I never drank were brilliant, I was happy, got a good job, kids were great, everything was perfect. Then I was offered a promotion, but it was full time, no way could I have worked those hours on top of everything else. My old job would no longer exist, so I resigned. Then all the bills started coming in, store cards. Credit cards. I was robbing Peter to pay Paul.

      my perfect new life without booze had turned me into a shopaholic.

      I owed just over £20k, shoping had taken over alcohol.

      as regards your kids don't worry, enjoy them as before you know it. they

      have grown up. None of my three drink to excess, none smoke, 2 won't have a credit card and they have never taken drugs

  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy vickylou

    Posted

    OMGosh. I have had one of the most emotional life changing days of my life. I will write about this in another post later or tomorrow. 

    Does anyone else have a problem when they try to reply to an individual rather than the person who started the discussion in the first place? Like the script is a pale grey and won't send? Weird I get it a lot. And I end up giving up and not writing.

    Anyway...I smoked menthol cigarettes from age 18-25. Then I gave up. Like Patricia, I definately drank more after I gave up. In 2012 I went into the priory rehab and everyone smoked but 2 of us. I didn't give un, didn't feel any desire to smoke until a week after coming out of rehab, I had cravings for alcohol. But instead bought cigs after 20 plus years of not smoking. I smoked then, on and off until June 2013. Not had a cig since! Through having VIP ECigs. I am totally addicted to these now and im like a child with a dummy! If I had a choice between my menthol ecig or alcohol, I'd definitely choose the ecigs. If I was told they were going to ban them I thing I'd kill myself or become a 24/7 alcoholic again( same thing really!). 

    So there you go xx

    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy

      Posted

      And I am so different to my dear friends that say they don't get the buz on naltrexone. I really do, nothing's changed apart from I don't need to drink more than a bottle if I'm mindful. It's just that I feel crap the next day. X
    • vickylou
      vickylou Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Paper

      i go on holiday in four hours, dont make me wait a week to hear about your day!!

    • Sober_As
      Sober_As vickylou

      Posted

      Have a lovely holiday, Vickylou.

      'Hope to hear more from you, when you get back.

      Alonangel 🎇

    • vickylou
      vickylou Sober_As

      Posted

      Thanks alonangel

      i will try! Good thing is my grandkids and family are going too, so whilst I'll be on the cava, I won't get wasted on cheap Spanish vodka or brandy which I've done before. Went to Cape Verde couple of years ago and got drunk on the local firewater, God knows what percent it was, I had to stay in bed for two days.

      how are you doing? I gather you don't sleep well either. I go to bed, but after an hour I get up, then go back. 4 hours sleep for me is like winning the lottery!

    • Sober_As
      Sober_As vickylou

      Posted

      I'm ok, thanks.  It was Prosecco today.  My son took me out for lunch.  I really "don't get out much", so was totally over-excited !  I was very good and had taken my tablet. Later on, when back home, I had more Prosecco... the thing is... I don't know if I really wanted it.  Now I feel guilty because I am supposed to be tapering down my intake.  

      I don't sleep much, unless medicated ! 

      Last holiday I was on was an All Inclusive... I had a few lost battles with the local brandy... Oh dear... husband did not speak to me for days !

      Take care, my friend.

      Happy landings !

      Alonangel xx 🎇

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