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Struggling to come to terms with genital herpes :(

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Sarah24
Sarah24

I was diagnosed with herpes in April this yr and have had one recurrence since! I'm single and caught it from a guy I had a one night stand with ( stupid I know ) I'm really struggling to come to terms with having this! I feel embarrassed to talk to anyone about it so coming on here was an option! Maybe talking to ppl who also have this virus might help me deal with this!! At this moment I feel like my life is on hold and no one will want to have a relationship with me since I have it!!! Help!?!?!

29 likes, 278 replies

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  • DGS1
    DGS1

    Posted

    I just found out too! I hate myself and share the feeling of having a dirty little secret. I was sober & protected and still ended up with it so go figure!

    Not very good at the relationship/sex thing but got a clean bill of health at 23 (now 41) then only had protected sex once after that some 7-8 years ago. Had no symptoms/outbreaks during this period so assume I was clean but after a bit of persuasion from someone I really liked I went for it and now cannot believe I was so stupid.

    Only seen at clinic yesterday and have still to tell him once results are back. It wasn't anything serious more friend I felt comfortable with but scared it wasn't him who gave it to me but the other way round. Surely I would have had an outbreak in the last 8 years if it had been me that was the carrier?

    Fortunately I realised something was wrong quickly and have been put on the antivirals for 5 days but I feel like hell. I am a carer for an elderly parent and I am sure my weird behaviour is being noticed but how do I tell them? Parent is totally against sex for fun/before marriage but I needed to live a little after a horrible few years - now even worse is to come. If I didn't have the caring responsibility I may just be tempted to curl up and die. Would love to hear how others cope?

    • lala04488
      lala04488 DGS1

      Posted

      Trust I been using protection for the longest still got it. I really hate it that even when your being careful it still happen to yu smh I just don't think nobody is going to want me after knowing that I have herpes
  • Sarah24
    Sarah24

    Posted

    Thanks for everyone that's replied to this!! Well I'm slowy comin to terms with havin herpes but can still get me down from time to time! Buts it's def good to know that I'm not alone!! You have to try and not beat yourself up about it we all make mistakes!!!! Anyway it's good to chat on here and talk to other ppl who have herpes!!! If anyone has any tips etc to help reduce it stop outbreaks!?!? I've been relatively lucky as I've only had 2 and they have been very mild!!! I still dread the day I meet someone and have to tell them I have herpes tho so if anyone can share stories on there experiences that would be great!!!!!x
  • rt2010
    rt2010

    Posted

    I had my first episode of HSV type 2 about 4 months into a relationship with a girl who knew she had had it before, but for whatever reason had chosen to keep it quiet and discourage using protection. We were both aged between 25 and 30, and after persevering with that relationship for 18 months it ended and I moved overseas.

    I was quite ill for a few weeks and coming to terms with it has been a really hard road. It has been over two years since then and i haven't managed to work out my way of starting a relationship with it yet. The last thing I want to do is to pass it on by pretending I don't have it, which was what she did (and I pity her for it).

    I work long hours and have quite a stressful job sometimes which triggers an outbreak every 2 months or so (but they are gradually getting less severe - usually one or two sores that last about 10-14 days). Or have a heavy night out with friends and boom - Outbreak! Those who understand it know that it's not actually that big a deal - but I think that because of the stigma associated with the word (my friend calls it the H-Bomb), those who have it feel guilty and dirty and ashamed.

    I find myself feeling guilty flirting with a girl because it feels like I'm being a fraud by not saying - hey, don't bother, I've got herpes. BUT I keep telling myself that the right person will have the right attitude towards it anyway - so, my plan, after having it for over 2 years is to use extra safe condoms and suppressive doses of aciclovir during early stages of the relationship and have the talk once you have a really good connection. I know this seems a bit cavalier, but it's as close to safe as you're going to get, and you're telling yourself the truth that it's not actually that big a deal. It isn't life threatening, rarely causes any other complications. Really it's less severe than the flu. If you make a big deal of it you will certainly scare off a potential partner. In the past it has bothered me so much I couldn't even get it up! It can be a brutal feeling. As for girls I'm not sure if you have to be a little more careful - I believe it is passed on more easily from F to M than the other way round.

    The prospect of a date coming over for a meal at my house strikes fear into me when it should be exciting and fun. I've had a few of these occasions and they are gradually getting a bit easier. Professionals and those who know the condition well are too quick to brush it off as just another minor ailment....for me it has tried very hard to manifest itself as a serious psychological condition...I think I am slowly winning the battle and one day, I will beat it.

