My partner is so incensitive!!

Well it all sounds positive but when you are feeling so unwell as I personally have been you Can’t commit to anything . Most women are exhausted don’t sleep can’t make plans ... your life is turned upside down and that’s part of the problem . 

So great suggestions but when you can’t even make it out of the house .... I’ve been a hermit with all this and only go day by day when it comes to making dates with friends ...

Hello

I have to say I agree with both sides of this. It is really hard when you're in that hole up to your neck and are crippled with fear. Volunteering may seem completely impossible for some, but may be good for others so there are lots of helpful things suggested, just maybe not a one size fits all. All I know from my experience, is the more I stayed home, the worse I got . I was then fearful of the boring everyday tasks like shopping. That then led to me working from home more, and eventually feeling so isolated I stopped working. I think we all have to do what feels right, but maybe also try to challenge the feelings to get out and try to do 1 positive thing a day. There's no right or wrong in this, just lots of individuals with lots of symptoms. We need to pull together and celebrate our strength and achievements, no matter how small. I went back to work today.... Wasn't easy, didn't enjoy it but that's another thing done. Stay strong xx ?

Sassy, that’s awesome!  I hope I will be at that point soon!  🤗

Hi Linda, thanks for your reply. I do still technically have a job but I have been off sick for a month now as my boss was giving me a hard time and not being sympathetic, making my symptoms worse. He is very ruthless not just with me with anyone who he thinks is a weak link within the company, I say company it's a workplace that time forgot no health and safety, no respect for the workers who keep there business going, no occupational health department to goto when your struggling and no union, I got on very well with my co worker and feel bad that he now has to cover for me but my health had to come first and the final straw was when the boss cut my hours as he likes to play games to get you to quit. Why did I stay for 13 years some may be thinking, because it's only the last 4 years that he has been based at that depot he's the owners son, and all of the workers agree the place has gone downhill since and he's driving people out. Its poorly paid(min wage) so you also think why should I put up with this for low pay.

My partner is also in a min wage job but has only been there 7 weeks as got made redundant, he doesn't dislike his job but wishes pay was better, we haven't been having much luck for a while and I guess everything builds up and you take things out on each other so this peri isn't helping that's for sure. I think you stick at jobs your not keen on because you get used to the cash, pays the bills and longer your there better the devil you know and when you have been there for a while and your a certain age you panic thinking what are you going to do, who will employ you at 50, I really don't want to start again at this age so you put off looking for something else. Peri can destroy your confidence to and can make things really negative so you convince yourself your not worthy to ever find something you enjoy.

My partner stands by me if I decide I have to leave as he thinks I've done well to stick it for 13 years and the boss has gone way to far cutting my hours. And we are both racking our brains trying to think of more enjoyable ways for me to earn some cash.

Thankyou Lou, all I have to do is do it all again every day for the next 20 years or so lol. Thanks for your support. You'll get there xx

Hi sassy, good you went back to work 😀 I hope I will soon, probably not my old job but hopefully will find something better. I do think your mind works overtime more when your at home alone all day but like Lori said sometimes you don't have a choice if your symptoms are that bad and you have social anxiety like my friend does or agoraphobia. While I do manage to get out twice a day with my doggy and know a few regular dog walkers that I chat to there are some days I would rather stay in and hide but mostly I'm out and about as it helps with the anxiety and if I don't feel like socializing I just go with my doggy some where quiet like the woods amongst nature, it's further to walk and if I'm pain free can go.

Yes being at home ( and I have for 11 years now) never bothered me as I was level headed and pretty content with my life . But since all this menopause  I’m going a bit stir crazy .. not that I don’t have things to do around the house errands to run etc. I’ve never really felt lonely always optimistic but having just got divorced thinking when I ‘level out’ and ‘get stable’ I may volunteer too. 

I always had travel plans dinner plans friends coming over so kept busy but with all this 🙄 

I can’t commit to anything ... always exhausted. 

