Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)

hey i dont have alot to say but i was alot worse .....i didnt have money for midication ...after the first day it hit me i didnt sleep for 5 days on the 5th day i looked on to myself and thought i was really going to die so that night i accepted it....i went to sleep thinking 100℅ that will be dead the next morning...that night i cried in the most fear a person can have.....and then i realize life and started to think alot... see things differently ....i didnt fall asleep i was thinkin so much of myself and life that i didnt realize it was mornin already .......it was like a phrase that pass right through me......and the next i notice ive done something many people i know still cant do ....i over came my fear of death......everything i was scare of was not their no more depression anxiety panic attacks all gone....i use to be very emotion and cut myelf alot .....all that gone....i cant even remember the laat time i got nervous...... i been living like this for two years.....and all the things ive done and know how to do ...its incredible..... hope this helped .......all you have to do is accepte death and realize its all in your mind .....but the energy and power you get after words is undefineable and undiscribable

read mine please i want to tell you something at the end, darling

i thought i was alone until you shared your story. ive experienced it. and its stuck in my mind. it was last year february my brother gave me some weed to smoke, he hasnt smoked his but i wanted to try mine. i went inside the bath room and smoked a whole one. and for the first five minutes everythin felt like it was suppose to be, i was high so i started to eat a burrito and then my brother came to me and tried talk to me. i was seeing three of him and he was moving, i knew something wasnt right but i ignored it. until i got to half of my burrito and i felt like i was watching my self like in a movie. but it was a nightmare. i called and ran to my brother and asked him did he say something to me cause it felt like this wasnt real. it felt like a bad dream. and a bad dream i wish it was. but it wasnt. then my brother told me to just lay down and go to sleep and keep my mouth shut so my mom wont hear me. he told me it would be all over in the morning. so i tried to lie down but it wasnt working. it was like i was thinking but i wasnt, like i knew this was real life but i thought it wasnt either. finally i couldnt take it and i called my mother. i got up and i was dizzy, i fell like four times, and then my mom kept asking what wrong whats wrong until i told her the truth and the truth only because i felt i was trapped in my mind and i couldnt get out of that hell.i kept asking her to call 911, and i swore i asked her like 10 times but she later told me i only asked once, but she wouldnt because she knew she would get arrested. so i sat there and for some reason i couldnt stop talking. i talked and talked about any thing and everything. apologizing and praying that this horrible, scary, caged feeling would go away. until i started to drift off and i knew for sure i was dying and i had to accepted it so i went to sleep knowing that ill  be dead in the morning. but i woke and everything i mean everything was fine. no, symptoms no feelings from last night not even a headache. and i promised myself i would not smoke again. 

but a month went by and my brother friend(not knowing what had happened to me) offered me to smoke with him and i didnt wanna seem like a coward because it was "just" a black and mild. and i smoked it only a few puffs this time not thinking that anything would happened. and it did. i re-lived everything. every bit of scaredness, emptyness, shaking, dizziness and thoughts. scary thoughts. and i went to sleep "knowing" that everything will be fine in the morning like last time. but i woke the next moring and it wasnt. my life was completely changed after this. and still till this  day i try to coop with my misery from this. its been a year and a month and nothing is right. my gpa went dramatically downfrom a 4.0 to a 2.8, my scores on my test scores are horrible, i cant study, i over sleep when\if i every do sleep, i dont eat, i dont trust anyone anymore, its like im living another person life. i cant be around smoking, or weed or the smell of smoking or weed, if i do i spazed out and sometimes i might re-live my nightmare in my mind while everyone around is either not caring, or just dont simply understand what is going on. my mama got me doctor and he put me on some medicine and it was some heavy stuff that would put me to sleep and deal with my anixety that was caused by this. but after awhile i felt  like i wasnt doing anything but helping with my inosmia. so i got off of them. it been five moths since i havent took my medicine and im getting better not back to the way i was or normal me, but im learning to coop with this. moral of this. its changed me, my feelings, my mind, my mental stage, my personality, my thoughts, my life.

please dont kill yourself if it doesnt get better, and i know you thinking  who is me to tell you what to do or say its not that bad cause i know what excatly you are going through and feeling and it is that bad. but love, you gave me hope through this message and yours was the first one i saw. and it touched my heart, please hang in there love and keep praying and ill pray for you.

