Coming home with baby - bonding, understanding cues, and emotional connection

Bonding in the first 6 to 8 weeks is a gradual, ever-evolving process. Some parents feel love at first sight - others find their connection grows over time as they get to know their baby - both, and anything in-between, are totally usual. And it works both ways, your baby is getting to know you and their new home - which is quite a bit different to where they have spent the past nine months.

It will be around 6-9 months before your baby starts some form of talking, but they will be communicating in other ways from day one. Your baby will be signalling how they feel and what they need, through tiny cues, small movements, facial expressions, and of course, crying. Learning to understand your baby’s signals and what they mean takes time - but it will happen.

Once you understand your baby’s cues you will be able to respond quicker to their needs and help them settle. It will also help you feel more confident and connected to your baby - and help you know if something is not right.

Above all, bonding is built through everyday interactions - cuddles, eye contact, feeding, talking, and simply being close. You don’t need to do anything special just be there with your baby.

This feature explores how bonding naturally develops and when you must create the right circumstances. We will look at what your baby’s cues mean, why crying is communication, and how physical closeness supports emotional connection. You’ll also find simple, practical ways to bond with your baby in the early weeks.

Bonding - the basics

Bonding is often portrayed as an instant, magical moment - but it’s often a slow, gentle process. Dr Leslie Treece , board-certified paediatrician at Cookeville Pediatric Associates, Tennessee, USA says: “Most loving and bonding comes naturally - but some of it must be learned, especially when dealing with a small human that doesn't talk yet."

There are many things which will influence how connected you feel to your baby in the early weeks. These range from how tired you are, your hormones, to how straightforward the birth was. And it can take time - licensed therapist, Laura Todd, DLPCC, California, USA, says: “Bonding is about a gradual building of trust and small consistent actions of caregiving that happen over time.”

Bonding is different for every parent and every baby, and it is not always straightforward - so it’s important not to set your hopes too high and put pressure on yourself. Todd says: “Always reconcile your expectations with reality - they are often misaligned.”

Delayed bonding and connection

For some, bonding with your baby happens the instant you lay your eyes on them. If that does not happen to you, it’s fine and usual. Dr Leslie Treece says: “Many mums take a little while to go through this process. Your body goes through a lot of trauma when you have a baby, and there are a lot of emotions and feelings involved. The type of love that you feel for a child is different from what most people have ever experienced in the past, and it's surprising to some.”

The trauma that Treece mentions may also mean that some mums feel disconnected from their babies - or life in general. However, Treece says: “Given some time and self-care, this connection will develop over the first few weeks. So don't worry, it will come with time.”

Understanding your baby’s cues

From the moment your baby is born they are communicating with you through their movements, sounds, and expressions.

Todd says: “Learning your baby’s cues helps make it easier to understand you’re meeting their needs. It also helps you avoid more extreme examples of cueing and difficulty with feeding, sleeping, and comfort.”

You will not understand what many of your baby’s cues are immediately - it takes time and practice for both you and your baby to get it right. It becomes clearer and once you do understand what your baby is trying to communicate it will make a big difference to your relationship.

Here we look at the most common cues and what they may mean.

Crying as communication

As your baby cannot talk yet, crying is their main tool to communicate with you. Laura Todd says: “Crying is your baby’s way of letting you know that a need isn't being met - and that you need to do something about it.”

As with their cues for a need, your baby’s cry will have nuances and patterns which have different meanings. It takes practice to determine what your baby's cry is telling you, and it will not always be plain sailing. Treece says: “Learning these cries takes a few weeks, and the process can be a bit distressing. Be patient with yourself, as this is often trial and error.”

One of the reasons your baby’s crying can be distressing - and exhausting - is that it is usual for newborns to cry for up to 6 hours a day. Treece says this is problematic, as we are used to interpreting crying in others as something that needs to be addressed. “Just know that is standard and it gets better as they get older.” She says.

Todd says it’s also important to understand that crying doesn't always mean that something is wrong. “Sometimes babies are frustrated and there's not much you can do to fix it. Taking breaks is important for parents.”

Physical bonding

Touch is one of the easiest, yet most important, ways to build a connection with your baby. Cuddling and holding your baby close helps them feel safe, calm, and loved - it also supports their emotional and physical growth.

Dr Allison Mell, PT, DPT, paediatric physical therapist and founder of Tots On Target, says: “When your baby rests on you, they feel the gentle rise and fall of your chest, hear the rhythm of your heartbeat, and feel the warmth of your body.” Mell says that rich multi-sensory experiences like these are how babies learn about the world around them and will foster a close bond between you and your baby.

It is important to hold and cuddle your baby a lot. They've been accustomed to being right next to your body and hearing your heartbeat all the time. Hugging, and touching releases oxytocin - sometimes called the cuddle or bonding hormone - in both you and your baby. This hormone boosts trust, strengthens feelings of bonding, and eases stress levels.

Treece says that skin-to-skin contact is one of the best ways to achieve this. She adds that it is important to respond to your baby's needs as quickly as you can.

Physical contact with your baby is also essential for their physical and emotional development.

Laura Todd says: “Touch, cuddling, and skin-to-skin are all key components for regulating your baby's heart rate, breathing, lowering stress hormones, and improving their sense of safety and security.

She says it also helps your baby build trust that you will respond to them and meet their needs.

Top tips for bonding with your baby

Small, everyday moments can help you bond with your baby and make both of you feel more secure and content. Here our experts give their top tips to help you feel closer, happier, and more confident in the early weeks with baby at home.

Belly up

"Tummy time is essential for babies in the first few months of life, and you can also use it for bonding. Do tummy time together by lying face to face. Seeing you smile and hearing your voice is both soothing and entertaining, helping these critical sessions last longer." Dr Allison Mell

Tech down time

"Turn off your electronic devices and spend face-to-face time. Turn your television off so your baby can hear your voice. Cuddle your baby and tell them stories - even if they don’t understand, they are learning and bonding." Dr Leslie Treece

Get out and about

“Getting out on walks and in nature helps with communication, shared attention, and is emotionally regulating for the parent - which is also key in bonding. If parents are dysregulated and overwhelmed, then it is harder to engage in these positive interactions and bonding time with your baby. So, including activities with your baby that also regulate you can help promote those healthy interactions.” Laura Todd

Song and game time

"Basic hand and song activities - such as pat-a-cake and singing ‘if your happy and you know it’ are great for bonding. Making eye contact through these songs helps make positive connections. Games, such as peekaboo and copycat, also encourage connection, communication, and joint attention for learning.” Laura Todd

Baby Massage

“Massage is a great way to connect with your new baby, as touch is one of the first ways they learn about the world. Incorporating intentional and nurturing touch through deep, consistent pressure to massage your baby’s whole body is a calming experience that awakens the nervous system and fosters a deep emotional bond.” Dr Allison Mell

Taking care of yourself

“Make sure that you're taking care of yourself so that you have the emotional energy to give to your baby. This is a challenging time, and no one is going to do it perfectly. Be gentle with yourself and don't expect too much. Just take it one step at a time and enjoy the journey. It is not about the destination.” Dr Leslie Treece