Hi Lori

I know exactly how you feel. I've always loved being home, so working from home was a no brainer....i could work, and hoover! Just seemed that when everything crashed, I'd already boxed myself in. I really had to force myself in the early days to even get in contact with friends or leave the house to do anything. So it did take an almighty push before it started to feel easier xx

Yes Sarah the way I feel I would be doing a disservice to an employer right now ... when you’re not feeling 100% or even 10% how can you take something new on and give it your best ? 

Plus getting hired at 52 ? You have to be really lucky to find something good. I was in the fashion industry all my life but where my ex moved us to ... there’s no industry apart from fishing hotels tourism . 

My mantra is get stable mentally first then tackle the other things . I think you’ll know when you’re better when the days aren’t so daunting and you’re not thinking about every mood and analyzing yourself . 

Plus I suffer from panic etc. hopefully this will ease up now I’m on a low dose estradiol patch .

I know sassy ... I’m thinking I’ve spent the last 3 years living alone ( without my husband ) with a 1 year relationship in between (but not living together ). I never felt cuckoo or lonely ... I’d take a nap in the afternoon and really enjoyed my time alone . Was always thankful I didn’t have to work .. could make plans trips etc without worrying about work. 

I’ll guess I should get another boyfriend 😀 or take the old one back 🤣 as even if you don’t live together they keep your mind occupied .

I think the last 5 months however have traumatized my mind ... it’s been a real shock to my ego and system . What ? I don’t have control of my body ? What ? I’m not positive ? What? I’m not confident .

Just a waiting game now to get back there ! 

I totally understand the non committing thing, in fact I lost friendships because of it, the ones that stayed are going through similiar issues.   The beauty of a home business is you have a bit more control, meaning you can make your hours and change hours with no boss to answer to, and finding something that you are passionate about makes it better.    I think the wake up call for me is I felt like I was on this crazy merri go round for fear and. I was going no where.   There was joy going on around me and I was so wrapped up in how I felt it nearly brought me to depression.    I still have days where I would rather sit and focus on how awful I feel,  but it just makes it worse.   Whether we are at home or somewhere else we are still going to have it, but at least we are distracted.    Anxiety especially when our hormones are depleting can feel nearly suffocating, constant worry about just about anything.   

Yes I totally relate,   I force myself to go out because if I don't, I won't!   Then like you I begin to feel the dread of walking through the grocery store, my legs go rubbery and the shakes.......Fighting anxiety is a daily battle and it can be faced,  but like you say we have to challenge ourselves.    It's always easier to hide from people, we feel in control and don't feel like we are being watched when we are behind our walls filled with our comfort.....but reality this is not living it's existing, and fighting to live is what we all must do.   If all our doctors tests tell us our symptom are from peri menopause or stress, that is a positive thing because it means we are not sick with a horrible disease that we all fear at this time, so we need to face our fears and live life.    I often find after I have faced a fear whether it be a social event or an appointment I dread, I find after I faced it and walking away I feel so much better about myself.   

I know Lori

It would make sense to fill your time with a partner, but I guess maybe not the way to go til you start appreciating yourself and the position you're in.... They're hard enough work without feeling a bit fragile maybe start small Lori? Make a list of what you'd like to achieve, no later how small and just chip away at it. I tried to unpick the negative thoughts, so if I was invited somewhere I'd immediately say no. So I tried to catch myself and change it to a yes...... Oh the boring evenings I've had at the theatre, or meeting colleagues for drinks, but I started to feel better about it. I felt awful whether I was in or out, so why not give it a go. You have to get used to getting confidence from the tiny things for now. I'd look back at my list and on paper I was living..... The actual living kinda caught up later. ? Xxc

Yes I actually prefer being at home right now, I still go out and socialize if I'm upto it and would love to work from home right now. I agree how can you commit to a new job when we feel how we feel, I will have to though as can't afford not to. but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it and try and make the most of not having to commit to something I don't really want to right now.

Thanks Sassy great advice . I try to get out at least once a week ..... it’s just the fatigue that stops me and sometimes I’d just prefer to go running as I don’t feel too attractive or confident right now . 

I am getting my color done today which always cheers you up ... it’s all one day at a time for me right now . I just need to recover first from the 5 months of hell its traumatized me to no end and been a big SHOCK that this happened to Me ? The strong confident woman .... it knocks you down a peg or a 100.