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Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)

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Ihateweed89
Ihateweed89

Hi,

In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other stuff that’s been hard to deal with.

Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that pot.

I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.

I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I messed up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

45 likes, 522 replies

522 Replies

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  • Narm111
    Narm111 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    I went through the same thing. I don't want to talk about it or feel like it ever happened to me. It was so unreal. My way of dealing with it was that iIwas practicing a faith. Nicherin Daishonin's Buddhism. It is not about worshipping nor it is some religion. It is type of a meditation where you chant. It is life changing. I can't explain it to you just wanted to help you because I know how it feels like try jo once if nothing helps. It really helped me a lot and always will.
  • josh19961996
    josh19961996 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    I used to smoke pot alot and one night I took avid I had a really bad trip I was fine for a week was still smoking weed then one night I was smoking I thought about my acid trip I started to have a panic attack so I walked for 4hrs I haven't been the same Snice this was about 2 month ago what is your eye sight like becuse since that day my eye sight is a tiny bit fuzzy when I look at the sky I can see like bit going threw and in the dark it's very fuzzy even if I have them closed I have glasses now but still doesn't do anything let me know
    • TheBigJorkowski
      TheBigJorkowski josh19961996

      Posted

      It's anxiety playing it's tricks dude, you've had a traumatic experience and are now in hyper vigilance mode, which is your body and minds way of keeping you out of danger, unfortunately it sucks big time. Literally all you can do is try your best not to worry about it. You'll return to normal when your subconcious has convinced itself your not in any danger anymore. The only thing I can personally recommended is a ton of patience and go easy on yourself.
  • jtrik_49399
    jtrik_49399 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Hey man I don't know if your still going through the this but I thought I'd help you relate because I have had the same thing as many of you but I also have an ocd where I begin to question my mental health... But anyway let me get to where it starts.. So I had smoke weed probably 4-5times in 8th grade (ik very youngsad) and I never thought anything of it other than I was tweaking out during the trips but but one day I was playing 2k all day (and this was probably 2weeks since the last time I smoked) then out of nowhere I had a sensation of my elbow melting into my bed, I began to freak out and I felt as if I was stoned.. I ran downstairs and had my mom take me to the hospital asap... I was freaking out telling her I don't want to go insane I want to go back to normal! Then the doctors came told me I wasn't going to die and I was just having a panic attack. So then I went to bed. For the next year or so I was feeling like I wasn't real I started doing research and I think I started freaking myself out even more! But going into 9th grade everything was perfectly fine,10th grade everything was fine, I thought I finally got back to normal, up until now I'm in 11th grade I was w my boys and I started smoking again...(ik dumb idea) i started smoking a lot and was normal it was just like everyday thing... But one day I smoked this and I felt like I was autistic or something I had a sensation that my consciousness was stuck in the front of my head I don't know how to explain it but I was freaking out I wanted it to end I was asking my friend if I was normal, if they lied to me my whole life.. I made myself believe that all this time up until that point I was autistic and never new...( wired ik, but I have always had health anxiety) so durring this trip I start researching autism and connecting symptoms, at this point I was freaking out trying to call my mom I just wanted to go home...

    This happend about a month ago and since then i don't feel the depersonalizations like I used to but it's still there like I'll get the feeling of buzzing in and out of reality then go back into my head, but now it's worse, I get thoughts all day of me asking myself if I have autism or if I'm a schizo.. I'm stuck in this ocd state of continuously questioning all of my life instead of just living in the moment... (Writing this rn I'm telling myself in my head that this is just me being a schizo or an aspie)

    I really hate this feeling of self confliction and constant thoughts as if my brain never stops thinking negatively.. I feel like I'm making myself go crazy and I can't help it... If anyone else even understands what I'm talking about plz feel free to comment thanks!

    • jack58541
      jack58541 jtrik_49399

      Posted

      All I can say is, that someone who has ocd and has a fear of their own thoughts is the ingredients of true disaster when you take mj........
    • jtrik_49399
      jtrik_49399 jack58541

      Posted

      Lol yeah😅😅 but I think It also has a lot to do with me suppressing all the things that have happend to me I guess things are now starting to finally to take a toll on my mental health... I was molested as a kid so I always kind of suppressed that, but I had an overly compulsive thoughts of the situation until I pushed them as far back as possible... No one in my family new what happens I kept it to myself.... Then my dad left us when I was 12 n that f*cked me up emotionally as well. Idk but I think up until now I always pushed those feelings back and lived as normal as I possibly could, and it worked out I'm an honors student, I have a lot of friends, I'm never lookin for sympathy from anyone... But I know now that life's a bitch and you can't hold things back forever; and I think I'm finally ready to see someone, it feels good to see people feel the same as me I don't feel like such an alien😂
  • jtrik_49399
    jtrik_49399 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Oh and having an AP psych class doesn't help having to learn about all these brain disorders that I convince myself I have for no reason👌🏻
  • jake91590
    jake91590 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Consumption (nov 10)- smoked 1 gram, First hit on nugget, first roughly 30 minutes perfectly fine only showed higher humour response.

