Need help with withdrawel

Hi Nick & James,

Sorry I've been quiet, not been on at all & now feel guilty BC you guys have been worrying about me, such a nice feeling though, someone cares!! Well done to both of you, very proud Nick, I will answer properly soon are little decorating discussion!! Did you brave the "Shades of grey" Ok, I guess I better let you know what I've been up to, after the last time I wrote on here, I was still taking 6 but sometimes I was taking an extra 2/3 later in the day, bad bad girl lol....iT'S HELL....Those STUPID little white pills, ruin us all, ruin everyone, Dr's really need to stop prescribing!! Ok, so, I knew if I carried on with 6/9 a day I would end up running out & go FULL cold turkey, cannot do that, last Sunday I took 6, Monday 6, Tuesday 1 (last one till script on Wed) got script Wed took 7 Aaaaahhhh!! Thursday 4, Friday 3 today 3, tommorow 3, then I go to 2's, I'm very down, very upset, but to be honest not feeling Wd's too bad, mind over matter maybe, I pick up 28 this coming Wednesday, I am so hoping I will have the strength to say to GP drop one a day please, I can't keep having 28 a week as I WILL go back up!! I am so so determined this time, in fact the 1st day I took 4 I still had a little buzz?? Same yesterday & today on 3?? How? Anyone experienced this before? Thank you for caring so much, hope to hear from you both soon......James, rosie & bingo, so what, better than pills & Nick, well you are amazing, 15 a day & your 23? days clean, wow, just WOW. Love to you both & again thank you for caring even when I wasn't here xxx

Yay, it's Freedom!!! Hoot, hoot! So glad you stopped by! I've been worried about you but understand sometimes we all need to check out for a bit.  I can see that your dosage has been erratic but good job on the last two days, Free you've got this! As I said before... Tapering is hard, too hard for most of us so I get where you are at, I really do. Please make the decision to tell your doctor!! If you can manage on 3 until your next script, I would tell him. Otherwise you risk going up and down and never feeling like you have made any progress... Just do it Free! Easier said than done I know but I so want this for you I really do. Your doing this for you but also for your grandkids remember! 👍🏼Yep day 23 for me,👏🏽 I'm doing ok, though still tired. I'm still sneezing so I know there is still stuff going on even after so many days. I've had the painter in the last couple of days, he's off today but will be back on Monday. I opted for Farrow&Ball Dimpse in my bedroom and Pavillion Grey for my sons room. The Grey looked sooo dark in my bedroom when I tested but it was much lighter in my sons room which was strange, it seemed like a completely different colour! I'm totally upside down but am so pleased things are getting done. My sons room will be started on Monday and after that I'm gonna have a couple of weeks break before moving on to the lounge and the halls. Not sure what's happened to James... Hope he drops by soon. So glad you're back Free, still here for ya!

Hey Nick, good to hear from you & thank you so much for your support You guy's have really been my saviours, I'm doing it for you as well!! You make me KNOW I can do it.....I'm so proud of you I can't wait to get on with my house, it will be a while as I'm on disability benefits for the PTSD, but I'll get there! Glad you went with the grey, maybe the light is better in your Son's room so it's an opptical illusion maybe?? Must be wonderful, over 3 weeks free & making your home lovely, you are so strong!!  I had a real bad day yesterday I gave myself a black eye, I punched myself a few times in anger, it made the pain go away, no one knows I'm still on them & that's hard, but making me more determined as I don't want them to know so NEED to do this...Yep I shall be telling Dr to put me down to 3 a day, I'm not worried, when I had the 'buzz' on my 1st day on 4 (very weird as sometimes 6/7 didn't do that) I didn't like it?? that's an amazing feeling, as is catching myself smiling in the mirror saying " you got this girl" I pray so hard for the strength to do it & hope to be completely off within 2 weeks, I do intend to have a few days on co codamol, 8mg with 500 paracetamol, I feel this will give me the best chance!! Sneezing, I hadn't heard of that before but been watching a programme where they have 3 people in detox, heroin & methadone addicts, jeeze they sneezed & sneezed, I never experienced that even when going cold turkey off the oxy's?? So many messages here, can you update me on the amount you were taking before you stopped, did you jump? I know you've probably told me but I've been in such a bad place! I don't even think it's the Wd's just me & my deppression/PTSD! I have been taking diazapam, maybe more than I should but won't let myself rely on them, don't need another addiction!!!  Hopefully James will be back soon, hope he's ok! Also I'm trying to get Angie over hear, I saw you wrote to her on the other disscusion, hopefully we can, I believe she's on 6 a day now & feel she would benfit from your help to...Will write again in a bit....Remember your amazing & I can honerstly say I don't think I'd be dropping if it wasn't for the kindness on this site...Luvs & hugs, Sarah xxxx

