Really bad derealisation

 "I've really been tangled up in my thoughts and they are quite disturbing. I have been finding it strange being a human being and some people look alien like... Also the fact that humans have things like arms and legs seem weird."

this struck such a cord with me! it's exactly how I think and I've been trying for so long to find a similar description online to it, I tried existential anxiety and that was similar but this is exactly me. I get thoughts about why we look like we do, why do we have arms and legs, do humans actually look strange? the thought of eyes and mouths? why don't we have fur? these odd pointless thoughts, I get a tightness in my chest and just feel awful. I find if I read books about humanity and the human body I feel a bit better, a doctor told me I have pure O which is like OCD but with thoughts, and rather than washing my hands to feel better I read books or go online and read things about humans,"

it's so illogical and I hate when it comes back

"

Hey lightlife. My name is Elizabeth and I'm 18 years old. I've been feeling wierd and dealing with depersonalization for the past two years. I haven't been able to actually find something similar or other people who have been through the same thing till I stumbled across this thread. I want to talk about it. I would also like to know more about how it supposedly never goes away (?). I'm tired, scared, and intrigued all at the same time because of my depersonalization and related things. Lonely. Scared. Nothing seems real at times. Even watching movies and shows takes alot of effort and is plain boring most of the time. The dots just don't connect. there is no story. Even if I forget for a bit that I'm sitting in a dark room with my family watching a lit up screen, Its hard to watch it and truly be involved in it. They're actors. They're on bikes. There's a cat mammal. Someone is upset because their child is missing. An alien appears! Sometimes it truly feels like everything has lost all meaning. Life is bizarre. It's sort of like watching a movie made by ants. None of it is interesting. None of it is meaningful. I'm not very good at talking about this depersonalization stuff, but I want to be able to - if that makes any sense. Also I want to know more about it and more about your experience. That's why I'm messaging you I guess. Hope you check this thread and see this message! Hope you're doing well.

Please answer! hehe

Elizabeth

your right derealisation is scary - did you try CBT does it work for derealisation - tried thinking of different things but when I'm talking to someone and it doesn't feel like me I start to panic - I seem to be living in my head and lose all connections to the outside world - is this how you felt - my sister passed away last year and that hasn't helped but I felt like this before - it's like going to an interview and your anxious this can bring derealisation on but afterwards it used to go when I calmed down but now it's not - this is in my mind 24/7 - any suggestions 

can bring derealisation on but then it's not going even when I'm not in a stressful situation 

I feel exactly like you sometimes. Not all the time, but I do often.. that wierd sense of being in a game. I have this one friend, whenever I am around him, especially, I feel like I fall into this pseudo unreal 'game' mode. It feels very unreal. I am scared to slip up, and I can't trust him, no matter how much I try to cut through the fog and tell myself logically that there is nothing to fear. It sounds like you may be deeper into it (or were when you wrote this) than I am now. I am so confused. I don't know who I am and I just want all of the strangety that has now entered my life to go away. life has been wierd for the past two years, like.. you know Stranger Things? - like suddenly I was introduced to another side to everything. I often feel like my voice is not me, like it's this character outside myself. Getting back in touch with ourselves seems like it is very important for all of us who seem to be struggling with these things.

How are you doing?

I keep thinking of how I wasn't like this when I was normal. I wanna be back to normal also free of these worries

Hey t71453. I'm so sorry you're dealing with so many intense problems. Since I commented on this 11 months ago (which I can't believe) I think I've really had improvement. When I first commented on this I was not in a good place at all and your post reminded me of how I was feeling. I just want to say, please look for help in any form: friends, family, and especially therapy I would recommend as it's helped me so much. Also, give it time. This isn't a cute at all, but as you give it time and realize none of these feelings and thoughts can actually hurt you, and you continue to be okay despite how scary the thoughts are, I guarantee they will have less affect on you. I know it doesn't sound promising hahah, but time really helps. I am just curious, how long have you been experiencing this, and do you have any idea what might have triggered these feelings?

no... the first time I had it was late at night. I am not sure if it is cuz this this reason but I drank a mountain dew which is an energy drink earlier. So like when i was getting ready to sleep, i think i suddenly thought OMG is this all real? i think i am going crazy and my sister didnt help much instead she made it worse. she kept saying im becoming a phycho and that i need a physiatrist. But the more i told her to stop she kept doing it. I cudnt sleep at all. My mind was racing i wanted to escape but i couldn't. My mum and sister came in and was talking but to me everything was racing. the more i looked at them the more i was like are they real? and i cudnt sleep the whole night. I feel asleep for an hour at about 3am and woke at like 4am. Till today other problems which i think grew from depersonalisation keep happening to me. and yes like you when i look at a comment i wrote like months ago on youtube or a video that came out on utube month ago i get so surprised thinking omg it was that long ago? it wud feel like a few months ago when it is like 6months ago. Then i wud think like omg when i grow older how much worse will it be? i will miss my childhood etc... and become depressed....

