Struggling to come to terms with genital herpes :(

rt2010 you cant actually do that. you need to tell the person before you have sex with them. trust me. i had swx with a guy that passed it on to me even though he was wearing a condom. he knew he had it and didnt tell me. Its killed me from being in new relationships yes. byt some people have tge right attitudes. let alone it could actually bw a criminal offence (research it. a guy got taken to proson) if you dont tell someone

best thing to do is actually get to know aomeone before sleeping with them.

20 years of age and I have it.

The worst part is that I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and it only shows up now. Neither of us know who had it first, he could have had it and never experienced the symptons. The ambiguity is the worst thing and I feel so numb and helpless over it all. I'm afraid of telling my friends for fear they'll judge me. The two people who I have told have been great and keep telling me it's only like a coldsore and not the end of the world but I'm really struggling to come to terms with it as it's something I'll have for the rest of my life. The only good thing is that I seem to have caught it in the early stages so on antibiotics. While my current relationship is going strong I keep imagining how this will affect me in the future and I'm absolutely terrified.

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry to see so many of you letting this virus take over your lives and get you down. I know exactly how you feel and I too felt dirty and disgusting after finding out that I had contracts the virus from a cheating ex about 6 years ago. I was mortified, and cried at the clinic when I was informed of what I had contracted. The doctor was fantastic and explained to me that thousands of people get cold speed on their face every day and nobody questions it, and this is the same sort of thing, it's just because of WHERE these sores appear the virus carries a stigma of it being dirty or labels you as someone who sleeps around. Te truth is you can catch this virus in loving monogamous relationships as well as if you have one night stands. It can happen to anyone no matter how safe you feel you are being. This virus does NOT define you as a person! Just think of it as a cold sore. The outbreak won't last for ever, and there are lots of treatments available to help you reduce outbreaks.

In the last 6 years since my initial outbreak, I've had about 4 small outbreaks. They don't last too long. And my boyfriend is amazing about it. When we first got together I told him about it within the first month before we slept together. It was a massive deal for me to be honest as I had been carrying this "secret" around with me for so many years but I felt I could trust him and I would rather be honest and let him know the truth as that's what he deserved. I broke down, I said we needed to talk, explained what it was and how I contracted it, and told him how disgusting I felt, and he just hugged me and said "is that it?! Ithought you were going to tell me you were breaking up with me!" Haha! He said it didn't change how much he loved me and didn't change how he thought about me and said I shouldn't have let it take over my life the way it had. He really put it in perspective. "It's just a couple of blisters. We can just be careful if you ever have any outbreaks" he said, and if ever it has happened I have let him know and he's extremely understanding. I realised that he is right, it's not as much of a massive deal as I thought it was. It happens very rarely, and only twice in the last 4 years of our relationship, and he has never had any outbreaks either.

Life goes on after this. Just accept it fr what it is, it doesn't change who you are, and whoever you form a relationship will understand this if they really love you. I hope you all are able to see it this way eventually. It's taken me a while to look at it from this perspective, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders in the last few years :-) xx

Thanks daisy14, really reassuring to hear a positive story in the midst of it all. x

No problem, I just sympathise so much with everyone who has posted here and felt the roller coaster of emotions that comes with finding out you have this virus and then learning how to live with it. I am by no means happy and at peace about having this, and I still get days if I have ha an outbreak where I get depressed about it and hate the person who passed it on to me, and I panic about how it may affect my future. But after a good think, and a talk trough with my other half I get it back in perspective and realise that I hardly ever get an outbreak, and unless I do, I don't think about it at all from day to day!

Outbreaks have become fewer and far between since my first ever one. I came onto this forum this week as I have had one this week, which I know has been triggered by a great amount of stress I have had at work and with a family member being taken ill. But before this week I haven't had one for 2 years! My friend has cold sores around her mouth all the time with the change of weather, or if she becomes ill with a cold or if she's stressed, she seems to have far more trouble with cold sores than I ever do with this!

Don't get me wrong it can get u down when an outbreak does occur. When this happens to me this week I was gutted I almost hoped it has gone forever haha! But I just think positively about it and say to myself it will have cleared up in a week and I can go on not thinking about it again for another few years hopefully lol!!

It's great that there is a forum like this for us to share our experiences an let each other know we are not alone, it really isn't the end of the world, and it does get better!! It should have to change your life in a major way, you just have to be a bit more conscious of what your body is telling you, and be careful and considerate with your future sexual partners so thy they can make their own informed decision about it. I have read up a lot about the virus and advice does say to let your doctor know about the virus if you fall pregnant, but millions of people with herpes go onto have healthy babies an don't pass it onto their newborn because the doctors will give you supplements to take to prevent this.

It's good to talk openly about this to let people know that it shouldnt be a taboo, the more we talk about it the wiser people become about how to prevent yourself from catching it, but also that it's not the be all and end all if you have contracted it. We are all still normal, good people, so please don't let this virus an any small minded people who dot know the full fact about it convince you otherwise. Positive thinking. Xxx

Shouldn't have to change your life^*

Some positive comments there!! I still have days when I feel depressed and disgusted with having the virus! The thing that worries me the most is having to tell a potential partner I can only imagine that it would be a big turn off purely with the stigma of the virus!! I very rarely have outbreaks and the couple I have had have been extremely mild I still feel like I won't be able to lead a "normal" sex life without the fear of passing this on!! Good days and bad but it's ALWAYS at back of my mind