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Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)

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Ihateweed89
Ihateweed89

Hi,

In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other stuff that’s been hard to deal with.

Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that pot.

I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.

I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I messed up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

45 likes, 522 replies

522 Replies

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  • sandra13305
    sandra13305 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Hi,

    I too had a similar situation about a year ago. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety long time ago which was manage by medication. I was social smoker and it never really affected me up until a year ago when I smoke at a friend's house and started tripping out so I decided to leave to go home and panicked. Ever since then I have had numerous attacks which leave me so scared to the point I was hospitalized because I could not sleep, eat and was very anxious. I have tried different medications which have worked for a couple of months then back to attacks. I hate it big time and know what you are going through. Wish I could give you advice.

  • Iknow11
    Iknow11 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Ok so I know how you feel over the summer of 2015 I had an amazing high but the next day I woke up feeling like I wasnt me I couldn't tell where I was who I was what time time I had no sense of time but I know how to fix it i know you may not like this answer but i fixed those exact problems by not thinking about it I would feel myself getting anxiety because I keot thi king about ut so I droooed my thoughts cold turkey for like a month after suffering for almost half a year and my thinking has definitely changed and I doubt it will be the same but I don't feel out of charcheter I can function in life all you need to do is not think about ut because the more you think the worse it gets it's a placebo

  • samhatesweednow
    samhatesweednow Ihateweed89

    Posted

    How are things for you now? I am experiencing similar things happening. I was a longtime heavy smoker for about eight or nine years then suddenly got a panic attack about three and a half weeks ago I have been anxiety ridden and depressed ever since. It got better about a day ago but I was still having a hard time sleeping. I didn't think it had anything to do with the marijuana but I wasn't sure so instead of smoking it I decided to buy a cookie and just ate a little bit of it. Within an hour I had a full-blown panic attack again and now I feel out of my head. Depersonalization I think they call it as well as anxiety and depression. Am I ever going to be normal again? I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist on Friday I don't want to spend the rest of my life on meds this is really scary. I was once an advocate for marijuana and now I'm having very serious doubts about it. There needs to be more research about this because there seems to be a lot of people having similar episodes. Was it getting better because the marijuana was leaving my system and I ate a cookie and have to go through this all over again or is this something else...

    • ilyar03542
      ilyar03542 samhatesweednow

      Posted

      Hi there man i have the same exact issue, it is been year for me and it is better but I dont feel or think  like my old self before the panic attack .... I on medicatin and definitely the helped me alot please give feedback if u have good experience with any medicaiton thanks! By the way I haven't used marijuna since!sad I do also also believe this is a rare and not stuided condition and it really makes a marijunana a no-no even opium seems more healthier to me than marijuna now.

  • amanda87185
    amanda87185 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Hi.I am there for you.I know what you have experienced and it is like living in hell. From doing lots of crap in my younger days I think I relapsed years later by taking a bit of something I shouldn't have. It wasn't weed.I woke up next day and completely freaked out.Had nervous breakdown and tried to commit suicide. Ended up in hospital for month.Ok. So the good news is..you WILL be back to normal. You need right medication. CBT therapy and faith If you have faith belief you will get better and a good support network. Go to groups.No your not alone. Bless you and hope your better.PS.Never touch that crap again x

  • cdac.x
    cdac.x Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Hi there I really hope you guys are still following this forum sad

    I made the same mistake smoked weed for about 7 month basically every day, started with chest pains and anxiety, progressed in to heavy panic attacks I am now 4 weeks weed free and one week smoke free, but I am scarred for a long time with it, panic disorder and GAD, physical symptoms are horrendous and I have severe health anxiety sad have had multiple sessions of CBT and used to be on Propranolol for my panic attacks but that made my symptoms worse.

    Please let me know how you are getting on

  • Nathan978
    Nathan978 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Okay so Im a 16 year old highschool student. I used to smoke with my friends recreationally almost everyday after school. I was also keeping my grades up with a 3.9 Gpa. Then one day one of my buddies i used to smoke with acedently gave himself and I K2 without our knowlage that we were about to trip the @$%# out. this caused me to go into an insane state of mind that I was dead, and i learned things about my deepest darkest fears that i didnt want to know. Now I dont know if that had anything to do with my condition but im just putting it out there. I was fine after that so i kept on smoking regularly, and then a time came where I started to have trips on regular weed, it would trigger a trip even if I thought about my trip. Or even the word TRIP. And once it started it didnt stop. This happed for the next three times I smoked. 

