Starting Fluoxetine tonight for the 1st time...

Hi Suz & every one.

Thanks for the lovely message and it's lovely to hear that you're feeling tons better, I'm really pleased :lol:

I'd agree with the irrational comment; I was either happy or really low and no middle ground. Now, I'm just mellow and well, normal-ish! Still wish I wasn't on these pills to be like this but they work for me so that is the most important thing.

I'm so pleased that you felt I helped you in the earlier weeks. That's a boost for me and I was able to channel myself into something rather than just myself and that has also helped me, so thank you for that!

I'll look into that EPA you mentioned, anything to feel good really.

I just always felt I needed to achieve more, be better, live to expectations that others had of me and I feel/felt a bit of a failure to not only myself, but to others. I always strive to be the best I can, I want to be financially comfortable, want to have a nice holiday every other year, want to not have to use a credit card, want to be able to splash out on little treats here and there. If I look at all I have which is a wonderful son, a loving supportive partner, a lovely home, a decent job with decent pay and I'm fitting nicely into size 12 clothes now, I shouldn't really moan.

I've learned to control myself a bit more now in these last 6/7 weeks and have to accept that I'm not Wonderwoman and that I'm better off than a lot of people so I should be grateful and happy with what I have. Sometimes easier said then done though?

The last 2 days or so I've been more tired than usual and even found myself dosing in my chair at work yesterday afternoon when I was left on hold on a phonecall! :oops: I've also felt a bit low and it's been an effort to be all 'yey' and 'happy'. Feeling better today though. I have my 1st counselling appointment this afternoon at 1pm so getting all ready for that. Have my Kleenex ready too as I know it'll be Niagra Falls! :cry: Then I'll compose myself and come back to work and act as if there is nothing wrong. Tremendous!

Good thing is, I don't want to die now. I'm looking forward to the couple of 4 day weeks coming up at Easter and planning what we can do over those days. I do still want time by myself and still feel at times I need to have a good cry but at least I'm on the earth doing it and not in a grave. As you say Suz, Alive & Kicking!

I hope that the conversations between Suz & myself has helped other folk see that by posting on this site and sharing your problems, really does help and that we can work through this together.

Thanks everyone, [b:8206283c41]thanks Suz[/b:8206283c41], thanks little pills!

Ang x

Ang

Let me know how the counselling sessions go. I'm on a waiting list at my Doctor's, it's heaps long - but I will still go, even if I feel better.

Shall I let you in to a little secret?

I met a lovely guy about a week ago - we really like each other, and he's so caring, and listens and he's just lovely. That has helped me loads not to feel so alone this last week. You predicted this Ang - you really are special!

We gotta keep in touch now.

Good luck this afternoon babe, will be thinking of you, I know it's hard xxxxx

Suz - I'm so so so chuffed for you! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Just take it nice and easy, one step at a time as folk always seem wonderful at the start but I'm sure if you think he is, then he is! See, things do always happen for a reason and even your posts recently have happiness written all over them so he's obviously serving you well! Very pleased for you, I really am, I have a huge smile across my face for you :D

I've just come back from mu first ever 'session', the lady was not a consellor but an assessor of sorts. She was lovely and asked me lots of q's and listened contently as I blethered on. She has recomended me for CBT which may take upto 10 weeks to action so I'm going for that and feel a bit better that I've chatted away and that something is to come.

Ang x

:D WOW!! I really feel like we are getting somewhere do you Ang? - you've got a few more weeks, but at least you're on the way to getting it sorted. Me next me next!!!

This guy is called Pete - and he is really caring, and has made me realise there are even worse things than losing a parent - he lost a little boy age 2, 10 years ago to meningitus, bless him so much. He totally understands what I am going through with Mum, and I feel like this was meant to happen.

I have never in my life been fortunate enough to be able to talk to a man as closely and on such an emotional level as I can talk to him. It has helped so much having here, and then Pete too.

We're getting there Ang! I know there'll be tough times ahead with Mum, and I still cry loads, but it's only natural with what she is going through. It is hard.

Now Ang - you'll be OK too, remember to google the EPA thing - as I truly believe that helps too. Not with depression but with emotional state.

