How to manage social anxiety during Christmas gatherings

What is social anxiety and who can be affected by it?

Psychotherapist Andre Radmall explains that social anxiety is a stress reaction to being with groups of other people. It can be heightened by being in less structured groups - such as social events or parties. Social anxiety can cause an overwhelming fear of social situations. It can happen on its own or may coexist with other mental health conditions. It is sometimes linked to underlying depression. Anyone can be affected by social anxiety.

How does social anxiety present itself?

Radmall explains that if you have social anxiety you may feel like running away, hiding, or avoiding social contact in situations that make you anxious. Your levels of anxiety create a fight or flight reaction.

Life coach Natalie Trice explains the physical ways social anxiety can present itself.

Trice adds that the anxiety can be too much for some people.

"In this instance, they can simply stop accepting invitations, ignore phone calls and texts, and keep a low profile on social media," she says. "The fear of saying the wrong thing, turning red due to blushing or worrying that they look or sound wrong can be enough to keep people at home. Consequently, this can drive a bigger wedge between them and the world."

Why might anxiety be increased around Christmas time?

We often spend more time with people over Christmas. Whether it's office parties, family meals, or drinks with friends, social gatherings can be inescapable. For those who struggle with social anxiety, having a jam-packed calendar can be too much.

Trice says: "The thought of having to go and mix with people - maybe strangers - is hard for some people. Being thrown into multiple social situations in a short space of time, including New Year's Eve, can feel very demanding."

Radmall echoes this, adding, "In addition, Christmas festivities increase unpredictable behaviour in others, which is often linked to alcohol. This makes it a more difficult time for those who like familiarity."

Patient picks for Anxiety

Mental health

What you need to know about intrusive thoughts and OCD

Intrusive thoughts can be disturbing, but are completely normal. For a small proportion of the population, however, they are followed by a strong urge to address the way they make us feel. A person with experience of intrusive thoughts and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and a leading OCD psychiatrist, explain how to deal with unwanted thoughts.

by Ellie Broughton

Mental health

Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia is an intense fear of being in places or situations where you feel escape might be difficult or help might not be available. So you tend to avoid these situations and may not even venture out from home. It can greatly affect your life. Treatment can work well in many cases. Treatment options include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and medication, usually with a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressant.

by Dr Colin Tidy, MRCGP

How to manage social anxiety around Christmas

Preparation is key when you have social anxiety. Trice suggests looking at your diary for December and working out how much you are happy to do, and how much you feel you can take on.

"If you don't want to do office drinks and parties, don't do it, but have a reason ready so you aren't put on the spot, and then say yes and stress in the lead up to the event," she advises. "Take it easy and be gentle with yourself. You don't want to harm your health or experience burnout by biting off more than you can chew."

Trice also emphasises the importance of balance, even over the Christmas period when routine usually goes out of the window.

"There is no rule book for how to spend Christmas. You should do what feels right and manageable for you, always prioritising your well-being," she says. "I suggest scheduling in rest days so you have those to look forward to, and balancing out the celebrations with relaxation. For example, if you have a busy Christmas Day with family, you could have Boxing Day to yourself, spending it at home in front of the TV.

"You need to look after yourself, so don't feel guilty for making your own arrangements or even cancelling plans. Put dates in your diary and if you are struggling to stick to them, let people know in advance. It's an even better thing if you can be honest, as they may be able to help."

What could you do during a gathering to manage your anxiety?

When should you contact a doctor if you're struggling with anxiety?

You don't have to deal with your anxiety alone. If you feel it is stopping you from doing things you used to enjoy, interrupting your sleep or impacting work and relationships, you should seek help.

Trice highlights the bravery in asking for support, reminding you that struggling doesn't make you weak.

"You might want to open up to a trusted friend or loved one before consulting your doctor," she says. "They will listen and can offer appropriate treatment to help make your life easier. This could be forms of therapy or anti-anxiety medicine."

Randmall also recommends seeking medical help if you continually try anti-anxiety coping strategies, but they don't work.

"If your anxiety regularly interferes with your everyday life, anxiety is paralysing you and preventing you from relating to others or going to work, you should call a doctor."

You are not facing this by yourself, and support is out there.