No effect.

I didn't have any problem masturbating when I was addicted to lorazepam for many years& they are stronger than Diazepam my problems with masturbation are caused by antidepressants & beta blockers.as I have said previously I can't go to a brothel because of my fear of women.

Gynophobia is a recognised condition otherwise there would not be a word for it, and you are not the first person to suffer with it for the same reason.

Maybe what you have to do is to isolate what it was that caused this fear to take root in the first place.

I realise that this is a sensitive topic for you to discuss, but if you feel like sharing it with me then you can do so privately via a private message, when maybe we might be able to have a go at ridding you of this ghost once and for all.

Anything and everything that you might say to me in private will be treated as stricly confidential.

Regards

Rod

anything I had to say to you I wouldn't need to say in private.......I am not ashamed of anything.

That's fair enough Roy, there is absolutely nothing for you to ashamed of.

You have a problem and we are trying to help you to sort it out. .

So what then do you think was responsible for causing the problem in the first place?

I told you all of this in my "lack of intamacy post" I'm not going over it all again.

Ah yes, looking back I have seen that you attribute your present condition to being chastised as a child for playing a childrens game.

Right then, have you managed to rationalise the fact that in those days, let's say, in the late fourties or early fifties parents went by a much more strict and different set of rules, and that often the rough punishment metered out to the child would have been adjudged today as physical abuse?

Because it was a different time and place and the rules were different, it still does not make what happened to you right.

So how does that make you feel, does it give you a great sense of injustice, or do you feel that your mother was correct in chastising you?

If you think that your mother was correct in chastising you, did you feel that act of being caught and punishished made you feel dirty?

It made me feel dirty.......but the revenge was I never gave her any grandchildren..........but I would have liked a couple of little girls.

Knowing what you know now and if your mother was still alive, what would you say to her today?

And by the way, forget revenge.

You have had the last laugh anyway because she is dead and you are alive. So what would you say to her if she was in front of you now?

More to the point, if you said to her

' by your actions you have caused me personal loathing, low self esteem, great suffering, emptiness, solitude, loneliness, unhappiness, isolationism and hardship'

and she then said,

'son I am very very sorry, I just didn't think ahead because I had so much on my mind at once'.

Would you forgive her and just get on with your life, and then let her rest in death?

Or would you not forgive her, preferring to take it out on yourself until you yourself meet your maker?

It is like this Roy, you may not be able to move forward until you forgive your parent/s, friend/s, yourself or even strangers who have wronged you, deliberately or unintentionally.

Hanging on to grudges, anger and resentment doesn't just hurt your mind and heart, it can significantly and negatively impact your whole life as you have found to your cost.

Now is the time to let go.

It's your fault I have no sex life.

"with that logic everybody has the last laugh"

Do you mean my fault, or your mothers?

i would tell her to F*** of.

If you mean your mum, then now is the time to let go.

She has paid the price and met her maker, and now it is your time to live and enjoy life to the full.

Then, in your minds-eye do just that, and then move on with your life.

Your mum cannot win because she is dead, but you can providing you realise that what she said or did to you was wrong.

If the world had known about it then they would say it was wrong.

But since when did two wrongs make a right?

You were only a child.

For illustrative purposes I am going to give you an example from my own childhood.

When I was a child I was always falling over and coming home with dirty gravel-filled knees, and I was alway being told by my father that I needed to take more care.

On one occasion after many warnings I came home with really bloody gravel-filled knees, and my dad went into a temper tantrum.

He physically pulled me into the bathroom, filled a bath with boiling water, tore all my clothes off me and dumped me in the bath, he then proceeded to scrub my bleeding knees with one of those old heavy bristle floor scrubbing brushes and carbolic soap. The bath water ran red with my blood.

I was then dried-off and shoved straight into bed without anything to eat or drink.

From that moment I hated my father for the torture that he had put me through, and for years later I had many nightmares about it.

Quite unexpectedly he passed away in the early fifties but I never forgot what he did to me and I refused to attend his funeral.

It was only in later years that I found out that he had been a victim of the war, and after the sinking of his ship in 1942 he had swallowed so much crude diesel oil that it was a miracle he was still alive when I was born.

Little did I know or understand when I was a child that he had been dying since 1942, and that had been the reason for his temper tantrums when I was a child.

The point I am making Roy is there is usually a reason why we do awful things, and this might have been the case with your mother - you simply don't know.

So just giving her the benefit of the doubt for a minute if there had been a reason for the way she treated you, don't you really think it is about time that you forgave her for it and moved on with your own life?

NO....I don't believe any of that revenge guff eating you up. Anyway this has nothing to do with revenge it's about me missing out on life. By the way my doctors prescription for "REAL"Valium arrived today so I took 20 tablets 2mgs the equivalent of ten of the "FAKES".  & the effect was the same........NOTHING! So I must be immune to them or I built up a resistance to them when I was on Lorazepam for 19 years which I was eventually weaned off.

my mothers.

All I am trying to do Roy is to help you, but the way you are talking you appear very angry with me, in fact all of us here.

I know what has happened to you is probably no fault of your own nevertheless it has stopped you from living the life that you so wanted for yourself.

I do not aspire to be any better or even up to the knees of any of the many Psychiatrists that you have already seen, but I am a man just like you who has seen much despair and trouble in life, and at this point in time I am doing my very best with every ounce of strength and intellect that I've got to make you see and understand that you have to try and leave the past behind you and move on.

If you can indicate to me one good point for reliving your very unfortunate experience with your mother then please tell me about it, otherwise my feeling is that you just have to find a way of leaving it all behind you as you would if you were carrying very heavy baggage on a forced march.