Good luck babe, and to everyone else reading this. All the very best xxx

Hi Ang

Oh wow! I'm on my first day of Fluoxetine after finally taking myself to the Dr's this morning. I feel exactly the way you do. I appear to be so normal and happy to everyone, but driving to work I fantasise about pulling my car into oncoming traffic. I'm amazed that other people feel like this too. I thought I was on my own and going mad. I'm a bit scared to about taking fluoxetine, but I am even more scared about not being on anything. I hope really badly that I can control my mood swings. Just like you one minute I am fine the next I erupte, then I am eaten with guilt about it. I'm sick to death of crying and feeling tired and sitting in like some hermit. I want my old life back!!!

Has anyone experienced any problems telling there family and friends. I'm worried that I am going to be dissmissed as over reacting. I know I am not, I know how I feel, I know its not normal and its not really me acting the way I do, but I am unsure how to tell people about how I am feeling. How do you explain depression to someone who isn't or hasn't had depression?

Jade

Hi Jade.

Good news - You're not alone!

I'm glad you relate to how I was feeling as I too, thought I was alone with my feelings until I came to this site. See, we are normal! We're just not ourselves at the moment.

I always attached a stigme to depressants and had my own images of what 'they'd' be like and how 'they'd' act but hey ho, I'm one of them! I couldn't be more wrong and this overwhelming feeling of just being down, moody, irritable, emotional and worst of all, not being able to pin point why, well - it obviously happens to the best of us.

Perhaps it's lifes circumstances, perhaps we strive to over achieve then feel disappointed by not reaching goals. Perhaps we're too hard on ourselves afterall and need to lower our standards a bit? i don't know, there are loads of contributing factors as to why we just get to this point where we need help. We need to talk. We need these pills.

I first told my partner when I came out of the doctors office and he was gobsmacked but he was also supportive. He bore the brunt of my anger and moodiness so in a way, I think it was a relief for him that I was being proactive about sorting myself out. He summarised it like this: If I had an infection and needed antibiotics to get rid of it, then I wouldn't think twice about it - so why is it different about taking Flu. to help get rid of this depressed feeling. He has a point.

I'm close to my mum so had previously told her how I was feeling anyway so she half expected it but as she and I didn't have many good years at the hand of my father/her husband, she could relate as to whay that may have stuck with me all these years. Not to mention a failed marriage after 7 years of together and then only 5 months of marriage, also I had a termination years back and never dealt with that either. I already have a son to my 'ex-husband' and it was always my son & I, the husband was never home and I loved about 200 miles away from my family. bringing another child into a lovelss relationship where I was already struggling with no friends and not any of my family, just wasn't an option and my maternal instinct knew instantly what to do. i don't agree nor disagree with terminations, I just know it is an individual choice that has to be made judging the circumstances at the time and I made my choice.

All was fine with my decision until a few years back, I went and spoke to a phychic and she said \"You have 2 children\", I said I only had 1 and she replied \"No, you have 2 but the other little boy isn't with you. he has an older brother (referring to my already existant child) and he is about 6 (he was at the time) and he doesn't blame you for your decision. he knows it wasn't the right time for you and wants you to know he loves you and his big brother and he is happy and safe\".

Well, that just completely f**ked me up didn't it. I'd managed to deal with it all these years then pow! I'm not daft, I'm level headed and don't buy into the whole phychic thing but I do feel there is something there that I can't explain, a bit like the after life, but I like not fully understanding and want to keep an open mind.

Anyway, moving on. I then braved telling my dad about these pills. he and mum are still together, apparently he has changed but I'm still scared of him. He doesn't raise his hands, he'll always help out when needed but he scares me as I've seen growing up what he has done to mum and I. Luckily, my 15 year old sister doesn't have that, she just now gets the verbal abuse as we all do. Suppose it's better than a clout! I mean, I don't want to paint a bad picture of my dad even though that's what I've done. We do have a laugh, we do get on but we can never have a serious conversation or any kind of intelligent conversation as that is when the mood changes. So we keep things 'light' and watch the footie together and that's it really. So, I told me dad and he started laughing. I said I knew he'd

I have just found this site and have read your experiences. Ang, your description of how you have felt has really hit a nerve. I am starting to take fluoxetine this morning and am scared and confused about it, but feel that I need to do something.

Went to the doctor in January after a few months of just feeling shattered all the time. After blood tests were negative I went back to my own GP who suggested the possibility of depression which absolutely took me by surprise - I knew I felt low but felt it was because I was tired and ill rather than the other way round. Went back 2 weeks later, and then again yesterday. The last month has been really hard and some of my thoughts have been scary. I have a loving husband, 2 great kids, a nice house, good job so it is hard to accept that this is happening. Outwardly I am sure no-one would suspect.