That was not cool of your sister at all to be like that. I know first hand with depersonalization and anxiety that the fear of being psycho is super super real. I just want to say that you aren't going crazy. I was asking what might have triggered it just because what really triggered it for me was a bad acid trip. I know in general it is pretty smart to stay away from all drugs and also caffeine for depersonalization. Have you thought about seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? I am seeing both right now and I'd really recommend it. It has nothing to do with being crazy I promise, haha.

I'm really sorry they haven't taken it seriously, sometimes that happens though. Try to keep pushing for it if you can, or find someone who will really take it seriously and talk to them. And I totally understand the fear of conspiracy. That thought that anything can be fake and all lies.... Aghhh, scary haha. Just remember, 99.999999999999% of the time it isn't a conspiracy, and people aren't that bad. You are not alone, and I understand how terrifying what you are experiencing is.

I totally can relate to those thoughts. They are scary and so tough. When I first started having these problems thoughts like that were so terrifying and consuming. Now they take up much less of my day (although they are definitely still around) and don't cause me the extreme level of fear that they did. The biggest reason for this has been just giving it time and having other things to do. I know right where you're at

By giving it time what do you mean? I have to study for my exams and right now I don't have the will or motivation to do it. I have these thoughts that when I am older I will get so depressed when thinking of the times with my parents and how I will never see them again once they die or once I die. Ugh it's just that they work hard for my education but I feel so depressed unable to study and then cause of that I get depressed at the fact that I am not able to help them or anything. So basically I can't study but then cause of not studying I get depressed since I am just slacking off whilst my parents work hard for my education. 

I guess what I mean is put everything you have into normalizing and living life despite what you're feeling. Try to study (if you can't I totally understand. I've been there again and again) and take those exams. Keep up whatever hobbies you are into and literally find anything to keep you involved and busy. This might sound like that last thing to do, but it is a super good idea. The more you keep on going and keeping busy, the more you'll realize you are okay. This is just one of a ton of things to do to help, it's just so far what I've had the most positive results from. I'm sorry if I'm not explaining it well. As far as fearing letting your parents down with exams, I don't know how you are doing in school but just remember that you will probably do alright and that this round of exams is a really small part of your total schooling. You are having a rough time right now and it is totally understandable that you aren't feeling too able to study

I'm really sorry about that, that sounds like a dream that would leave me scared for a while

What comes after death is scary no matter what you picture for sure. I'm not sure how old you are, but from what you've said it sounds like you're pretty young like me. That part of life is pretty far away from us luckily. I don't know what you're views on what happens after life are, but out of all the possibilities, that theme park is probably really really unlikely. I hope that makes sense, haha.

Hey, I'm sorry I just saw the second comment you had after this one, my bad. Can I ask what you are doing to try and improve what you're feeling or cope with it?? In therapy I get asked this a lot and it gives me some insight, and I'm normally not doing a whole lot to be honest haha so I understand if it is the same for you. Life is very strange, full of weird possibilities for sure.

Well I tried giving it time. For the last few days I have been binge watching "arrow" and got so into it lol. Watched it non stop lol from when i wake up to when i go to sleep. Its gotten to the point that I feel like i am in that world lol. Now I have this urge to be adventurous but scared of being alone. I feel pretty lonely. When I look at images like of a beach with no one on it and also a picture of a tropical island, I think about how peaceful it will be whilst at the same time i get scared at the thought of being alone. 

I know this is an insanely fast reply, I've been stuck on my phone hahah. What you just said feels like I wrote it, partly because I did the exact same thing with Arrow hahah I love that show. Kind of transporting myself into shows I watch is something I do all the time, I dunno whether it might be "coping" with real life stress or not. I'm glad you're giving it time, I'd keep trying that for sure if you are up to it. It might seem counter productive, but "giving it time" and focusing on other things puts it on the back burner and can in turn relieve some stress of dealing with it, and over time possibly relieve anxiety as you realize the feelings don't kill you or stop you from living life, and the end result is that since anxiety and stress lead to dp/dr in the first place, there is a good chance the symptoms could at least lessen a bit. I hope that wasn't entirely confusing hahah I'm up really late right now. I also relate to that loneliness feeling so deeply. I think everyone is afraid to be alone, but I swear I feel it so strongly so I understand that. Of course, you aren't alone

