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Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)

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Ihateweed89
Ihateweed89

Hi,

In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other stuff that’s been hard to deal with.

Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that pot.

I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.

I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I messed up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

45 likes, 522 replies

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  • Porkchopsamwich
    Porkchopsamwich Ihateweed89

    Posted

    Hey, sorry to hear about your troubles.

    I've been smoking for at least 13 years now, and it's always been an enjoyable thing. However, about 3 years ago, I started getting panic attacks, whether I was stoned or not. Smoking absolutely brought on panic attacks though.

    For a few months, I was completely disabled. I would wake up (on the rare occasions I could get sleep), and I would immediately start panicking. I'm talking crying, hyperventilating, confusion, sometimes even vomiting. I was paralysed with health phobias. My father died of cancer, as did my sister, so I was certain I was ill.

    After months of blood tests, CT scans, and x-rays, they found nothing wrong with me. So, I checked myself into a mental health ward, and was immediately diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

    Like you, I was very ambitious. I was in several bands, I was in the navy for 6 years, and I've been very good about working out. All those things take dedication, time, and a lot of hard work. And anxiety stopped them all in a matter of days.

    I've tried meds (Celexa, hydrosomethingorother, omeprezole, ativan, xanax) and they do help. But in my opinion, working out, eating right, working at hobbies, and surrounding yourself with people who understand and are willing to help, has been the most effective treatment I've experienced.

    I really think you can keep this at bay, and get back to the important things. Just be aware that for many people this is a lifelong ailment. Its not something that we get rid of, it's something to live with.

  • johnnie99998
    johnnie99998 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    SO just wanted to put this out there if you didnt Know or didnt see my post soo three months ago around thanks giving i was in my friend car he was driving we in the highway so i started rolling up weed and me and him started smoking soo i took a couple of pulls about 4 or 5 pulls so out of no where i started panicking for some reason my heart started racing i was telling him to pull over i need air from out side or put the windows down My heart was going even more fast i felt my head tingling like something triggered my head or something but i was the only one going crazy he was fine it was just me going nuts No i guess the weed wasnt laced he was perfectly fine because if it was laced me and him would been going nuts but the only way i calm down was by throwing up. next morning i still woke up like my heart racing been to the hospital alot of times say my blood is normal and ekg is normal as well but you know me i didnt believe went to a heart docter made me do stress test and did thyriod aswell he said everything is fine and my heart is very strong and health Ok so now let me tell you my sypthoms Shaky hands, dizzyness, and ever sense that time my vision seems unreal , feeling like body sore my legs and arms ,back ,neck , head tingling , chest pains sometimes shortness of breath , always using the bathroom aswell and my head is always feeling heaving or wierd i guess the most that gets me alittle scared is my chest pains and my heart beats fast for no reason i could go outside and am only walking my heart beats fast or sometimes when am in a car aswell idk but this hard for me right now these past three months been going to hospitals and all they say am fine to trust them everything looks good but the only thing is i hope dont feel like this for the rest of my life Am only 20 years old trying to enjoy my life and finish school but it seems like i csnt do that feels like something is going to happen to me probably in the future or idk but thats why am almost home all the time .please god take this away from me need my regular life back
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 sami55706

      Posted

      Yeah they say everything is fine my blood is nomal and everything today am doing a MRI
    • sami55706
      sami55706 johnnie99998

      Posted

      That MRI will probably show nothing. Check out online a therapy called EMDR which can help with anxieties. I have used it before and it does help. It sounds kind of weird but you may want to check it out. About three years ago I had two bites of a brownie, two bites and my world changed. I am much older than you by 40 years and use to do lots of drugs in my youth. Drugs they do not even have anymore. By the time I was in my mid twenties I stopped everything and had not had anything since. But I was house sitting for a friend who is about 15 years younger and she had about 3 dozen huge brownies in her freezer. I had no idea and she did not bother to tell me they were loaded. I had two bits and went with my husband to walk our dogs and within 20 minutes my whole life changed.I became so tired and was falling over that mu husband rushed me and the dogs back to our car so he could get me to the doctors. We thought I was having a heart attack a stroke we did not know but it got worse. The doctors were so scared they sent me to the emergency room by ambulance. What I was experiencing was really horrific and real to me. I saw people who were dead and people from a childhood trauma looking over me in the doctors office. I fought with the nurses to not make me lie down because if I did I knew I would die.Still three years later I am nervous about laying flat on the bed to go to sleep and have to start with my head propped up. Most of this time I slept on the couch.

      I was out of my body watching everything but in my body at the same time. I was obviously hallucinating, which I did not know at the time, and was having in my mind a bad near death experience. Could not feel my arms, my legs my vision was in a fish bowl and uncontrollable shaking. The hipster emergency room doctor was going to do brain scans until he found out I had two bites of a brownie and he ordered a drug test. He came back and told my husband I was overdosed on THC and that there had been bad pot going around the area. Possibly laced with Jimson Weed. He told my husband I should be alright the next day. My husband said I kept trying to grab the steering wheel and was convinced we were going to hit a deer or another car on the drive home. I was physically sick for about a week later and than the psychological problems started happening and it was bad. I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorder. So much happened I could write about it forever. Try seeing a therapist or psychiatrist whatever for some help. The first year and a half were real hell for me. I am an artist and that is how I made my living for 20 years and I could not paint at all for 18 months and only sporadically after that!!! The therapy and EMDR helped. I am also dealing with triggers that set me off from that day and bring on anxieties but it is much better than before and I am painting. You will get through this.

