What questions should I ask myself?
If you have had to change your behaviour because you are frightened of your partner, it is likely you are suffering from domestic abuse.
Questions to ask yourself
If the answer to one or more is "yes", you may be in an abusive relationship. (These questions may apply to a close family member rather than a partner.)
- Are you ever frightened of your partner?
- Does your partner put you down in front of other people?
- Have you ever changed your behaviour because you are scared of what your partner might say or do?
- Does your partner stop you from seeing your friends or family? Or do you avoid your friends and family because you are embarrassed about how your partner treats you?
- Has your partner ever hurt you or your children, or threatened to do so?
- Has your partner ever damaged or destroyed any of your possessions?
- Does your partner have a bad or unpredictable temper?
- Has your partner ever forced you to have sex, or perform sexual acts, when you didn't want to?
- Is your partner jealous or possessive? Does your partner accuse you of having affairs or flirting when it isn't true? Does your partner check up on you, read your emails and messages, or follow you?
- Does your partner threaten to commit suicide, or self-harm, or harm someone else if you were to leave?
- Does your partner not allow you access to money when you need it, or your phone or transport? Are your finances rigidly controlled, or do you have to account for every penny?
- Does your partner ever suggest that any of these things are your fault?
- Are you frightened that your partner might catch you reading this?
Further reading and references
Home Office: Policy. Violence against women and girls in the UK; GOV.UK, March 2013
Improving safety, Reducing harm: Children, young people and domestic violence; Dept of Health, November 2009 (archived content)
Multi-agency statutory guidance on female genital mutilation; HM Government (April 2016)
Protecting people promoting health. A public health approach to violence prevention in England; Dept of Health, October 2012
Domestic abuse, sexual assault and stalking - Chapter 4: Focus on violent crime and sexual offences, Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW); Office for National Statistics (ONS), February 2017
Feder G, Davies RA, Baird K, et al; Identification and Referral to Improve Safety (IRIS) of women experiencing domestic violence with a primary care training and support programme: a cluster randomised controlled trial. Lancet. 2011 Nov 19378(9805):1788-95. doi: 10.1016/S0140-6736(11)61179-3. Epub 2011 Oct 12.
Buller AM, Devries KM, Howard LM, et al; Associations between Intimate Partner Violence and Health among Men Who Have Sex with Men: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. PLoS Med. 2014 Mar 411(3):e1001609. doi: 10.1371/journal.pmed.1001609. eCollection 2014 Mar.
Domestic violence and abuse: how health services, social care and the organisations they work with can respond effectively; NICE Public Health Guidance (February 2014)
The World's Women 2015. Trends and Statistics. Violence against Women. Chapter 6; United Nations Statistics Division
Preventing intimate partner and sexual violence against women: taking action and generating evidence; World Health Organization, 2010
PLS HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPrecently i've been having involuntary thoughts which obsess over the existence of morals..i'm so so scared because i know this is derealisation induced (as well as ocd and GAD...hannah09276
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