Struggling to come to terms with genital herpes :(

I contracted this nuisance of a virus back in the heady days of the late 70s and have learned to live with it. I have had a number of long term relationships and have been married for ten years. I have kept my condition to myself and have successfully managed it all these years. Basically do not have sex if you have an outbreak and they are few and far between as the years pass by believe me. Also I had a son 25 years ago and this did not cause any problems although I did tell my consultant and she monitored the last stage to make sure they would be prepared if I had an outbreak but she was very reassuring. Don't feel bad about this you can live with it and at least these days there is anti-virus medication which works miraculously. I used to have to bathe my blistered bum with methalated spirit ouch!!

I contracted HSV1 a couple of months back and went through the feelings of disgust, self-hate, depression, anxiety. I had been single for 4 years and thought it was gonna stay that way. I had one OB since whilst meeting a new guy.

He is now my bf and didn't give two hoots about the HSV. He was more worried about telling me he had thrush. Was great to both put each others mind at ease.

I haven't had any more OBs. I don't care about it at all anymore and does not affect my sex life (unless I get another ob and will have to calm down for a while...but just makes sex all the more fun when we get to do it again :-) )

I have also dealt with depression over the past few years and was just getting over it when HSV hijacked me. I thought it was gonna send me spiralling down again. But after a few weeks of mourning my HSV-less body I'm over it.

Want to get on with my life now. My career, phobia of commitment, my health and fitness and all the other things that depression, anxiety and stupid HSV has held me back from.

Jeez, if I can do it..anyone can..seriously, don't let it gert you down. Have a few weeks of crying and feling rubbish, then realise it is so far from a big deal.

Signing out now to get on with my life. Good luck x

I've recently started seeing a guy and its going really well!! I have no idea how to tell him and am scared that when I do he's not going to want to continue seeing me as its such early days!! What's a good way to approach the subject without freaking him out because of the stigma attached to herpes??

I recently became involved with a man in the past 6 months (whom I love) only to have him suddenly present with sores on his penis, enlarged lymph nodes in his groin & low back pain in the past few weeks. Before he went to his dr I was suspicious of the lesions as being more than just in-grown hairs or spots as he initially thought they were because they looked like nothing I'd ever seen before.. He got the results from his blood work today which, shockingly are negative, but this still doesn't negate the likelihood it's genital herpes. Everything points in that direction according to his dr....and if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...well, you know. The results from the swab are next, hopefully in a couple of days. The part about this that is most disturbing to me is that I have probably been the one with it for God knows how long and have been asymptomatic until now. I've struggled with recurrent yeast infections and the itchiness associated with that, or so I thought. I now am faced with the horrible feeling I'm in fact the one who has passed this to my partner(s) totally unknowingly since an undetermined period of time. I am mortified. Absolutely and completely mortified.

Because of terrible timing with my job I haven't even been able to see a physician to get properly tested since this episode started just over a week ago. It is tearing me & the stability of this relationship apart. I had a full physical about 18 months ago and had asked for every possible test to be done from bone density to blood work for STD's to a mammogram. I was given a clean bill of health. Sadly, my dr. passed away only 4 months later & I hadn't bothered finding a new one. In the meantime i had a couple of sexual partners (that didn't prove to become long-term relationships despite promising beginnings). But now this. I find myself second guessing every little symptom I've had, past sexual partners' so-called raw spots after sex (even with condoms) and most of all questioning my future dating life. At 41 I'm wondering if I shouldn't just call it quits and go it alone to avoid the embarrassment of having probably infected someone I love because I was blissfully ignorant. I trust him implicitly, but unfortunately I can't say the same about myself now for not having gotten tested after the last men I dated prior to him. Self-loathing is the emotion of the week, coupled with anxiety & deep embarrassment.

