Need help with withdrawel

I was taking about 15 a day this time (sigh) but in the past I topped 40 a day. I've had nothing in about 11 days... I've honestly lost count my brain is frazzled!

NICK MAN YOUR 11 days in bro you are so close trust me I've done don't give up now man or those terrible past 11 days are for nothing you can do it man I swear you start taking And I will to bro I swear I feel so close to people I've never met don't let me down and you do don't tell or I am on them again 👊

My last reply got moderated think it was cause a swore hopefully you will get it soon stay safe

i won't and you don't either you hear! It has to get better right?! It's written in the rule book, things can only get better! It's a terrible thing to wish your life away but I wish I could fast forward a couple of weeks!

Oh Nick, bless you, I'm disgusted with myself & my pathetic LITTLE addiction, when you are going through hell, I am, so so sorry!! You are NOT pathetic, you are AMAZING, so what if your having a hair of the dog, so what!!!!! You remind yourself that you are 11 days clean from what in MY eye's was a huge addiction, 11 day's that's amazing Nick....Please be careful with the drink though, a glass now & then should be ok but I have read so many stories of people quitting meds by using alcohol & then becoming dependant on that, just has hard to kick as meds, just as easy to get addicted as meds!! Please be careful, I wish there was a way to talk on here, voice messaging kinda thing as I'd really love to be able to chat to you! I think I need you? I also want to help you so badly I'm just outside Cardiff by the way! Oh God Nick, I'm crying with shame & pain, shame with myself & pain for you, an amazing person who cares so much for other's that they have to go through HELL to be 'normal' for them again, to be 'normal' in yourself again!! The words "It does get better" haunt me, I feel I will never be completely free, I will always want them, but I HAVE to stop, I know from experience how amazing I felt when I cleaned up before, within a Month, I met a guy, travelled the Country with him, oh I was so happy, (sadly it turned bad (other reasons) I ended it Jan 6th 2015 so it's been tough, I loved him but for the 1,00's of reasons I could write down, it's easier just to say, I HAD to end it) then after having to have my baby put down, I turned to them again, on off on off, I don't know how I'll ever be free?? 

I am so blessed with a beautiful Granddaughter 18Mnths & another due November, why can't I do it for her, she is my world!! I'm going to stop here, I don't use laptop much, but finding this site, I'm on a lot more, so I'm sorry if I take time to reply...Stay strong, be proud, put the Cava away now & tell yourself someone in Wales loves you & want's you to be the best you can be <3><3><3 xxx>

Bless you Sarah, you are helping me more than you know. Your addiction is not at all pathetic, please don't think that you hear, I totally hear you about the alcohol, I could quite easily make a habit of it so it does have to stop! You are so right! I have strong ties with Wales actually. I drive through a couple of times a year to go to Ross and Monmouth, it's lovely there. I spent 12 years with a Welsh man! We are still on the best of terms. He is so patriotic it's funny. Always telling me, this one is Welsh, that one is Welsh or... Did i know he is Welsh? We still laugh about it! I wind him up BC he was born in London! He hates that! 

You can do this for your Granddaughter, I know you can but most of all, do it for you Sarah. You deserve to be happy and free, we all do. Addiction is a beast of a thing and many of us don't make it out alive... That's the bare truth of the matter. It really doesn't matter where you are on the ladder, it's killing your soul all the same! Ugh, I don't mean to be so dramatic, it's just how I feel right now. If I'm honest, most of my life has been lost to addiction of one sort or another... It's been a slippery slope down. Is my mission in life to just be sober? It seems like such a simple thing and yet to me it's a mammoth task! Right so... You are gonna get a plan together right! Let's hear it! x

I am qurious Nick what you mean by subs hope am not coming across thick it's just I am really clued up on these kind off things and subs is over my head sorry for asking pal but Google was no help lol

No problem James. I meant Subutex. Opiate replacement. I was on it for 18 months a few years back now.

Right is it like a methadone or pill would it help me or knock me back does it still give you that feeling like life's couldn't get any better till you have none then realise that's not a life it's being a slave normal things are starting to give me enjoyment again like walking the dog a wouldn't do that unless a was buzzing on dhc on before so it's working next al be wining and dinning the wife sober lol stick to it bud you will be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel soon it's bright and good my friend stay strong please 👊💪

It was a sublingual pill. I think these days they come in strips. You have to be in severe withdrawal to take it or you go into precipitated withdrawal which is like normal withdrawal times 10. For me it was like feeling normal for the first time in years. No buzz and no desire for pills. I had no idea how potent they were at the time. The lowest strength pill you could get here at that time was a 2 mg pill (I started on 8mg). It is near impossible to jump off of that amount without being severely sick. I had to crush the 2mg pill into tiny amounts and reduce over time to get off of it. It was a strange thing but it just got old waking every day and having to put a pill under your tongue... I wanted off it so desperately, the anxiety reduced me to a whimpering baby! I met many along the way who could not jump... I just took it down to a ridiculously low taper.

