Struggling to come to terms with genital herpes :(

I was diagnosed with genital herpes type 1 a year ago. I had only 1 outbreak since when. I still can't really get in terms with my condition but somehow manage to live with it.

I met a great guy and really liked him. We went for 5 dates and I tried to postpone having sex as long as I could. But I couldn't do it forever. After about 2 months of knowing each other I decided to share my secret with him. We had a great dinner at a restaurant and everything was wonderful. On our way home I told him that I have something really important to share. I said that last year I contracted a genital herpes from a person who I was dating for 6 months and who never told me about the condition. I also said that I had symptoms only once and that this condition is managed by using precaution measures. I tried to deliver it in a confident and not threatening way. While I was saying it, I saw how his face changed. He literally got shocked. He walked me home and I've never seen/heard of him since then.

I was devastated and broken again. I know that I must tell the person about the condition before we have sex. And maybe someone will want to take a risk because he likes me a lot. But to like someone that much and take such a risk requires a lot of time and energy. It"s not possible to fall in love with someone in 5 dates. It's much easier just walk away and look for someone without it. I am not sure how do I deal in this situation. And how to postpone sex for so long to make a person willing seeing you without having sex. I appreciate any ideas and success stories.

Hey I got herpes 2 years ago after a drunken one night stand where protection broke, for ages I was angry but I have now come to terms with it and only get outbreaks when I am stressed. I have been out of the dating scene in fear of being judged as someone dirty as herpes seems to carry round, and like everyone here that is not the case it was just plain bad luck. I have just meet a guy its been only a few weeks and we only text and I know what his attentions are, I can't help but put this condition to the back of my mind and pretend like I don't have it, but I know before things can go further I have to tell him, other times I have simply pushed the guy away, seems the most easier option that to face telling him, but now I believe I am ready to start something and need to tell this guy I just don't know how, does anyone know of a simple way of telling guys without scaring them off too much?

Hi everyone!

I have what I believe to be genital herpes. I have always had the oral type 1 since I was a child but over the

past year or so been having obvious symptoms. I will get itchy and have one area that happens over and over

always in the same spot sometimes it will look like a paper cut and bleed a little. I have been to the doctor

And they have done the culture but it came back negative. I'm a nurse so it's my feeling that if a sore comes

Recurrently in the same spot it most often is herpes. I have been tested for type 2 and came back negative.

I have trouble talking to my fiancée about my fears because he always acts disgusted and says things like

How can I have sex with you when you tell me this stuff? I feel so alone. I like to pretend

I don't have it, but I know in the back of my mind it's a huge possibility. I'm on suppressive therapy

For the oral herpes but still get outbreaks every 3 weeks. It makes me

Feel disgusting, especially the way my fiancée acts about it. Just looking for some

Support. I'm very scared and alone. Thanks everyone.

@jackie76457 your fiancé shouldn't be treating you like that because you nor any one here are discusting!

Hello Jackie,

first off i sometimes get those paper cut type things but i dont know which type i have, i just know they come and go, either in the genital area of mouth, sometime turn into sores, sometimes not. Sounds like your fiancé is the one who needs support. The alternative is you not telling him you have anything out of fear and him not trusting you etc. That does not sound to me like the thing to do. He should appreciate your honesty, trustworthiness, and tell him that its bad enough you have to live with this, he doesnt have to add to your feeling of disgust. Of all people, he should be the last one to make you feel crappy. You are obviously managing it as best you can, not your fault you have it. He also probably has it too and just doesnt have symptoms. It is off and on contagious even if you don't have outbreaks. He should do some thinking and thank you for being open with him regardless of his ignorant comments. You could ask him if he would prefer you keeping everything to yourself and not really care about his health. If you are talking abou tit all the time, everytime you have some, then maybe you could cut back, but otherwise you are just looking out for him. Best of luck with mr "id rather not hear about it and feel better about myself at the expense of my fiances feelings". Also tell him he prob gave it to you from kissing you then going down on you.

Hi Nelly, and all those wondering how to tell someone you have it,

there is no one way that will 100% guaranty that you will not scare them off, it is what it is, but there are definitely ways that are better than others.

1) Say it BEFORE sexual contact

2) Tell them how you feel about them (respect them, want to be honest, which is why you are telling them, etc) but that in the end it is entirely their decision what they decide to do with the information you provide (put control in their hands)

3) Expect a variety of reactions

4) Be ready and open for any kind of questions

5) Answer the questions truthfully, sugar coating does not help, people see through that

6) Don't accept being put down in a disrespectful way

7) If they say they are okay with it, that's awesome, but tell them also that even if they feel scared or anything later on, they can always bring it up. The conversation over often does not stop at the very first time you tell them.

8) Encourage them to do their own research so they feel more confident about the situation and how to go about, also helps if you are on the same page

They have the right to not feel okay about it, the way they respond is more important. It will speak volumes as to what kind of person they are. Take mental notes of how they treated you once you told them, this will show you their true colors in terms of how they would deal with other life situations.