Moving forward, WHAT IF we can work through this extremely stressful episode...what do we have to look forward to, realistically? Is oral sex now going to have to involve dental dams and condoms so we don't get cold sores as well since I'm likely an asymptomatic passer-along of this virus without showing evidence of when I'm shedding viral cells? How obvious are the signs of outbreaks before they occur and what are any negative side effects to the meds long-term? Needless to say, our sex life has come to an abrupt and screeching halt and I don't foresee things lasting if this is how things remain. Sorry to sound so pessimistic. I'm actually more concerned about him hating me to the core than the thought of me not ever having a sexual relationship. He says he loves me and that we'll get through it together but I'm bracing for that to shift to resentment if/when I get my test results back if they're positive for hsv.

I'm exhausted, not sleeping well, emotional and losing perspective on how to cope with what I feel is the inevitability of the fact I have genital herpes. Any suggestions and information would be graciously welcomed.

I feel very overwhelmed and rather lonely these days. I was relieved to find somewhere I could ask people who might understand. I thank you in advance for your compassion...

The emotional stress the first few months and years is the worst. I too thought my life was over and would never date again when I got herpes. However things only get better from here. For one, so many of us now have genital herpes that it is easy to find a man who does and or does not care about you having it. Also the physical symptoms can easily be managed to a point where you no longer have outbreaks and are therefore way less likely to infect someone else whilst the virus is dormant or in complete remission. I got to this point of no outbreaks in 3 years plus by using a combination of homeopathic nosodes for herpes called h-factor and herb called Hypericum mysorense from India. Hypericum Mysorense is really amazing and in my experience works better than anything else.

Once you are symptom free you will feel much better about yourself.

Don’t loose hope. You are not alone!

like lots of you, I have just found out but never had any symptoms. all your comments have helped and I don't feel so alone now. so thank you

I was told I have herpes about three weeks ago now and I'm still in agony. I thought I had thrush but had a small sore which was really painful, I had a check up and was giving the tablets. I might go back to the clinic soon as the pain is still bad and the sores have got worse i am single and I'm just hoping that I don't have anymore outbreaks as bad as this. It's dreading telling any future boyfriends that I have this virus!

Hi everyone! I have both HSV 1 and 2.

Reasons people freak out :

-Social stigma, no one talks about it, what we dont know often scares us

-It hurts physically

-Its inconvenient

-We don't expect it

-You will have it forever but for the most part it will do absolutely nothing to you

Reasons its not actually a big deal:

-The first episode is the worst, it gets better after and the episodes get fewer and farther apart, if you even have any

-Your immune system keeps it in quaranteen for the most part, so healthy living, regular eating and sleep should keep them blisters away. If you are like me and dont always get to sleep well, or eat well, it still often stays in check

-You will come to terms with it

-Expect the following after finding out you have it : denial, anger/panic, despair, feeling grows, trying to find reason/who gave it to you, blame, etc, realizing it wont help, learning more about what it actually is, living with it and wondering why its such an immense deal when its in your pants but when its on you lip (which no one questions), realizing a huge part of the problem is people are simply not educated on sexual health, feeling fine, knowing that even the healthiest and safest in bed still get it

-If you think you might give it to someone, there is a 90% chance it wont do anything to them (you still have to tell them in advance out of respect! Give them that choice to contract it or not!

-You wont have blisters every day for the rest of your days, its short lived (4-14 days)

-There are far worst things you can get from having sex

-The episodes can be monitored and you can take some preventative action to reduce chances of getting other episodes (eating habits, sleep patterns, etc)

-SO many people have it

-It is a well known virus that is well documented so anyone can get information easily. Education reduces the stress we feel toward it

-The virus essentially makes cells swell up in very small areas of your body, thats why it hurts. You will be fine

-Its like a cold sore except because its in the genital area people freak out

-There is suppressive medication if you really want it

-Many health care systems consider it benign because it is, and wont even look for it

-It doesn't affect other organs (ie liver, reproductive capacities, etc). Its just there and painful

I hope this helps, it took me a while to come to terms with what it actually is, but I did, so can you