not sure what you mean by right now everything is just confusing. I keep getting intrusive scary thoughts of being alone in some scary place. Might be from being on electronics all day cuz it started happening last night after a few days of watching arrow lol. I got up to season 3 in like 3 days or so. I stopped cuz I got too into it thinking that the arrow world is real and im in it. Like the part where tommy dies :' ( so sad. Anyways the problem I have right now is the intrusive scary thoughts of some dark dead theme park with like creaky stuff and i keep gettting the same thought then i get scared thinking that maybe its a message or something cuz i keep imagining the same thing. I plan to sleep early from now on and try to study since if i study, work will be on my mind instead of other distressing things. Only problem is i am too unmotivated and scared. Also i just realised it feels like some apocalyptic world where i am the only one alive. then from that thought i imagine a dead dark world where i am alone. My only hope is for me to sleep early. 

Actually I thought it had been longer too haha so I think that isn't just you. I would definitely recommend doing more than binging on shows. It is helpful to distract yourself, but the binge watching probably isn't the most helpful for depression and dp. Doing studying and work to distract you but also get your brain really focusing on something a bit different could help. And I get the fear of the amusement park, I've had similar fears. No matter how it feels, remember it is an idea in your head no more real than any other. I really wish the best to you, you are not alone, I promise you that

I get emails when anyone posts on something I've posted on on here and I'm just on my phone a lot haha. And it's good that you slept early last night, getting good sleep among other things is always going to help

My head is so messed up >_< it is friday already and I still keep thinking its friday last week. Ugh time goes so fast

I'm glad you think it isn't too bad mine early on was very bad but started to settle as I got more and more used to it, which I think is normal for people suffering from it. Even still, it is still there and still gets bad (like recently for me) sometimes. I really think it will get better for you it does sound like overall your anxiety has been really serious though. Getting more involved talking with the right people on forums like these can be great, but I still reallllyyyyy recommend therapy. I feel like if you start working on your anxiety then it will probably help your dp. Most of the time anxiety causes dp, and then dp causes anxiety and so on lol.

Studying sounds like the right think to do hahah. I'm sure therapy is very available where you are, and you could even go monthly if you wanted to. I totally get what you're saying, but I do feel like you could fit it perfectly well into your schedule, although getting exams out of the way makes sense.

Hey t71453, I replied shortly after you posted this and had very bad connection, so I guess it never actually posted. I really know those feelings you're describing. Right now, I'm actually dealing with them pretty heavily as well and it scares me too. Seeing how much it's bothering you, I really, REALLY think it would be a good idea to go to a therapist as soon as possible. I really want to stress the importance of it. I think you need someone to hear you out and you have a lot of questions that they could answer better than myself. I know it is scary asking your family about therapy, but I think it is the best idea right now. I don't know where I'd be without therapy. Keep me updated on how you're doing, and I hope things get better

Thx... I don't feel like doing anything nowadays anymore. Nothing sounds fun anymore prob cuz of derealisation. Then I feel scared I have changed a lot and im not who i am anymore... Also... its so strange. Everything we do. Like we are controlled by the brain. I am seeing people as seperate parts sorta now like the brain is the only organ that knows that its called a brain lol... does that creep u out?

I find it creepy but kinda funny hahah. It is true though, the brain monitors everything the body does and controls it. It's really hard to say if it controls you or not, which is kinda scary/weird when worded like that hahah. It's hard to say where you stop and the train starts. Like, the brain is you haha, I don't know. Definitely something that is hard to think about. I find is both fascinating and also scary, so I understand. But in the end we are in control of us I believe. And you certainly might be acting a lot different, dp and depression will do that. It's kind of like part of you is shutting down to protect itself. And the part shutting down is a big part of your personality, because it is the part that is sensitive and can be "hurt" if that makes sense. All of you is still there, I promise, and it will come back too. It's just your brain (back to brain control hahah) trying it's best to protect you, but just doing more than it needs. Have you tried anymore into going to therapy? I don't mean to push you at all, I just feel you really would benefit. I love helping you here, but I only know so much and I'd love for you to talk to someone who is licensed. Best of luck

OCD symptoms can occur for sure. For me, I was obsessed about the not being real and then me not being real for like two months. I didn't truly belief it, but I was scared about it and the thought was in my head every second. So the obsessiveness of OCD is certainly there. And, I truly feel like therapy is worth any trouble. I totally get what you're saying though. In the end you'll be okay, and it's definitely up to you

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=183357

Oh man I feel like i am getting this also >_< >_< >_<

I really feel for you,

My anxiety got so bad that I developed AF (atrial fibrillation ) and this time next week I'm having a heart af node ablation,basically burning away my hearts natural pacemaker,

Needless to say I have concerns what happens after.

All the best 

Matt