Struggling to come to terms with genital herpes :(

Just been diagnosed today, feeling a bit shit to be honest! The tests come back next week but the GUM clinic lady was pretty confident its herpes and i'm fairly sure I know who I contracted it from.. Found out the day after a one night stand she's pretty well known to the other rugby boys around town but oh well, shit happens eh! Pretty scared right now but all these positive comments have made me feel much better. I'm a young bloke 21 not really sure how this leaves me with future sexual situations when I don't have one of these outbreak things! I know it's out when I have one and with the pain I've had the last few days, I don't think it'd be much fun anyway... No idea how to really approach anything at the moment, any friendly advice would be much appreciated thanks x

Also @Jackie, get your fiancé to sit on his laptop for and hour and read some of these stories, maybe he just doesn't know what it is and how much it doesn't make a big deal in peoples lives. Coming from a male perspective (as it seems to be mostly women on this thread), it is seen as something dirty and taboo but give him the info, testimonials and time and see what happens! Good luck

Hi I really want to hear from people who suffer from herpes who CAN'T lead a normal sex life? I've suffered for about 4 years now still have random outbreaks but I find its after I have had sex.

I used to have a great sex life be able to have sex 6 times a day and be completely fine.

After I found out I had herpes sex has not been the same. I suffer constant thrush which in itself is a Nightemare but after sexual intercourse once now my vagina is all sore and very swollen the next day I can't even think about having sex again for about 5 days... But on most occasions once the swollen insides has gone I can feel the burning sensation on outer lips and small one or 2 lumps appearing and it's always at the very bottom of the vagina and feels like a tear at the join. So sore and sensitive.

So this then adds on another good few days until my vagina is back to "normal"

I'm so upset by this as I cannot lead a normal sex life like I used to. I am single and have been for years now scared to get into a relationship at the fear of not being able to have a sex life! What man wants someone who can only have sex once a fortnight???!

There must be something that can be done I'm sick of going to doctors and gum clinic to be told its the thrush and nothing can be done.

Please help and advise? Someone must be going through same thing :-(

Thank you xx

My GF of 4 years told me she had herpes two weeks into our relationship, were still together now, I am yet to show any symptoms at all of having the virus, half of the population carry the herpes virus, it just lies dormant inside us until a trigger activates it.

don't worry that no one will want you, feel pity for the people that can't deal with it, lets face it, if they can't handle that, then god help them when it comes to handling something more serious,

Hey guys! Lots of interesting stories and comments above!! Since posting my original comment on here I've learned to deal with it a lot better and try to remember that it's nothin more than a inconvenience!!! I recommend anyone who is still worried to have a look on the HVA web page very useful and will put your mind at ease! One stat that sticks with me is that by the age of 25 7 out of 10 are carriers and by the age of 35 it's hard to find someone that doesn't carry the virus! 1 in 10 have genital herpes but only 1 in 5 will develop symptoms! Anyway if anyone ever wants to chat I'm all ears! It helps to talk about it and helps you worry less x

Just a reminder, the stigma around genital herpes is fueled by two main drivers:

1) Perceptions and religion.

2) The pharmaceutical world.

The issue started in the 70s after the manufacturing of antviral therapy against herpes, namely aciclovir. Most people have herpes (without them knowing). Religion drives the stigma in indirect way. The reason why people think bad of individuals who contracted the virus is that it is associated with unlawful sexual relationships. However, religion is bigger than that. It is not set out to shame people for a mistake (or not?) they committed.

A tragedy brought happiness

A friend of mine (in his 20s) got married to a beautiful girl (in her 20s) who has the virus from her old boyfriend who lied to her and gave her the virus. He first denied that he had it, then admitted but told her that he forgot to tell her. She then woke up one day to find him not there; he left her!

This has caused her so much pain and agony.

Three years after that. she met my friend who has a good attitude towards the issue (herpes blah blah). They got married in a year. Now living happily for a year!

Simply, herpes is not the end of the world. Just be honest and remember, there is always a guy or a girl who will be interested in you because of who you are not what disease you have.

Cheers.

Hi, I've been struggling to find people to open up to and talk about my emotions after contracting HSV II about a year and a half ago. I'm hoping my story may go some way to helping others, possibly help me come to terms with it and shed a light from a guys point of view.

