Time to change!!

Hi there, I think we all get this.  Morning is totallly different to evening where drink is concerned. 

My tip would be - like I have done, if you drink wine, don't buy the large bottle, buy 2 tiny ones - four units. That is halving your intake without dropping too quickly.  Keep a bar of dark chocolate in the fridge.  A couple of pieces makes wine taste awful.  I have done this for months and now can buy a box of wine and take two glasses out each night and no more.  The box lasts ages and even hubs says how long they last (compared to me before, I would have quaffed the lot IN ONE!!!)  More difficult if you drink beer/lager as you tend to buy a four pack.  And spirits would be calling out to you to have another.

I love picking the box up in the morning and it feeling heavy instead of empty.

There will be much more help coming your way.  So far this is working for me without meds.  Tho' meds it will be if I mess up.

You can do it, many on here have - you just keep at it and NEVER GIVE UP.

G.

Thanks Gwen - I feel like I need all the help I can get!

The worst is the guilt - I hate myself the day after - lying to my other half by having only 1 glass of wine when I had a small btl vodka on the way home to see me through.

Conession time!

I feel such a loser and dont know how to change.

A

Hi Andy,

There is a pathway in your brain that has come to associate that alcohol gives it a chemical reward and relief.   Every time you drink, it has reinforced this, and this pathway has now become stronger than the others.  For some reason, in some of us alcohol gives a much exaggerated reward and so this pathway has not come to expect the reward and relief.  If it doesn't get it, then it starts to nag and drive us crazy.  This is the reason that you start off the day with the best intentions, but at a certain time your brain has been conditioned to expect that reward and your resolve falters.

From a medical point of view, this is an absolutely normal way that our brain learns what activities are rewarding, and what activities aren't.  So please try to lose the guilt.  You are not at fault.  It just seems that for some like you and me, and others on this forum, our exaggerated response to alcohol is just a part of our brain's normal learning mechanism learning.  A child will soon learn that sweets give it a reward but putting their hand onto a hot stove is not rewarding.  It's exactly the same thing, and absolutely NOT your fault that you are 'built' this way.   However, it IS your responsibiliy to change things and figure out what to do.

So, what to do next?

Well, the options are to find a way NOT to give in to this - that can be support networks, CBT therapy, learning new ways of coping.  Whatever may work for you.  However, this pathway that has become strong will never weaken on it's own and anything you do is basically learning how to not lose your resolve.  If you can do this, then awesome!  Hats off to you and well done!

I tried to maintain this type of method over 10 years, and it just kept ending in relapse for me, so I chose to tackle the issue head-on and reverse what my brain has learned!  Thing of Pavlov's dog... how it learns that at the sound of a bell it will salivate for food.  Then think of that in reverse.... if the bell rings, but no food is given then eventually the dog will stop salivating for food.

The way to do this is to take a safe and non-addictive medication that blocks that chemical reward when you do drink.  Repeat this process again and again, and over some months your brain learns that alcohol is no longer giving it the chemical reward and relief that it once did.  That strong pathway weakens and eventually breaks down completely, leaving you back in control.

Us non-medical types call this method is called The Sinclair Method after the scientist who spent 20+ years researching it in Finland, David Sinclair.  The medical world call it after it's technical name which is Pharmacological Extinction.

If you go to this page, you will find a link to read a little more about it to see if you think it will be suitable for you.

https://patient.info/forums/discuss/useful-resources-487627

Thanks so much for your lengthy reply. much appreciated.

I will take a look at TSM - did it work for you?

I was hoping to beat it on my own - maybe I'm being too optimistic.

Really really want to try but I am very scared of doing so, the thought of not drinking is appealing but I dont know if I can.

Will come back to the forum to give me some resolve.

Thankyou everyone.

A

Story of my life Andy, it's hard isn't it! Currently sat here REALY wanting to go get a bottle for later but I can't keep letting it win me. It's just liquid for god sake but yet we love it so much. Annoying!!

Sorry your marriage is suffering but maybe that could be your biggest incentive - think of all the positives and extra money you will have with the family.

We're all in the same boat. Good luck!

Thanks Danielle, just hoping to get some support/ advice and resove anywhere I can.

I have a Dr appointment tomorrow but am scared to mention it for fear of being labelled an alcoholic, rubbish really, I hate myself sometimes.

Are you winning? how long does it take?

I'll start cutting down tonight.

Thanks for your message and good luck too!

A

I only properly started last night. I had two glasses last night but wanted more, as usual! Tonight though, I'm having nothing! I've bought myself a new fancy water bottle so I'm currently working my way through water 😫 This hot weather makes me want to drink wine even more though - it's weird! I'm guessing it's going to be hard and I'm aiming for a dry day tomorrow too. They feeling of wanting a drink and it playing on your mind is the hardest so I'm finding things to keep myself busy.

Good luck at the doctors, I too am too scared to go as I don't want it written on my file but it will be worth it. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

I sympathise Danielle as hot weather and chilled wine in the evening go together for me. Have done for decades. Interestingly there was an article in the paper a few days ago about the increase in women especially, quaffing chilled wine as it slips down so easily. I think part of the issue is what many have written about here and that is the training you give your brain and the associations set up between, for example, nice warm summer evenings and a glass, or two, or four etc.

Good luck for tonight and tomorrow.

Friday is a killer day for me - like some end of week reward I deserve even when Ive been boozing all week So really good luck for that.

Drinks do at work today after work but I'm going staright home to avoid the temptation!