    It does not define you, don't let it define you - it is minor at the end of the day, even if most judgemental or ignorant people would argue otherwise. It might just change the type of partner you go looking for. I am a successful and (i'm told) attractive young guy and I have everything going for me, am very positive and driven, and want a family to enjoy life with. It still gets me down like only you fellow sufferers will truly understand, but it's great to read other peoples stories. Life goes on, and you can, and you must, find your way of dealing with it and getting on with your life.

    xxx

    • t3194
      t3194 rt2010

      Posted

      Your words are so on point! Are you single haha?! Thanks for sharing.
    • kori26
      kori26 rt2010

      Posted

      I needed to read that. Thank you 
    • Guest
      Guest rt2010

      Posted

      Im thanking you for this post. I am currently awaiting for HSV2 results and im pretty sure they will be positive sad i really relate with your post. I am ambitious, and am a student and decent looking and put together and then a one night stand that didnt make me feel right happened and now i am learning my lesson too late. I am devestated and want to keep denying it. I keep thinking of how this is going to change my life and what i thought my life was going to be like and how this is going to ruin so many good things. No longer am i someone who is confident because i have my health in order, work out and have my sh*t together, but having HSV2 now makes everything else i try and do disgusting, because i feel like i wont be more than this. I will NEVER be able to have a fully passionate, worryfree intimate night because of this. IF i even get to that point it will be preluded by months of trying to tell that person and then that horrible dreaded talk of stds with them and IF they stay i can only imagine them to feel disgusted and scared to touch me and yes i know this is just a skin condition but i dont blame them. So now no matter what i do it wont matter cause of this. Thats how im feeling. Why put on make up? Why think some guy is hot? It wont go anywhere now because i dont want to even start something now. Ugh. Thanks for letting me use your post to vent on about this. I feel very alone about this. I just feel like i wish i could meet someone who also has hsv2 that i could talk to and just be not alone with. Forget about the guy who gave me this. As soon as i asked a couple questions he blocked me on everything. So i know your post was a year ago. How are you now?
    • chloe62698
      chloe62698 Guest

      Posted

      Hey t2456! I have recently just gone to college and found out I have genital herpes. I am feeling every emotion you once did and would love to talk if you're open to it.

    • Positivemindset
      Positivemindset Guest

      Posted

      Your comment is literally the EXACT things I have been thinking forbthe past 2 weeks. I had unprotected sex with this guy Im afraid I have hsv 2. I wen to urgent care to get culutre tests done for herpes and it came back negative. I believe it is a false negative , so tomorrow I have a doctors appointment to get bloodwork done for stds. I am very depressed,I think I have truely gone insane about this whole situation. Im going back and forth between being positive and not even wanting to live anymore and I havent even gotten results yet, Im so sure they will be positive because I have all the symptoms of herpes ... What were your results?
    • monet05976
      monet05976 Guest

      Posted

      I’m in the same boat I even been contemplating suicide as this situation has completely changed my life. How are you coping?

    • Patient
      Patient monet05976

      Posted

      Hi monet05976

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

      If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

      If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

      Kindest regards

      Patient

  • anna50
    anna50

    Posted

    Don't be embarrassed, there are like 150 million infected with HSV2 in all kinds of ways. The stigma is silly, since it's really no different than a cold sore. We need to share what works and doesn't work. I guess the whole point of this forum. I am sharing my best and worst discoveries in hopes it will help and in hopes someone might write something I could find useful.

    Good:

    Sleep / Rest / Minimize Stress

    Healthy Diet - no sugar, and not too much salt helps me

    Exercise

    Viradux-AU (a very good anti-herpetic crème - has stopped OB's altogether)

    keeping positive

    Bad:

    Stress

    acyclovir

    Valtrex

    Tons of other treatments out there that I have tried and not had much luck with if any at all!

    Thanks for sharing all!

    • phoenix630
      phoenix630 anna50

      Posted

      This right here.  I've only been diagnosed within the last day myself, but I knew it was a possibility.  I feel awful thinking I may have passed it on to my fiancee inadvertently.  At first, when I realized I might have it, I felt very dirty, like I'd done something awful, but the fact of the matter is I did not.  I can count on one hand the number of people I've been intimate with.  Unfortunately, two of those people ended up not being faithful to me.  I suspect I got it from one of them, given information I found out later rather than earlier.  Ultimately, though, it is just a cold sore in a more uncomfortable spot on my body.  No one thinks less of me for having cold sores, so they really shouldn't be thinking any less of me for having GH.  I don't intend to go around advertising it to everyone I meet; it's no one's business but mine and my fiancee's.  If I choose to tell someone and they think less of me for it, I suppose that is their uninformed, close-minded problem.  
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