My story begins with the breakdown of my previous relationship. It started young at 17 and lasted 8 years. It was an incredible relationship that never really saw ups and downs, however as we grew up, unknowingly to me, my girlfriend got to the stage where she wondered if this is all that life had to offer. She quickly had a change of heart, became distant, partied hard and had relationships with various mutual friends behind my back. It was I guess her immature way of communicating her feelings as she didn't want to confront the person who loved her with the truth.

Devastated and heartbroken I must admit I was a little lost. I walked away from work as we worked together, gave her the car and moved away from a situation that was too intense to handle. Not before doing something stupid tho! Before long I was being seduced by other women who knew I was now single and knowing it wasn't the right thing for me I generally refrained. However one drunken night I did end up having unprotected sex with an attractive girl but remember feeling very underwhelmed and immediately knew that it was a mistake and left me feeling empty, I didn't really want to sleep with her but was trying to move on in my unsettled state. Now I'm not using this as an excuse because it is totally my choice and I don't blame the girl for not telling me, however I had only ever been in one relationship for 8 years. In that time we used contraception pills and condoms and std's had never crossed my mind. I was so naive about the whole thing despite my age.

Any who's, what resulted was an outbreak of lesions and a lot of pain about 4 days later. I was diagnosed after some time, terrible doctor, and given very little info on the aftermath with regards to it being a incurable infection and the psychological damage that it may have on myself.

I felt very hard done by. I had lost my girl, my so called friends, my job, my home, my respect and felt very unlucky to have contracted herpes after a one night stand that I didn't even want as I was still madly in love with my ex.

The damage was done and now I was on a voyage of self discovery, slowly learning the gravity of that fling and it repercussions. Naivity was bliss at first, as I thought it was a temporary thing that would pass with time, but research has now shed light on my future. From reading other messages i seem to be one of the unlucky few, whereby I have changed my diet but still get outbreaks every 2 months. During the early days I had a few more one night stands, protected this time, but each time it dawned on me more, until I no longer enjoyed sex what so ever, and in fact to agree with Nicole_smith1 each time I did have sex it seemed to bring on an episode. Also my wee man was sore for a couple of days after meaning that unlike before in my relationship where I had a very active sex life various times a week, I found I could only really do it a couple times if I wanted and to be honest I didn't even want to. I too now struggle in intimate occasions, with it in the back of your mind it's hard to stay arroused and to attention, which as a man, further affects ones confidence.

So as you can see I have had a pretty rough past two years. It has been tough on my confidence, destroyed new relationships and changed my life completely but there is a positive. During this year I believe I have honestly found rock bottom. I have been physically brought to my knees in tears and left with absolutely nothing to hold onto. But sometimes having nothing is a good place to rebuild. I found my faith and now believe that everything does happen for a reason and come together for the good. I've learnt so much about myself and without contracting HSV II i would probably have carried on being promiscuous in an attempt to replace the love that is now missing from my life. I have seen how strong I can be and now fear little in this world and I'm trying to learn how to be myself and form genuine relationships with the opposite sex that aren't simply based on physical attraction. When the time comes and I meet the right person I will have to be honest about my past. That scares me yes, but everyone has something to hide that they must let go of in order to have a truly perfect relationship.

Life is still very hard right now. I don't have all the answers, just faith really. I'm still learning, I'm still single, I still shy away from new relationships, I'm not financially independant after losing that good job, and I'm still looking for my purpose in this world and looking to give back. I'm only 28, some say attractive and know more about myself that ever and have faith that things can only get better. There is always someone fighting a harder battle than yourself and everyone has there demons locked away. Opening up is difficult for me as I'm quite shy but hopefully I meet someone I can be open with and will treat me with respect. I made a mistake, and if you are human you will make mistakes and you have to deal with the consequences. Being open about them is the only way to build trust and have a meaningful relationship, so it can be an advantage. HPs can act as a bullshit detector I guess, if you hit someone with that news and they still want to be around, you know that they really care about you. Yes as lads you want to be known as the guy who sleeps around and gets all the girls, but that gets old quickly and damages you each time you sleep with someone you don't love, just like girls.

The most desirable guys in the world don't sleep around they are in committed relationships and are unattainable, brad Pitt, David Beckham, that is what makes them so attractive.