 

Ha! Not sure I'm that strong... All I've done is lay on the sofa and drown myself in cava!  In fact, I have decided to stop drinking today as I can see it's an issue for me. I seem to have a problem being straight... It's like I don't know what to do with myself. I'm gonna spend the day looking at home stuff online... Try and get some ideas. Hopefully it will take my mind off of having a  Cava lol. Great stuff that you are gonna tell your doc!💪 That's awesome! Yeah the Cocodamol will soften the landing but only use them for a short while. They are weak but I was stuck on them for ages and I never got my energy or zest back whilst on them. I think this is down to the fact that opiates bind to the receptors no matter how weak. So I think my brain never got the chance to heal properly. I've still not got my energy back but I'm hanging in there with hope. It will be an absolute miracle if it does return, just the best thing ever, please God.🙏🏼 So you plan to be off within 2 weeks!! cool!! I would not be surprised if once you get to 3 pills you decide to take the plunge and jump but any o,an that gets you to 0 will do. Yes, I was taking around 15 a day this time round... Maybe a few more. I've been on as many as 40 so this was not the worst withdrawal I've experienced. That said, as bad as the physical symptoms are, I feel the psychological issues and malaise are far harder to deal with. So you did not sneeze when withdrawing from Oxy's? That's unusual! Most people sneeze... Wonder if you will this time? Free... Go down to Argos and buy yourself a punch bag or punch a pillow you hear!! No more punching yourself!! I know the frustration you feel all to well but things will get better you'll see. You have a plan now and before you know it you will be at 0! By which time hopefully my energy will have returned and I can encourage you further. I hope James comes back soon too... Hope he's not gone over to the dark side! Would be great if Angie could join us here, it's been really quiet. I was talking to myself for a while lol. Thanks for your kind words Freedom. Likewise, you have also helped me more than you know. The support here has been a great help to me. I will remember I am amazing and you remember you are amazing too!🤘

Oh Nick, I'm so sorry, I pray you got through ok, I know you didn't cave I just know it How are you feeling today? Hopefully chat later? I'm sending a virtual punch to that decorator idiot!!! Stay strong xxxx

Hey Nick, please drop by, I'm getting worried now, I'm just hoping your kicking some butt up there & staying strong

Gosh it is scary when someone goes quite I don't think for one second you caved, so hoping your just busy!!

Miss you, take care & lots of love & hugs xxxxxxx

Hey there Free. Sorry hon, just been a bit down... Still clean, will be back tomorrow promise xxx

Hey Nick, please don't leave so glad your doing well, not long now  I've been having a rough time, didn't go above for but because I asked the Dr to drop me some I ran out, had 2 yesterday but none today!! Taken a diaz & chemist solphadine, but feeling crappy, I have Dr's again Tuesday, I dropped from 28 to 24 last week & I think I need to drop another 4 this week, I'm hoping by then I won't be desperate & feeling rough, maybe then I could drop to 14, I can't jump, why?? I can't cope with the suffering, I've never been good with being ill I'm a big baby! My tum ok, my weight has improved as I'm having my 1st period in over 2yrs so that's a + Scuse that James, not something a Guy wants to hear haha.....I have a pile of dishes & just can't face them It's less than a 10 min job, but feels like soo much Can I really do this Nick, I want to, so badly, I just struggle feeling so crap, no motivation what so ever Yesterday was beautiful, I could of spent it with my Daughter & Granddaughter (I was in a lot of pain from lady probs though) I'm scared my 18 Month old Granddaughter won't laugh & run to me when she see's me as I'm only seing her 2/3 times a week at the moment :'(  I just wanna feel ok again, it's soo hard knowing on Tuesday I could feel amazing, get on top of everything etc, but I KNOW I can't let myself do that...How the hell did you stop 15+ a day Nick, you are a strong, brave incredible lady, I pray to get to where you are....

