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My world at the moment!

Posted , 21 users are following.

Annibgood
Annibgood

Hi all

12 week post TKR

Many of you will know me from this forumI'm Irish Ann.

Everyone on this forum has been so helpful and informative and I would not be as well as I am today without you all. Thank you.  Thank you.

My world at the moment is in chaos.

My one and only sister, which I have spoken about on this forum, is in hospital 50 miles away with a virulent form of pneumonia.  She is quite frail, and is very ill.

My mother (she's 91) is in hospital near me for over a week, with the same pneumonia.  She had given it to my sister.  My mother is doing well and is responding to treatment.

My husband is in the same hospital awaiting an operation in the 'man problem' area.

He has major heart problems so anaesthesia is a problem and they are still not sure how to proceed at the moment.

He has a large inoperable clot in the back of his heart.

He also has haemachromatosis.

All three are serious and coud kill him and I dont know which bit of him to worry about the most!

But by far the worst and saddest of all is I am losing him, my husband of 47 years, my best friend to dementia. 

He is slowly fading away from me.  Did not remember that they had told him he had a clot in the heart.  Did not tell me about the haemachromatosis nor did he turn up for the appointment that was made for him.  I only found all this out a couple of weeks ago, and the haemachromatosis when he was admitted yesterday.

He will never go into a doctors surgery without me EVER again.

It was a wake up call for me, I had not realised how bad he really was, as on day to day things he is fine.  But anything new he will keep asking you the same thing over and over again.

Terrible too for me was going to the doctors yesterday and explaining that he would not remember a word of what they tell him and they would need to refer to me.

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with TKR but just needed to have a rant and you are the best guys I know for that.

Thank you for listening

Ann

Ireland

 

5 likes, 120 replies

120 Replies

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  • donna31162
    donna31162 Annibgood

    Posted

    Ann 

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    This is just a lot to deal with for one person.

    Take Care

  • anne07663
    anne07663 Annibgood

    Posted

    Hang in there, girl...from another Anne! My mom is also like your husband with dementia. Her independence was certainly to her detriment. She ended up in a care facility. Try not to worry to much, it doesn't get you anywhere good. Whatever will be will be. Take care of yourself and be there for your sweetheart. I hope everything goes well for him. Let us know. Do you have other siblings? 
  • Annibgood
    Annibgood

    Posted

    Thanks 'Other Anne' from  I know not where!

    I have one sister wh'o is seriously ill herself and in hospital too at the moment.

    So flying solo in the 'mother department'

    Thankfully Colm and my mother are on the same floor of the hospital, so I'm hobbling down a long corridor from ward to ward!!

    • anne07663
      anne07663 Annibgood

      Posted

      I'm in Nova Scotia, Canada. You are a tough lady and will come out on top! 
  • Melodi
    Melodi Annibgood

    Posted

    Hi Ann

    I'm Recovering from a 2nd TKR 6weeks ago and feel sorry for myself as this one is taking slower to recover to lead a normal life but after reading your letter I feel embarrassed after ready your letter. 

    You are a very brave lady and copy well with 3 very close family members so Ill but your priority is your husband, dementia is very hard to live with. 

    I will be thinking of you.  Xxxx

  • cheryl90571
    cheryl90571 Annibgood

    Posted

    You are very wise to write down all that is happening and share it here, the BEST PLACE to get help , comfort, and understanding from so many who have dealt with similar issues.

    You have SO MANY things that you are dealing with AT ONE TIME! So many.

    It is very hard when so many things are out of our control. We want to fix everybody. We want everyone to be well. It can seem so impossible!

    Today I am sending you a reminder that there is One who is ALWAYS there. One who never sleeps. One who has us all in His loving care.

    Sending prayers of strength, calm and peace to you today. You are never alone in your trials.

  • martinarvelo
    martinarvelo Annibgood

    Posted

    Dear Ann . . what can one say. You have just too much to cope with at the moment, and it must be reallyr heartbreakjing. I do understand very well.  My husband has also been diagnosed with vascular dementia. Like your husband, to many people on short acquaintance it appears there is nothing wrong, but short term memory is non existent, and even everyday things like dressing, getting in and out of bed etc. are proving really difficult for him.  and like your husband, he is still at the stage where he realises what is happening to him, which in many ways makes it worse. . .On top of that, we have just been broken in to, everything of value stolen, jewelry, silver etc., the safe ripped from the wall . . and the house left in an incredible muddle. . .so bad we had to go to a hotel for the first night.  But none of that compares with the stress and worry you are going through with your husbands serious illnesses, and your mother in hospital as well . . just too much to cope with on top of a TKR which is enough to fell any of us!  I hope you have some supportive relatives . . that does help a lot. The day after our break in, seven nieces and nephews arrived, and spent all day here sorting out the broken furniture, hanging up all the clothes, etc. etc.  It's a help not just with the clearing up, but feeling there are still people who care!  The best of luck to your husband, and I do hope that he pulls through OK.  And this is just the place to have a rant!!!