I realise this is quite long now and going off topic, ha, but hopefully this helps someone, even if it is just myself. I'm nervous to post this, but being honest and open is the next step for me I think.......

Hi, I've been struggling to find people to open up to and talk about my emotions after contracting HSV II about a year and a half ago. I'm hoping my story may go some way to helping others, possibly help me come to terms with it and shed a light from a guys point of view.

My story begins with the breakdown of my previous relationship. It started young at 17 and lasted 8 years. It was an incredible relationship that never really saw ups and downs, however as we grew up, unknowingly to me, my girlfriend got to the stage where she wondered if this is all that life had to offer. She quickly had a change of heart, became distant, partied hard and had relationships with various mutual friends behind my back. It was I guess her immature way of communicating her feelings as she didn't want to confront the person who loved her with the truth.

Devastated and heartbroken I must admit I was a little lost. I walked away from work as we worked together, gave her the car and moved away from a situation that was too intense to handle. Not before doing something stupid tho! Before long I was being seduced by other women who knew I was now single and knowing it wasn't the right thing for me I generally refrained. However one drunken night I did end up having unprotected sex with an attractive girl but remember feeling very underwhelmed and immediately knew that it was a mistake and left me feeling empty, I didn't really want to sleep with her but was trying to move on in my unsettled state. Now I'm not using this as an excuse because it is totally my choice and I don't blame the girl for not telling me, however I had only ever been in one relationship for 8 years. In that time we used contraception pills and condoms and std's had never crossed my mind. I was so naive about the whole thing despite my age.

Any who's, what resulted was an outbreak of lesions and a lot of pain about 4 days later. I was diagnosed after some time, terrible doctor, and given very little info on the aftermath with regards to it being a incurable infection and the psychological damage that it may have on myself.

I felt very hard done by. I had lost my girl, my so called friends, my job, my home, my respect and felt very unlucky to have contracted herpes after a one night stand that I didn't even want as I was still madly in love with my ex.

The damage was done and now I was on a voyage of self discovery, slowly learning the gravity of that fling and it repercussions. Naivity was bliss at first, as I thought it was a temporary thing that would pass with time, but research has now shed light on my future. From reading other messages i seem to be one of the unlucky few, whereby I have changed my diet but still get outbreaks every 2 months. During the early days I had a few more one night stands, protected this time, but each time it dawned on me more, until I no longer enjoyed sex what so ever, and in fact to agree with Nicole_smith1 each time I did have sex it seemed to bring on an episode. Also my wee man was sore for a couple of days after meaning that unlike before in my relationship where I had a very active sex life various times a week, I found I could only really do it a couple times if I wanted and to be honest I didn't even want to. I too now struggle in intimate occasions, with it in the back of your mind it's hard to stay arroused and to attention, which as a man, further affects ones confidence.

So as you can see I have had a pretty rough past two years. It has been tough on my confidence, destroyed new relationships and changed my life completely but there is a positive. During this year I believe I have honestly found rock bottom. I have been physically brought to my knees in tears and left with absolutely nothing to hold onto. But sometimes having nothing is a good place to rebuild. I found my faith and now believe that everything does happen for a reason and come together for the good. I've learnt so much about myself and without contracting HSV II i would probably have carried on being promiscuous in an attempt to replace the love that is now missing from my life. I have seen how strong I can be and now fear little in this world and I'm trying to learn how to be myself and form genuine relationships with the opposite sex that aren't simply based on physical attraction. When the time comes and I meet the right person I will have to be honest about my past. That scares me yes, but everyone has something to hide that they must let go of in order to have a truly perfect relationship.

Life is still very hard right now. I don't have all the answers, just faith really. I'm still learning, I'm still single, I still shy away from new relationships, I'm not financially independant after losing that good job, and I'm still looking for my purpose in this world and looking to give back. I'm only 28, some say attractive and know more about myself that ever and have faith that things can only get better. There is always someone fighting a harder battle than yourself and everyone has there demons locked away. Opening up is difficult for me as I'm quite shy but hopefully I meet someone I can be open with and will treat me with respect. I made a mistake, and if you are human you will make mistakes and you have to deal with the consequences. Being open about them is the only way to build trust and have a meaningful relationship, so it can be an advantage. HPs can act as a bullshit detector I guess, if you hit someone with that news and they still want to be around, you know that they really care about you. Yes as lads you want to be known as the guy who sleeps around and gets all the girls, but that gets old quickly and damages you each time you sleep with someone you don't love, just like girls.