On a lighter note, any updates on the decorating? 

love Sarah xxxxx

 

Hi nick am gonna be honest with everyone on this thread the reason I've not been adding much to conversation is because I fell the wagon big time work got the better off me am up to 25 a day ace none left and source let me down witch mean I've been clean 4 days with slight withdrawal the minor dioreahh weakness anxiety nothing major as I've only been back on them a couple weeks wish I could say that's me but I've got 300 on way Monday or Tuesday looks like am stuck on this roller coaster for abit yet life throughs lemons at you and a fxcked up a was past it this just isn't my time so sorry for letting yous down a feel like all my past comments have just been bullshxt hope yous all do well keep strong I have the faith in yous please don't reply to this comment as I am pretty upset and drinking not long finished another crap day I will be back though if I can manage to stop after this batch that's my plan lol a must be joking a feel I can control the beast but it can't be controlled all the best to yous hopefully you hear from me soon and clean again goodbye xx

Hey Sarah, I'm still here. I have to say guys, today has been the best day I have had in over ten years!! I'm not 100% but not far off. I've done so much and I feel so enthusiastic. My creative side has returned and even simple things like ideas for the home come easy... I use to be good at putting things together or so I was told. I've remembered how much I love trees and I've a huge one outside my bedroom window. I'm actually sitting in bed with a glass of Cava (I know) and watching the rain on the trees and the birds are even singing lol. I would not have even noticed these little things on pills! I found a blind that I can have made to measure that's called a bottom up top down blind... Means I can see the trees but not the neighbours if I'm not up for it. I hope this feeling continues... I know it can come in waves but at least I'm moving forward. I'm just so enthusiastic. It was def worth the month of hell. The reward is so much greater. Yes, I've still a way to go but I want you to know that it's so so worth it! I've spent the past 5 years or so in bed BC I was so tired... Remember I use to take in excess of 40 a day. I was told I had either Fybro, ME or chronic fatigue and I believed it BC I'd take two weeks off the pills and nothing would change... I even went longer but I used the weak over the counter stuff and it was that in my opinion that stopped my brain heeling... Any amount of opiate will stick to the receptors, so how can you truly heal? Sure they are OK to soften the landing bug don't expect to feel back to normal whilst taking them. You can do this Free... If I can, anyone can. I know I'll have up and down days but eventually the up will overtake the down. Don't give up friend... Do what you have to do... Fake the flu if you have to... Just do it! Hugs honey, you are always in my thoughts xxx

No o no! You come here whether you are using or not. Addiction is a b*st*rd James but stick around and I'm sure that one day something will stick. The truth is, I say I'm done and I believe I am but I'm an addict so who the feck knows... The best I can do is get support at a place like this or maybe even a group though thats not really my thing. Post away, be honest about what you are taking. Please don't go, don't go, don't go away, please don't go, don't gooo oh oh oh, I'm begging you to stay... Haha that's an old song from the 80's I think but please stick around. We all fall ffs. Love ya and waiting to hear from you again. xxx

james wrote wrote yo you but mods are checking it... Hope it's displayed soon X 

Aww James, great to hear from you So so pleased you've passed a HUGE milestone of course you have a way to go, but wow, I loved reading what you just wrote!!

2nd day with just a couple of solphadine 8mgcod/500para, I'm so bloody weak, ashamed to because I have the most precious supportive Daughter & my little world Granddaughter, I am trying to do this for me but also for them & my Son, I want to be Sarah again, but tomorrow is Dr's day?? As I said last week I dropped from 28 to 24 & planned to drop another 4 tomorrow, IAM dropping tomorrow, I would do that easily but, a BIG BUT, I'm weak, I need get on top of my house, I'm not saying I'd drop 6, but the temptation to take 2/3 tomorrow which I know will give me a huge lift to get evrything done.....I could also go & say hey Doc, this is the 3rd day I haven't had any DHC, so please prescribe me none, I can't answer that question now, I guess tomorrow will tell?? I don't want to tell my Daughter, she thinks it's the sudden rush of hormones flooding my body, I can't tell her I slipped again, but she will help in any way she can to get me back to 'Sarah', so hormones & feeling a little unwell it is!!

