Emotional dysregulation: what it is and how to cope

What is emotional dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation is when you find it difficult to manage the intensity and length of your emotions. This may lead to dramatic mood swings, impulsive reactions, difficulty calming down, and heightened sensitivity in certain situations.

Laura Greenwood, Psychotherapist, Laura Greenwood Therapy, Holmfirth, UK explains that emotional regulation involves fully experiencing, accepting, and tolerating your emotions, allowing them to communicate what they need to tell us.

"The opposite of regulation - dysregulation - means to feel like our emotions are overwhelming us," she says. "We do not have any control over our emotional experience, and feel like we are reacting unconsciously to our emotional experience, rather than consciously choosing our reactions."

Is emotional dysregulation like ADHD?

Although emotional dysregulation isn't exclusively linked to ADHD, people with ADHD are more likely to experience challenges with regulating their emotions.

Greenwood describes emotional dysregulation as an ongoing learning journey that evolves with every stage of life. She emphasises that it's important for everyone to make daily efforts to manage your emotions.

However, emotional dysregulation may be more pronounced in people with neurodiverse conditions - such as ADHD.

What causes emotional dysregulation?

Besides neurodiversity, various other factors can increase your likelihood of emotional dysregulation. Greenwood outlines some of the most frequent causes.

Suppressing your emotions

Pushing away your feelings or not allowing yourself to feel can contribute to emotional dysregulation.

"A good example is anger," says Greenwood. "So many people think that anger is a ‘bad’ emotion. The truth is there are no good or bad emotions - simply emotions. The more we try not to feel our feelings, the more those feelings tend to become overwhelming or dysregulating."

The impact of stress

Daily life stress - especially when it becomes too much, combined with a lack of support - can significantly raise your chance of emotional dysregulation.

Greenwood explains that this can occur when you're inundated with excessive responsibilities and multiple demands from different areas and people in your life.

"A great example is balancing competing demands of caring for dependents, whilst being employed and running a household," she says.

Life traumas

Experiencing trauma and its after effects is another reason you might find it hard to manage your emotions.

"If you have faced any, or multiple, traumatic experiences in your life, this reduces the amount of mental and emotional capacity you have to give to daily life stressors," says Greenwood. "As a result, emotional dysregulation can be more of a routine struggle."

Physical causes

Our bodies can often influence our levels of emotional tolerance, making it easier for us to become dysregulated.

Greenwood says that during certain parts of your menstrual cycle, your energy levels are low, and therefore you have less energy to give out in your life.

"Once that energy is used up, you still need to keep going, so this can lead to dysregulation," she explains. "At other times in your cycle, you may find feelings of anger and frustration are more commonplace. You might also find it harder to choose your responses to situations and become more reactive, due to feeling more dysregulated."

Greenwood adds that if you are physically unwell or have recently recovered from a physical illness, your immune system is weakened. This also makes you more prone to emotional dysregulation.

Symptoms of emotional dysregulation

The ‘window of tolerance’ model helps us understand when we’re regulated or in states of hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal.

Greenwood explains that when you are in your window of tolerance, you are emotionally regulated. When you are out of it, you are emotionally dysregulated.

Greenwood adds that after a period of hyper-arousal, you may drop into a state of hypo-arousal as your body tries to conserve energy after a particularly emotional experience.

How to manage emotional dysregulation

The most effective ways to regulate emotions vary from person to person. However, there are things you can try to help prevent dysregulation.

Greenwood explains that your needs will depend on what you require at that specific moment.

Greenwood adds that this understanding will help you to act in alignment with your emotions while also learning what helps to keep them regulated.

Explore your emotions

Often, we experience emotions for a reason. Allowing ourselves to feel them, without judgment, can be a valuable experience, and doesn't mean we'll lose control.

Greenwood recommends cultivating emotional curiosity as a first step towards regulation.

Once you accept your emotions and allow yourself to feel them, you're better equipped to understand and know how to respond to them.

Release trapped energy

Anger and anxiety can create a sense of trapped energy. Movement, in whatever form feels good, can help release and shift these emotions.

She explains that if you match your need - whether you have chosen slower or more intense movement - you will notice an improvement in your energy levels, as you become more regulated.

"You will also notice yourself feeling clearer in mind and more grounded," she adds.

Ground yourself

Any activity which grounds you and connects you to the present moment is significant in helping you regulate emotions.

"It is important to recognise that regulation can be incredibly personal," she says. "What feels grounding and nourishing to you, may feel like running nails down a blackboard to someone else.

"The key is to get to know yourself, what leads to dysregulation for you, and what seems to bring you back down to a place of calm, clarity and self-connection."

Identify your triggers

In some cases, regulating your emotions takes deeper reflection and involves some trial and error.

Greenwood explains this may be challenging, and even create more intense emotions before they get better.

"An example may be feeling anxious or angry routinely in someone’s presence, she says. "This could be a signal to consider what it is about these interactions and this connection that is triggering you, and how best to manage this."

"You can always make these changes with the support of a therapist if it feels too challenging to do alone," she suggests.

Where to get help for emotional dysregulation

There are several options available for managing emotional dysregulation, one of which is psychotherapy.

Greenwood recommends Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which looks at how your thoughts and behaviours impact your emotional experience and regulation. She also suggests Compassion focussed therapy (CFT) to help you nurture your soothing system, which supports the regulation of overwhelming emotions such as anxiety.

"Furthermore, if trauma or any past life experiences are leading to dysregulation in the here and now, Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be a transformational treatment," says Greenwood. "CBT, Counselling, and often EMDR are available on the NHS for free through Primary Care Talking Therapy Services."

She notes that many of these services have waiting lists, which is why some people opt for private treatment.