Name your 'Gammy' bit.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwell ,it brought a smile to me face and a giggle too

L xx

Another one:

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: Well, don't do that then.

Boom, boom

 

And yet another:

Doctor: Your tonsils have got to come out.

Patient: I want a second opinion.

Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

 

giggle ,where on earth do you get them from

 

That would be telling....wink, wink

Rx

Yes I guess it would be ...ho! hum! ...

L x

theres two novelity songs that cheer me up no ends 

the first is the chicken song /spitting image

the second  chicken plucker / bill maynard 

just makes me feel really happy .as i sing along to the them .

suppose its because they are from a time when i wasnt sick .

My heaven, the chicken song and the chicken plucker, yes I remember them well.

I don't know if you agree, but the late Les Dawson was really clever - an excellent musician and a real wordsmith.

When ever I see him on the re-runs of his shows he makes me chuckle.

Sad loss to the world of comedy.

my mistake its the phasant plucker not

chicken plucker ,

well what a disgrace forgetting poor les ,yes an absolute genius i love comics that are good with words . and i loved the mother in law gags .

love paul ogrady ,and his alter ego lilly ; brilliant .

and the great talents of morcombe and wise , benny hill , dave allen, derek nimo ,

fantastic shows like dads army, wheel tappers and shunters, the good old days , steptoe, opertunity knocks, new faces with the lovely marti cane , sale centray, take your pick, golden shot with lovely annie , 

proper entertament shows not reality cr-p like today . no wonder we were a lot happier . and more content with our lives   

I got a birthday card from my mum today. Cartoon man and woman in bed. She says 'My orgasm was fake', he replies 'That's okay, so is my hair'. Hehe

happy birthday hun .

Les was so funny as a woman, the way he kept hitching his boobs up and his expressions. 

iv never had a card from my mum for my birthday since i was 13 .

yeah sissy and ada loved them .

Great - very funny card.Ha, ha,  

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, and lots more.

Mine is next Monday - I am 71 years of age.

Where have all the years gone?

Les was a great comedian, musician and all round good guy.

He is missed by many.

to a land called long ago , 

Yes Tiswas I did know the difference but I didn't want to risk using impolite language by accident, so it will remain 'the chicken plucker' in my mind.

O'Grady is good, but I was not happy about Benny Hill after hearing that he was a bit of a pervert.

Steptoe and Son was really great - can you imagine what would happen if they produced and ran that program today?

Couldn't believe it when they announced that Harry H Corbet had died so young.

I once bumped into Hughie Green at London Airport. He was extremely tall and had an ego to match. But the thing that really turned me off him was his ignorant behaviour - pushing people out of his way because he wanted to get to the bar. Not a nice man at all.

It's not till Wednesday but thank you Tis! 

Scuse me after hearing he was a pervert, wasn't it obvious? I'm unfortunately related to Benny Hill but not by blood thank God.

Sorry I didn't mean to offend you.

I didn't know until some programme dealt with his life on TV some years ago.

I just thought that he put that persona on for the benefit of his shows.

I WAS TALKING MORE ABOUT THE PROGRAMMES THAN THE HOSTS

benny hill liked the ladies and the ladies didnt mind . 

i liked his songs , and charectors . i also like dick emmery . 

i knew hughie green was reported to be a bit of an arse but that goes with the territory , you get arogant A--e Holes today and they have nothing to be so about . and remember wilfred brambel was accused of sexual misbeavouier . i'm a phasant pluckers son and i;m only plucking phasants till the phasant plucker comes . gets faster as you know iv never got threw it with ou t at least one slip up . bill maynard did it perfect on top of the pops.  do you remember the wursels great fun .

happy birthday to you 

happy birthday to you 

happy birthday dear georgia 

happy birthday to you .

Have you been embalmed yet? Runs away.

Happy birthday to me, yeah, I'm still bloody well here. ha ha, the jokes on me 

Such fond and endearing memories - so what's happened then?

WE'RE ALL DOOMED..........

No we are NOT, there is still hope.

It's the young people that I worry about.

No money, then they have to borrow thousands and thousands for an education, and then no job.

Then what?

In all sincerity this time thanks Tian. Love you. 

Routine enbalming is due next Thursday week, but I won't be there as I will be too busy going on HOLIDAY....Oh yes....

It's ok, I know you meant no offence to anyone. Of all the people that could've been my extended family that was famous it had to be him! I'd rather it was Paul O Grady. 

I'm surprised you weren't embalmed in the Egyptian times! Runs away and this time ducks as well.