Best of luck people! You rock no matter what!

Thanks Chorty that has really helped

Hi thanks nelly and chorty....I actually did tell him it was from us probably kissing and then

Him going down on me... But his response was "oh so now I gave you something" and got really mad.

I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to hear about it. But every time I get a sore I feel like I'm keeping

A big secret. Maybe I should just not mention it anymore. I feel like I already laid it out on the table.

Finding this forum was amazing. I'm 19 and I contracted HSV2 (or, Uncle Bob, as I've taken to referring to it as)...well at some point I guess, but only got diagnosed with symptoms several months ago. When I first got it, it was mild, but painful and took forever to go away, particularly because I didn't know what it was at first, and so didn't get on top of it very quickly. I've been seeing a guy I quite like now for about 2 months, and I told him about it around 5 dates in. He was totally ok with it, but knew virtually nothing about it. I'm still coming to terms with it, and have found it really hard. I have good days and bad, emotionally, but the bad days are slowly getting further apart. Uncle Bob being such a recent addition to my life, I'm still not entirely sure how it works, and everything on the internet is either contradictory or unclear. Some information sources even suggest that the only way to prevent transmitting it is to abstain from sex for the rest of our 'filthy, diseased lives' (a big thanks to the site that suggested that, you had me a sobbing mess of self hatred for a good few hours). So, until I understand more about it, I'm being ridiculously paranoid about making sure I don't transfer it to him. I don't let him go down on me, I take Valacyclovir tablets (half a 500mg tablet twice daily), and he wears a condom. On top of that, I bought underwear and created a hole in a convenient position. This is my 'safe sex underwear'...I feel like a leper having sex with it on, but I'm so paranoid, and I figure this prevents skin to skin contact. (Can anyone with more experience tell me whether this is a good thing to do or not?)

So yeah, really careful, but about 2 weeks ago my partner thought he had a symptom (as it turned out, he didn't, it was just a stress related mark due to his exams) and it created some conflict in that he wasn't sure how to deal with it, and he felt that it made things so much more serious in a relationship that is still pretty new, and that it made staying with me much more of a commitment. - He was really upset doing it, and it really really hurt (talk about damage to self esteem), but I understood where he was coming from, and I didn't want to be 'that girl who talked him into staying', (particularly if one day he does catch it and things don't work out between us), so I pretended to be ok with it, and told him that it was perfectly understandable, and fair enough for him to want to end things. And it was understandable, and it was fair enough, but wow was it not ok, and I was a mess for a few days after that. We left on good terms though, and having mutual friends, saw each other again last week. Light at the end of the tunnel, he told me that he was miserable, and felt like a dick and that he wanted to be with me regardless, and that we'd make it work. So that's good I guess, but my emotions are everywhere, and I'm unsure whether or not to feel like a leper, but mostly right now, I just feel unstable and alone. I thought I could feel Uncle Bob knocking again tonight, and so I took probably too much of my medication (4 500mg tablets) to try and give him a good boot out the door, and it worked, but damn Valacyclovir can bring some painful stomach cramps. So it's been a shitty night all up, and left my mind unable to leave it alone, and so trolling the internet for any tiny bits of extra information, or hopes of cures (even though many lovely sights assured me that no, there's no cure). I'm not into alternative medicine, but I'm even looking at that. I just can't shake these feelings of self hate, and shame and regret, and worthlessness and helplessness. And I think right now I just need someone to tell me that it's going to be ok, and to give me some actual useful, reliable information. Because I feel so alone, and I don't have anyone who can relate, or talk to me about it, and I don't know how to make it better, and I'm just really, really scared.

I'm 6 days in with my first outbreak. I don't know how I feel about. It's like I don't know what to feel or do. I always thought if I ever constracted an std I'd be angry and try "killing" the person that gave it to me, but I've been completely numb

Last Sunday I woke with swelling and redness in my vagina with a discharge I had had some pain during sex the night before but didn't think anything of it so the next morning I believed I may be experiencing my first yeast infection from the antibiotic I was still taking for my first strep throat as well that Monday I begin feeling flu like symptoms but thought it was from the antibiotic but along with the achy pains I had developed painful vaginal sores.

I been googling and saw in rare cases yeast infections could cause sores but saw even more hits on the sores being from GH. I've been with my bf for 5 yrs and I've never cheated. And he'd been assuring me that he hasn't been cheating either so I had no reason to believe it actually was GH.

By Wednesday the pain was becoming unbearable and I could not get into my gyn so I went to planned parenthood. The doctor after examination confidently told me it was GH. I was in complete shock and sadden.

After some questioning I was informed by my bf that he had cheated on me. And today got the confirmation that the virus has been in my body for a month or less. My sores have healed but I am completely numb. I feel so dirty and shamed. I also feel so betrayed and wronged by my bf. I don't know how to go on with life.

How have you all coped?