    Eventually i just quit. 100% quit lost intrest it was no longer fun. every since the last time i smoked i have felt High, like is never ending, THAT WAS 6 MONTHS AGO!!! i can make myself trip out, have random panic attacks, I loose focous so easily. I have blurred vision, Block spots, LInes, and whist im driving, cars and road signs seem to flash in my parferials. Its almost like the mariuanna has efected my nerves in my brain and my nuerotransmitters. Ever since then ive seen every specialist in my area, LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE KIND. All they do is give me a pill to shove down my throat. They all have no actual answer for what is wrong with me. And im so @#*&%$ tired of living like this i would do anything for someone to take this burden off of my shoulders. It has gotten to the point where suicide seems like the best option. Because nobody cares enough to even take a look into what is actually wrong with me. I would sell my soal to someone if they could fix me. 

    Now i dont want to hear the @#$%&*$# of you need to sleep more, you need to be more healthy, you need more exercise... All i drink is water, im consistntly in the gym, I play on a lacrosse team, and i go to bed right after i get home from work, Around 10pm. I have literally tried everything i can think of and Im running out of options. It has gotten to the point where i have forgotten what "normal" has even felt like, but i miss it so much. Im to young to have to be going through this. And seeing how many people are having this same issue Its shocking to me that nobody has an answer to What in the He!! is going on with our heads.

    IM TIRED OF LIVING LIKE THIS AND WILL GO TO EVERY LENGTH TO FIX THIS.

    i am open to any and all suggestions.

    (Im looking for a specialist) I will literally fly anywhere on the face of this planet to any doctor, I dont care, to fix my Brain. 

  • johnnie99998
    johnnie99998 Ihateweed89

    Edited

    Hey wassup i just wanted to share this with you so you can tell me what should i should doo About two months ago Around thanks giving i was with a friend smoking a joint in a car i took a couple of pulls i felt thing tingling feeling on my head and had a panick attack my heart was racing i couldnt calm down at all i try to but i couldnt calm down i even threw up but my friend was fine we smoked from the same thing i was the only going crazy it wasnt laced or anything he perfectly fine he was trying to calm me down but ever sense that day i never felt like my self again everytime i go out my heart starts racing it like i cant enjoy life anymore how i use to i left school because of this havent been to school in about two months i went to 6 times to the hospital they everything is normal but dont get if everything is normal why am getting all these symthoms They say i have a anxiety disorder . but just wanted to share this with you and wanted to know how you are doing sense this happen a year ago with you.
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 johnnie99998

      Posted

      thats why its not a recommended thing to do sadly, unfortunatly too many justify it as safe. the best thing you can do is learn the lesson, never do it again and see a dr about some ongoing treatment for the anxiety problem you now have before it gets worse
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Am 20 years old they gave me ttreatment havent been taking them because i dont like taking pills but honestly do you thing is anxiety should i get a cat scan or something?
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 johnnie99998

      Posted

      if they say you are fine, then your fine - you cant demand treatment they dont want to give - they just wont do it.  Your inability to accept it is jus the anxiety, ask for therapy if you dont want meds, it works every bit as well, if not better than meds anyway
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 cdac.x

      Posted

      My sympthoms are shaky, blurry vision , heart racing csnt even go outside because just by walking outside or i go inside of a car to go some where my heart starts racing , feeling like body is sore pain on my legs and arms sometimes and neck sometimes i feel like my arm went numb and feeling tingling on my head and arms and sometimes get these headaces and also when i am sleeping i wake up fast because i get like shortness of breath but soon as i wake up like am back to normal its just wierd the only thing is only feel safe at home i dont want to go nomore because i think something might happen
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Yeah am just worry that i wouldnt enjoy my life again and feel back to normal am always home because i feel safer home then being out side because everytime i go out side its always something that comes.
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 johnnie99998

      Edited

      well, look at it like this - if you do nothing, itll only get worse - if you start therapy and do the work they ask of you, theres a good chance things will improve
    • cdac.x
      cdac.x johnnie99998

      Posted

      I know it is difficult to hear but more than likely it is anxiety symptoms.. and the sooner you understand that the easier it becomes.

      I know how you feel, it's so difficult to tell yourself it's anxiety, I had all of your symptoms plus more like extreme headaches, numbness in my face and cheeks, tingling around my head. Severe chest pains and back of neck pains.