also i wanted to ask you ,that how do you take it being around the smell of weed or smoking at all. because i cant take it i would spazed and leave where ever im at. i wanted to know if i am the only one that reacts to the smell of smoking badly

hi, this happened to me also. what's different abt my situation is that I had smoked for 7 years, I smoked basically everyday from the age of 16-23. one night I had a horrible panic attack. I am now 24 and 7.5 months clean and sober. I had never had a panic attack or any anxiety until this night, it was late august 2014 almost 8 months ago when it happened to me. all the sudden I felt weird and felt like I couldn't breathe, I was hyperventilating, my hands were clenched so tight my fingers felt like they were breaking, and I couldn't speak coherently. it was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. I thought I was going to die, an ambulance was called and I was taken to the hospital. I thought I was having a stroke bec nothing like that had ever happened to me. I didn't know it was bec of the pot, and I still don't know the cause honestly. I smoked for the next couple days bec it's what I did and never had a problem until then, and I had another full blown panic attack. since late august I haven't touched weed and I never will again. I was extremely sick for the next 2 months, I was petrified of what had happened to me that night and it still scares me. I lost 20 lb. went from 150 to 130, I looked like hell. I felt like hell. it felt like my life was over. I was seeing my doctor once a week, started seeing a therapist, they put me on Ativan and I had horrible side effects so we tried Zoloft and the same thing happened. those medications made me feel like a lunatic. we then tried xanax only .25 mg and that had worked. I couldn't eat or sleep. my heart was pounding, i was short of breath, I was extremely dizzy for weeks. I didn't work for a month. I didn't drive for 2 months. my mom was driving me everywhere including to and from work when I had to go back (I'm a housekeeper and my clients were very understanding of the situation). basically I felt like my life was over and that it would never be the same. well, I was right and I was wrong. my life is not over, but it will never be the same. I feel 70-80 percent back to normal, almost 8 months later. still hoping and praying all day everyday I'll feel normal again. the anxiety haunts me daily, it's always there in the back of my mind. it's as if I have anxiety now bec of the anxiety attack I had. it's crap. some days I just want to crawl into my bed and never come out of my house bec life is so hard to deal with now. some days I ask what I did to deserve this. but then there's other days where I feel positive and hopeful and have a great day, those are the days I am thankful for now. I appreciate many things I hadn't before, just being able to go out to lunch and laugh with family or friends is what means the world to me these days. it's a hassle to go out with friends or family. sometimes I have to leave and go home bec I get sick (dizzy, nauseous, short of breath) I'm just so scared it's going to happen again. and all anyone has to say is that "it won't kill you, no matter how bad you feel like it will. you'll be fine, just take slow deep breaths. meditate, exercise. no. these things may help some people, sometimes, but they do not help everyone, everytime. this illness is extremely hard to deal with, if it's been dealt with for a while or if it comes and smacks you in the face out of no where. it's hard bec you look normal on the outside but don't feel it on the inside, so nobody understands. "it's hard to explain, and it's hard to understand" is a statement in an anxiety article I read. it's a pretty accurate statement. I don't know where I'm going with this really, I just want you to know you're not alone. it helps me knowing I'm not alone so I hope it helps you too. I feel a lot better most days, and compared to the beginning of all this, I can say I feel amazing most days. I just hope to feel normal again, to not have anxiety tugging at me through out my days, I am so young and have so much id love to do and experience still, I can't let anxiety control my life. I try, and I try, and I really try to not let it control me or my mind. it's all abt being strong. "take control of the anxiety befire it takes control of you" is what my grandmother told me in the midst of all this. like I said, I'm trying, and I will continue to do what I can including eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, checkups, NOT abuse anxiety medication, be strong, talk to anyone who cares, just trying to keep my sanity I suppose. I hope you're doing better these days. I wish this illness upon no one. it's really hard for me. and I don't mean to sound like a big baby. it's just taken it's toll on my life. I had such an amazing life, nothing like being rich or anything materialistic. just having an amazing mother, caring family and friends, my boyfriend/fiancé/bestfriend of 5 years. my mom has been here for me since day 1, especially through this. she's been right by my side, doing anything she can for me. but the illness has really almost torn me and my fiancé apart. he doesn't seem to understand how I feel bec I look okay,