Well as far as I am concerned if I like them I like them, and if I don't I simply pay not attention.

As it so happens I hardly ever watch the TV now adays as I think there is a lot of guff and repeats on, and when it is neither of those it is some calamity or other on the news.  

I did however make an exception last night when I watched the last episode of 'the Midwife'.

Now I did think that was a very good series.

Feel free to fire back!

Not at all, you are far too nice a person for me to do that to you, and anyway I have broad shoulders and I believe in good behaviour.

That is, unless you want me to fire back, but be warned I don't use a pea shooter, I use a cannon!

I used to like Jimmy Saville and I even wrote to him asking for a parachute jump and to meet Frank Spencer, thank God they said no! love the midwife series!

I'm half Mancunian and half Scouser by birth so I'm sure I can take it! 

Saville, well there's something else for you.

At first I couldn't believe it, then when all the complaints from those poor people started pouring-in it suddenly dawned on me one day that this was true - this person was evil personified.

What I still cannot understand is how he managed to get away with it for so long. The BBC knew, The Police knew, some people in Government knew and then of course there were all his so-called 'friends' who knew.

The Midwife series was so true to life.

You are probably too young to remember the 50s and 60s, but I remember them well, and particularly a convent near to where I lived when I was young that was a base for local midwives.

It was so much like the series, and so very nostalic for me.

'nostalgic'

I was born in the 60s so I remember some of it but from a child's point of view knowing nothing of the evil in the world. I still don't understand it, neither do I want to.

Well said.

I guess none of us really knew just what those people were like.It came a a shock to lots of us reading about it ,but like you said Archemedes ,why was nothing done about it at the time it became known to so many .It is eveil that he got away with things ,and the poor people still had to carry on.

Happy birthday to you Georgia ,and many of them .Also to you too Archemedes ,for next week and wishing you many many more.Re theold series ,yes there were so many good programs ,that we don`t get today ..nostalgia ,yes it too has flown away ...time is something we can capture on camera but never hold in our hands ...so we have to really hold on tight to the loves we have in our lives ,and to give ouir love back .

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lovely, as ever. Thanks

So here is something for you - yet another joke:

"Sweetheart why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years.

“Ok,” said her husband settling himself down.

“Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy.

“Umm I think I’ll take the soup.” He responded.

After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer and sneaked into the kitchen and asked,

“Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?”

“Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied.

“It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

Boom, boom

We can hold the happier times Milly through each other. 

Is it your birthday too soon? Mines Wednesday but mum always sends her cards early. My sons is on the 19th.

wheres theres money there lurks evil .

i believe the bbc precured rent boys for frankie howard .

before the days of legality . 

I don't want to hear that!

never liked jimmy saville there was something about him that made me feel uneasy . i wasnt at all surprized when it came out . 

but i think the ones who turned a blind eye to his carring on are as guilty as him . 

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww ,well what can I say to that  LOL LOL LOL .....other than thank you  ( in the middle of a huge giggle ) ....I have to admit to havig fits of giggling at times,the other night I woke myself up giggling about something I had thought about during a dream I was having ....luckily I didnt wake my Husband up ..but he woke me up early this morning  shouting out so loudly "Where `s the soup` he is a quiet spoken man ,so it was so funny him shouting this out ....

L x

sorry Tis, that was just my gut reaction after talking about it too much.

Now lets all focus on the good people since we've had our rant.

Dawn French! The vicar of dibley.

what ,it was a reply to archemedes 

good Excellant fantastic cast and story . i think there is a final serise .

I'm on the 16th of March.

 

they done away with all that was good about britain .

and now we are paying the price

So so true Georgia ,, we can indeed do this

xx

 

He !He ! you are mere babies ,I can give you and Georgia  a few years ...

I remember the 40` 50 and the swinging 60`  she says with a giggle

L x

I'm off to bed now people, as my fingers are numb from banging away at this stupid keyboard.

I would have changed it by now but it's part of my laptop.

Your task for tonight is to think-up some really funny jokes and tell them here on your next visit.

As we have nearly 80 posts on this thread I might start another one tomorrow and call it  Name your 'Gammy' bit - The Return Part 2.

I think this one has been quite successful - a good place to come and have a laugh - have a moan - revisit old times and put the world to rights.

In fact I will do it now to let all you insomniacs have a bash at it. So look out on the General Chatroom for Name your 'Gammy' bit - The Return Part 2.

Well you certainly don't do too bad on it dear friend.

Keep up the most excellent work.

R x

I assume she faked her orgasms then? 

