Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)

if someone has gotten over this i need help! i am going threw the same thing and i will do anything to make it stop

Hi everyone and the original poster,

I just want to tell you, it does get better. The horror does end.

I suffered an almost identical trigger experience in about 2008 (vape+joint, massive panic and pre-existing GAD, which I didn't know about because it was diagnosed after the event). After a year of missing my final level of law school, I genuinely believed I wouldn't make it. That I would either go insane or kill myself.

I was surrounded by people like Diana, spewing their half-baked, pseudo-scientific "marijuana is never at fault" BS, just because they could smoke it. It was only when I went online, and found stacks and stacks of forums like this (where people had similar experiences) that I realised I wasn't crazy. Why aren't our stories out there in the mainstream more? Pro-marijuana propagandists whine about "Big Pharma", yet I've never met a group as hell-bent on brainwashing others as them. I felt so foolish for believing marijuana could never be harmful.

I didn't really start to lead anything resembling a normal life again until about 2010. I finished law school and then did a masters in Writing (finishing with a very high grade, which I didn't think was possible). I now work as a writer in London, UK.

I just want you to know that I made it and you can – but you will never be the person you were before this event. A friend told me that during my episode and I nearly (literally) ripped his head off. I found it unfair and terrifying – all I wanted was to be normal again. But he was right and I'm here to tell you you'll become something better than normal. When you stop looking behind at the person you were, and start looking ahead at the dreams and goals you just can't let go of (for me, that was writing) – the dreams you must realise in your lifetime – you will slowly start becoming the person you need to be to make it through this.

I read a book called "Man's Search for Meaning" while I was in the depths of this darkness. I barely had the attention span but I finished it. It changed my life. It gave me the ability to find meaning and purpose, even in my suffering. The door of perception that my horrible experience opened up was never shut again – but I stopped being afraid of it. I know this sounds ridiculous and impossible but I befriended it. I understood it. I embraced it. And after that, I realised that the sensations the weed gave me were just a thing - neither good nor bad, just the way it "is" (the "is-ness" ). My reactions to those sensations were 80% of the problem. As I slowly accepted that these sensations could not kill me or drive me insane, my stress levels reduced and that allowed my brain to heal.

I learned all this through months of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which helped immensely (as well as my kind-hearted and patient psychiatrist, who never judged me).

The SSRIs and anti-anxiety medication never worked for me. They just dulled my faculties and numbed my emotions further (increasing my feeling of emptiness). I didn't start getting properly better until I ditched them. I also ditched caffeine and anything that wasn't basically a food item (i.e. micro and macronutrients). However, if medication is working for you, keep doing it.

The depersonalisation and derealisation are likely symptoms of a tired brain (as they were for me), and most of their power lies in their ability to terrify you. You have to brace and stare them down, then they will (slowly) fade away. I used video games as a crutch while doing this, so I wouldn't notice the feelings as much.

All in all, I just wanted to tell you all to not give up. There is hope. There's more than hope – there's a better, more patient, wiser, more resilient and kinder you on the other side.

I'm living proof, as are many others.

Love,

Timi

I hate weed too . It made me go through the same thing you're going through . It's gotten to the point where I can't smell certain things or eat certain foods. I hate lving this way constantly feeling as if this is not my body like I'm somewhere else. My family don't support me either they think it's the devil and they think I can fight this. I just wanna know how do you cope with this feeling everyday without loosing your mind. It's like one minute I feel a little bit better and then the next day I get the horrible feeling of the day I got high. Every time I try to tell my mother how I feel she just lash out and patronize me for smoking . I know I messed up in the past . I don't need a constant reminder of that I just need her support but it's like I'm not getting none of that . Will it get better ?

I have been high for the last 2 months and it's hell I have memory problems and I can only focus on one object at a time it's like being high except time doesn't go slow thank god but everything looks weird though

