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Really have had enough

Posted , 8 users are following.

garyflinn
garyflinn

well finally trying to drop back to 20mg citalopram , been on 30mg and still "out of it" , bad  anxiety , intrusive thoughts  , tingling and shakes 24/7 .

still taking 15mg mirtazapine at night , just taken my first 20mg dose, yesterday morning was 30mg .

really feel like giving up and doing something stupid .

im just about at the end of my tether . Feel like I want to end it all .

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • yommymommy79
    yommymommy79 garyflinn

    Posted

    Hi Gary...

    So sorry you feel so bad...please don't do anything to hurt yourself...you can get better from this...just ride out the storm and give yourself time to heal...how long have you been on cit?

    • garyflinn
      garyflinn yommymommy79

      Posted

      Been on cit for id say 9 months , tried 20mg , then 30mg , 40mg briefly , then back to 30mg , then mirtazapine added , now trying 20mg again as I was at my best , well better than suicidal on 20mg for a while . I've tried that many meds over the last year I've lost track and I'm now losing the will to live
    • yommymommy79
      yommymommy79 garyflinn

      Posted

      I totally understand that feeling...but you have to just keep on going x if you were at your best at 20mg why did you go up?? We you beginning to feel bad again??

      Have you tried any therapy? X

    • betsy0603
      betsy0603 garyflinn

      Posted

      garyflinn, I think your thoughts are being influenced by the drugs - it is very common for people to feel suicidal on these meds when they wouldn't be otherwise.  Mirtazapine worked very briefly for me but very quickly I was totally apathetic, agoraphobic, unable to eat, dress, bathe, and get off the couch, and this was the higher I went in dosage!  I definitely thought about ending it!

      You say you've tried so many meds, and that is the problem, your system has become so sensitized to these drugs that you just can't tolerate them and they are causing these feelings, hard to believe I know.

      I think it is time for you to taper off the meds and give your nervous system a rest, perhaps.  However, this must be done very carefully because you are in such a sensitized state.  I think rather than go helpless here, you need to get ticked off by what is happening to you and fight back!  It's time to take your life back!  I would strong suggest you join the forum Surviving Antidepressants and put your story there to at least get some input from the very experienced folks there who have seen this all before.  You can take it or leave it.

      Read the Reducing ADs using a 10% withdrawal method topic in this thread:  

      https://patient.info/forums/discuss/depression-resources-298570

      That link will take you to SA.  You can even just surf around on that site to read other peoples' stories.  Joining is free; it's a private non-profit, but you do have to be a member to use the search function.  You can do a search for citalopram to get hits for other people dealing with this drug; same for mirtazapine.

      Time to get informed and empowered.  Our nervous systems can only take so much of being manipulated by these drugs before it finally says enough is enough, and unfortunately the result is worsening depression.

  • katecogs
    katecogs garyflinn

    Posted

    Gary love, please speak to someone your feelings.  They will help.  You WILL get over this - though I know you can't see a way out of your suffering at the moment - but you WILL get better.

    It might be that because you've been up and down with your meds dose that you're adding to your side effects then withdrawal effects each time.  Stick with one dose only ....... and then stay on that for months and months.  20mg seems to suit you you said?  You just need to be consistent - and then ride it out, through everything, the bad and the good - and yes it is tough - it's horrible, I remember.  You can't ease it quickly by adding more meds as it can just make it worse.  Stick with 20mg, let things settle, ride it through - persist, persist and persist even more.

    You WILL get over this.  Keep that in your mind.  

    Are you having regular appointments with your doctor?  You need to tell him of your feelings.  My son felt exactly as you do now - he was so ill, so desperate, didn't want to live ....... and now he's a happy young man, full of life.  You WILL get better.

    Do you have a local Crisis Team connected to the doctors?  They're there to help.  Please get in touch with someone as they will help you through this temporary difficult patch.

     

    • garyflinn
      garyflinn katecogs

      Posted

      I have been under the crisis team before , the trouble is it could all bein vain because this could all be because of my multiple sclerosis .

      i just can't cope , they no I'm better off out of it all now , I think I have suffered enough.

    • garyflinn
      garyflinn

      Posted

      My m.s is far worse than it used to be . I'm struggling to walk , the tingling , weakness , shakes and foggy head may not even be related to citalopram, mirtazapine , anxiety or depression , it could all be m.s in which case I'm better off dead instead of trying x
    • katecogs
      katecogs garyflinn

      Posted

      Oh Gary, bless you.  Yes you really do need to speak someone - it could be the SSRI's you're taking as they really do cause a lot of side effects to start with, and especially if you keep chopping and changing your dose.  MS must be difficult too I expect - my daughters future father in law has MS too and has good and bad spells of it and does struggle at times.  

      Do you have a care team who you see regarding your MS?  They would advise any interactions.

      K x

  • Marf
    Marf garyflinn

    Posted

    Please please speak to someone xxx I'm wondering whether the combo of both drugs aren't suiting you, are you taking anything else for your MS? xxx
    • Marf
      Marf garyflinn

      Posted

      Unusual name! Have you googled the drug interaction? They might not mix well xxx 
    • Marf
      Marf garyflinn

      Posted

      just googled fingolimod and it says you must tell you Dr if you're taking Citalopram, in the drugs and foods to avoid section. There are also other sites that say that they may react against each other. Cit and Mirt are ok and Fing and Mirt don't gave much written either. Have a google about and maybe speak to a Dr about it xxxx much love xxx
    • garyflinn
      garyflinn Marf

      Posted

      My gp knows I'm on all these ......... .!? Xx
    • Marf
      Marf garyflinn

      Posted

      Can you ask the question to someone who knows more about mental health? GP's often don't really know the whole story. Mine told me I'd be fine after two or three weeks, thirteen weeks later I'm still not fixed!! xxx also, just thinking, is there an MS forum like this where you could see what other people are taking? xxxxx
  • Felis
    Felis garyflinn

    Posted

    Hi Gary

    i was only thinking of you yesterday. So sorry to hear about your feelings right now I would have had enough too,but you have to think that this is not going to get the better of you! Just let it be if you can and think it will pass.

    firstly stay on 20mg and stick with it for a few months.Secondly make an appointment to see your GP and say you are at the end of your tether and MUST have some help .You cannot do it on your own.

    thirdly I promise you you Will get in control of your anxiety but it's all about persistence and time.

    Lastly it is common for people with MS to also have anxiety symptoms and depression.Ask to be referred to some urgent counselling.

    Gary love you have my heartfelt concern so do this for us we are always here and want you so much to feel better and in control.

    Small steps and God bless a big hug to you xx

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