God knows......

lucky you the best of times such changes 

Goodmorning Tis,

Yes I am lucky to have been old enough to enjoy those days ,but while it is good to recall them ,it is still sad ,knowing they will never be the same again

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

 Goodmorning ,Dear Friend,

Thank you ,it is ok ,,as like everyone else I have days when not so flighty,that is how it goes ,you say you are going on holiday,are you going somewhere  nice ? I mean staying in our own country or going abroad?anyway I hope you fully enjoy it

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

L x

Goodmorning Georgie,

Hope you are feeling that bit better this morning, I have to ask who seems to faking her Orgasms?

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i was born jan 60 a sunday .

i loved the 60s/70s/80s in which i grew up in 

and would not ever have wanted to grow up any time forward of that 

infact i would have rather have grown up in the 40s/50s as tough as those 

times were  . we had hope for the future . not so today .

hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Hello Tis,

Well seeing I was born in 1936,I did partly grow up in the latter part of the 40`s.In 1940 I would be 4 years old.So I did grow up in the remainder of said years.

I remember the 50`s 60`s and 70` so well.Like you say today there appears to be no hope for our younger generation ,this makes me sad .

So many things have changed and not all are for the better ,the so called progress is not always progress.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

you cant have progress if you do not learn from the past and plan accordingly .hugsssssssssssssssss

Lmao love the that one. Second opinion. 

You could add:

Patient: But doc you're looking in the mirror!

I've always been very naive about people, until I got burnt too often and now I can barely trust anyone, complete opposite. 

i trust my instincts when i do i am safe when i ignore them i pay a hugh price

Birth date in between me and my son then! Mad March hares we three. 

Did you wear a mini skirt and drive a mini Milly? 

Archemedes joke ending “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

Faking orgasm! Lol Sometimes I've done that just to get it over with. Ha ha

LOL LOL to you

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

Yes I did indeed wear a mini skirt,Strange lol I thought I had replied to you ,but not so as I cant find my posting .

I was told more than once I lookd good ans it suiited me ,not my own opinion I hasten to add

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

xx

There's your answer, if only God knows she must have! 

You know what its like Georgia when a man gets to a certain age - well to put it bluntly, things tend to drop-off quite regularly!

Oh you men are so thick sometimes! Pokes tongue out. For us it's the amount of love put into it more than the physical activities. Our bodies are sensitive in a million trillion ways. 

Then I will allow you to love and worship me - start any time you are ready.

Hang on a moment - I will just brace myself.

I studied karate, you braced enough for that? 

I have a nidan (2nd) 段, a black eye to match, and the backest, bleakest sense of humour you will ever be unfortunate enough to meet in a dark alley.

So let me just put my crutches down a minute - right I'm duly braced.

x 

You Scots! Just because you get wind up your kilts you think you have it all! 

i grew up on the markets all over the midlands and down to southall in london ,on the southhall market we had jews,scots,irish,asian etc it really was a multi culture centre of learning and the humour bawldy blue 

and i learnt so much about life from them all .never any agro  except maybe over parking and being blocked in .we all just rubbed along .

two of my favarite music hall numbers are ,two lovely black eyes, and the laughing police man if you listen to the lyrics there very clever 

Agreed

Mmmm things drop off quite regularly. How many did you have to start with?

Well! We do don't we Archemedes. Just . . Er . . Wait til I get this porridge out of ma sporran.

Too late George, so busy cleaning your sporran I just hit you in the head with a flying haggis. That's why you're feeling so stunned! 

An amble sufficiency, thank you.

Not a supernan then, . . . 

Man went to a fancy dress party dressed in T shirt and Jeans.

Hay man, this is a fancy dress party. Why aren't you in fancy dress?

I am 

ugh?

He calmly indicated his corsage - two cherries and three cherries

ugh?

Man and Superman

 

A friend to many, a mortal to some, Superman to others, father to an army, a saviour to a few, an angel to less, a crack to a mirror. 

I thought jokes are supposed to make people laugh, not give them permanent brain damage trying to work them out. What!

I think I just got it George and if I did don't let your wife read it!

A Scots white botty on a windy day because it can be the full moon when it's cloudy, it's certainly mortal because we all hope it won't last for long, superman when it can crush a grape, father to the fiercest army of turds, saviour to hungry flies, angel to the one who owns it and the mirror creases itself laughing and cracks when it sees it.

Am I wrong? Probably but I like my version. 

Well Georgia, which would you choose? Brain damage or political correctness? I know which I choose. it's a no brainer.

 

You got it right enough, just like 1, 2, 3.. Wife knows that from away back on the good ship Arkadia.