but I can't go out for weekend road trips anymore, I can't go to dinner all the time, I can't travel to see family, or do anything we used to. it's different now. and I don't know if it's bec of how I've changed but I see it as him being selfish. I would have thought my bestfriend/fiancé of 5 years would be more understand but instead this relationship is just dragging the illness on with all the problems it's been causing. I don't know what to do. anyways I just hope nobody is going through what I am. life is hard, and some have it harder, and some have it easier. it's life. that's how it goes I suppose. god bless you, good luck everyone with getting through this. it's so much harder than most people seem to put it off as. and I know anyone who's going through it understand what I'm saying. as time goes on, you will feel better and better, day after day. I am getting better. just continue to be positive and know in your heart that you will be okay some day, and if it ever does happen again, the feelings of sickness will dissipate over time as long as you stay strong and have support. good luck to you all

Hello everyone,

I wanted to make a post as I've been getting more and more notifications involving people going through this exact same situation.

Some time has passed so I wanted to type some real sentiments that are unemotional and not fueled by panic and fear like my original post.

So, let me tell you how I truly feel about this condition that I have acquired:

Since that stint of panic attacks I went to a mood and therapy program that reinforced the things I had started to realize on my own, prior to attending. I did not complete the program because I relocated back to Ottawa from the city I was in at the time to find better financial opportunities.

So, going to that bleek day in December 2012 -- prior to the episode I was very stressed. Three jobs, straight A's, a terrible home environment fueled with perpetual fighting and anxiety, a failed surgery -- etc. I was stressed out. If I wasn't stressed out, I'm not sure how the weed would have affected me. I smoked a couple times before that -- once I was great, the other did bring up some anxiety. All being said, I 100% know the weed was the catalyst to the reaction that turned my life from an innocent existence to an epic battle of psychological strength and refusing to bow down to adversity.

If you are reading this thread and you are smoking pot and don't understand what we're all talking about -- do us both a favour, stop smoking. I'm not some parental unit who is "drugs are bad, mmkay?" without saying why. I am living the "why" and sometimes in life, you don't realize something can happen to you and by the time you realize it can, it has already happened and there's no going back -- the way I cannot go back despite being a good person, deserving to be able to go back and undo a minor mistake. These things do not matter, life is not fair. Don't put yourself into a potentially unfair life situation -- don't be the stereotypical rebel, that stuff isn't good for you and even though it may be fun, there's more to life than getting high, like spending your time helping people, learning things that you can utilize to make the world a better place, focusing on your career, the list is infinite.

Aside from the above Sunday special, lets discuss where I am today.

It's been 8 months or so and after a few weeks of my intial post the panic attacks subsided albeit they often tried to re-emerge. They are controllable. For me, I get this buzzing noise in my brain, it signals that an attack is about to occur. When this happens I take 2seconds to focus on it in my mind and I get a thought like "f*** off, I'm stronger than you" and I take a breath or two. The buzzing subsides and no attack occurs. The attempts to re-emerge occured for a few months and have tried to occur maybe once in the past 5 months but know longer occur -- I am not afraid of having an attack and therefore do not have an attack. Put the time into reading and learning how to stop these attacks, I read a lot and used a lot of common sense in my mind to defuse these feelings -- a lot of it is simple, common sense, mind over matter principles. You are a human, you control your mind. A panic attack is a sentiment -- a mind is stronger than a sentiment.

Now, to the real story. No, I'm not perfectly better. I have many anxious symptoms. When I read I have this amplified level of anxiety that I never had prior to the day I smoked weed. To be honest, it's with me no matter what I do. While I shower, while I eat, I can feel more on edge than I used to. I don't let it define me or stop me from doing anything. Admittedly, reading 8hrs becomes physically unpleasant at times because the symptoms make my face, eyes and cheeks numb, my arms get hot, all of these anxious symptoms show themselves while doing any intellectually straining task. I do not enjoy these symptoms. I have very strong views on the reality and tragedy of life that "life is not fair" and that "bad things happen to good people" -- it is saddening knowing things like this happen to people who have done knowing to bring this type of luck on. But you know, if there's one thing that motivates me it's knowing that if I want to make life more fair I can't give up on myself and I have to keep pushing through this adversity -- and sometimes, push through the physical pain.

