Struggling to come to terms with genital herpes :(

I have HSV1 and mine is oral and when I got my first outbreak a month ago, I felt exactly the same way you do. I felt tainted, dirty and I went around with this cream on my lip and I felt so conspiscous like everyone was staring at my mouth. It's part of the process to feel like "scum" What is important is to arm yourself to go through the phases quickly. The faster you come to terms with it the more easier things are. I think you already have the basis for that, as you already know the facts and that it is manageable and not life threatening. In my opinion you have not yet come to terms with it and until you do all what you know about the disease will be worthless.

There is nothing you can do about the situation and from what you say about yourself, you are a strong woman and you can beat this negativity.

It's ironic but I think herpes also has it's positive sides as it makes us more responsible, pick out potential partners more carefully and gives a completely more responsible outlook on life. That said YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE and more to that the person will see past the herpes to the beautiful, strong, smart woman that you are. You are no "damaged goods" and the right guy will not see you as such. You will be amazed how many open minded guys are out there just waiting for a special woman like you. Don't let this minor detail stand on your path to happiness. Your outlook on the whole situation will be reflected on the guy. If you take it too seriously, he probably will too and vice versa. Before telling a guy you should be sure that there is potential for a deeper relationship. There is no need telling a guy after only a couple of dates about your situation. Someone is going to want you and even badly even that you have herpes

Herpes can't prevent you from having kids. The only inconvenience here is if you have an outbreak just before birth. Then you will have to have a C-section which I'm sure you already know I'm 33yrs old and nothing is going to prevent me from having kids, herpes is at the bottom of my list of reasons not to have kids

Why should anyone in your professional entourage know about your situation? It's none of their business, so keep that information to yourself. You will actually be surprised at how many people have herpes, maybe some of your colleagues do but they don't go around letting others know, you shouldn't either

Take care of yourself and never forget you are beautiful inside out

Hugs

usually it varies from person to person. I had my first outbreak after 4 days of exposure to the virus. Sometimes we get over anxious and sometimes feel and see symptoms which ain't real. Just give it a couple of days and if you still have itches then you should go see your doctor.

Good luck

I was scared when the next day I had a sore throat, which I thought of as "flu-like symptoms" and immediately I went to the doctor. I didn't have a full check but they reassured me that herpes symptoms didn't show up for at least 2 days, and since I didn't have any other symptoms, they told me I just had a cold. My sore throat went away the next day and I didnt think anything of it until I got home. I went to my gynocologist just as a check up and she too said I was perfectly fine. As soon as I got back from school, my ex and I made up and started having sex again. We were perfectly fine (although since I'm on BC I had a yeast infection once or twice, as diagonosed by my gyno) for about  2 and a half months or so when last week while having sex, I noticed a little pain. When I woke up the next day, both my ex and I had these weird painful bumps around our groin, something that we both had never seen before. We had both been having sex with each other for a couple years at this point and had literally never seen anything like it, but since it was literally the day after having sex and we both had the exact same ones, we just thought it was some type of friction bumps, as we had been a little rougher the night before.

I was worried when I started having MAJOR pains the next day, but herpes had never crossed my mine. The next night the pain had sky rocketed, and while they were still bumps and not blisters or anything, my lymph nodes around my groin were super swollen. My mom took me to the E.R, and right away the doctor told me it was herpes. I was so shocked I couldnt even cry until the nurse came in. That seemed impossible to me and I didn't believe him. He told me to double check with my gyno in the next few days and when I did she told me it was herpes as well and prescribed me the medicine. I asked if it could have been the man I had slept with in school, worried I could've given it to my ex, and she explained to me that the first outbreak was usually the worst, and since mine was super bad right now, it was highly unlikely. My ex is a bit older than me, almost 5 years, and he could've carried it from a previous partner, but I knew that I was the one that recently slept with another person, so it could easily be either of us. His tests hadn't come back, however, and the doctor assured him that he didn't know if his was herpes or just something else, so we couldn't be sure that he even had it. That made me feel a little better and worse at the same time. How could I be so unlucky? I couldn't believe it, I felt like my life was over.

My parents know, and the look on my father's face was almost worst than having the herpes themselves. He wasn't angry at any particular person he was just scared for me and felt like he, as a father should have been able to prevent it or at least help, but he couldnt. My mom's a nurse so she knows about herpes, but my dad knew nothing and literally said nothing and walked out of the room when I told him I would always have it.

Anyway, though I haven't completely come to terms with it (I was just diagnosed only days ago!!), I have to remember that this disease doesn't define me. I'm not dirty, disgusting, or loose because I have it. It could have been anyone, 1 out of 6 people have it! It's just a cold sore on your private part, and although it hurts and is an incovenience, that's all it really is! You still have your life! Stay strong! You're not alone

But look at it from how he could view it 'oh you have herpes but you have already slept with me'.... 

Good luck, hope for your sake he is an understanding guy 

I have the same view point like Nelly. I think it would have been better to let him know before sleeping with him.

I got herpes from my husband who has had it for a couple of years now and he didn't tell me and finally he did when I got it. I felt so betrayed and although I have forgiven him I'm still working on trusting him again. I felt deprived of my choice to decide for myself, about something that had an effect on my health, life style and future. That was very wrong of him but now I have to accept this fate that was imposed on me and I had no say in it although I definitely should have.

I also hope for you this guy is understanding and doesn't make a big deal out of it.

There is actually no right moment. Now that things have gotten to this stage you have to tell him asap. I don't think writing him a note is a good idea, it's lame. There is no problem with breaking down infront of him, you have to surmount your courage and tell him. You can tell him in small stages if it's too much. Or after telling him then you can ask him if it's ok with him that you put it in writing as you are too emotional to put it all out verbally.

Good luck