     

    • cheryl90571
      cheryl90571 martinarvelo

      Posted

      Oh my! So sorry to hear about the break-in at your home! Such a violation of all that you own and value!

      It is fortunate that your nieces and nephews came to help in the aftermath of the break-in. I can't even imagine all you have had to deal with after all that happened!

      You are so amazing! You had your own sadness, YET you were able to reach out to Ann right away!

      May God lift your spirits and help you to deal with all YOU have to endure following the break-in, and may you always keep your kind and giving ways.

      Sending prayers of strength to you and your husband today.

  • elaine90714
    elaine90714 Annibgood

    Posted

    My friend Ann

    I'm so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news. Everything at the same time is so difficult to hear and process.

    I want to share with you my plan of attack on overwhelming situations.

    Divide and Conquer. We know your mum is doing well and underway in her treatment of pneumonia. Great. Your wonderful sister is doing her thing- letting the meds help her thru her pneumonia. I know he is not well, but, right now she is getting the care she needs. Your hubby, you will look and only think about his coming operation. Get past that and breathe.

    You have a funny wit, sense of humor-that

    will see you through. One day at a time.

    Please be most careful and concerned with your own health, too.

    Carry some chocolate with you. It always helps me. I am with, we are all with you- your TKR, et al Family.

    Post us during your day your feelings and progress.

    Your Michigan friend... Elaine

  • liz00723
    liz00723 Annibgood

    Posted

    O Ann, my heart goes out to you.  You have too much to cope with but what can you do.  None of what is happening is fair and being Post-op TKR on top of it all is awful.  You are still at a stage where you really need support.

    we are all here for you, please share with us, we are your friends.  I know it is highly unlikely that I will meet anyone from here but many of you have been a massive support to me.  We will do that for you.  Rant, rage, cry, shout, we will listen.

    i am so sorry about your husband, that is the hardest thing of all to cope with.  Do you have children?  

    Please look after yourself as you need to be strong to cope with your life at present.

    take care and we are with you.

    lots of love and kind thoughts

    liz xxxx

    • Annibgood
      Annibgood liz00723

      Posted

      Hi Liz

      I have four children, three girls and one boy,  all married and flown the nest. Six grandchildren.Two live near me and are great. They are doing the evening shift to give me a night off tonight.

    • john_04330
      john_04330 Annibgood

      Posted

      Hi Ann

      You were so good to me when i first came to the forum. So sorry to hear about all your troubles . I looked after my mother with dementia and I know how difficult it is. Thinking of you.

      John.

    • liz00723
      liz00723 Annibgood

      Posted

      Hi Ann

      Just read this and so glad you have got family close by, hard for them as well.  You are really a strong woman, but even strong women need to have a good cry at times, or as we say in Scotland, a good wee greet.  Don't be afraid to ask for help and we are here to listen to you.  I have not had to go through this so can't put myself in your shoes and on top of your TKR I have no idea how you are coping.

      Rest when you can.

      Liz 

    • Annibgood
      Annibgood john_04330

      Posted

      Thanks so much John.

      Everyone has been so kind to me today and have me all weepy and as you can guess I'm just not that kinda gal!  Laugh and the world laughs with you.......You know the rest.

      I'm so sorry about your Mum.  Its such a cruel disease.

      We were done at the same time. How is the knee doing?

      Mine is much better now. Still stiff and achy (log leg) still stretching, icing and taking painkillers, but not as many now.

      But obviously in the last week or so its been - TKR! Take up your bed and walk. rolleyes

      Best wishes

      Ann

      THE IRISH ONE!

       

    • Damy
      Damy Annibgood

      Posted

      Dear Ann , (the Irish one)!!

      my heart has broken for you upon hearing of your trials and tribulations!!!!

      with your husband so I'll it sounds like you haven't even had the support at home to help and nurture you!! It is of upmost importance that you take care of yourself, or you won't be of any good for anyone else.

      though I can't tell you how to do this given all that u have on ur plate.

      SOOOO sorry. I feel guilty being me and moaning away every time I have a pain. I do try to be grateful  and know that there is always worse and ur story, sadly , is proof of that. 

      I wish we could wave a magic wand and make it all better.

      in its stead I will let u know that I have you and ur family in my thoughts and hope for u all the best possible outcome.

      i applaud u for reaching out, Damy 

    • john_04330
      john_04330 Annibgood

      Posted

      Hi Ann

      I lost my dear Mother many years ago Ann. Best friend to use another cliche. Im probably about the same as you as far as recovery. Much better,driving,walking but i dont want to do too much,exercise etc. Got a rash which i started another discussion about . Ive really cut down on the painkillers.

      God bless

      John.

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