I'm scared, so scared to walk away from my GP without a few of the demon's, you amaze me that you took soo many & yet your doing it, 6 times my dosage & YOU did it, my gosh you must be so proud!!

I already feel wide eyed, how I felt the last time I was clean & today has been easier than yesterday, but now I'm worried these weak tabs are masking the Wd's as they haven't been that bad, if I stop them, is it going get worse?? I didn't know about wak tabs still sticking in the brain? Now I just feel crappy when I thought I was doing well ish?? 

When I came off chewing 100/150mg oxy's every morning, I went cold turkey, that's 6ish years ago, I remember not being able to sleep, the horrible kicking legs, the horrible buzz, do you know that buzz?? Like every now & then it's like a tiny electric shock through me, I had it quite a bit yesterday, not so much today, it's horrible...

I'm gonna leave it ther for now, I'm getting myself upset, you & Nick are totally awesome, I wish I had a quarter of your strength...

Just so pleased for you James, life is wonderful yeah xxxxxx

 

Oh James, your not a let down I know how you feel, I'm getting so confused with these different e-mails from Patient, I wrote you a lot, but it was Nicks words, sorry Nick  

James, you did it once, can't you say NO to your next lot?? You've done so well....Shame IS NOT ALLOWED HERE.... I'm ashamed I've had none for 2days, BC I ran out from cutting down, Gp tomorrow, do I get my 20 or do I say NO?? I'm so so sorry you slipped, but we all do that James, I've slipped many times over the years, I'm starting to feel pretty crappy now, tomorrow scares me, but like you I will be honest & tell you guys what choice I made, I am so so glad I can't get them delivered or I don't think I'd be here trying to stop.....Do not go away James, taking, not taking, slipping not slipping, weare all the same. Stay strong James, please & don't leave us PLEASE

xxxxxx

Freedom Nick yous still about just wondering how yous are doing hopefully hear from yous soon missing the crack xxx

Hey James, I'm still here... Was feeling great a few days ago and then it went down hill again energy wise. I hit the bottle hard James... Three bottles yesterday and apparently I was pretty nasty with my tongue. I'm so fecking lost, I don't know what to do with myself. Anyway, I've six cans of Fanta zero (not healthy I know) but I'm gonna try and knock them back BC for some reason the thought of water right now makes me gag. I've gotta stop the drinking... If it ain't one thing... Anyway, how are you? Both you and Free have been in my thoughts. I threw my iPad yesterday (smArt not) and now the sound won't work. Peed about that!

Nice to hear from you nick am still using keeping it under control at the moment if you know what I mean .i hit the drink pretty hard to when I was weak trying to feel a bit of joy no harm in it lets just try and focus on the main problem witch you've nearly concoured have you got all the usual multi vitamins cod liver oil glucosamine even monuka honey all these things combined can help with the energy lapse has the doc gave you beta blockers like 40mg propanalol might help as well I feel a bit like a fraud btw talking like this but as far as I see it you've made nearly havnt heard from freedom I was on the drink few nights ago and posted both off yous a song that helped me but I don't know if you got it or freedom this site needs a serious overhaul posting threads wise have you taking any DHC or you still good xxxx

Hey mate, good to hear back so soon. I've got vits and fish oil but that's about it. Don't feel like a fraud you are not. You will do it when the time is right for you. No no DHC or opiate of any kind has passed these lips. I've lost count but it could be 30 days... I'll have to check. It might be the booze making things worse I dunno. I just wanna lay in bed today. I'm already thinking about a hare of the dog... Or is it hair? I dunno. I'll look for that tune you mentioned, yeah the layout here just doesn't work. I nearly missed ur post!