The most desirable guys in the world don't sleep around they are in committed relationships and are unattainable, brad Pitt, David Beckham, that is what makes them so attractive.

I realise this is quite long now and going off topic, ha, but hopefully this helps someone, even if it is just myself. I'm nervous to post this, but being honest and open is the next step for me I think.......

This has helped me so much knowing I'm not alone in this, when I feel so alone. I was just recently diagnosed positive with genital herpes. I was with this guy off and on and I was clean during this period and we got back together 2 months ago and then I got an out break and got it checked out. Thinking my bf would have been accepting about this I told him and his reaction was leaving me because "I gave him herpes" but i have only had sex with him, even when we broke up, so in love, so another man was never on my mind. It just sucks because of how he is acting and how he is taking this so immaturely and putting me down everyday about it. And we both know I got it from him but he doesn't want to accept it. So I was strong and took myself out of his life and blocked him completely. As hard as it was to accept I had herpes it was even harder to accept how he was acting about all of this. I guess you never really know a person.. But I'm trying really hard to not let it define or destroy me because I know I'm still the same person. I'm taking each day by day an dealing with the cards I've been delt. I have my bad days and my good days. Some days I lie up at night thinking I'm going to be alone forever because when I tell the next guy I chose to date, he will run for the hills. Hoping that my ex would have still loved me as much after as he did before, I feel like every guy is going to act like that. My bestfriend know and my sister, but it would have helped a lot more if I had him by my side. I wasn't mad at him and I took it very maturely and accepted that it happens but from this I learned he didn't deserve me. But reading all these stories has helped me so much. It's honestly really just a viral skin disease nothing more. It just makes it harder because you grow up here all the mean a rude jokes about have an std. On the positive side it has helped me to be a more healthier person and take care of my body so I can prevent my immune system from being done and avoiding outbreaks. I'm also very into tattoos so I recently got a tattoo of a clock and the date I found out I had herpes.. Might as well embrace it. If you can't beat it, join it.

Hey Devin

Some people are just ignorant of how common it is, anyone whose has a cold sore has HSV 1 and even those without symptons could have it too. What helps me is reminding myself that is just a cold sore on another part of your body and no one would bat an eyelid if they saw one on your mouth. The jokes often get to me too but this quote I found always helps me:

"t's a strange disease. I mean, how do you know you don't have it?

Never had a breakout? - you might still have it.

Never had any sexual contact at all? - you might still have it.

Don't know shit about it? - do some research

Still judge people who have it? - you're a douche"

Attitudes are slowly changing for the best it seems! Hoping you stay positive through it all and you're bound to find someone who is mature and sensible enough to handle a skin condition.

Hey guys I was diagnosed with HSV1 virus after I slept with a guy who I only saw a handful of times...... Silly i know, I was with my ex for a number of years and we broke up after drifting apart. I guess after losing him I had a rebound and now I have to pay for it for the rest of my life..... I do believe I am going through my first outbreak currently...... I've had nausea, headache, fatigue, chest rash, general aches and pains, swollen glands, mouth sores, and tongue sores. If this is the worst outbreak I get I really do hope so as this is a very painful experience..... I don't even know if it's possible to have oral and genital herpes outbreaks at the same time...... I do believe. Many people are very ignorant towards the virus as there is not enough information regarding it.....I would like to thank everyone for writing in this forum as it has helped me realise I'm not alone..... If anyone could reply regarding there symptoms that would be useful as I'm finding this very scary and don't fully know yet what to expect with each outbreak...

Hi.

I have been recently diagnosed in November with genital herpes. After the emotional roller coaster which I know you are all familiar with I feel I have come to terms with it. My concerns now are how am I to lead a normal sex life? Obviously I need to be safe to prevent passing it in to my partner. My main concern is will I have to use a dental dam every time I receive oral sex? I am just worried that it will take the fun away and my partner will get bored because we can no longer be spontaneous. I guess I am just wanting an insight into how other people cope with their sex lives after diagnosis and the risks of passing it on oraly.

I am so glad I found these forums as I no longer feel like I am fighting this alone.