I am not sure if these symptoms will ever permanent dissipate and return to their baseline level, prior to the night I smoked marijuana. I don't know -- I could feel the way I do forever.

To the people reading that I want you to understand something. Do not take that in a negative manner. I work multiple jobs, have recently started a business, am working very hard to become a self-made millionaire (I have a long way to go) and philanthropist. Realistically, my life is good. My life is great. I do everything I want to do. I am the same person I was before that night -- to be honest, now that I have went through an experience that has enabled me to relate to the pain and sorrows of other people, I am a better person than before that night. So, I don't want you thinking anything along the lines of "oh man, my life is ruined, it won't get better, etc etc" because that's bull and only a psychologically weak person will succumb to this in my personal opinion. You are strong, you are stronger than this. I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy -- but if you put in the work you're going to be glad you did and things are going to be very good. You will be a stronger person. I look at so many people now, knowing in my heart that many (not all of course) have not experienced something so psychologically shaking and the fact that I have risen above tells me that I'm going to succeed in business, in being a father (admittedly I will probably adopt a child from a third world country since I do not want to pass on a weak biology), in life. Use this experience to make you stronger and more efficient in the everyday things you'll have to do in the future.

I am not sure if these symptoms are going to return to base level. To be honest, I think there's a chance they will - it will just take a lot of time and more hard work on my end. I have not lost hope -- I will also say that I'm not afraid if the symptoms do not fade away. They are physically discomforting, give me fatigue and at times, I really can't help but to wonder why -- but they will not stop me. Nobody knows I have this demon inside of me -- I function like a completely normal person and I will not let it affect how I conduct myself. The battle is internal and as I've said multiple times, we are stronger than these fake chemical emotions and sensations.

We are closing in on 2.5 years for me, soon enough -- and everyday I get stronger and better. If you adopt a mindset similar to mine in that you will not succumb to this bull -- you will succeed as well.

If you ignore the thoughts, sensations, the halos on the lights, the dreamlike existence, the panic attack sensations and everything else -- their effect on you will weaken and the symptoms themselves will dissipate to lower levels.

I cannot tell you how to make them permanently vanish as I have not yet found this out myself -- but I believe if this possibility is even viable, the solution would be a combination of staying calm at all times, ignoring the symptoms, living your life as you would like to live it and in time, I am inclined to think we might just feel like we were supposed to be.

Never give up. Do not ever bow down to adversity.

I will not be posting anymore posts for awhile -- make me proud and overcome your obstacles.

Good luck.

Same with me but it was on New Years. I got high with out noticing till I left the room. I started having tunnel vision and panic attacks. it literally change my perception of life. I began to dwell in fear and even tho I used to be a strong Christian I felt guilt. It was horrible. I was taking a psychology class it happened to be my professor was a hypnotist. He allowed the students to get hypnosis as one of the assignments if they wanted to ofcourse . I got it and it helped me change my though process and I'm hopeful it would help you dude😄 weed is not for everyone. It takes you places mentally. sad part is you can't chose weather it's heaven or hell. Lesson learned

Wow, did you get screwed. First of all where did the pot come from? If it's street pot then it was more than likely laced with something else. Most street dealers dust their weed with something so they can sell less for more. Sometimes they use PCP. This stuff is incredibly dangerous and can cause long term psychotic episodes that can mess you up for a long time. Some dealers use meth and heroin so the user gets addicted and these drugs can mess you up like PCP. I suffered from anxiety that used to freak me out and I would wind up in emergency. When I decided to try pot because everyone said it works great on anxiety I was also told not to use street pot..... EVER!!! I went to a practitioner who used home grown and home cultivated pot. It was great. The anxiety would go away and I would use it for break through anxiety until I felt good. I went to meetings with other pot users for anxiety and there was a lady there who had your symptoms and guess what...... she was using street pot. Later she got blood tests and they found high levels of meth in her body. It took forever for her to get normal again and now she uses tincture to dose with from my practitioner and has her anxiety under control. You'd be well served by a doctor to blood test for those other drugs just to be safe especially PCP. Get it done soon and anyone will tell you....... home brown is best. Good luck.

Oh and the other drug they use is ketamin. Google PCP and ketamin and check the way they make the brain behave and they long term effects.