Yeah day off I've been to the gym wife dropped me off as she went to work am back pumping iron home weeded front garden painted fence back garden I am like a domestic god all house work you could imagine done am sitting down now with a can of John smiths relaxing thinking what I will make the wife for dinner no stress thoughts of work all because of you know what planning on taking none tomorrow like day on day off with the dhc then try taper down again as I run low that's my plan so you think how far I have to go again to get were I was you are there you've done it if drink helps so be it give it a few more days then just go for it no drink gauge how you feel your probably more back to normal than you realise it's hard to remember what normal was though isn't it when you've been were we've been xxx

Can u come over and do my housework! I just had to order Dominos for my boy (he's 16) BC I just can't be bothered to cook anything. There is a bolognaise cooked, containered and stored in the fridge but I can't even be arsed to put the spaghetti on. Oh well greasy pizza it is and Fanta zero. The sound magically returned on my iPad which is a God send BC when I'm like this I just wanna lay in bed and watch cr@p on YouTube. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow I think it's def the three bottles of wine I drank last night.😮🙁🙁. It's gonna be a challenge having a day on and a day off. I imagine you will begin to feel a bit low on those days, I dunno. Still here for ya, you know you can do this when the time comes to taper. It makes me laugh when it's reported its all over after 3 days, yeah right, I'd probabaly have monthly binges if that was the case. I have to get fit again now. I want to train again but am to weak... I'll have to start with walks I guess and build up from their. All healthy as if tomorrow but the pizza is on the way, in fact I can here the bike. Bit of comfort food...

Ofcourse it's the drink 3 bottles of wine bet you had a good night you must be hungover when I have a good drink these days am ruff for at least 2 days it's nothing to do with the withdrawal bet you felt that ruff this morning you couldn't take dhc even if you wanted lol a was thinking 3 bottles of beer 3 bottles of wine your my new hero lol .I have no kids yet my wife is wanting to start a family as do I so we're kind off planning to start trying early next year after with had a couple really really good holidays plus my house is only 2 thirds finished got some work upstairs to do yet this is 1 if not the big reason I need to get off these bloody things I love my wife so much and would hate for her to ever find out what I have been doing to cope enjoy your pizza am gonna be buzzing in the kitchen cooking everything lol xxx

My reply is being moderated probably because I said shxite a couple of times hope you get it took me ages to type with my potatoe size fingers on an iPhone lol hope freedom comes back too xx

Replies but the mods are checking it so look out for my post!

YouTube that song chase and status alive featuring Jacob banks you might not like it today if you still got a sore head from the wine not the WD x

It happened to me and they kindly blanked the words out so hopefully it will show up soon. I'm gonna listen to that song in a while, just watching a documentary about a murder... Talk about sad and sadistic!

Looks like the mods haven't put your post up yet? Hope your doing good James. Is it your day off. I did not drink yesterday or today but seriously craved it. It so easy to swap one thing for another. Back on the healthy eating, protein, veggies and a bit of avocado here and there for good fats. Taken my vitamin but not my fish oil so better do that. Krill is best BC it holds well. Most fish oils turn rancid very quickly and are of poor quality by the time the hit the shelves. Just some useful info in case you did not already know.😊 Energy a little better today but I really have to push myself to get going. Before opiates I use to spring out the bed at 6 every morning... Weekends too. I would be on my feet all day and never understood people who sat and watched telly during the day lol. Now all I seem to do is lay around on my iPad. Oh well, I can only keep faith that my energy will return. If I'm honest, I used for so long that my energy was even low when on them in the end. The only thing that would have probably given me a buzz would have been something intravenous and I wouldn't go there but can see how people do... even that stops working eventually and you just end up taking to try and feel normal. Well there is no swearing in this so it should not get taken by the mods. If you are having a Rosie, have one for your old friend ay. 

Take Care, Talk Soon

Nick x

 

Ah, this just arrives... The mods kindly removed your swear words lol. Yep was three bottles of vino. In fact the DHC would take care of my hangover. Never really got them if o drank when taking. Ugh, I had two days off the vino then got really angry about messy house, it's the holidays and opened a bottle. Regret it now. It's like my emotions are all over the place. I can be laughing one minute and feel fury the next lol. This was not me before opiates so def related. Plus the lack of energy gets me down. Yeah def get off them before trying for a kid. Premature congratulations in order. It's funny coz my youngest is 16 and I loved it when they were small but no patience for it now. Couldn't do it again lol. No, Children are a great joy But I guess the thought of it and the way I feel now, so fatigued puts me off. Did not realise your wife doesn't know. That's gotta be hard geez. You're gonna just have to fake a big flu/virus when the time comes... That's if you jump! I admire those that can go through it and go to the gym, work etc, I'm a real wuss but you will do this. I want a holiday soon... Anywhere different will do right now. Hope you drop by soon x