      What I have come to learn is that I'm ok. And I hope that you know you are not alone, anxiety affects many people in these horrible ways..

      I'm crazed in how much your symptoms are like mine. I did not want to go in a car as I'd panic, I attached myself to the people I live with and would panic if they went out the house. I hated being alone and could not even shower without having an attack. But I would always have to stay in the house or I'd feel uncomforable.

      A few weeks ago I was trembling speaking about it, asking my partner if I would ever get over it, would it ever stop, do I have something wrong with me? Am I going to die??

      Truth is, I don't. It took me ages to get better, you just need to stay strong and get in a strong view of life. You'll be amazed in the difference in only a couple of weeks.

      I can now speak about my anxiety with a strong mind, barely have any other symptoms, you just need to tell yourself you are going to be okay and it won't be like this forever. It is a trick your mind plays to focus on other things because it is over stressed with anxiety.

      I hope this helps you, let me know how you get on.

      -Cdac.x

    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 cdac.x

      Posted

      Thank you so much i felt so much better when i read this How are you feeling now are you able to go out and do what you have to do do you still get your panick attacks ?
    • cdac.x
      cdac.x johnnie99998

      Posted

      I'm a lot better now, apart from having a general cold lol but I handle situations a lot better. Sometimes I get the odd nipping pain, but you just have to stop and think and remember it won't last forever.

      Sometimes I had intense pains I thought omg this must be serious, someone would talk to me and my mind would drift away and they'd go away and 10 minutes later I'd be like where was that pain again?

      Tell yourself anxiety won't control you and you will wake up and have a great life tomorrow. Anxiety isn't you. It wants a place in you. Overcome it and it's like it never happened. I'm still yet to make a full recovery but I have come so far and my family members and therapist are amazing progress in me. Breathing techniques and relaxing music helped me a lot. CBT is basically all those techniques.

      Live in today X

    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 cdac.x

      Posted

      Do you take any treatment for it or you just go to therapy ? and yeah i had it for two months so if the hospital say am fine that it just anxiety should i beleive them because feeling these physical things it just seems so wierd.
    • cdac.x
      cdac.x johnnie99998

      Posted

      No treatment, I was taking Propranolol (a beta blocker) to slow my heart rate down and stop panic attacks however I believe your body soon gets used to the dose and you need to improve dose, my dose worked for about a couple weeks and then started doing nothing for me, I would of had to up dose and it's a difficult thing to withdraw from, so I declined. But different things work different people so you might as well try your GP and see what they say.

      Some say antidepressants but I got through fine without needing them, again withdrawing affects put me off but each to their own there is some people they have done wonders for.

      I like natural remedies and seemed to stop the symptoms without any of these X

    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 cdac.x

      Posted

      Yeha the docter gave me something called metoprolol for heart rate aswell to slow down my heart rate when its going really fast and also gave me anxiety pills but i havent take those at all because dont want to take those kind of pills
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998

      Posted

      Am 20 years old do you think i could continue taking the matoprolol or i shiuldnt
    • cdac.x
      cdac.x johnnie99998

      Posted

      Personally I would try get through it with no medication, just so it doesn't make your body reliant on it, you may feel a bit crap a few days after stopping it but get over that stage and you will feel better. Depends on how long long you been taking them and what dose do you take??

      Bare in mind I'm not a doctor just sharing my own personal thoughts X

    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 cdac.x

      Edited

      prolol 25mg and thats what am trying to do dont wanna get on treatment or nun of that its better that way but sometimes if you cant control then you should if cant take it nomore dont you think
    • cdac.x
      cdac.x johnnie99998

      Posted

      If you believe you need them because you can't control it then you should probably take them, but I was at a point where I couldn't control myself and I believe if I was used to taking meds for it it would make my life harder trying to come off at the end.

      But again if you feel you need them then do what's best, but when you come to stop them gradually decrease your dose X

    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 cdac.x

      Posted

      Thanks very much for your help hopefully i get better want to continue doing things and enjoying my life again how long did it take you to get better when yours started ?
    • cdac.x
      cdac.x johnnie99998

      Posted

      No problem at all just make sure you surround yourself with good friends and good people and never stop yourself doing the things you love to avoid situations. I started having panic attacks about 3 months ago , physical symptoms about 2 months ago and at there peak about 1 month ago. Gradually less and less symptoms when I was able to tell myself they would go away and now I sometimes get them when I am in stressed situation but just move yourself away from the situation and calm down and know you will be fine in the end X
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