In hopes of help to anyone, nay, just to share my story so it's out there as I've never told it to anyone and this would be the place to do it as I had the same thing happen to me. It wasn't marijuana, but all these reactions were exactly what happened to me one night when I took an ambien. A little background. I'm a half Pakistani/Half Polish-German American by heritage now approaching 30. I came from a small town in Illinois close to Chicago. After transferring schools a few times with an already debilitating mental illness, one day I became increasingly worried about my place in a country that seemed dangerously against me. It didn't matter who I talked to back then, truth be told, I looked fairly white, black hair, olive skin yes, but I could have and can be probably fit the profile for 40 different nationalities, mostly closely Italian, Greek, or Armenian, but my name was Mossavir Hussain. It was 2007, Bush was still in office, everyone on campus, God, it was like not only were we at war over there but we were at war here with college kids protesting, being put in jail, random political activists disappearing, it was a scary time, and 10 times more scary given who I was and my name. I urged my parents to change my name, (at the time I was a penniless student and it was quite costly to legally change it, but worst of all, the developing fascist undertones in the U.S were so thick you could cut them with a knife, and my parents denied that there was anything amiss. I saw a few doctors, mainly friends if my dads, who's a doctor, and they all thought I was delusional, it was crazy, every counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, would downplay the socio-political forces happening and tell me I was at fault for being worried, told me I was delusional, which was extremely callous and unhelpful and I still resent that even when at that time (and I was super buff and getting laid a lot) I would have to lie about my name to women and upon telling them the truth of what it was if it was going somewhere, theyd gasp or be in shock or literally panic, so I know it wasn't in my head. Anyways my parents sent me to a psyche ward one day for this supposed "mental illnes" I had and after taking an ambien one night, your guys reactions to marijuana is exactly what I had. Yeah before that I resented at all these people for being unhelpful,and was anxious and scared, but my mind was "in tact" meaning although I was disturbed I was not "unhinged" so to speak. Then after taking the ambien I woke up the next norning after tripping balls with the worst panic stack of my life. Really, with how I felt, it wasn't panic, it was worse, it was like panic, but I wasn't normal, I knew something had "broke" and since I was an incredibly sharp guy with an unusually high IQ who took pleasure in reading scholarly articles on a variety of topics including psychology back then or basically anything I could get my hands on, right there with the literature I had familiarized myself with in psychology, once I calmed down and really felt as though I was "in a dream" snd nothing was real, I knew right there, at 22, with my whole life ahead of me, any budding career, wealth, everything, anything I wanted in life, it was all over, I was screwed. It was like a nail in the coffin, I knew it, based on my own understanding of my own symptoms quite identical to the ones I'm reading and the reactions people are describing, that this would a life changing, perhaps permenantly life altering event. The next day they bulldozed me with anti psychotics, and bulldozed would be an understatement, they put me in a fugue state through drugs (literally a fugue state I had no collection of 36 hours of my life, just remember a few seconds laying in a stretcher waiting to get an MRI) and ever since, it just started a chain rescuing of total failure. Truth be told after getting on a huge cocktail of drugs (mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines) things did calm down quite a bit, but I never really got a chance to live life. I developed a nasty drinking habit, failed out of my fourth school after switching from place to place without being able to stay calm, and moved in with my parents at 27 after overdosing on nicotine gum one night and drinking a case of beer. I should have died the next day, but didn't, how, I have no idea, but went to a hostpital and again, was in a psyche ward for a week, 3 of the days which I have no memory of from being so drugged, and came home. Doctors just kept loading me with more and more drugs, not really understanding what was wrong with me or how to treat me, until after a falling out with my parents I moved into my brothers place in California. I lived with him for a years under extreme psychological, emotional, verbal, and at times physical abuse and all the while telling my parents to about this only to have to stay there with nowhere to go and no way to move out. Somehow, someway, after a year I was able to move out. Now I'm stuck in a room out in SanFransisco still dealing with all this and my parents won't let me come home. I've become that stain on there perfect upper class appearances lifestyle that they can't seem to rub out, that won't go away, just send him a few hundred dollars each month and pay his rent but do my come home, just let him sort out his totally deplorable helpless situation even though he can't because he couldn't and doesn't even know how or have the resources to. Honestly I don't know what going to happen to me. God bless everyone who is in this terrible struggle, yes, from being an IQ freak who firmly understood every logical fallacy with the concept of God I now believe in God, but in fact I don't, I just want to need something to hold onto, anything, no matter how irrational it is in all of this. Take care, love and peace to all, to a brighter future, not a condemned one. May the blessings of all or anything you consider of value go with with you.

Hi, I had a similar experience. I actually found a lot of relief through an 'alternative' therapy, using gemstones. Specifically chyroprase held against my forehead. I tried various types of gemstones and for me this happened to be the most effective. This may sound dumb, but if you're desperate you may give it a try. Based on the results for me I don't think it is just placebo. Still it took months of laying in bed with rocks pressed against me (lol, I know that's weird) but the symptoms decreased steadily since I started that. Now I'm functional and almost back to normal. Let me know if you're interested and I can share a few other tricks. I'm not going to convert you into anything... I don't have a religion, I just like to try things to see what works, and like you I was pretty desperate.

Also, I notice this is just one of many topics about this propensity for weed to be a psychologically life ending experience. I agree with what everyone is saying about cutting caffeine, absolutely NO ALCOHOL or drugs, and if you do use prescribed medication, research it first. I've found a low dose of a major trainquilizer/atypical, a low risk-high benefit mood stabilizer (Lamictal) and a low dose of klonopin helps me somewhat, but like I said, even when those fail ibuprofen and nicotine have helped me immensely. Also I would say research the hell out of non-western diets, shop at whole foods, and just stay away from chemicals as much as possible. You may notice (as someone already mentioned) that your now much more sensitive to certain foods and substances and smells) I'd recommend staying away from any processed foods (wheat, gluten, dairy, all energy drinks, basically anything that's not

A. A vegetable (a true vegetable)

B. lean meats or fish

Nuts

(Use olive oil for dressing)

Nothing with yeast in it

Use organic soaps, toothpastes and cleaning products)

Water

And also

FOR GODS sake stay away from even being anywhere near pot or alcohol

(This is why I wish I was anywhere but California, you cant take two steps without smelling it) so I can't even take public transportation, its the only state I know of that has to stop periodically to air out the pot stench on public transit)

Lastly, I shouldn't preach what I don't practice, but rigorous exercise will do wonders, even though I don't do it

Also, get your blood work done and supplement with any vitamins you may be deficient in, especially if your a homebody or are from the UK you may be surprised to find you have a vitamin D deficiency. (Every little bit counts)

And get a good doctor and therapist

(I know our problem seems like its chemical, and maybe it is, but it will help)

Now all this stuff is again only like putting a dampener on a state of body and mind that will probably never go away, but we do what we can, and even with all this, we may still be miserable, but it's worth going the extra mile to make things bearable) Also, I have to ask you guys, how do you earn a living? It can't hold down a job for my life since all this. What have you guys been able to handle (types of work).

Anyways, cheers