So again yesterday my GP suggested drug treatment and although the thought terrifies me as it seems to be the start of a slippery slope, I feel that it is unreasonable to keep going back and saying, \"I don't feel right\" without trying the treatment he is suggesting. I am also going to try CBT online - don't know if any of you have heard of or tried MoodGym? I am due to go back to my GP in a month to see how things are, and at that point will prob ask for a referral to a psychologist. There is a counsellor attached to my practice but (a) her appts are on days I would struggle to make; and (b) I just can't see how a person-centred approach is going to help as I really don't see anything major in my life which has caused it - what I want is better coping strategies and to change how I feel about certain things.

Long, sorry - this is the first time I have posted anything about depression and it all seems like a big step to take. Wish me luck on the start of my journey with fluoxetine...

Hi Gretchel and welcome to this great site!

I know it is daunting thinking about these pills but the Dr's are experts and I hope that with them prescribing this for us, is not only the right thing but also the correct thing in making us stronger and well again.

As I mentioned before, it is difficult to pin point why we feel this way when looking at the surrounding circumstances ie, nice home, family, partner, job etc; all seem good. It is a feeling inside of possibly self doubt, under achievement, an underlying unhappiness perhaps, self doubt?

Don't be frightened, I know you'll be apprehensive. You will probably feel so shitty the first few weeks as if you've read on here about others experiences, you will more than likely join them/me. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel but I firmly believe you also need will power and a strong, focused mind to get through it. I'm back at the Dr's this afternoon for next months prescription, weeks 9-12. I'm not happy about having these - afterall, I'd always considered myself to be a strong minded, hard working, intelligent, fun loving individual. Perhaps I still am but perhaps I need a little help, I'm not bionic (even though that would be fun :lol: )

Please confide in your partner and he can help you through this period of time, be strong and keep focused. Keep posting here if you need to, we all want to help ourselve and each other or well, we wouldn't be here on this site would we!

Take care and have a lovely weekend.

Ang.

Hiya guys,

Good luck for the Drs Ang, and you are right we have to keep going on these. Ang, I dont know what the matter is with me, but I feel as though I am getting worse, even though things should be better. I had a terrible night last night. My sister came up from London to visit Mum, and when she got back she was really upset, and it could be this that triggers it, I dont know (There are a lot of problems including financial which I haven't told anyone, but am really struggling at the moment)When Helen left I just wanted to die. My brother died in 1977 when I was 11 (he was 25) He died after a party, was drunk - and had a row with his wife, and she wouldn't let him in the house, so he slept in his car in the garage in January, and didnt feel the cold, and died of hyperthermia. All I could think of was to lie in the garden and want to fall asleep and for it to freeze so that I would die. Im being really honest here. I'm at work - so I have pulled myself together. But my feelings are so depressed. I just feel like there's no way out. Pete texted me loads and I was so out of it, I didnt reply until about 4am, and he continues to be so caring and understanding, although I did tell him how I felt. He totally understood. He told me that he used to sleep next to his little boy's grave and was so alone, and didnt want me to be alone through this, like he was. I feel so helpless for him, what an awful awful thing to have to live with. His son died aged 2 of meningitus, 10 years ago. I care so deeply about him, and cant believe he's standing by me as I seem to be falling apart. I have a future to look forward to with him, he keeps telling me this. Sometimes Im OK and really happy. Then the next downer comes and I dont see the point of carrying on.

Im so sorry to go on about myself, I am scared though, and only on here can be truly honest about how Im feeling (and only to Pete) Last night I scratched my back really bad on lethal bushes in the garden. It looks like I've been clawed to bits. It's really stinging today. I feel such an idiot at what I did. My kids need me, but why can't I pull myself up? I really feel like Im getting worse.

I would say that you shouldn't expect a miracle, and even if you feel worse taking these pills at first, persevere, and keep posting on here. We need to get each other through this. Trust in your Dr, he knows what he's talking about. Tired and lethargy are symptoms of depression. I really really hope that these pills help you.

I know what I have written sounds negative, but I need to be honest, and ask for help. Do you honestly think by keeping taking these it will help me Ang? How are you feeling now? Do you still feel crappy?

Good luck with the Drs Ang - and keep us posted about how you're feeling with your tiredness, and your first few days on these.

