Still blipping 9 months in

Hi Ruth

Better than I'd hoped thanks although I did feel a little lightheaded yesterday, the first time since reducing around 5/6 days ago. We went to an open air cafe for lunch but I felt lightheaded after eating. I have been experimenting with cbd oral drops, very mild ones for my shoulder pain. I took them the evening before at bed time. It took me a couple of hours to get to sleep but once asleep I slept sound, no noticable difference with my shoulder pain though. Unfortunately, they upset my stomach and whether they

caused my lightheadedness I'm not sure. One of the side effects of cbd is lightheadedness and dizziness but not everyone experiences this. I am sensitive to meds though. There's so much conflicting advice given on the internet about cbd, some say there is no interaction with citalopram while others say there is. Anyhow, I gave it a try but I don"t think I'll be using it again. Today feeling ok, no lightheadedness, but I am noticing I get really tired around 2pm since reducing. If I rest for a short while I'm ok again. I definitely feel better on 5mg though, my outlook is more positive also because I know these wobbles which seem to come in waves are to be expected. Going to physio later for my shoulder. How are you?

That's good news! The reduction seems to have been a good idea. Got everything crossed for you, hope it continues that way.

Yeah, it's hard to get a definitive answer on the cbd, and interactions, isn't it? I've considered it before, but my nervous system is so sensitized at the moment, I daren't put anything else in.

I'm okay, but I'm not. May has been tough, and am not feeling so hot right now. Actually have signed myself out for a couple of weeks from work. Was getting some bad anxiety again and my sleep has been all over the place, and I just thought, sod it! Why am I pushing myself to continue as if nothing is wrong? It's a bit of a bad habit.... gotta always look 'okay.'

So am currently lounging around at home. I'm OK, am not feeling really depressed or anything, just intermittently anxious. I think it has been triggered by some insecurity around my role next year at work, there was a hint that it might change-which I really don't want. I think that brought on some worry, which then spiralled. My nervous system is so reactive to stress, still.

However, am not going to updose. I did think about it, but I would rather just ride out this rough patch. Even though I'm anxious, my mood is actually also okay, if that makes any sense.

So, that's me. Strange, I feel as if I'm in a similar place to this time last year.... except I'm not, I'm generally better, but still prone to blipping.

It's a long old journey to recovery, eh?

Hi Ruth

I can understand how the prospect of a role change can affect you mentally, the same happened to me. My college was taken over by another and the job I loved and had been doing for 16 years changed. It had a profound affect on me. Many of my colleagues were made redundant, I was shocked at how some were treated, so later when the opportunity came for voluntary redundancy I took it. I became bored. I went from doing a full-on IT role, with part time teaching, to twiddling my thumbs because I didn't have enough work to do. So I wouldn't worry about taking time out, that's one thing I regret not doing. Whenever I was ill I'd book annual leave rather than go sick. I'd stay late when I had to and even did some work from home.

Concentrate on getting well again, I realise how important your job is but try not to take it to heart. Someone else will be glad of the teaching hours in your absence.

Your right, it is a long journey to recovery. I've learned that from watching the videos I mentioned to you. You just have to believe you will recover with time. You don't need me to advise you on what to do, you are doing all the right things, more than I have done. But don't let work stress you out. Try and go with the flow when changes happen and if it doesn't suit you then you might want to consider a change. You never know, you may even get used to the changes. I wouldn't worry about if know, not yet.😊

It now (typo)

Thanks Lina, that's a lovely response. Don't mind you advising me at all, it's really good to hear someone else's perspective.

I don't think work quite understand how wonky I've been feeling. Mind you, I had been carrying on as if everything was fine until recently, and so they weren't really to know. Well, it's all come out now. Perhaps now I've taken time out, they will understand how crap I've been feeling.

You're right, I'm getting pre emptively stressed about changes that haven't happened yet...and in some ways, I might like them. This is catastrophising, I know, but it's so hard to pull the mind away from spiralling when dealing with a wonky nervous system.

I'm not very good at making myself the priority, but that's what I'm doing now.

Just gonna focus on recuperating this week. I'm not back to where I was this time last year, that's one good thing. This is just a setback. I do understand that, been listening so much to Lovely Grind and Claire Weeks. Very inspiring people.

Going to a yoga class this eve, feel I need to do something like that at the moment to promote relaxation. Also got acupuncture on Thursday, so some good nourishing things coming up. What you up to this week?

Hi Ruth

I haven't heard Claire Weeks but will make a point of doing so, thank you.

