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Please someone help i cannot do this anymore!!!

Posted , 10 users are following.

stacey11102022
stacey11102022

Ive suffered from health anxiety for a few months now but im now stuck in a vicious cycle!!! I have diagnoed my self with DVT'S ,  a brain tumour , an impending stroke just to name a few. I had my first smear test on monday due to me googling cervical cancer and having alot of the symptoms. I have a 2-3 week wait for the results its onmly day 3 but im at my witts end!!! ive rang the hospital and my dr.s to see if they have the results . No. I cannot take the waiting i have litterally convinced myself i have cervical cancer i have all the aches and pains but i dont know if thats just from googling reading then my mind making the ones i dont have up!!!! I had lots of blood tests a few weeks ago including full blood count liver ect.. all clear and i also had a lumber xray as id been having lower back pain that went down my leg into my foot the majority of the time its a burning sensation , i found out through google that a tumour could cause the pains ive been having as my leg is slightly swollen aswell . i cant stop googling im making my self ill. Im not eating atall. i keep waking up at night with panicky nervous feeling in my tummy. i feel like a total mess. I have mirtazapine but tooscared to take it because of the side effects even though ive taken it before. I just dont know what to do. I took a vitamin on a empty tummy earlier and now ive got severe tummyache so ive now convinced myself ive got a tummy ulcer thats gonna pop any min!!!! Please someone give me some advice . im at a loss what to do . I have 4 small children whom  i love dearly but its starting to effect them also now. I cant calm down or relax im just a complete and utter mess!!! My dr.s have given up on me as ive been so many times they blame it on anxiety but i feel there is something seriously wrong with me :'( :'( . I cant tke anymore and theres no way i can make the wait for my smear test results without being sectioned . Please im really in need of some advice xxx

0 likes, 44 replies

44 Replies

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  • stacey11102022
    stacey11102022

    Posted

    Hiya havent got to the clinic yet still waiting dont feel too bad at the moment although night time and mornings are the worst for me. I asked my partner to just listen and do some reading about anxiety so he could understand , but he refused and said only i was incontrol of how i felt. Yes hes right to an extent but.. The way he talks is as if i enjoy being this way i dont . And how anyone could is beyond me!!!.It is a terrible terrible illness and i wouldnt wish it on the person i hated the most . Its pure hell it really is as u all know. Being so scared of yourself and how u feel must be the worst and scariest feeling in the world . Ive found some old diazepam although the expiry date is december 2012 ... Im so tempted to take 1 but im not sure if they turn toxic or they just dont work as well.. . I was being weaned off as i had been on them over 12 weeks and the doctors thought it was the best thing although they are the only thing that helps calm me down apart from my bed ... If im in my bed im so relaxed i almost feel normal again but that is also my saftey behaviour so needs to be broken xx
    • stacey11102022
      stacey11102022

      Posted

      And my partner has not told me he loves me or even cuddled me for well over a month. Infact hes been terrible to me everyone says its because hes fed up with me behaving the way i am .. all i want is a cuddle and to be told that everything is going to be ok xx
    • stacey11102022
      stacey11102022 jennifer_01212

      Posted

      Nope he refuses t believe that im not doing this on purpose , he thinks i enjoy being this way and because im ''in control'' of my mind that the way i am doing all the because i want to , He will not look at these anxiety boards or anything to do with anxiety as he says everyone is just a pathetic as each other xx
    • bonnie21356
      bonnie21356 stacey11102022

      Posted

      Wow. So much for "for better or for worse" huh? Tell him you have had to put up with a Jack a@@ lol Two of my grown sons made fun of me for years. Then they had a panic attack. They don't make fun anymore. That is Karma maybe. It truly is hard on relationships. You expect to count on your loved ones through this. My Mom just thinks I am nuts, and I am not allowed to even talk about it in front of her husband. SMH
    • stacey11102022
      stacey11102022 bonnie21356

      Posted

      Lol bonnie iafter reading that it made me laugh very much lol and when he started again last night i actually said that , Yesterday he took 10 codydramol tablets in a bid to kill himself!!! It was all purely for attention he was fine didnt go to hospital but he got no sympathy from me atall all i said to him was '' well that was a clever thing to do and what a inconsiderate b****rd you are dont you care about your children? and his reply was well u obviously dont otherwise you would be the mental case you are now!!! Ive given up with him now he can p**s off and be alone atleast i have my children smile xx
    • bonnie21356
      bonnie21356 stacey11102022

      Posted

      There you go. That anger will get you in a better place I think. I have been separated from my husband for 5 years. I am working on divorce papers. Bringing on a lot of anxiety, but better than what he put me through. I actually believed I was worthless like he always told me. The first year after I moved out was really tough because my house was my safe place. But after that I saw how much better I was getting. I can't believe your husband took those pills, and then acted like you did not care. It does not sound like he has been the supportive, caring husband. Yes, at least you have your children!! They will keep you from falling apart. You can do this Stacey!!! With or without him. I have faith in you wink
  • bonnie21356
    bonnie21356 stacey11102022

    Posted

    Hi Stacey. Just checking on you. How is it going? Did you get your meds? Hoping all is well smile
  • stacey11102022
    stacey11102022

    Posted

    Hiya yes i did get the diazepam and have a urgent refural for some counceling and cbt . i saw a new dr at my doctors surgery on tuesday and hes told me that weaning over 3 weeks is a bad idea for the diazepam and my body needs to get used to 1 lowered dose at a time and then when i get back down to 2 mg to stay on that for a good few months . Im still waiting for my smear test results and its driving me insane!!! Its now been 10 days since i had it and im still thinking the worse i just cant handle the not knowing!!! Hope you lovely ladies are all ok xxx
  • jess50632
    jess50632 stacey11102022

    Posted

    Stacey you mentioned you have 4 young children.. How old is your youngest? I had this when my second was 6 months. Turned out post natal anxiety. It feels very real and I was a wreck with melanoma, lung cancer and blood clots. Looking back ridiculous but felt so real at the time. I would advise professional help and to speak to someone until your hormones regulate if so.
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