Because we are very impressionable as children, we do tend to remember the bad things that happened to us during childhood, but if we really think about it, the truth is that we never understood what the real reasons were for them happening in the first place.

A parent stopping us playing doctor and nurse, or slapping us for no aparent reason, or telling us off in an unacceptable way, or doing something horrible to us when what we really needed was for something good to happen to us.

We just didn't understand then, and we don't understand now why these things happened to us, but they did.

So is that a good reason to be stuck in time pondering the past, or is it just another of those things that happened to us on our passage through life that we must overcome?

As I have already said, your mother is no longer alive so it is impossible for you to tell her how you feel about what she did to you. But is that a reasonable explanation in itself for you not being to move on, and not ever allowing yourself to do things the way you would have liked them done, for example bringing up a family or having a partner?

It is up to you Roy to forget the past and all the hurt you have experienced and move on, after all it is your future that we are talking about here.

My feeling is that it does not really matter how many drugs you take, because unless you are prepared to release yourself from the past and forgive those who harmed you, then in the past is where you will remained chained, and there you will be both the prisoner and the guard.

Archemedes, you are trying your best but nothing works.  What's that expressession, ah yes, "flogging a dead horse". 

I do not agree.

Every life is worth helping no matter how entrenched it is in gloom.

The people on this forum are all clinging-on to the hope that someone will hold out a hand to them, or just say the magic word that will give them the peace and reassurance that they need so much.

The entire part of my working life has been spent trying to give people a better quality of life, and now I am retired I intend to carry on and help out when and where I can.

It is an individuals right to refuse encouragement, a listening ear, some empathetic or educated advice or just plain symathy if all else fails, but I will always be there for them, because everybody including Roy deserves it.

Spindles is right Archemedes........put your whip away your wasting your time.

C ' mom on Roy, to me you are still that angry little boy. I get that, I suffered years of bullying from my mother - she even ended up having sex with and moving in my ex boyfriend when I was a teenager. I thought after hearing them having sex numerous times I would be frigid forever. However despite my anxieties I had to forge a drastic separation in my mind between her and me and see her as a very damaged and unlikeable person. Its not effected my relatio nships at aĺl - though i have problems with Gad and agoraphobia. You have to find a way of releasing that anger and hurt, all the drugs in the world can't do that. It's a process. Open yourself up to proper therapy. Acceptance is hard but it can be done. Therapy has helped me a lot in terms of being to have a full time job, support myself, have good relationships despite times of bad anxiety and ongoing agoraphobia issues. Try and not be too self critical either. Take care.

Good morning Roy.

When you first appeared on this forum it appeared that you were crying-out for help, and now when you have been invited to revisit and come to terms with certain unpleasantries of your youth you maintain that you cannot be helped.

It is a known fact Roy that most people can be helped, providing that is they will allow it to happen.

Closing a life-door and ignoring the contents of the room is easy, but opening one and trying to sort out the jumble within is very difficult and requires determination.

Because you wish to leave your door closed does not in any way detract from the fact that it is still in a mess, and needs you to sort it out.

What you have to decide, is it more or less painful leaving it the way it is, or could you benefit by adopting a little less negativity and more optimism and sort it out?

Only you can do it Roy - It cannot be done for you.

I wish you well

Rod

Roy just a passing thought, have you tried hypnotherapy?

It is regarded by conventional medicine as a complementary treatment that has had some great results.

 

If that is the case why hasn't a doctor suggested it in the past?

Some doctors are reticent to recommend hypnotherapy as an option because some do not regarded as part of mainstream medicine.

That said many, doctor will use it as part of their arsenal because it has produced some staggering results where long-term anxiety conditions are concerned that have not responded to traditional medical methods.

The World Health Organisation took an interest in the subject some time ago and commenced clinical trials which are mostly positive.

The concensus of opinion is that in many cases hypnotherapy does definitely work, but as yet no one has been able to come to any specific conclusion how it works.

You can ask your doctor if he will refer you under the NHS, but my feeling is that you will have to pay for it privately.

Whatever the situation if it is something you have never tried before you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

Roy, Google Dr Emma Rae Rhead.

She is a GMC approved GP who uses hynotherapy.

It might even be worth a phone call to her to explore your options.

Nothing ventured - nothing gained. 

Is she also a medium? She can put me in touch with my mother for a friendly chat.

With that attitude Roy you are not only going to be left permenantly locked into a life of regret, but also find yourself without friends or anyone interested in your pleadings.

If you are really not interested in finding a solution, particularly when someone has offered you an idea that you have never tried before, what is the point in making out that you need help?

Or to put it another way Roy, if you have all the answers then why bother to ask the questions or make out that you are in the slightest bit interested in what anyone has to say?

I don't have any of the answers, the reason I logged on was to see if there was anybody else my age who was also a virgin at my age & what the did about it.i don't have any friends anyway as I never leave the house exep go to the corner shop.......as for your advice there was nothing there I haven't heard a million times before.

So why not consider trying hypnotherapy instead of joking about it?

What have you got to lose?

Roy, I have given your problem much thought, and I have come to the conclusion that maybe it is really of no consequence that you struggle with women or that as you imply, you are still a virgin.

I think what really matters is that you should be comfortable with who and what you are, and not be preoccupied with who or what you might have been had your life been different.

Many people have suffered from really bad things that happened to them during their childhoods, which may or may not have left them with scars during their adulthood.

Unless we can come to terms with those experiences being consigned to history and onward to the dustbin, we are going to be chained to those ghosts for the rest of our lives, and not have the opportunity to evolve and be content or satisfied with who we really are today.

I truly believe that there enough obstacles to happinnes around us today without us having to carry heavy baggage with us from the past.