Well I will give that a miss friend am having couple wee Rosie wines to chill me a wee bit start new project tomorrow can't wait for all the problems so a might be off the wagon the mora night lol stay safe bud

I'm just finishing off the Cava, i feel awful. Roll on tomorrow! You stay safe too x

You to Nick, although I am confused, I get the immpression your female but James calling you Bro etc then I must be wrong, sorry lol...

Glad to hear I can help, & you help me, really help me!!

Releived to hear your not going to let alchohol become a problem Stay strong there yeh!!!!  

Yes Wales is a beautiful Country, 2010-2015 with my ex I travelled so much of it, wish I had a car, it would make this whole dammmm thing easier, I'm alone, but if I could get into a car & drive to the many lovely places & beaches around me, that would be a massive help...Aaaah you are Female, "with a Welsh" man.. Haha a true patriotic Welsh man, made in England, love it!! 

Nick I know I can do this, I just can't seem to start, as I've said I see my GP tomorrow, going on weekly, my Son can give me my taper dose, want to make sure I have a weeks worth before I start, my Son WON'T let me talk him around!!! 

It's for my Children, Granddaughter & new baby coming, but, ultimatly it's for me, I want to be 'normal' again, I need to be 'normal' again.

Oh my, totally agree, it does kill your soul & mine doesn't want to die, it wants to live, I want to be happy again!!

Good Morning Freedom. Yes, I'm a female lol. Great so you are gonna give your pills to your son so you can't over take... That's a plan, you can do it! In the past my GP suggested dropping one pill a week... I could never do it but maybe that might be the way to go for you? I got four hours sleep last night and I'm feeling blah this morning but oh well what can I do... The sun is shining at least. All I wanna do is curl up in bed. It's strange how much I'm sneezing at the moment, it always amuses me as they come I'm bouts of three... Odd! I do feel that if I can get a full nights sleep tonight I will have turned a corner by tomorrow... It's just something I feel and I'm kind of excited about that, like I can see the end of this misery

Sorry nick I will have to catch up later am dealing with men who's wife's must dress them in the morning hate my job sorry about the brother thing but hey we're all brothers and sisters let's stick together we will get through this 🙈❤️ I will catch up later gona be a bad day guys

Lol, no worries about the brother thing it's cool. Hope your day has turned out OK. I just need some sleep, I feel so highly strung. Wish I had a benzo just to get a few hours. I did get some sleep last night but it was poor quality, I had a bad night... Constant tossing and turning, watching the night turn to day ugh! I'm Gonna flush about 50 DHC that I have stashed in the back of my cupboard. I don't want them and it's dangerous to have them about I guess...

I thought so Yep, later I pick up my prescription, I will give to my Son, as like you, if the GP drops 1 here & there then I would just run out, in my hands!! I pray I can do this, I have none now & going to babysit soon, can't get to Gp until 12ish so I'm hoping I'll be ok, mind over matter!!! Hope you did sleep well last night so good you can see the end! I can't wait until I've taken my last, hopefully no more than 2 weeks, scared yep, worried yep, gonna miss the buzz & help they give me, but we all know it ain't worth a thing. Clean, healthy & happy is the way to go xxx

This is it your next big step you sound so positive great stuff good luck x

Nick, I just saw this, you had 50 stashed & yet you've still done it, your even more awesome than I thought!!!! I hope you did flush them, I know your coming up on a Month clean, truly amazing, I'm worrying now, oh pleaseNick, please write soon I have 100% faith that your still clean, but this little demon on my shoulder is worrying you've slipped?? More so after reading the above, I know for a fact if I had some stashed & was clean, I would, I know I would, if I had a bad day I would take a couple!! This is why I'm dropping from Dr, 4 Tuesday gone & I will be droping 4 again Tuesday coming, that takes my weekly 28 down to 20, oh, what am I saying, by the time Tuesday comes I think it would be too risky to have 20 in my hands, yeh? I could be on 0 by then, well I will see him Tuesday & ask only what i need, maybe 7 if I'm still on one a day, hopefully 0 if I've stopped. Hey Dr C (I adore him, wonderful caring Gp) I have slowly replaced the DHC with chemist co codamol, so please don't give me anymore, ever! He doesn't know I had a problem, they were genuienly for pain, he still thinks I take 2 x's 2 a day, minus the 4 I dropped, he doesn't need to know, I made this happen, I'm stopping it happening!! Missing your wisdom Nick xxxx