    Then things got a little laggy, i moved my hand in front of me and i could continuely see all five fingers which i thought was cool.

    Then i closed my eyes for a second which in reality was like 15 seconds. I opened my eyes and got very scared. This is when it got VERY

    laggy. I was able to recall what happened a few seconds earlier but it would take my brain awhile to process it (very scary). it seemed as though when i quit talking it happened like a long time ago. I begin

    pacing around yelling for help. I thought the weed was laced (which it wasnt). I got very light headed and dizzy and decided to lay on

    my bed as i was very scared. My ears seemed to get deaf or hearing was impaired very oddly I had a bad panic attack. i was sweating, 

    arms and legs were moving around without me actually moving them. I literally thought i was dying. This continued for 2-3 hours until

    i passed out (or fell asleep i dont remember). I woke up and felt perfectly normal and i assumed it was just the weed that caused this

    effect.

    Week 1- perfectly normal for 4-5 days following this event. Then when i got to leave school i felt dizzy and sat down. I started worrying

    I would pass out. I got my head back togeher and went to my car and drove home. When I got home i decided I should try and sleep and maybe

    when i woke up things would be better. Thats when the VERY same panic attack occured. Lagged vission, fast heartbeat, uncontrolled 

    movements, sweating, passout/death ideology. I went to urgent care and had a feeling a relief which calmed me down. However I was still

    dizzy/vertigo. Ears were in bad pain, they were popping and had hearing loss They ran a few test, took blood, took urine sample (was 

    nervous I would fail it). Blood came back very high WBC of 17.0 Went home and about a 2 hours after I was home i endured another panic

     attack with same syptoms. This time i went to the E.R. and again the same thing happened as Urgent care.

    Week 2- Scaries week yet, I was still in school and my anxiety was THROUGH the roof. My mind literally felt the wierdest pains of anxiety

    its very difficult to explain. Very random occasions of EXTREME vertigo/dizziness occured randomly that I kept thinking i would pass out

    so i would get checked out. I was unable to sleep at all this week and taking sleeping medicine only induced panic attacks so I was unable

    to take them. Severe depersonalization/derealization occured this week. My mind was insisting I was in a coma. It was very strange as my

    eyes felt it was the only thing there. My head literally felt empty as if nothing existed within it. My arms and legs were somewhat numb

    which was odd. School and work was near impossible and attendance was very bad at this point.

    Weeks 3-4 - At this point I pretty much slept all day and all night as i could not cope with syptoms

    Week  5-6- Went back to work. I still have the lightheadness/vertigo. They get very severe at random times and i feel like im passing out so I will pace around the store where i work. I managed to cope with panic attacks as to not freak out as severe. At this point I lost hope for any cure as the THC has left the body at this point and no one has any answers

    Week 7 (curent)- still in the same position as weeks 5 and 6.

    EI: Im constantly looking up my syptoms (even tho they say not too). literally all day, everyday. All my syptoms are mixed up with different disorders and I dont know what it is and I wish it would go away. It is very scary and impossible to live with this. Anyway to help anything? I already started taking many supplements as well as extra sleep and working out. Nothing is helping

    • Guest
      Guest jake91590

      Posted

      Hey,

      I would recommend that you cease any internet searches of your symptoms. This is something i CONSTANTLY did in the beginning and it makes things worse it really does.

      Try taking vitamin D, i found out I had a deficiency and now I take it regularly, it might be helping but im not sure. All I know is I feel okay now after my very horrible experience with marijuana.

      Another thing is to give it time, it WILL clear up but it takes time. Id cease focus on it at all, i know its very very hard to do that so practice it, take time to just forget about it and then let time heal. Unfortunately in these circumstances time is likely the only and best healer out there.

      I prayed alot on my knees to God, exercised, talked it out, and journaled. Journaling is another way to get it out, your brain wants to keep remembering it, by putting in a tangible area like a notebook might help your brain release those memories.

      Finally, take it easy on yourself and remember again, these things take time but im 100% positive you will make it out. I never ever thought I would and im not 100% out of it yet, maybe 80-85% but its getting more everyday. I've been battling this for about 6 months now.

      Take care.