    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 sami55706

      Posted

      Wow your story is really crazy hope fully i get better but i do still feel it bad been like this for three months i get chest pains heart goes fast for no reason
    • sami55706
      sami55706 johnnie99998

      Posted

      Oh it will but you need to help yourself and stay away from pot at this point. I am really sensitive to drugs of all sorts. I can take half a Benadryl and sleep for like 10 hours. My doctor gave me the lowest dose of Sertraline and I would take half a tablet and it helped slow down the obsessive thoughts. I did not stay on it for long but it helped when I was in the worst of it. I also think being able to see a therapist and having that person who would listen to you without being judgemental or thinking you are crazy was good. My situation was different because of what I was hallucinating and the fact that I did not know I had eaten the stuff. I still have bad dreams and the dreams and nightmares were an every night occurrence for a couple of years. Like I said before in my youth I did lots of different drugs. I have even lived for 40 years with HepC and did not know it until recently. Thankfully there is a cure now and I was one of the lucky ones as the Hepatitis C did not do damage to my liver and stayed dormant for most of my life. But I will say I was never a big pot smoker because at times back in my teens I would feel paranoid after smoking and the pot back then was so weak compared to today. You would have to smoke a whole joint to feel a buzz. So there was clearly something in the THC that did not agree with the chemical makeup in my brain decades ago even with the much lower levels of THC. Something that was beneficial for me was splitting wood. Sounds weird but we heat with wood and my husband gave me the wedge and a mallet and told me to go at it. It is so physical that I found it to ease my anxieties for a few days at a time. Try a see someone that you can really talk to. There are therapists out there that could steer you in the right direction. The hardest thing is to not think about it and to clear your mind. This is a problem for more than a few and there really needs to be some studies going on.
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 sami55706

      Posted

      Yeah hopefully This Goes Away i have three months already really cant do anything because is always something when i go outside trying to have my regular life back and enjoy myself
  • ralph59333
    ralph59333 Ihateweed89

    Posted

    I am going through same problems.  I am 22 Years old and smoking weed since i am 15. Was a pretty heavy smoker (3 times a day with bongs for like 1-2 years with some breaks inbetween and then went on and off from 18 years and on). Never had any issues. It started after i used ectasy for 2-3 months (15 pills) and had crazy anxiety for 2 weeks, the next time i smoked weed, after the 2 weeks, i felt extremly strange while high but didnt think to much about it.

    After i come down i realize that my brain is very restless and i cant stop thinking about random stuff. The next day i get nonstop earworms the whole day (especally music i just heard and just refrains over and over), random thoughts (people from videos i watched earlier saying some phrases) and strange general feeling like i was on some stuff, hard time to focus etc etc.

    This continues with me feeling i am freaking out because of the earworms making it hard to focus or to go to sleep. This went on for like 2-3 months with getting easier over time and then suddenly disapearing slowly then coming back some days. I thought i was over it and didnt think it would come back but after starting to smoke again 1 gramm here and there and having no side effects for like 6 months, the one time i got stronger weed and smoked it for like 3-4 evenings in a row the same symptoms come back and annoy me the last week or so.

    I wanted to know if some of u experienced the same thing with weed or other drugs and what this can be? Is this a mild psychosis? Its freaking me out that i have some underlying psychich problems like shizophrenia or something.

    Thats definitely the last time i smoked weed, not good for my brain it seems, anyone one same problems?

    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 ralph59333

      Posted

      Did you read my story friend go check out and let me know what you think ?
    • ralph59333
      ralph59333 johnnie99998

      Posted

      Yeah i read it. I am a bit different i smoked it many years and my symptoms are different. Mine got weaker and weaker over the time and i started to ignore them after some time, after 3-4 months i started to forget they where there sometime.

      I think u will be fine over the long run. U seem to have some anxiety issues. Try some 5 htp 50 -100 mg at 3pm and before bedtime ( read up on it). Its an supplement which helps to build serotonin in ur body which is an neurotransmitter used for anxiety, fear depression and alot of stuff . helped me alot when i got my first symptoms back then. Also doing cardio sports and not overthinking and over analyzing urself may helped the most in my situation back then.

      It sucks that i got it back but thats my fault for smoking cannabis again, but i know i can overcome it. It takes time and some determination but it gets definitly better.

      I got back to my normal self after 3-4 months i guess. U can do this, i promise

    • ralph59333
      ralph59333

      Posted

      ah end i forgot, drink every day alot of water and try to limit caffeine to a minimun, just so ur brain can get back easier to its equilirium
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 ralph59333

      Posted

      yeah but before that happen i was smoking for three years or two years and that was the first time that hit me like that but when i use to smoke i use to feel my heart racing but i wasnt never paying no mind to it until it really hit me hard but my friend was fine i was the only one going nuts honestly but i have alot of sypthoms and my head always feeling wierd and my vision aswell and sometimes i feel liek i cant breath
    • ralph59333
      ralph59333 johnnie99998

      Posted

      yup that sounds like panic attacks, you should try to do what i offerd u, drin 1 gallon of water every day, try to do sports and look into guided meditations, overall try to get ur mind off of it, try to push ur comfort zones. If u give into it all the time it wont get much better. 
    • johnnie99998
      johnnie99998 ralph59333

      Posted

      Yeah how about the chest pains like sometimes feel like ama get a heart attack or something
    • ralph59333
      ralph59333 johnnie99998

      Posted

      what u want me to say? yeah u got heart problems from weed? its anxiety induced, i had also pain where nothing was wrong with the body itself
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