I wish you so much luck, and continue to hope that these will work, and will just persevere for now xxxxx

Hi Suz,

You really have had a tough time of it with your family. The positive thing is, is that you recognise you do had low points and that you need a bit help.

Help has been supplied to you in the form of these little wonderpills, this site with so many people who care for each others wellbeing, and of course your Pete. He seems like a blessing for you when you needed it most. Perhaps your dad and brother are getting together up there with the angels and found you a good bloke?! They would hate to think that you're like this and feel the way you do and you know that.

Things happen for a reason, even though at the time it is not apparent. All becomes clear and slots into place in the end, I hope you believe that. I am not religious at all, more spiritual I'd say, so I don't want to sound like I'm preaching God or Jesus as I'm not, simply that when we leave these earth, our spirits go somewhere and even though the body is gone, the spirits watch over us and live on.

Not wanting to push my thoughts on others, just hoping that if you can relate, it brings comfort to you.

Now then, you need to look at everything around you. I'm only saying to now what I sat down and did to myself. Are you happy in your job? Is it what you want to do? This can have a massive impact as if you're not getting satisfaction out of this either mentally of financially, then you need to channel your skills and attributes into something perhaps closer to home for you and more stimulating for your mind.

I got hunetd for a job last year and they promised this and that, I was there 2 days and knew I'd made a huge mistake. After sleepless nights and nightmares and a stupid amount of working hours, I decided to do something about it. I drafted up 18 top notch CV's (I used to work in Personnel boo hoo!) and handed them into companies within a 5 mile radius of my house, to the companies I knew were profitable and worked week days only! I did this on the Saturday, got a call on the Tuesday, interviewed Tuesday night and offered the job on the Friday. I stated my terms, my skills, my wage requirements in the covering letter so they knew about me and what to expect. Since then, I've not looked back. I know I'm on these pills but at least my job doesn't contribute to the crappiness I feel at times so one less thing to worry about.

Now, how about your diet? Do you eat processed stuff of fresh stuff? I know fresh stuff is a pain but it's full of vitamens and natural feel good goodies. Pineapple especially is great for your body as well as berries of all types. Sweet potatoes, butternut squash, spinach, these are some example of really high fibre, good protein foods that give you a natural good feeling. These ready meals or packet meals have so much E numbers and GSM in that they can naturally cause tiredness, bloatedness, nausea and lethargy.

I'm only saying this as I embarked on Slimming World last year and totally re-educated myself on foods and what to mix together. I've shifted 22lbs but not only that, my freezer is almost empty and I love the fact the I can make home made oven chips and egg with no fat in them and I feel great afterwards! Also I went to see a food specialist this week as I was bloating with certain foods. It's been determied that I need to stop eating beans, lettuce, tomatoes, sugar, a few E numbers and especially MSG. Reading on the web today, I've seen how much crap they put in our food so I'll be embarking on a new health spree soon! Well, after all the Easter Eggs have gone ha ha!!! I still love choccie so I'm not that good!

Anyway, I digress. Exercise. This releases a feel good harmone and you can enjoy exercise either alone or as part of a family. Bowling, swimming, walking and of course sex! (Keep the sex for Pete though or it may get tricky!) 've just started my running again after hurting my coccyx 4 weeks ago, perhaps that's why I was feeling shitty the last few weeks; I hadn't exercised and just

Thanks for the reply. Took my first tablet this morning, so far so good! We are expecting guests tonight for the next week so that is going to be challenging, I guess, but maybe better to be busy than to keep wondering if I am suffering any side effects. I will try and look in on this board from time to time as well though.

WOW!

Im at work and dont have time to think about everythign you have said. But everything you have said I totally agree with, and OMG! It's like you know me.

See, I do so badly need to find another better job;. Ang, dont suppose you would help me with my CV would you? You've given me inspiration to go for it. And teeling the company what you want makes you so in control, and I know that's what people like - honesty and directness.

I suppose I could put my email addy on here, what do you think? Then if you email me I could send you my current CV.

You wont believe this, but I am a PA for an IFA!!! I know i know!

But since my hubby left and I got a crap solicitor in the divorce 'battle' I had to get in to debt just to live at first (that was nearly 6 years ago) He wouldnt help me with the kids or anything, and we had a business together, so I lost my job and all income.

See Ang, I am strong, I got a job and paid him off £90K to keep my house. But hence still trying to get out of the debt, still trying to pay the mortgage every month, you know what I mean.