Thanks

A

A

Andy, I fessed up to my doc - it sort of went over her head.  She referred to  ARC and that was it.  Of course, it was logged on computer.  Some say not to say this to your doc in case it jeopardises future employment !?!?.

I never went as not my bag to chat to strangers.

I looked into booking in to residential detox - at a cost of about £4k.  But what happens when you come home?

I also learned about TSM - and received some very valuable info from someone on here who is a professional.  He is so busy, he can't be on as  much as I am sure he would like - but there are others who know it inside out and who will guide you - no questioon about that.

So I decided on willpower.  I hated the thought of none at all, and anyway I have been drinking 40 years regularly and ceasing too quickly  is a big no no for me.  So I tapered to now at 2 glasses of wine (plus a little chocolate).  It can be done gradually.  If you can't do it, TSM is working wonders and also Campral.  People on here are living proof.

As Joanna says - don't feel guilty.  It is out of your control the brain side of things - bummer I know.  I felt the same and thought I was just a lost cause until I came on here - probably they have saved  my life.  I don't do 2 bottles a night anymore - WAS I MENTAL OR WHAT.  STUPID!!

I also lied.  I had 1 bottle in the kitchen for my hubs to see and he kept saying that is way too much each night - you need to cut it down.  Little did he know I also had Number 2 bottle in my wardrobe.  You know, go to the loo - have a sneaky glass.  Go and take off make up - have a sneaky glass.  Go and put the washing away - have a sneaky glass!!!!  Just a nightmare.  So you are not alone as you are finding out now.  You are already on the right track admitting it on here.  You can amaze yourself if you have to.  I am doing and am really chuffed.  Don't despair -  Patient UK is here.

G.

Completely agree, 100%!

The lying about the alcohol consumption was one of the things that made the penny drop for me. I'd sometimes drink a bottle of wine before my husband got home and you literally could never tell. Then he'd go the shop on his way home and pick me a bottle up and I'd pretend it was a treat and drink that one. I'd hide bottles in different bins so if he did gontge bottle bin, the empties were not there. The lies are horrible but I haven't done that for a while. X

Hi Andy. Understand the killer day. When I had more stressful jobs I viewed the week-end (starting Friday) as a free space to drink. This became a habit and I would also drink in the week (though usually less than week-ends 'cos I had to get up for work). Dry days were rare. Even now I still find I am looking forward to the week-end because of the association of making time off work more fun with a glass in hand. The truth is it often didn't work out like that (rows with OH etc) but sometimes it did. So don't hate yourself because sometimes drinking is a reward that works. The obvious proviso is 'who is in charge on these week-ends?' and I discovered it was often the drink and not me. I don't think that has changed yet.

How you feeling today Andy?

Hi D

Yes not too bad.although I didnt manage a dry night I didnt have anywhere near as much and went to bed with a book instead of passing out.

Hot night so didnt sleep well.

Ive got a few things lined up over te wekend , includin having to drive home Sat night so that will limit how much I can drink.

Its a start I suppose - and well done you for last night - great stuff.

A

Hi Andy. As someone who has cut it far too fine at times, there is no reliable limit on how much to drink and drive. https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/driving-advice/drink-drive-limits-everything-you-need-to-know/

It's a great start - you should be pleased with yourself. Small steps will make big changes eventually. We'll do it!!! 😊

Tell me about it - wife wants a G&T which I fix  - and have a slug for me too - until the bottle is empty too quickly, so next day I have to replace it and we go round again.

The constant covering up and self loathing is worse than the hangover.

Hopefully this will soon end.

A

Is it?

Im not seeing it so clearly I guess.

Big thanks for your encouragement! I finally feel Im being honest.

A

Thanks Thomas

Dont worry - Im going to a BBQ a couple of hours drive away so will prob just have a couple of beers and a clear gap before coming home later in the evening.

No way Im risking wife and son.

cheers

I used to love G&T but hardly ever drink it now and don't keep spirits at home. Have you thought of raising the topic of cutting down with your wife? If you can find a way to do it, perhaps she could switch to another drink and you could keep spirits out of the house too. Just a suggestion as different things work for different people and obviously I don't know about your marriage. I would be surprised if your wife hasn't noticed the negatives of your drinking though, and she may be a help to you in cutting down. As well as keeping you on soft drinks if you are driving.

What is interesting and encouraging there is that you can limit your intake if you have a good reason to do that. Although I have drunk a 'couple of beers' strong enough to put me over the limit!

Yes possibly - although it doesnt seem fair to deprive her and her healthy realtionship with alcohol because I cant control mine.

She defeintely knows the side effects of me drinking and has told me countless times to cut down/ dont buy it etc

If only it was that easy - I will take your advice re driving .

thanks

20 years ago I was banned from driving for a year and fined £500 for DWI so know the risks - and have never repeated it.

lesson learnt I think.

Picking up on a tip from others, I buy small bottles of what my OH likes to drink, so it isn't so easy for me to 'pinch' what she likes. She finds it helpful to have an exact measure of what she is drinking too, although like your wife, her relationship with alcohol is healthy. G&T comes in cans and I know it is more expensive (like the small bots of wine) but maybe it is a small extra price worth paying.

Yes Andy - same here - my hubs loves a pint before dinner which I cook each night - I get him his pint.  He is happy with that.  Before my 2 glasses, I would have 2 bottles of wine to his pint. 

It is the self loathing next day - much worse than hangover.

Gwen very helpful post. How sneaky alcohol can make us all