    • michaelall35712
      michaelall35712 jake91590

      Posted

      To be honest I believe you are possibly suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.  See, my incidence with smoking marijuana and basically  freaking out on it.  Then felt the depersonalization, anxiety for months.  Well, some how I got to a minimum.  Then I would start feel anxious and out of sorts.  I would think back to the first time I had those feelings, and then it went down hill from there emotionally.  I have suffered with those emotions, essentially breakdowns.  I was officially diagnose as having Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but anxiety disorders share alot of the same traits.  Not only do they share the same symptoms, etc. Treatment for anxiety disorders is CBT, meds if necessary.  But I find guided meditation helps with the anxiety storms.  Hope this helps.
    • Houston
      Houston michaelall35712

      Posted

      Hi Michael,

      Thank you for sharing your story as I am concerned about someone I love and have suspected for some time that his behavioral issues are related to the marijuana he smokes to control stress, worry and anxiety. It appears to me that as his use of marijuana increases so does his anger which can easily turn to rage in a heartbeat. I see the same pattern occur over and over again but have not shared my observations with him as I can see he is suffering and needs something to help him control his battle with anxiety. From where I stand I see it this way. He had a problem with anxiety and found that marijuana gave him temporary relief and so he has used it for years without realizing that the marijuana itself was possibly creating a metabolic disturbance that is interfering with his ability to control his temper. I have another friend who responds the same way to marijuana that she also uses to control severe anxiety. I believe that there are impurities in the product, so to speak, that could be a very big factor for those of you having prolonged debilitating symptoms long after the marijuana has left your body. The body eliminates toxins from the body eventually but some toxins stay in the body longer than others which is why detox can be a long and painful process. Unless a person had panic attacks prior to smoking marijuana there is no reason I can think of why they should have them after it has been secreted from the body. I got my life back after struggling with debilitating anxiety when I agreed to take Zoloft. Mind you it was hell finding an antidepressant that I could tolerate but it seems like it's hell no matter what you do. They all made me miserable but I stayed with it anyway and after 3 weeks life was worth living again. Just food for thought and best wishes to you.

    • michaelall35712
      michaelall35712 Houston

      Posted

      I am glad that you have f[u]ound medication that helps.  This is just my opinion about marijuana.  It is highly addictive.  Like smoking cigarettes, our bodies become addicted to the nicotine. I am sure the same applies with marijuana, needing the THC.  Anyways, the reason a lot of smokers never really quit is because of the anxiety of trying to quit.  Our bodies are going through withdrawals from the chemicals.  Some can not cope with the withdrawals, and go back to using whatever it was they were trying to quit.  I will be honest, I know this first hand.  I chew chewing tobacco.  I have tried quitting before, and suffered those withdrawals, they suck.  So I go back to chasing the dragon I like to call it.  Since I have started a new medications.  I told myself that I would trying it again, when I felt that medications has had enough time to build up in my system.  It has not approximately a month.  I am working and thinking about the quitting process soon.  [/u]
  • elizabeth92892
    elizabeth92892 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Hi, I started smoking weed when I was about 15 and for 4 years it was fun and a nice way to relax with mates but on Christmas Eve 2013 I wos smoking a joint with my boyfriend and experienced the most horrible feeling I've ever felt, seriously thought I was dying, thought I was gna have a heart attack, felt rushes, could here everything really loud, couldn't stop shaking, blurred vision, I sat on the steps to my house in the rain and couldn't move for about 10minuets. I didn't feel sick, I felt like my mind and body wer disconnect, it was terrifying ;(

    anyway, I've never felt the same since. I didn't touch weed after that, I started to get pannick attacks and extremely bad anxiety, I've been suffering horribly with this since it happend, For so long I couldn't leave my house, I couldn't  be alone and I stopped going to college, I felt like I've completly damaged myself permanently and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't explain in to anyone and I felt so alone. I didn't want to go to the doctors because I was scared of what they would tell me. After a year and a half I went to the doctors and they just told me what I already knew- that I'm suffering from pannick attacks and anxiety, I started to see a  counsellor which did f*** all.. .

    It's been three years and I've gradually been able to build my confidence a little with being alone and going out etc, but I've never felt the same as how I use torolleyes I'm so worried and nervous 24/7, I cry most nights, I have panick attacks most days, my vision is weird and I see visuals, i sometimes feel suicidal but would never pursue it, I feel extremely sensitive to absolutely everything and I feel so delicate and fragile all the time sad I regret so much the damage I have done to myself, it's crazy I'm only 18, still a baby in my eyes, but I've learnt my lesson and I just wanted to say stay strong to anyone else suffering, be with the people you love and laugh and keep yourself occupied and motivated and make memories x

    • jack58541
      jack58541 elizabeth92892

      Posted

      Hi

      In my opinion I would get best selling books on anxiety and panic disorders,so you could understand and have knowledge how anxiety and panic works.At the same time you should look for a therapist that can help you .It may take time until you find the right one,so if one doesnt work for you try another one until you find someone thats understands your problem and is helping you.Never ever give up.Dont think there is no help out there.Do things that give you a lift.There is a lot more knowledge today about your issue.I went thru the same thing 38 years ago

    • elizabeth92892
      elizabeth92892 jack58541

      Posted

      Thank you, how are you now does it get better or go away? I should really read more thanks for the advice x
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