Parental burnout: your guide to understanding and overcoming it

Burnout is typically categorised as a symptom of long-term stress - whether that's work-related, or due to other types of situations that put you under significant emotional and physical pressure.

Laura Greenwood, Psychotherapist, Laura Greenwood Therapy, Holmfirth, UK explains that the symptoms of burnout are essentially the same, regardless of the experiences that have led to you developing them.

"No one person exists in a vacuum and people - especially parents - often have multiple competing demands contributing to their experience of burnout," she says. "However, parents are more prone to burnout, simply because they have multiple competing demands."

"The factors contributing to burnout are multifaceted," she adds. "Every person only has so much energy and time to give, and if you're routinely ‘running on empty’, this is a recipe for burnout.

"When we become a parent our capacity and energy does not increase and yet we now have a little person, or little people taking most of it away. But we often do not ‘drop any other balls’ to account for this reduced capacity for other stressors."

Greenwood advises that when you become a parent, you need to choose more wisely how we spend your time and energy. If you do not, it is highly likely you will experience burnout.

Causes of parental burnout

Burnout often stems from a simple yet harmful mix of too much stress and too few resources to cope with it.

Greenwood explains that while a parent’s love may feel infinite, your energy is not. When you continue to give your time and energy despite feeling depleted, this ongoing strain can ultimately lead to burnout.

"Energy management put simply is a balance of stressors - things taking our time, energy, and resources, things replenishing our energy," she says. "If there is an imbalance of this routinely, where our stressors outweigh our resources, eventually we will burn out."

“We all go through periods in our lives when we have more going on than we feel we have the time or energy for," she explains. "However, if this happens more often than not, it can lead to burnout."

Symptoms of parental burnout

The experience of burnout is multi-faceted, and can show up in different areas of your life.

Greenwood categorises burnout symptoms into two key areas.

Greenwood says that this second area is a symptom that is often not discussed enough.

"It's a sense that life is happening to you," she describes. "You are putting one foot in front of the other, still doing what needs to be done, yet you are not fully engaged with it - you don’t feel it. Many people describe it as being numb to life."

Greenwood explains this feeling is deeper than sadness, anxiety, grief. It is more like an absence of feeling. Burnout is particularly harmful because it restricts your emotional experiences, robbing you of both positive and negative emotions.

How to help prevent burnout

There are no quick fixes to overcoming parental burnout - it requires a series of long-term, consistent efforts. However, small changes can lead to positive and worthwhile results.

Balance your stress and resources

Making sure your stressors do not consistently outweigh your resources is simple yet valuable advice.

"There are going to be times in your life when, due to reasons outside of your control, you have a lot going on in your life which takes away your energy," says Greenwood.

"The important thing here is to remember these periods are temporary - and during them, it's essential you reduce any avoidable stressors wherever you can."

Remove what drains you

It might feel difficult - especially if you’re used to pleasing people - but constantly saying yes ends up pleasing no one, least of all yourself.

Greenwood says: "It’s okay to say no. Cancel plans that take away your energy but that do not urgently require your time and energy right now - even if you do feel like you're letting people down."

Increase what restores you

Increasing your coping resources can significantly improve your wellbeing and resilience against burnout.

"Focus on the things that give you energy," advises Greenwood. "A key one being rest and sleep."

Rest isn't just sleep

Getting enough rest is easier said than done when you're a parent and your kids don’t sleep through the night.

However, Greenwood explains that rest can come in many forms.

"It can be anything that supports you to feel replenished in some way," she says. "Sometimes, this may be an active experience - moving your body, changing your scenery, or simply getting outside. Pay attention to whether these experiences make you feel better and more energised."

Tune in to your energy

Understanding what boosts your energy and replenishes your reserves is personal to you, and it can shift from day to day.

Greenwood says: "The more in-tune you are with yourself, your body, your feelings, your energy, the more you will ask - is this taking my energy or replenishing it?"

Reconnect with yourself

Tuning into your energy can be difficult if you're feeling disconnected due to burnout.

In these moments, Greenwood suggests turning to practices that help reconnect you with your body and emotions. It can be something that awakens or energises your system in a positive way.

"Examples include taking a cold shower, putting your hand on your heart and focusing on your breathing, connecting your five senses in nature, or hugging a tree," she describes. "Whatever works for you. To put any of the above strategies into place, you first need to come back home to yourself and your body."

Getting help for parental burnout

It’s healthy to acknowledge that we all need help sometimes - and this is no less true when it comes to preventing and overcoming parental burnout.

Greenwood describes burnout as a sign you're trying to do your best. However, it can be beneficial to seek the support of a health professional to help you overcome your symptoms and pinpoint their causes.

"There is no need to struggle with this alone," she says. "If burnout is preventing you from living the life you want to live, reach out for support. It just takes one small step in the right direction to find a service that can help you."