But at least I'm still standing, and Ang you are an amazing woman yourself. You always talk such sense, and Im so glad to have 'met' you, even in sh** circumstances!

Will be thinking of you at 4! Least we have the weekend to chill. Have a brilliant one, you deserve it so much

Good luck Gretchel, and all I can say is listen to Ang, cos she's helped me so much

Catch you next week xx

Gretchel - I started taking these in a morning and they tired me for the day and made me a bit la-la, so I take it as I am getting into bed and in effect, sleep through the side effects. Expect to be tired, nauseus, dizzy and out-there, I hope you dont get these effects at the same time. I cannot stomach drink either at the mo as it gives me mega spinners, so be careful with the company your having, just incase you don't want them to know. Perhaps start them when your guests have gone? I just remember my first 2 weeks were like OMG! What on earth is happening to me! It may not be like that for you but just in case, that's all.

Good luck, keep posting, keep strong.

Ang xx

Suz - tut tut!!! You work for an IFA, c'mon woman, you can sort this out!

Have a think about stuff I said, I'm only talking from my own experiences so hopefully, they may help you. I'm going through the divorce now and touch wood, it's going okay. Nisi due next week then 6wks and 1 day for th absolute. I left the family home and got a few pennies from it but didn't sting him at all for what I could've got, just didn't see the point when he's the father of our kid. He does pay maintenance and I know what he pays is less than he could do, but he's not resisting paying it as I would declare all his fiddle jobs that bring him in over £10k a year ha ha!! So, we agree to disagree if you know what I mean. Keeps everyone happy :lol:

As for finding a new job, that will channel and focus your thoughst onto something new, possible something you really can adapt to and put your heart and soul into. I'd be happy to help out with your CV, I've done quite a few of my friends and helped them with interview techniques. Remember to print out on nice quality, slighty coloured paper. Keep it to 2 pages maximum, list your key skills and experiences and finish with schools and eduction. you do not need to put on your age, sex (they'll get it from your name right enough!), your marital status or family status. None of these things matter for a CV, just clear contact info, not too much bable, good strong bullet points showing your strengths, attributes, experience, willingness, flexibility and suitablility. Make your covering letter short and not like my emails! Details basics of why you are looking for a new role, what you can bring to the role and what your salary expectations are. be assertive, not aggressive, be positive, not arrogant, be confident, don't lie on your CV, just have a thesaurus to hand and pop some fancy words in!!

Need to go now as I have to do a deivery to a customer then off to doctors (I'm a Marketing Manager and take deliveries to my customers! We so need more staff!).

Have a great weekend, go and do something crazy!!!!

Ang x

Ang u nutter. Can I have a job then? :LOL. Go on, employ a suicidal nutjob!!! LOL

Just kidding. I will put my CV together within the next week. I have all the direct points you talk of, and it is just facts. I wish I had gone in to marketing. I did some a couple of years ago for the IFA I worked for, and for 2 small companies. I even made up two company names. I loved it. God what a demanding job you have, a lot of pressure eh?

I'm just struggling with the travelling at the moment. But yeh - will let you know how I get on. Been thinking of it for too long and sitting on my arse. You are so proactive, and it rubs off on me!

Thank you a million trillion times over xxxxxx

Hi,

Doc kept me on 20mg daily. He didn't even ask how I was, just why was I there! I offered all the info but I think it was so late in the day, he just wanted to go home!

I too feel that the effects are wearing off and not sure if they are working. Sensibly though, they must be working as this is end of week 9 and I am calmer. Just don't feel as nauseus. I'm sooooo tired though still and yawn a lot still!

Been an okay week, been very busy at work but my partner said he's been a bit down this week so he has been a bit snappy with me which had me a bit emotional. How dare he be down when I'm the moody one he he!! No really, I found it hard to cope with his moods this week and bit my tongue goodness knows how many times. I just didn't want to get angry and started shouting back. I did raise my voice though but refrained from shouting. The whole of the shouty thing just made me feel sad and low but due to work commitments ie, conferences, I've put on a happy face.

Okay now as it's the weekend and my partner has cheered up hooray!

So, end of week 9 and all is fine. Tiredness still creeps and my partner made me weep, the light at the end of the tunnel I can see and the thought of this makes me happy!

ha ha! top of my head that!!

Suz - how are you?????? Thanks for previous lovely message :lol: I am proactive to the point I'm anal with it! It's all fun though spending the company money and seeing the returns from it.

Take care all. Ang x