Lonely and struggling

Don't mention it, Pamela. It is sad when that's all we've got - I hope it won't always be that way. I'm glad to hear it, I hope it helps you - and I'm glad you're feeling better!

Hi Debs. It is very difficult when you can't tell those close to you how you feel. I am 64 & separated from my wife for 10 yrs. We are still friends & I try & help her with her terminally ill father, who has been a father to me also. I was put on Citalopram last year & am on 40mg now. I do try & get out on my good days but often simply lack the motivation to do so, even to do things I love doing. I have always had hobbies, right now I am trying [very, very slowly] to learn to play guitar. I read quite a lot, but have a tiny attention span & concentration is extremely difficult. I started to read James Paterson novels because the chapters are only 3-4 pages long, some shorter. My main passion is photography which I started on 2 1/2 years ago. I think I would go crazy if I didn't have something to occupy my mind, but the depression, plus I have osteo arthritis in my whole body along with fibromyalgia & ankylosing spondilytis & gout for good measure. This means if one ailment doesn't get me, then one of the others will. LOL. I try & watch as much comedy shows as I can, even if I am not really listening. When I go out in the car I have Bob Newhart CD's to at least lighten the mood. When all this fails & I have to ask someone to get my shopping etc, I simply stop fighting it & go to bed. I have a few friends that I go for a drink with now & then, but I have not told them about my depression. As someone else said earlier, you can't untell it, you have to be absolutely confident that the person or persons will take it seriously. I don't have that. Every night is the same, I come home to an empty house [except for Sam, my cat!!] If you want to talk on a more private level, please feel free to use thePM system. I have some really nice friends that I have made via the PM system on the photography forum I use. From Australia to Leicester, from Vermont USA to Scotland From Holland to Romania. I often can't sleep because of pain, so I PM my friend in US. I have told my friend in Vermont about my depression, & it turned out that she does too. Anyway, I'm sorry to go on for so long. That's what sometimes happens when you live alone. Can't stop gassing!!!

Hi Lee,

I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you're still friends with your wife. I understand about the motivation thing - I still manage to get to my classes, but that's usually about it, I spend so much time just sitting in front of the TV. I find it difficult to concentrate on reading as well, and that's a real problem for me since reading is kind of my whole degree. I have read some James Patterson myself, though. I'm sorry to hear that. I don't live alone, but sometimes it feels like it (I don't see much of my flatmate, and she doesn't offer much support). But Sam sounds cool. I love cats. I really might PM you some time. You don't have to apologise, it's nice to hear from people on here I hope everything's okay for you.

Sam is a Tabby. A she as it happens, so should be Samantha!! Sam is quite enough, thank you. I think you can live in someones company & still feel alone.

At this moment, I am having a good couple of days. It feels wonderful. Do you like to go for walks. Even on your own a good walk can work wonders. I live in an industrial area & walks around the local gasworks are not very inspiring

Aww. My brother has a cat, so I get to have her when I'm home for the holidays. I call her Catherine (So, Cat) but that's not her real name. It really is, it can be just as bad.

I'm glad to hear that. At the moment I'm having good days and really bad nights. I do like to go for walks, I walk everywhere. I live near the centre of town, but also just a few minutes from a really beautiful park. It can really help. I've been struggling to find a good moment for it, though, the rain seems constant.

Hello

I am wondering if anyone here suffering loneliness has considered volunteering. There are so many different ways of volunteering with experiences available at different times and days of the week.

I understand there can be difficulties if you also suffer physical health problems too, with many ways to volunteer it might still be worth checking out what's available.

Hi,

I am a volunteer, actually. For me it hasn't helped with loneliness, but I understand the idea.

I live in the Liverpool area, & considering the battering that the country has been having lately, with high winds & torrential rain & flooding, we have had it really easy. A few bad days. Otherwise it has been unseasonably warm [10-11c] for the time of year, with plenty of sunshine. Try putting on your best rain gear & just going out for 15min walk in the rain. a good shower & you might be nice & relaxed? [or full of a cold!!

I often struggle at nights like you, but mostly with pain. I have bad dreams, & wake up wondering if it was real or a dream. My depression seems to be more about mood swings. I can be quite happy & cheerful then I feel the joy draining out of me, like someone switching off a light. If I am in company at the time, a simple remark can start me crying!! It gets embarrassing as you can imagine. If i'm at home I just go to bed & let it all out. The fibromyalgia is linked to chronic fatigue which sounds like all I need is a good nights sleep, but I can sleep for 12 hrs & still be tired in the morning & fall asleep again at lunch time. Just can't win.

Yeah, I live in Scotland, so we haven't had it nearly as bad either. It's a lovely day today, so I've been out walking between classes.

I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you weren't in pain. I know what it's like with the mood swings, one minute I can be fine and then it just hits me again. I wish you felt better.

Hello

Good to read you volunteer already, what are the volunteering opportunities like where you are?

Would you say there were many choices or due to location are you rather limited?

Would you say your current placement gives back to you in any way?

M

Hi,

I live in a student area so I guess there are quite a lot of opportunities, different organisations and charities are always looking for people. It just gives me something to do with my free time and I like to know I'm helping in some way.

I respect you for volunteering in spite of your problems. I have been helping in some small way with my wifes father who was very ill with cancer. He passed away last night. He was in such distress for the last few months that it was a blessing of sorts that he went. My wife is an only child & was very close to her dad, so you can imagine how she is right now. I left home at 17 & never saw my father again. He died about 25yrs ago. I got to know when my uncle [my dads brother] phoned & told me. My father-in-law was like a dad to me. I just feel a little numb right now, but am glad to put it into words, if nobody minds. I think I will follow my own advice & go for a walk.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't think anyone would mind you putting it into words on here. I certainly don't. You can always PM if you'd like. I can't imagine that closeness. I've never known my dad. I hope you're okay.

I am soory about your father in law too.Even when it is expected its still hard.My Grand died a few years ago,she had alzeihmers for a fews years prior to that,so we kind of lost her twice.She didnt know us before she died but its still hurts when she died.I enjoy walking but I hate meeting anyone,as I find it difficult to think of things to say.I have a dog so people tend to stop and chat.I end up going to extreme measures to avoid people.

Hello

It is good to hear you live in an area that offers opportunities, as I know it can be difficult for those who live in remote areas.

How would you feel about taking on a new volunteering role, maybe one that is at the weekend when loneliness bites. Perhaps concentrating on roles that offer a higher level of social interaction/ distraction.

Would you prefer to be with people around your own age, have you any preferences about the kind of activities you may wish to help with? Physical, sporty, office, listening, accompanying, 'doing'. How would it feel choose something the polar opposite to yor current volunteering role?

Take care

M