Just watched "be patient with yourself", the lovely grind and he described exactly how I feel. He said" just because you have a great hour, or great day or great week doesn't mean to say that the next hour or next day or next week will be just as great." So long as you understand that it's normal to feel that way whilst recovering. So true, I can feel great one minute but then minutes later absolutely horrid. So many times I have felt good and at the point of booking a weekend away with my mother but the next day I'm so glad I didn't because of the changes in how I feel.

It's good that your colleague's understand your situation better now. When I first spoke about being on citalopram at work another staff member in my department revealed that she was also taking an antidepressant and she used to take lots of time off work. Another male member from the same department also had anxiety issues and his wife was on citalopram. It's surprising when you open up about something how others are relieved to talk about it too. You've had these bad patches before though Ruth and you have bounced back. Three months ago you felt great until the prosecco set you back. It seems to be all part of the healing process these ups and downs. Didn't feel like doing much today myself, tired and achy, but I went to my daughter's about 20 miles away, I go twice a week to help out and ended up cleaning her cooker lol. On a nice day my hubby and I make a day of it as she is living near the sea so we go walking and call in a cafe on route. Not doing much else besides this week, taking mother shopping on Saturday, will probably do a bit of pottering around for her. Sunday we're going out for lunch for father's day.

I used to go to zumba and art classes but my best friend has agoraphobia now. I could go on my own because I am sure to know someone, it's just getting in the right frame of mind to do it.

I seem to be doing ok on 5mg cit so far, feel a bit cloudy headed sometimes but a sniff of albas oil helps. My hubby has taken to the cbd oil now lol although he's a bit of a cinic.

Hope you have a relaxing time out and hope you feel better again very soon.😊

Hi Ruth, how are you doing?

So I've been on 5 mg for a couple of weeks now from 7.5 for about 12 weeks and before that 10. Was doing ok until today. Had a bit of a stressful day with family and felt overwhelmingly tired about 3 hours ago and had to lie down for a while leaving my guests. My head felt weird like I was losing my mind. After they left I took a shower and just cried. I've calmed down a bit now. I suppose it's part of the withdrawal process, I have to keep believing that. Best wishes to you any anyone else who happens to read. Hope your all coping ok. 😊

It's all part of withdrawal, hun. Two weeks is usually when you wobble a bit. You'll be okay again.

It's really frustrating, isn't it?

I got fed up and went to the gp in the end. Pretty much all of May and the beginning of June were awful for me...its very strange, I was also having acupuncture, and somehow I think that was making me worse...or the latter treatments kind of revved me up a bit rather than relaxed me. Very odd. So last week I just got utterly fed up with feeling bad again and updosed. Few side effects now but touch wood am beginning to feel a bit better.

Kind of didn't want to updose but I need to be functional for work etc.

A lot of this process is trial and error and finding the dose that works for you etc.

It's almost impossible to know if you will experience side effects from updosing. You could always try just a tiny bit.

what dose are you on now ruth?just curious.best regards

Hi Lois,

I upped to 20mg. The 10mg just wasn't really cutting it for me, have given it a good long time, but lately I kind of spiralled with the anxiety.

I don't really know what caused the breakthrough anxiety, it's weird. I'd been having some acupuncture and I'm wondering if that somehow destabilised me a bit....odd thing to say, I know, but anything's possible. Also post menopause, and I think that's the cause of the low mood. Hormones all over the place.

It's been a week now. So far so good. Have had some odd wonky moments, and some updose jitters, but not too badly. I do feel exhausted though as a side effect, and am not much motivated to get off the sofa. Have been forcing myself to exercise etc.

oh wow.you will be fine .you are well educated with all the madness that come with these meds .regards

Thanks Lois.

Also going to be investigating getting some Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Think a lot of the anxiety was hormonally related and for some reason, I decided a year after my last period would be a good reason to start tapering off Citalopram, in 2017.

Hindsight, eh 🙄?

Im a week into my updose and not feeling too bad. Bit of jitteryness and some morning anxiety, but my sleep and appetite have both improved so far. Fingers crossed, that's a good sign.

However, am quite woozy and easily fatigued. Fairly typical side effects.

Hope you're doing well? Ruth xxx

i started my hrt a few months ago and what a difference that made .my over all wellness has improved dramatically.

Oh wow, that's amazing to know, Lois! I'm so glad for you.

Really hoping for that myself. Got an appointment on July 8th at menopause clinic. Hopefully then can get some HRT started.

I know it's gonna be different for everyone, but how long til you felt your HRT was working? Would you say it added to your mood improvements?

i say two days for me.it was instantly.instantly my head was real clear i had extra energy i had quick motivation.al though iam recover on celexa.the hrt just boosted me up to the tenth power.