Okay I did some more reading and asked some questions in my group and found your problems are common with street pot. One of the big problems with pot grown in places like Mexico, South America and the middle east are pesticides and insecticides. Some of the chemicals they use have been banned in first world countries for decades and they very rarely follow any prescribed instruction. They usually spray it on full strength and it remains on the plant and is absorbed by the plant through the leafs and roots. One article I found stated that the growers even spayed the pot after harvest to keep bugs and vermin away so it comes coated with poisons. What can you expect from countries where they don't have any government regulations in place or flush toilets or sanitation. Unprocessed human waste there is considered fertilizer. So you have all those chemicals already and the dealers add their own on top of it all so it's no wonder we're seeing all these bad reactions. I used to take pharmaceuticals for anxiety but kept getting nightmares. That's why I wanted to try pot you know the natural way? Not once did I ever have a bad reaction and I have been using for 5 years, not smoking but tincture or an edible and never street pot but chemical free farmed by my practitioner. Most users I know grow their own because of the chemical scare. One of the chemicals they use in Mexico is so toxic it is considered a chemical weapon. It can cause severe brain damage and paralysis when there is skin contact or accidental ingestion so imagine what happens when you smoke this crap. There are people in my group that say unless they put the seed in the ground and grew it themselves then they won't touch it. After all, would you take medicine produced in a tent by two hillbillies with no education? That's called meth people and look at the danger in that stuff. Pot is good in its purest form but add a dozen or more dangerous, uncontrolled chemicals and bad things will always happen.

Google and readPAN International's list of Dirty Dozen pesticides I guarantee you will never use street pot again.

Well this same thing happened to me, but not with weed, with the drug treament used for malaria.

All I can say is that this is a long hard road, but you will recover as you have expressed that you will do anything to get your old life back.  I think it is important to accept that your new life may be very challenging at the moment but this is your life now, and if you can accept that you can get to a point where your symptoms can become very manageable.  Also knowing that if you do all of the hard work it takes to get through this you will be better equiped to deal with future adversity.

I am now in a place where the anxiety disorder I developed from using the malaria drug as well as the worsened depressive symptoms are manageable.  I have a happy and full life.

Dealing with anxiety and depression can be a little bit of a puzzle, there are many different coping mechanisms/techniques and you must find the right combinaiton of the ones that work for you.  This means you will likely have to try many different approaches and learn how to create your own custom balance.  

For me, I was able to do this with the following techniques/strategies:

Therapy: CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and interpersonal therapy

Exercise: for me this is always the fastest way to get my anxiety to dissapate

Sleep: have excellent sleep hygiene, sleep for as many hours is right for you (9 for me)

Meditation/Breathing techniques:  Meditation is a practice.  Start now, it will change your life.

Socialization and social network of support

Supplement regime: being anxious/depressed is hard on you body

No caffeine, no booze, no street drugs: this will help to keep mood fluctuations to a minimum outside of what you are already coping with, which is enough

Mindfullness

Group therapy

Hypnosis (especially useful if you have mastered CBT techniques)

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Get creative: make things with your own two hands

Go Outside Every Day: no matter how sh*tty you feel, get your butt outside, preferably during daylight hours.  Walking is hugely important (ever hear people talk about taking their daily consitutional in films and movies? That's because walking is good for you on soooo many levels)

Yoga: find a class that is really positive and stresses the importance of the practice of yoga as both physical and spiritual, steer clear of classes that feel competitive or showy.  The feeling of being in corpse pose after doing yoga for an hour is like 5 minutes of heaven, pure peace, floaty awesomeness and that good feeling lingers in your being

Laugh: laugh on purpose, watch movies/tv/comedie that you know will make you laugh, choose to be silly on purpose

Have fun: easier said then done, I know, however indulging in activities that you used to find fun or helpful in relieving stress purposefully and repeatedly will help

Don't give up!!!!! You will feel better, just keep working.  You are not alone, i have been through this too and it was total hell, but it isn't anymore.  Cut yourself some slack and be compassionate and kind to yoursefl.  Think of this experience that you had with weed as an injury.  This injury will heal, with therapy, rest and recovery... and perhaps all the work you do to heal the injury will make you even stronger than you were before.

Best of luck.